Author s note: To reviewer CrazyDudette, the point of the story is the eventual fall to Hell. I appreciate that you enjoy the yaoi but it is not the ultimate theme. If you would like for me to attempt to continue a more graphic edition of the Kitao/Barrett and Jared/Jason storyline, email me personally. Thank you!

"Unwanted touch"

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kitao exclaimed as he ripped himself from Barrett's unwanted touch.

"I- I -I - I d-don't know."

"The hell you don't! What the fuck, Barrett! Damn, you're horny! You think you can just screw whatever you come across! Well, not me, dammit! I'm supposed to be your friend! I don't care how much you're itching to stick your dick somewheres. It's not gonna be in me!"

"So . . . you think I was just aching to put myself in someone?" He curiously tested, recovering from the shock of his boldness.

"I think that's probably it," Kitao nodded, still bitterly disturbed.

"It never occurred to you that I don't think of you that way?"

"You're not supposed to! You better not think of me that way. I'm not just going to bend down and take it, okay!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That makes two of us! What were you thinking, huh? What could have crossed your mind to make you do that," he asked with such vehemence in that last word.

"I'm not sure."

"Bull! You knew what you were doing!"

"Fine! I did! I have found you eerily attractive for a long time now. I have been denying it a long time but now I've just grown to accept it. I might be bi."

"Fuck you, man. You like guys? You are bi!"

"I never said I liked guys. I said I like you."

"Holy sh-"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. I want to do more things to you than I ever wanted to do to some bitch. I might not even like girls anymore."

"Oh, great! Well, don't blame this on me. It's not my fault! I didn't do anything."

"I know, I wasn't saying it was."

"Well, good!"

"You can stop screaming, you know."

"No! I don't have to do anything you say! I will scream if I want to!"

"Then do it!"

"I am!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Great!"

"Peachy!"

Barrett jumped Kitao and again started kissing him. Toppling him over, Barrett pinned him down, roughly, this time, kissing him. Sticking his warm, wet tongue into his mouth, he forced his way in. His movements were merciless, pounding bodies against the floor, beating lips against lips. With such fervor, he practically tried to suck Kitao's life force out of his mouth. Kitao tried feebly to fight against the older boys weight atop him. He soon realized it was completely useless. But now he fought with himself. He debated himself on whether he was enjoying this or not. It was wrong. It was immoral. But he didn't have morals. It was terrible. What if it hurt? What exactly would he imagine would hurt? Did he really think Barrett was going to rape him? He may be gay, but he was still Barrett. They had been friends for what seemed to be forever. His dick is on my leg! Oh god! I feel something on my thigh! Aah! His hand just slid to my ass!

Barrett enjoyed this so much that soon he was rubbing his crotch against Kitao's unwilling loins. Kitao suddenly scratched at Barrett's face, sticking his fingers dangerously close to his eyeballs. He managed to push Barrett's head up and away from him.

"You're doing it again, you ass wipe!" And with that, he rolled the lustful teenager off. Barrett simply stared back blankly at the furious boy.

"I mean it. I will kill you."

Barrett wordlessly shook his head.

"I will beat you to death with my hockey stick," he snarled seriously.

"You would never-"

"Get out." Kitao pointed to the door. When Barrett hesitated, Kitao insisted. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go. You rapist."

Barrett almost wanted to laugh but instead he just turned away slowly.

"Go!"

Slowly, each movement extended drastically, hopefully, he opened the door.

"I'm not going to change my mind! Get the FUCK out of here!"

Barrett turned around, pleading with his eyes. Kitao threw a chair at him, launching Barrett outside unwillingly.

He took a moment to steep in his anger but then closed his eyes and sighed. Kitao had never experienced any form of pleasure from a woman, let alone a man. The feelings cluttered his mind with confusion. Futile as it was, he tried to ignore it. He tried to take a nap. It didn't work. And he was left with an almost guilty feeling in his gut. It had been a long time that they had known each other. So long, he didn't even remember how long. Five years? Seven? It was shortly after his 8th birthday, wasn't it? Or was it sooner? All in all, it didn't matter. The point of the matter was that it had been a long time and people don't just change overnight. Barrett must be pent up. And maybe he likes me more than some girl . . . But he's not gay. Right? He still likes girls. I like girls! Dammit!

Whining softly, Jason grit his teeth as he wiped himself after the act was over. It was a painful memory but it left him with an even more bitter feeling in his nether regions. Jared had yanked hard on Jason's body and had pushed hard inside it. An assault on both sides! Afterwards everything appeared harsh to Jason's tainted vision. Continually he relived what had taken place moments earlier. His older brother grabbed at him, kissing clumsily at his pale sweet skin. He started at the side of the neck, to the throat, to the other side, up the jawbone, across the cheeks, to the lips. There he lingered. Jason did not kiss back. He laid perfectly still, thinking, shivering. Nonetheless, Jared pressed his lips against the younger boy's. Confused and caught up, Jared shifted himself, mouth smothering his brother's. Awkwardly he forced his tongue into the other mouth. Jason didn't know what to do but fight the intrusion. It was too late to stop by the time he figured out that his fighting was encouraging this. Their tongues danced in a strange struggle, Jared trying too hard, and Jason attempting to escape.

Jason shrugged off the memory and stripped off his clothes, stepping into the shower. Snapping the curtain around him, he listened carefully to the "Swish!" of it. Twisting the knob, the water spurted out, exploding out like Jared's cum all over Jason's crotch and stomach. Trying to ignore the analogy, he let the steam envelop him. Hot. A hot stream licked at him as he moved towards the soap. Wait! He stopped before touching the pungent green bar on the little ceramic shelf. Jared and I share that thing. No! Lifting the bottle of smelly perfumed body wash, he shook. Must scrub! Must scrub hard! Quickly, without thought, he snatched his mother's loofah. If only I had a brick to scrub off this feeling and these thoughts. Roughly, he grated his skin with the loofah. His skin was sore and red. More soap! More! Over and over again, he loaded soap onto the raspy cleaning utensil. Finally after an hour or more of scrubbing and crying, he left the shower, thoroughly pink. Even the towel hurt on his battered flesh. Once opening the door, he dashed to his room, clutching the towel for dear life.

When he got inside his room, he sighed and shut the door. Leaning against the back of the door, he closed his eyes. Tears were still in the corners of his eyes, mingled with sweat. Suddenly a noise caught his attention. The bed creaking! He opened his eyes to find his older brother staring straight at him. Now even with the towel around him, he felt naked before those eyes. Slowly, Jason reached for the door knob. But before he could even shift his wrist, Jared spoke up.

"Don't." The voice was firm but there was something pathetic in it too.

"Jared, I-" His voice fell into tiny shards in his throat before he could finish.

"Listen."

Jason nodded wordlessly, not moving.

"I know what I did was wrong. I don't care about wrong. But you are afraid."

Looking down, Jason nodded.

"You're my brother. I love you. And I hate you."

His gaze lifted up slowly from the ground to finally lay on his brother sitting on the corner of his bed.

"I know you must not understand what I did or why."

His face completely blank, he stared on.

"I'll tell you right now. Sex. I need it. And you're smaller than me. I want it. So you will give it to me."

Jason shut his eyes tightly and dragged his head down, chin to chest.

"Don't you have anything to say? You're always talking. Why not now?"

Moving only his shoulders, he shrugged.

"Have I found a way to shut you up? Should I do this more often?"

Eyes shot open, face tilting up, Jason stared at him.

"Ah, no, I shouldn't?"

Jason's nostrils flared as his eyebrows knit.

"Tell me. Use your lovely alto voice."
"No. Please don't do it again."

"Well, while I admire your plea, you cannot stop me from doing anything."

"I know."

"Well, do you have any questions?"

His eyes wandered away from Jared.

"Well? Any at all?"

Meekly, he nodded.

"Tell me. Ask me."

"Why don't you just do it with a girl?"

"Can't find one."

"Not even one?"

"Nope. None want to do it with me."

"Then why don't you rape one?"

"It's easier to do it to you. Some chick would just tattle on me. I know you're a chicken shit. You don't have the balls to tell anyone. Not even Mom."

"I won't tell anyone."

"That's what I was counting on."

"If you had a girl, would you do it with her?"

"Hell yes. But I probably still fuck you too just so you don't feel lonely," he sneered.

"Why do you hate me, Jared?"

"That's what brothers do."

"I don't hate you."

"Even after I raped you."

"Yes. I do not hate you at all. I'm afraid. Hell, I'm deathly afraid, but I don't hate you."

"Why the hell not?"

"I don't know. I just don't. I love you and I want you to be happy. I just wish it wasn't at my expense."

"Fat fucking chance. What's the matter with you, anyway? See! That's what I hate about you. You make me look bad. Not just to everybody else but even to me. You make me feel like a stupid shit head. I mean, I am one, but you make it worse."

"I never tried."

"Like that changes anything."

"It does. I don't want to make you feel shitty. I don't judge you. You do that. I don't care that you are a jerk. You are a pothead and you don't do well in school. You drink and you curse. You don't shower as often you should. You are an asshole to Mom because Dad was an asshole to you. You don't appreciate anything and you raped me. Despite all that, you're still my brother. So, what the hell else matters to me, or should matter to anyone else. They aren't you. And no one has the right to be a dickhead about your choices and your life. I don't know why you hate me."

During this sudden burst of confidence, Jared's expression changed from subtle hatred and spite to pure and utter confusion. Alarmed by his brother's words, a tear squeezed from the corner of his left eye. This was even more alarming. Before he knew it, he was crying without control and with loud, frightening sobs. Jared collapsed into his hands and turned to avoid his younger brother's gaze. A touch startled him. Jason had ventured closer, so close, in fact, that his arms were wrapped around Jared's head. Not sure whether to push away the compassion or embrace it, Jared stared forward. Gently, Jason stroked his older brother's hair, this being one of the few times he didn't have that damn beanie on. After a moment of this affection, Jared sank into his brother's arms and sobbed.

Barrett didn't know what to do with himself now. He had inadvertently pushed Kitao away from him while pushing him physically closer. Maybe I should stop attacking him and kissing him. Barrett debated with himself while he walked out of the battered trailer park. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around what was happening to himself. Was he gay? Bisexual? A rapist? That one was kind of funny. But still he had to control himself. He had known Kitao for so long. Perhaps that was why he felt so strongly for him. Had he always felt like this? Barrett could only suppose that he did. Puberty brought with it hidden emotions. So, what do I do now? Tell him the truth, I guess. He's so scared of me though that he might not want to talk to me. But I have to make him listen . . . What can I do? Ooh! I have an idea . . . I'll just have to wait until later tonight . . .