White Lie

by akiyume kye

Disclaimer: Since pot belongs to Takeshi Konomi, it can't possibly be mine.

Pairings: TezuFuji
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Chapter 1: Separation

The gentle breeze blew silently. Pale green grass danced in the wind. Sakura petals were everywhere.

That was the very place they had met each other.
The very place where they had fallen in love.
The very place where they became lovers.

And yet it was at this very place where they would soon part.

Hazel eyes looked up at the falling sakura petals and his lips unconsciously broke into a small smile.
He remembered the days spent under that sakura tree.
Their sakura tree.

The smiling tensai would always be reaching out for those sakura petals.
He would then put one petal on Tezuka's palm and another, he would keep for himself.
These petals, he had said then, represents our love for each other.
Keep yours, as I will keep mine.

Tears welled up in his eyes. For a moment, Tezuka wanted to run away. He needed escape.
Further and further, he ran away from crushing reality and into the gate of dreams, hopes… and love.
But the gate was locked.
He couldn't escape. He just couldn't.
He needed to do what he had to do. There was no other way out.

All emotion was removed from his face and buried in the deepest depths of his soul.
They couldn't be seen.
No, not yet.

Tezuka was interrupted of his thoughts when a warm body pressed against his.
The familiar touch, the faint smell of apples…
Nostalgia knocked at the door of his heart and he had almost given in to its incessant hammering, but instead, he had firmly pushed it aside. There were things that needed to be done, words that needed to be said.
He couldn't be selfish anymore.

He roughly pushed Fuji aside, heart aching even as he saw the surprised tensai stumble and try to steady himself from falling. Silence screamed between them as Fuji's eyes bored into Tezuka's.
"We need to talk." Tezuka forced himself to speak.
He felt strange.
They had never had an awkward conversation before, yet now, words seemed so empty, so inappropriate.
But he had to go through this.
There were tougher times ahead.
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Fuji stared at the back of his lover as Tezuka walked a few steps forward, putting a distance between them.
Blue eyes filled with thousands of emotions, each wanting to be poured out, but he held himself together.
Something is wrong…

He could read Tezuka like a book that contained no words. Tezuka never spoke much, even to the tensai himself. He wore his stoic expression all the time, but time had done Fuji good, and he had learnt how to read Tezuka's emotions.
From front to back, back to front, Tezuka was the book that Fuji knew best of all.

To say that the tensai knew Tezuka was an understatement.
He understood him. He was Tezuka, just as Tezuka was Fuji.
The two lovers shared one body. They were one whole.
A whole that needed both for its survival.

But now…

Looking over at Tezuka's tensed shoulders, Fuji knew that confusion was playing its tune in the buchou.
But what was the cause, he didn't know. All he could do was to wait for his lover to speak.

Insecurity gripped Fuji, and the smiling tensai could feel a sense of dread in the air.
Yet what it was, he didn't know.

And so he waited, never taking his eyes off Tezuka.
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"Let's break up."

Fuji's head jerked up.
What had he just heard? Tezuka… asking for a break up?
No… it can't be… Kunimitsu will never do that to me!

His smile tight, Fuji stepped towards Tezuka and let out a nervous chuckle.
"Saa… trying to pull my legs this time ne Kunimitsu? You sure got me there." Fuji said.

Tezuka turned sideways and looked over at Fuji.
His eyes pierced the tensai's heart, as reality painfully sunk in.
It was for real.

Fuji's eyes pleaded with the buchou. Tell me why, they asked. Tell me why…

Seconds ticked by, and they continued to stand rooted to the ground.
Sakura petals drifted by. On usual days, they would be sitting down, soaking into each other's presence under that sakura tree and gazing into the open.
Their sakura tree.

Minutes passed by, and still, nothing was spoken.
The gentle breeze grew stronger and stronger, and the sky was covered with dark clouds.
The sun was blocked and there was a gloomy feeling spreading throughout Fuji.
Kunimitsu… tell me why…

Tezuka turned away.
Away from the person he loved the most.
Away from the temptation that had held him back for months.
He needed to explain. Fuji had never let anything go without explanation.
But how? What could he say?
The… truth?

No... I can't.

As Tezuka battled his emotions inside his heart, Fuji was facing a similar war.
A war that may leave his walls crumbling down.

Unable to bear it any longer, the tensai called out, "Why? Why, Kunimitsu? What went wrong? Onegai… tell me…"

Tezuka's eyebrow twitched.
There were words he needed to say. Things he needed to get across.
And they had to be told now.

Even if it meant that Fuji would be broken…

As much as Tezuka would be.
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The tensai watched as Tezuka's shoulders started to shake. He rejoiced at first, thinking that Tezuka was crying.
It meant that Tezuka hadn't done it willingly.
It meant that they still had a chance to continue.

But when he saw Tezuka's hands clenched into a tight ball, he shuddered. The optimism faded away, just as his smile did.
This wasn't the Tezuka that he thought he knew.

Tezuka wasn't crying. No, he wasn't.
He was angry.
Anger boiled and bubbled inside of him. Fury lashed out deep inside.
Raging fire was scorching his very being.
He was angry. Very angry.
Not with Fuji.
But with himself.

He hadn't been able to run away.
He hadn't been able to find another means of escape.

Emotion was so close to spilling out. Tezuka clenched his fist to bottle them up.
Not now, he ordered himself, not now.

The past keep tugging at his sleeve. The memories of the times he had spent with Fuji came flooding through his mind.
The days spent under their sakura tree. The moments spent simply staring into each other's eyes.
The more images flashed through his mind, the harder it was for Tezuka to let go.

Subconsciously, he started to walk away. He had to get away from the past.
If he didn't, the message he needed to get across to Fuji may be torn into shreds.
He had waited for too long.
He had put things off for more than he should have.
He couldn't let the past interfere with the things he needed to say but had not. Anger boiled up in him and he…

Tezuka felt Fuji's delicate fingers hold his wrist in the gentlest manner. He stopped walking.
He couldn't bear to look at his angel. If he did, he wouldn't have been able to let go.

"Turn around, Kunimitsu. Look at me and tell me you don't love me. Onegai…"
Fuji's voice cracked. He added in a light whisper, "Can you do it?"

Hazel eyes widened at that request. He had never told a lie.
But now, he had too.

Turning around abruptly, he stared into those beautiful blue eyes he had come to love so much.
They were filled with sadness, yet filled with so much love.
Tezuka held back.

Why do you want me to do that, Syuusuke? Don't you know it hurts me too?
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The staring game continued and neither dared to move.

"I don't love you," Tezuka finally said, "I never did."

He turned away quickly.
He didn't want to see tears on the face of his lover.
If he did, he might lose it and return to Fuji.
If he did, he would end up hurting Fuji even more.
He could hear Fuji's sniffling. He could imagine those warm tears cascading down his cheeks.
He felt like turning back and wiping those tears off.
But he couldn't. He would only hurt the tensai even more if he did.

Tears finally rolled down his cheeks, but Fuji kept his grip on Tezuka's wrist.

I don't love you… I never did…

It had hurt him.
It had torn down his wall… his mask. His entire being.

"Kunimitsu… nan de? Nan de mo?"
Over and over again, Fuji continued to ask. Why? Tell me why?

Tezuka didn't respond.

Fuji's fingers found their way to Tezuka's palm and untwined his finger in the other's. "What happened, Kunimitsu? What did I do wrong?"

Tezuka's heart broke when he heard Fuji's voice. It was soft, sweet… yet mixed with sorrow. And Tezuka had been the cause of it all.

He felt himself turning around to face Fuji, inching closer and closer towards the gate that would lead him out of this insanity.
He felt himself reach out for the tensai's cheeks. He wanted to wipe off this tears that had stained Fuji's cheeks.
Tears never belonged to the face of an angel.
As he reached for Fuji's cheeks, reality struck him. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't.

Fuji's eyes were clouded with tears, but hope surged through him as he saw Tezuka reaching out for him.
Maybe he will tell me this is all a joke. Maybe he never meant it.
The blurred image in front of him came closer and closer.
And he held on to that tiny glimmer of hope.

He set his gaze expectantly on the buchou.

But when Tezuka's hand came in contact with his face, he had never imagined that Tezuka would ever slap him.
Fuji's mouth opened wide with shock.
At that moment, he felt as if there was a thundercloud right above him, raining… pouring… soaking him in a sea of hopelessness.
As he steadied himself against their sakura tree, his knees threatened to give way.

"Wake up, Fuji. Its all over."

He sank into the ground, hand still cupping his cheek where Tezuka had hit him.
I can't believe you hit me, Kunimitsu. I just can't believe it…
Why have you stopped calling me Syuusuke? Why have you stopped loving me?
Why?
Why, Kunimitsu, why?

Tears continued to pour, like a never-ending stream of water. When Fuji looked at, he only saw Tezuka's back. He got up and rushed towards Tezuka.

Grabbing his hand from behind, Fuji cried out. "Answers, Kunimitsu. I want answers!"

Tezuka knew Fuji well. The tensai would never stop until he got the answers.
His persistency drove Tezuka to the edge of a cliff, and he contemplated jumping down to end everything once and for all.
Maybe, then, it would be better than having to feed Fuji with more lies.
Lies that broke two hearts, not one.

When he was met with more silence, Fuji fell to his knees. He tugged at Tezuka's hand, begging for the answers.
Tensais never plead.
But yet he did.
Because he needed to know…
Even though he knew it would hurt.
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Tezuka's face was set with a grim expression. He had to say it. There was no other way out. Without facing Fuji, he took in a deep breath before saying the words he'd never thought he'd say to the love of his life.
"It was all but a game to me, just as tennis was.
It had no true meaning, only to mark a win.
To feel a sense of satisfaction."

"But… but tennis is your passion! Tennis is what makes you! You said so yourself! Tennis is your life! Without it, you said you would rather die! Why? Why are you saying this now?"

"Because… tennis is no longer a part of my life.
It was just a game, Fuji. I've quitted."

The tensai felt a pair of claws grab his heart and twist it. It hurt.
It really hurt.
Fuji was crushed. Just like a fragile piece of ice under a large, menacing hammer, those words had destroyed Fuji.
Fragments of him were all that remained.

He would be whole no more.

Fuji could only watch in shock as the love of his life faded away in the distance, never once turning back.

I never thought you would ever do this to me… Tezuka.
You've changed…
I don't think I even know you anymore…

Raindrops started to fall, depicting the thunderstorm that Fuji was going through.
Bitterness ate into him as raindrops and tears merged and fell off his cheeks.

His smile had vanished. His eyes were wide open, but devoid of any emotion.
His mask had been savagely ripped into millions of pieces.

He would never be the same again.
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To be continued…

A/N: Sorry to leave the story hanging here. Wanted to create suspense. It does you good to imagine anyway.

Spoilers: Why did Tezuka force himself to this break up? A few years after they painfully parted, a bitter Fuji still doesn't know the reason- until he meets Tezuka again and uncovers the truth behind their separation.

Reviews will be appreciated. Thanks.