Beta - melanie39

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The Accidental Hero

Chapter 16.

Ryan rang the doorbell and waited. He did not want to be here but it had to be done.

"Ryan, you have a nerve showing up here!" Julie stood, her arms folded.

"Look...I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what happened here and I know that you hate me, I get that. I just wanted to apologize. So I'm sorry." He turned to walk away.

"Ryan…Marissa is upstairs."

Ryan swung round.

"Don't think you've won anything…let me tell you that I'm not happy about you seeing my daughter but then you know that already don't you. We've tried stopping this relationship before and it doesn't work so I'm not even going to try, but if you ever hurt her then it's going to take more than Kirsten speaking up for you to get you out of the mess I'll make for you. And believe me your name will be mud, no matter how many fans you have here in Newport."

Julie turned on her heels and strutted away.

Ryan tapped on Marissa's door and then opened it. God knows what Kirsten had said to Julie. He'd fully expected never to set foot in the Cooper-Nichol residence ever again.

"Hey."

"Ryan!" Marissa launched herself at him and hugged him tightly; He winced as his bruised ribs protested.

"My God, what happened to you?" She ran her fingers down his face.

It was funny that he didn't even remember that his face resembled ground chuck at the moment, the punches he could cope with.

"Fight…you know." He shrugged.

"When you were in …." Her voice trailed off and she looked embarrassed.

Ryan sighed.

"You can say it…'prison'. I was there, it happened."

"I'm sorry."

Ryan walked over to the window and looked out at the spectacular vista.

"Look I'll understand if you want to cool it with me, after what I did …"

"Stop it Ryan. I won't let you push me away. I know what happened. You did nothing wrong. It's going to be alright."

Ryan hugged her again. He wished he could believe that.

Kirsten was determined that Ryan would not shy away from them anymore. He was part of this family and he would get treated like he was a Cohen born and bred. And if that meant smothering him at times then so be it. She hadn't always shown him that she was there for him and that pained her but she had difficulty putting the boy Sandy brought home and Ryan into the same box. Then she had been just like her father and pigeon holed him as a felon not to be trusted. It hadn't taken long for her to change her mind but to Ryan it had been long enough and he'd put the barriers up. Those barriers still remained today. He hid them well but she knew they were there and her comment the day of the intervention had cemented the bricks in place. Oh she knew that he cared for her but he always held back with her. They could both be having the best time in the world together and she'd think that finally he had relaxed around her and then she'd see a chink in his amour and that slight apprehensive edge appear and she was back to square one. She was not going to let that happen this time. She was going to make sure of that.

It was hard going when Ryan was acting as chipper as Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. That was more worrying than the usual brooding. The fake jovialness he had displayed over the past few days was just not Ryan but how could you broach the subject that someone was being too cheerful?

When Seth had bitten the bullet and made a comment to this effect, Ryan had looked at him blankly and said of course he was happy, he was glad to be home. That sentiment would have been more believable had they not all seen him in moments of deep thought looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And had they not all seen him pacing the floor of the pool house late at night on too many occasions. This had been so hard on him and no matter how many times they told him he didn't need to put on the brave face for their benefit, he continued to build the wall high.

When the mortar finally cracked Kirsten was determined that she would be there to pick up the pieces…they all would.

"So we need to step up 'Operation Atwood' people, 'cause I don't know if you've noticed but he's been abducted by the Stepford Wives."

Summer, Marissa and Seth were having a crisis meeting in Seth's room. Ryan had retreated a few minutes earlier to finish an assignment, something they noticed he'd done a lot the past few days when they were together.

Summer and Marissa both looked at each other.

"Seth, this is serious. Don't joke about it." Marissa spoke softly.

"I'm being deadly serious. You think I want Ryan like this? He won't speak to us when we all know that he's shitting himself about having to testify against those bastards. He should be relieved that those cops have been arrested and confirmed his story but no, he's still at full stealth brood mode and he thinks we won't notice. Something is up big style. He's so damn nervous all the time and that, twinned with the breezy, smiley attitude he's got going is freaking me out."

Summer nodded.

"So what are we going to do?"

"Make sure he's occupied at all times. He's spending way too much time supposedly working on his school work and we all know that the pool house is bad for the brooding."

Seth tapped his fingers on his chin.

"Marissa, you come in to play here. You have to distract him with your womanly wiles at all times. If he's, ya know, then he's not thinking about the bad stuff."

"Seth!" Marissa turned bright red.

"That's a good plan Cohen except that Chino is totally turning it down at the moment."

"God Summer, I told you that in confidence!" Marissa shot a mortified look at her friend.

Seth frowned. He joked to cover up how worried he was. Call it a defense mechanism but this new piece of information bumped up Ryan's latest depression from dark pink to a flashing red warning in Seth's color coded panic chart.

"Shit this is way bad… 'cause I can tell you a teenage boy turning down sex is never a good thing… and Ryan turning down sex is beyond bad. Seriously this confirms our suspicions people. Things are rotten in the State of Atwood but what the hell are we going to do about it?"

"We've just got to be patient with him. Maybe when this is all over he'll relax and be Ryan again." Marissa reflected.

"I hope so because I'm getting confused at the many faces of Ryan Atwood and I think my parents are this close to getting him psych analyzed to see if he has a multiple personality disorder."

Seth slumped down on his bed. He wished he was joking about that but his parents were at the end of their tether trying to deal with Ryan's recent mood swings.

Ryan looked over at the main house to check that the coast was clear, then walked around the side of the pool house and got his smokes out. As much as he appreciated what Seth, Summer and Marissa were trying to do, it was a bit much at times. They didn't give him a minute's peace. He knew they were concerned but he felt like he was suffocating under the weight of everyone's expectations of how he should be acting. And knowing that he could never ever, ever tell them what was preying on his mind was hard.

The thing is he didn't know how he felt. He'd be fine one minute then from nowhere vivid images of getting slammed against that wall would flood his brain. He'd be watching a program on the TV and a word or phrase would trigger a flashback that would make him panic and bolt. He knew he was being stupid. Nothing had happened and only his pride was hurt, or at least that's what he told himself. He shuddered at the thought of how close it had been…if Trey had arrived five minutes later, what then?

Ryan started to sweat; he lit a cigarette and tried to focus on something else.

Jesus, he really needed to get a grip on himself. Kirsten wasn't acting like this and she'd been through a hell of a lot worse experience than him. He was a man and fuck it, he should start acting like one and not a frightened little girl.

He shut his eyes and swallowed as Rafferty's face mocked him from his subconscious. Focus, focus, he told himself as he did the exercises that Nurse Sandie had taught him.

He visualized The Summer Breeze and inhaled the imaginary salty air.

The boat suddenly disappeared and he was in Pete's dank faded apartment watching as Cody pulled the trigger….

Focus…. he was back on the calm water…

Blood sprayed… "Still want to be my partner?"

No, not here, not now please… hold it together.

The smell of bleach and body odor, arms pinning him… acrid breath on his face… cold tiles on his thighs…

Focus.

Pushing him…laughing...rough hands on his hips.

Focus.

A hand grabbing at his shoulder.

He turned and lashed out.

His fist connected with Rafferty's face with a sickening crack.

He blinked several times as his vision slowly cleared.

He saw Marissa splayed on the ground, her eyes wide with shock and fear as she held onto the side of her face.

Tbc.

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