-Chapter Eight-

It Ends. But Am I Happy?

X.Kinomoto Castle..ox

New Years was approaching, barely a year had past, and Sakura hadn't found one thing to look forward to. Summer swept by all too quickly, and autumn came by quietly, coloring and stripping leaves from trees, leaving bleak displays of plain wood. Winter's arrival brought chills and countless white specks down to the village below, covering the land in a thin sheet of pure snow.

The Kinomoto Castle had been lively, and Sakura simply went along with it; smiling when others wanted her to or laugh when someone told a joke that was anything but funny. She didn't want to discourage anybody with a mood so dark that made people cringe. But she couldn't forget Yue.

From her years as a little girl, she remembered snippets of promising memories of Yue when he was there for her. He had helped her when she thought she could handle it alone, like that time when she wanted to swim without a supporting device; she had nearly drowned if Yue had not been there to jump in and pull her out.

Sakura blushed. What was this feeling fluttering inside her heart? She felt sort of fuzzy and warm, but in a way, sad too. Sakura shook her head gently, pushing the thoughts from her head as she stood up.

She placed Lil' Yue-chan next to Kero-chan on the shelf above the bed. The doll that resembled Yue was what kept her spirits up, but every now and then, she would weep at night, wondering what Yue was up to… with his new wife? Or if he was stranded somewhere? All the assumptions only made her feel worse, and she would blame herself for it.

"Sakura-chan, there's a letter for you," exclaimed Tomoyo, running into Sakura's room with a kind presence, softening the room that lacked joy. Sakura stared dully as her cousin scurried towards her, waving a letter in one hand, as the other hand looped around her waist in a friendly hug. Sakura gasped when she saw the sender's name on the envelope… Syaoran.

"Open it, Saku-chan," Tomoyo crooned. "I'm dying to know what he wrote to you. Ohoho! This is so 'kawaii'!" Sakura sweat dropped and took the letter from Tomoyo's grip. Her fingers shook as she tore open the letter and began to read.

Dear Kinomoto Sakura,

It has been awhile since I last saw you. I do recall our nasty fight as our last meeting, and for that, I'm sorry that I hurt you. And I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt you even more if you continue reading this.

To start things off, I am to be engaged to Meiling. It's not so bad. She has changed over the years, and I'm starting to have feelings for her. I hope that little info didn't upset you; I want us to remain friends, but my parents forbid me to ever see you again for fears that I might ruin my marriage with Meiling if anything were to happen between us.

Again, I am sorry. And formally I will write it, goodbye and take care.

Sincerely,

Li Syaoran

"Well, what does it say, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked brusquely. "Tell me Sakura!"

Sakura smiled halfheartedly as she wearily handed Tomoyo the letter without saying a word. Tomoyo skimmed through the letter, a frown slowly making its way to her face, and then she scowled. "How dare he! Why I ought to tear his throat open for writing such a thing. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna march myself all the way up to Hong Kong and kick that snobby rich prince right where it hurts him… his pride!" Tomoyo's nostrils flared as she hyperventilated.

Sakura sighed, patting and rubbing Tomoyo's back. "It's no big deal. I've come to realize that our relationship had been a mere childhood crush. Now I feel much different about him." Sakura looked away, eyes suddenly burning with pungent tears. "I need some fresh air. I'm going to go outside, kay?"

Tomoyo's eyes widened in surprise. "But Sakura, it's snowing. You're going to get frostbites from the cold," Tomoyo warned, hands flying to each side of her hips.

Sakura offered a frail smile. "I won't be out for long." With that, she turned on her heel and quickly left, leaving Tomoyo pondering in though.

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"S-Sakura," Yue whispered, sweat dripping down from his forehead and neck, making him squirm uncomfortably. "Is this really true?" his voice shook, as if at the verge of tears. "Please…"

A hand touched his forehead and he froze in mid-sentence as the cool hand washed away his nightmare and woke him up. His eyes fluttered, and Nakuru came into view with a frightful expression to her face.

"Y-Yue-san, you-you have finally woken up," she stammered.

Yue glared plainly at her, skeptical at first, but then calming a bit to offer a courteous greeting. "Good morning, Nakuru," he whispered hoarsely. "How long have I been asleep?"

Nakuru bit her lips, afraid that her words would give him a heart attack. "A-Almost a year. Close to New Years, that is."

Yue frowned considerably, refusing to believe that he could go unconscious for that long. "Nakuru… I will not tolerate childishness such as you kidding me," Yue spoke sternly.

"But Yue, everything I've said is all honesty."

A sudden thought hit Yue, and he remembered one word that Eriol-sama had said before he passed out into a year's worth of slumber. He sprang out of bed, collapsing to the ground in an attempt to pull the blanket off his body. His muscles ached and he felt as if he had no energy, even if he did nothing but sleep all year. He had never felt so weak, and it unnerved him.

"Where is Eriol-san?" he asked, forceful in his words.

Nakuru flinched, nearly stumbling back from the extremity of his volume. She sputtered her words, never seeing Yue this furious before. "H-He's in the library, but he told me if you ever wake up, you need a couple more hours of sleep to collect your energy. And after that, you eat."

"Eat?" Yue's eyebrows furrowed. 'It can't really be…' he thought.

"Yes… eat… You are…" Yue fled the room, catching Nakuru by surprise as she saw a slight glimpse of his pained expression. "… mortal," she finished off with no one there to hear.

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Yue came storming down the halls, pale blue orbs moving from left to right, searching for Eriol for questioning and answers. His mind went blank, empty for liable thoughts. He may seem like an insane person from the way he marched through the halls.

"Yue-kun, I see that you have recovered from your wounds," came a relaxing tone.

Yue turned sharply around, fiery eyes burning into calm azure depths. "What have you done to me?" Yue barked.

Eriol's mouth tightened. "Do not blame this all on me," he said promptly. "You would have beaten Shijin right from the moment you saw him if you hadn't been thinking of something else except the main purpose to kill him."

Yue grimaced. "Stop telling me all this nonsense. I did kill Shijin… but in the end, I ended up mortal!"

"And if you had remained immortal, then you would surely die. I had to use Shijin's staff to restore your life, since Shijin's attacks involved dark magic that was trying to kill you. I had to reverse the effect, and in reversing it, I reversed your immortality into you being a mortal man."

Yue's mouth wavered, and his knees weakened. "I am going to die a lonely, old man…" he uttered, turning his back on Eriol.

Eriol paused, gathering up his wits to comprehend Yue's words. "What makes you say that? You have Nakuru and me."

Yue shook his head, as if scolding Eriol for not understanding. "Yes, I have you both. But I still feel empty. Something is missing in my life."

Eriol took a step forward, hands clasping Yue's shoulders and turning him around to forced eye contact. "Is it love? You must know that we both love you. And I'm sure that Nakuru loves you in a way that I do not."

"B-But…" 'Sakura…' he thought, and then scoffed. 'She means nothing to me. I haven't seen her for almost a year and surely she has forgotten about me, and is probably married to Syaoran.' He growled, not accepting that thought. 'But I must not tell Eriol about her, since I know that I can never see her again, at least that's what my dreams tell me.' "Clow… I-I miss Clow. I loved him… my master."

An exasperated sigh escaped Eriol's throat as his eyes closed halfway. "Please be reasonable Yue. There is no way to bring him back. There is no magic that can stop an old man from dying from old age. You just have to accept that."

"You are partially Clow…" Yue whispered, persuading himself to believe his own words. "You can be my master. I want to love you like I loved Clow."

Eriol released Yue's shoulders and backed away awkwardly. "Yue, I'm not sure I like your suggestion. Indeed I am Clow's reincarnation, but I am not him! I am Hiiragizawa Eriol, and being Eriol, I only like you as a friend. And to be brutally honest, what Clow felt for you was not what you felt for him those centuries back."

Yue's heart dropped and his eyes narrowed in disbelief. "He said he loved me."

"… In a father and son way. I'm so sorry you have to hear that from me."

Strangely, it didn't feel half as bad as he thought it would. He simply nodded, lost for words. Perhaps he had known that already, whether or not, he still felt neutral, as if nothing had injured him from the start.

Yue fell to his knees unexpectedly. His energy had been used and he could barely keep standing. "Eriol-san, is this how mortality feels like?"

"No Yue-kun, you are just hungry. At this hour, Nakuru should have something edible prepared by now. Let's head into the dining room, shall we?"

Yue weakly nodded as Eriol offered a helping hand by pulling him up. They both made their way through several doors until they met the fine maple finishing of the dining table and chairs. An intricate lamp hovered above the table as porcelain bowls and silverware arrayed neatly on the table.

"Go ahead, take your seat," Eriol said. "Nakuru will be out shortly."

Yue grinned sheepishly as he took the seat next to Eriol. As if on cue, Nakuru came out, clutching a steaming pot in her hands, smiling sweetly as she came up to the boys. "I made chicken broth. I heard that it replenishes your body." She poured generous amounts into each bowl, and one for herself as well. She placed the pot in the middle of the table and took a seat in her usual seat, which happens to be in front of Yue, fortunately for her.

"So Yue-kun," she blushed, "how is it?"

Yue kept eating, slurping the broth as if it was the best thing he ever tasted. "It's splendid." He sipped his bowl empty and licked his lips, looking at Nakuru eagerly. "Can I have some more?"

Nakuru giggled. "Sure you can, but you better save some room for desserts."

Yue smiled thoughtfully. "Of course."

Afterwards, Yue plopped down on his seat, his hands rubbing his slight rounding belly. "I have never experienced this much eating before." Suddenly a burp erupted from his throat and he blushed madly. "Neither that…" He ducked his head in embarrassment

"Don't worry about that." Eriol chuckled. "But do mind your manners."

"Yes, of course. Excuse me," Yue said softly. He turned to Nakuru, eyes so heartwarming; it fluttered the woman's heart. "Thank you for the wonderful supper. I hope to try more of your cooking soon."

"I am flattered of your kind compliments. And if you ever want any snacks, I'll be glad to make you some." She blushed, although Yue noticed it, he paid no heed, but simply nodded and stole away through the doors.

Late evening was slowly approaching, and Yue had never felt so tired until now, even after all that eating. He returned to his room, falling into his bed like deadweight, and soon after that, he fell into the darkness of his mind where dreams unfolded.

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"This is coming along great," Sakura said, shading in the shadows and filling in missing lines. "It's starting to look like you now," she mumbled.

Yue grinned slightly, poised as still as possible on the armchair with legs crossed. He had prepared himself to look good for Sakura to draw him. Each silver bang overlapped the other bang perfectly; his white shirt had no wrinkles, and his black pants had no dust. He looked elegant, and that was how he liked to be drawn.

Sakura giggled at the excruciating position Yue sat in. Though, he did not mind because he could easily maneuver any position, unlike simple mortals, or inflexible people. "Don't worry Yue-kun, almost done." She smiled happily. "Thanks for letting me draw you; it's going to look beautiful when I finish coloring it… There… all done."

Yue gasped, as if excited, and stood up abruptly to stretch his limbs. He sauntered towards Sakura and bent down towards her level. "Can I look at it?" he asked innocently,

"Sure," she exclaimed in genuine glory. She let Yue take in the imperfect design of him, but it was a good try. He found it quite nice, almost admiring the child's drawing. It was probably the best drawing out of most children her age.

"It's beautiful," he praised.

"And it's you. So, you're beautiful," Sakura responded back, grinning widely.

Yue nearly fell back by her compliment. It was true that he gets these types of compliments from outsiders, but they were strangers that had nothing to do with him. But coming from Sakura, it meant everything, and he cherished that knowledge.

"T-Thank you," he stuttered, a faint blush filling his cheeks. "You are really a great artist."

"Am I really?" Sakura squeaked, eyes widening and showing off the ethereal green of her eyes.

Yue nodded. "Do I ever lie?"

Sakura thought, and then shook her head. "If it's true, then I'm going to hang up my drawing in my room, and with that, I will be inspired to draw more beautiful things."

"You do that," Yue replied, encouraging her.

Sakura smiled so hard, her cheeks turned rosy. "You make me so happy, Yue-kun!" She bit her lips, and having the inability to refrain herself, she leaped up into Yue's arms and hugged him tightly. She was so close he could smell the faint cherry blossom scent that represented her.

"I love you, Yue-kun…" she whispered.

Yue blushed immensely, confused for a while, until letting it brush it away, for it was just a child saying words that probably meant nothing, but, what if she really did care? Nonetheless, he smiled and tightened his grip on her. 'You make me happy too…'

Happy.

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Yue's eyes snapped open and he sprang right up into a sitting position. 'I was happy with her… I love Sakura.' It was as if realization had hit him, and now he understood these feelings he had for quite some time. He should have known Sakura well enough to know that she would never push him away, even if he had been absent for a very long time. She wanted him home despite her relationship with Syaoran. Yue still meant something in her life.

"I must return. I must tell Sakura my feelings." Urgently he rose from bed, and scrambled to his feet to find Eriol and Nakuru to tell them the news. 'Clow had wanted me to be happy… And as long as I'm with Sakura, nothing can shatter my happiness…'

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"Sakura, you said you wouldn't be outside for long," Tomoyo reprimanded. "Already, you're shivering."

"Please Tomoyo, give me time to think to myself," Sakura begged, nose red and running, and face all blotchy. However, it was not the frigid cold that caused the unbecoming coloring to her face, but the bawling she had done when left alone.

"Sakura, you're going to catch the flu," Tomoyo said, indifferent.

Sakura swirled around, whipping air, and causing the snow to fall in another direction. She gave Tomoyo an edgy look. "Listen to me, Tomoyo; I won't catch the flu or any other virus."

Tomoyo shot her a scornful look, and barely giving in, she said, "Let's hope so." And just like that, she turned and skipped off to avoid catching any virus herself.

Sakura turned her head back to the snow-white scenery. Her village was close to being enveloped in pure white snow. It was a lovely sight that only brought Sakura even more despair. Experiencing something so magnificent was anything but magnificent when experienced alone, and in tears to echo out her pain more clearly.

A small pile of snow was forming on top of Sakura's head, streaking and mixing white with auburn. She ignored the cold, staring emotionlessly down at her village from the balcony. She could only see part of the village. She wanted a better view of the entire village, front and back.

But how?

She tilted her head upwards… Obviously the roof.

She ran back inside the castle and headed up the many flights of staircases. Many people stopped her just to chat or shed concern but she disregarded them and kept walking. The closer she got to the top floor, the faster her heart would beat. Why would she be so nervous? It wasn't like she was going to do something stupid. All she wanted to do was gape at the people down below.

She thrust opened the door and walked a couple more steps until she was finally on top of the roof. It was covered in a thick blanket of snow. Her slippers were beginning to soak with melted snow, and her toes felt numb. She would take it as a bad sign, but she felt no physical pain but only the pain within her.

The view from above was somewhat amazing. She could see the tiny homes of each villager, like compact ice cubes, for they were all covered in snow. Trees looked like pasty cones and the rest were like pallid objects. Feather-like snow scattered all around. The sky was fogged, and the night was quiet. The view… not so great from where she stood. She wanted an even better look.

Sakura stepped closer until the bridge of her shoes touched the brick of the roof ledges. She extended her arms and stayed like that with eyes closed shut. The wind brushed against her skin, sending immediate goose bumps to appear from her bare skin. She slightly trembled as late evening's cold tried to bring her down.

Suddenly the wind came even stronger and pushed her off her feet. Her arms wavered in a futile attempt to keep her balance. She slipped over the ledge and went tumbling over the roof. Everything happened so slowly, like a freeze frame. Her mind was racing, and tears froze as she saw the end of it.

Sakura let out a bloodcurdling scream as she toppled over and fell.

'In the end, I can never achieve happiness.'

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A/n: Not the end yet!