Parting Ways

Hideki's lungs burned as he coughed again and again until small droplets of blood began to appear on his white smock. Chii quickly patted away the red spots with a napkin and rubbed his chest lovingly to help soothe the discomfort. He sighed and laid his head back down, only a few strands of his wispy, white hair was left from his old age. Hideki's scarred and gnarled hands trembled and slowly reached over to hers and she willingly clasped her fingers with his. Every breath he took was labored and Chii could hear the straining wheeze whenever he inhaled.

He knew it couldn't last forever. He was steadily growing older and Chii would always stay young, at least in appearance. He always tried to hide the fact that one day, he will die while she still lived, no functioned. After all, Chii was never alive to begin with, but that still did not stop him from loving her.

Chii continued to hold Hideki's hands tenderly. Her concerned and slightly fearful eyes never left his face as the chances of his death neared closer. Hideki coughed again but it was sharper and his body curled over, each resounding bark from his throat painfully shook his entire frame. Chii did not know what to do to aid him and felt completely helpless. It was so painful to see her only beloved to be in so much agony and she could do absolutely nothing to prevent it.

Hideki knew he did not have much time left. The doctors spoke that he would only have a few hours left and that he was lucky that he even lived this long. He laid his head back down again on the pillow, let out a slow breath, and blinked back the burning feeling behind his eyes. He wanted to say something to her, something important but he did not know if there was enough courage left inside of him. It could possibly save Chii from what would come, but was it the right thing to do? Hideki weakly squeezed Chii's hand and she immediately looked into his worn-out eyes.

"Hideki?" Chii implored.

"I…I need to tell you…" Hideki whispered but then went into another attack of coughs and wheezes. Chii patted his chest reassuringly before he finally recovered a little from his aching lungs.

"What does Hideki have to say?" she asked gently.

He felt a lump in his throat. This was probably going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done, but he just had to say it. He won't be at peace if he never told her. He took one breath and finally spoke in a quiet, and quavering voice.

"I…I think it would be best….if maybe….you forget about me."

He didn't look at her right away; partially because he was afraid of her reaction, but he slowly looked in her direction.

Chii did not say a word. An agonizing silence draped over them and it was almost too much for Hideki to bear, but he waited patiently. Chii turned away and looked out the cracked window. A pair of robins had perched on a sturdy branch and pressed together to one another, almost as if they were one entity. The one on the left gave a soft, soothing chirp and the both of them took flight, soaring away in the blue sky.

"Why does Hideki want Chii to forget?" she finally asked in a whisper, still staring out the window.

He could feel a burning in his throat but was still able to rasp out a reply. "You know that I…will die soon. There is no denying that, and I…don't want you to be hurt."

He gazed at her mournfully. "I don't know what will happen to me. But whether there is an afterlife or not, I do know that you won't be with me and I will…," he swallowed with difficulty, "I never see you ever again." Beads of tears fell from his crinkled eyes and he hastily wiped them away. "We will never be together in the end."

Chii did not say anything. Hideki's death was inevitable and she could remember him clearly speaking to her that he will die, but she never truly paid any attention to it. Anytime when it threatened to permeate into her thoughts it was always pushed aside when she and Hideki took walks in the park, or when they both rode on the same bicycle, or when they cuddled in a warm blanket watching shooting stars go by.

But now she could not ignore it any longer and it hurts. Her hands pressed against her heart as hard as they could. She wondered if the hurt she was feeling was enough to make her cry. Of course, she may never know, after all, Chii is a machine. Her emotions were not real and only a part of her programming, and yet…it hurts so much. Chii's hands quivered uncontrollably and gripped unto the collar of her shirt, effectively crumpling the soft material.

"Does…Hideki want Chii…to forget?"

Hideki furiously attempted to regain his composure. The stress was too much for him and his weak heart, but he refused to show the excruciating agony he was currently experiencing. He did not want anyone to perceive him as a weak person, especially to Chii. He knew she would never see him as a weak person, but he had always felt the need to hide his true feelings so that she would not make her sad.

No, he honestly did not want her to forget about him. Chii brought so much joy into his life and he loved every moment spent with her. He could recall the time when he was especially depressed one afternoon because he lost his wallet and all the money he had inside. Not only that, he also forgot the keys into his own apartment and he would need to pay more money to purchase another set. Dejectedly, he sat on the wall opposite to the door and did nothing about it. It sounded stupid, at least to him right now, but this small incident reminded him of all the constant failings he went through and that he might never fully adjust to the city life. It was just so damn difficult to live in such a high-paced world when you came from a slow lifestyle. Maybe he should've just quit everything and forget about his dreams of a better life. Just then, the door opened carefully and he could see Chii's curious eyes peer from the crack between.

"Hideki? What are you doing on the floor?" She opened the door and it closed behind her as she sat in front of him.

"Chii? What are you doing? How did you know I was here?" Hideki replied in surprise.

" Chii can hear someone crying. Why is Hideki crying?" Chii asked again.

"What?" He quickly wiped away the silent tears, ashamed at his actions and attempted a denial despite what had just happened. "No, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

But she placed her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. Hideki's body became paralyzed, his mind unsure of what was exactly going on.

"Can Chii do anything to make Hideki feel better? Chii does not want Hideki to feel sad."

And this time, the tears really did fall without remorse and he hugged her back as tight as he could, his chin placed above head. What did he do to have this blessing? He did not deserve her, but here she was, offering her condolences to make him feel better.

"I'm not sad," this time it was not a lie, "I'm…really happy," he spoke gratefully. "Come on, we should get back inside."

Chii precariously pulled him to his feet and twisted the knob leading to his apartment, but for some reason, it was restrained. She twisted it several more times, but the door wasn't budging.

"Chii, what's wrong?" he asked.

With her head down, she turned to face him. "Chii locked herself outside."

Hideki had an unreadable look on his face. Was he possibly upset and disappointed in her? She fidgeted with nervousness and slowly looked up to face him. "Did Chii….do something bad?" It was difficult to have direct eye contact. She held her arms to her waist with her hands under the elbows.

There was a moment's pause, and then Hideki burst out in laughter and scooped her up in his arms. Chii cried out in surprise and glanced at his joyful expression.

"No, you didn't do anything bad at all," he spoke with such sincerity. Chii smiled happily and wrapped her arms around his firm neck.

"Come on. Let's go out for a walk."

Hideki let out another cough and spoke with great hesitation, "No…I don't want you to forget…but it's for…the best. This way, you don't need the unnecessary pain when you find…someone else to take care of you," it was extremely hard to think of Chii living with someone other than him, but she must understand that he could not look after her forever. This was for her benefit and to him that was all that mattered.

Chii spun back to him and was swiftly at his side once again. In all of his years with Chii he had never seen so much sadness in her eyes before. It startled him and his tongue instantly became dry when she replied, "Hideki can take Chii's memories away, but Chii does not want to." This was also the first time Hideki had heard her sound so...resolute.

"B-but why? It will only hur-" he stuttered, but was interrupted when Chii shook her head and flung to his bed, embracing him tenderly and securely.

"Hideki does not want Chii to forget…. Chii does not want to forget….," she said in a muffled voice, her mouth in his chest. "Chii wants to remember Hideki…even if it hurts…" She shook her head again in his chest. "Please don't take them away," she pleaded pitifully.

A loud moan of grief ripped out of Hideki's throat as he hugged her back. Why did it have to end this way? It just did not seem fair! Warm, wet streams ran across his wrinkled cheeks and he held her with as much strength as he could muster. So many emotions mixed into a giant, spinning whirlpool. Despair. Anger. Frustration. Pity. Hopelessness. Heartache.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…..Please forgive an old man and his selfish wishes," he sobbed.

Chii nuzzled against him and placed a hand lovingly on his cheek. "Chii does not want to Hideki to be sad. Can Chii do anything to make Hideki feel better?"

And he could not help but smile again at her compassionate gesture. Hideki took Chii's face in his knotted hands and rubbed them gently. "You just did. Thank you." And he placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Chii. I love you so much."

Chii sighed with contentment and they drifted off into peaceful rest, entwined in each other's arms and each other's hearts.

Chii opened her eyes from the soft rays of light entering into the room. She lazily lifted her head up and softly gave a "Good morning, Hideki."

But Hideki did not open his eyes. In fact, they were already open and it confused her. She patted his chest softly and called to him. "Hideki?"

And then she knew he was dead. She placed her hands gently on his eyelids and closed them. A soft throb of anguish echoed in her chest. It started small, but every beat grew more and more painful. She quickly wrapped her arms around his limp body once more and closed her eyes. She could feel herself shutting down, piece by piece. Chii knew she did not want to be with anyone else for no one could ever replace her beloved, her someone 'just for me'. So even if she could not follow Hideki after his death, she could at least stay with him even though it will only be superficial.

Chii looked one more time at his emotionless face. "Chii still wants to be with Hideki…even if Chii cannot..." She placed her head back and held him tight.

"I love you, Hideki." Chii spoke one last time, and with one last squeeze she went into her own eternal sleep.

The coffin had to be made twice as wide because her arms refused to separate from his body without damaging it. They were given a quiet burial and a plaque that read,

"Hideki and Chii Motosuwa. Beloved wife and husband. Even though they are not of the same body, their hearts will forever be alike."

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. –Gilda Radner