Beta'd by melanie39.

Thanks for all the reviews people. I love ya.

The Accidental Hero

Chapter 18

Seth pondered a lot over the next hours. It wasn't like he was obsessing, it was that he just couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. And Captain Oats was no good. If he couldn't help with dealing with a recently incarcerated friend then he was definitely being no help on what to do with a friend who had almost been gang banged. Seth lived in fear of shooting his mouth off. When he got nervous he talked and he was worried that he might 'say' something that would make Ryan think that he was taking his situation lightly. He just couldn't help himself; he'd always suffered from foot in mouth syndrome.

When Ryan had eventually woken after fourteen solid hours of sleep, Seth's mom and dad had closeted themselves in the pool house for a parental conference it seemed. When they came out they told Seth that Ryan would be a minute and then he would be in. The minute had stretched into two hours. Seth was going out of his mind and he didn't miss the worried looks his parents were giving one another either.

He'd had their parental pep talk earlier about what the people at Suriak had said about facing your demons and how Ryan would probably be feeling now. His mom had said that you had to face things in stages and you couldn't force things, they just came naturally. They apparently just needed to be here for Ryan. That was easier said than done when the person you wanted to 'be there' for was hiding in a glasshouse.

When the door had finally opened and Ryan stepped into the kitchen all the pre-prepared things he had rehearsed to say had vanished from his mind, it was a total blank from panic. Ryan stood unsure in the centre of the room and looked like he might bolt back to the seclusion of the pool house at any moment. Kirsten asked if he wanted any thing to eat and Ryan made his way to the cereal cupboard to show his food preference and got a box down. Sandy made small talk about work. Seth fidgeted on his stool. Seth didn't want this to be awkward…he needed to show Ryan that he was there for him, that he had his back. And that's when it happened. There was a lull in the conversation and Seth just had to fill it.

You could have heard a pin drop…his stupid fucking mouth.

"Ryan man, I just want you to know that I would have totally covered your ass for you if I'd have been there."

He grimaced…fuck, that's not how it should have come out at all… Had your back or covered your back… not 'covered your ass' …stupid, stupid. Don't ever mention asses or backsides ever again around Ryan.

His parents looked horrified.

Ryan just stared at him for a second, his hand halfway to his mouth holding frosted wheat, and then he shook his head and slowly gave him one of his crooked smiles.

"Yeah…thanks Seth, I think."

Ryan put the square of cereal in his mouth and slowly chewed. Seth bit his lip.

"You do know that that came out totally wrong, don't you."

Ryan put another wheat in his mouth and nodded.

"Cause I have this tendency to put my foot in my mouth and I really don't meant it…but then you know that don't you…of course you do…that's why my shoes probably got peed in so much…"

Seth turned to his parents briefly as he rambled.

"Not that that actually happened…but you know Ryan that I don't want you to feel like we aren't behind you…not that we're behind you…. or anyone is behind you..."

Seth stopped talking and swallowed hard. Shit.

Ryan picked up the packet of cereal and started walking towards the door.

Seth gave a grimace to his parents. He was such a dick but he just didn't know how the hell to go about this. He was just about to slam his head into the counter top when he heard Ryan's voice.

"Seth…Play Station now."

Seth managed to control his mouth as they both sat in the pool house and raced futuristic cars around an impossible racetrack. He blocked all thoughts of what Ryan had been through from his mind for fear of saying something stupid again.

They played in silence until Ryan dropped his controller.

"Just say what you want to say and then the subject is closed." He sighed.

"What makes you think I want to say anything?" Seth knew he was on dangerous ground here.

"Cause this is the longest you've been quiet since I've know you. This is the exact reason I didn't want to tell anyone. Look at you …you're already treating me differently. I've already got your parents treating me like I'm made of glass…please …I need you to be Seth."

Seth nervously fiddled with his controller.

"I don't know what to say…is that good enough? 'Cause anything I say will seem pitifully inadequate. I mean the worst I've had to deal with is some jocks yanking my chain and pissing in my footwear. I don't know what to say to you dude and I feel like the worst friend ever."

"Look Seth I'll get over this. I'll just add it to the top of the pile of shit and I'll get on with it because I have to but never say that you aren't a friend to me. You've been the best and I don't know where I'd be without you right now. I just need you not to be all weird about this O.K. Just be yourself …can you do that?"

Seth nodded.

Ryan picked up his controller again. They resumed the game.

Ryan crashed his car on the first bend. Seth crowed. Ryan keyed up a new game. Seth grinned at him until Ryan just had to ask.

"What?"

"Dude, you so suck at this game. I would have thought being inside would have sharpened up your Chino driving skills."

Ryan looked stunned for a second before he thumped Seth hard on the arm.

"You really are an ass Seth?"

Seth nodded.

"Don't say ass Ryan. That word is banned around here for the time being."

Ryan started to laugh and Seth joined in. Things were going to be all right after all.

Seth stopped laughing and wiped his eyes. He frowned as he realized that Ryan was still laughing… except it didn't seem so funny now. He watched as Ryan's shoulders shook as he laughed like a hyena. Seth got a bad vibe.

"Ryan?"

Seth started to panic when Ryan didn't look at him. The pitch rose in tone but Ryan didn't seem to be enjoying himself anymore.

"Ryan!"

Sandy opened the door. Seth hadn't been so relieved to see his father in a long time.

"Dad…something's wrong. He won't stop laughing."

Sandy crossed the room and knelt down next to Ryan.

"Ryan…. look at me." Sandy gently put his hands on Ryan's arms.

Seth backed away. He didn't want to witness the only real friend he'd ever had go off his head. He was in way too deep now, and this fucking scared him. He wanted to leave; he also knew that Ryan would be as embarrassed as hell about this…if he ever stopped laughing. Seth had visions of straight jackets and soft padded rooms.

He watched as his dad rubbed Ryan's arms and spoke to him like a child. It was only as Seth watched Ryan's chest heave that he realized what a fine line there was between laughter and tears.

His dad was patient with Ryan; he talked in a slow methodical way. Seth was so clueless about this. He thought back to the melodramatic films of the fifties where the hero would slap the hysterical woman to bring her around but that just wouldn't work here. Seth cursed Ryan's upbringing and cursed himself for not being able to help more.

Seth couldn't take it anymore and slowly left the room. He sat down at the kitchen counter and felt like crying himself. This was so unfair. His parents told him that Ryan had to get over this in stages. Seth didn't like the sound of that…if punching Marissa had been stage one and this was stage two…he dreaded what stage three might be.

His mom came into the room and saw the look on his face. She came over and gave him a hug.

"He'll get over this Seth. He's strong…. he's got one of the strongest personalities I've ever seen. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it's true. You know who he reminds me of."

Seth looked at his mom questioningly.

"Your Grandfather."

"No way!"

"I mean it. Dad always picked himself up and dusted himself down and Ryan is the same. They both have that strength of personality not to let the knocks get them down for long. That's how Dad built up the business from nothing."

Seth snorted.

"Don't let Ryan hear you say that."

Kirsten smiled. She knew more about Ryan than Seth realized after their talk. Ryan had admitted to disliking Caleb with a passion but he'd admitted that he had admired him too.

"Of course Ryan has more tolerance and compassion in his little finger than Dad had in his whole body but they are very similar. I think that's why he didn't like Ryan. I think he saw him as a young lion snapping at his heels."

Seth grinned.

"Does that mean Gramps only saw me as a sloth hanging from a tree branch then?"

His mom shook her head at him.

"It will get better, I promise. And if it doesn't then we'll give Ryan all the help he needs."

Seth hugged his mom because sometimes they just said the things that needed to be said.

Ryan was aware that something was up when he saw Sandy's worried gaze on him. He realized that he must have reached critical mass and finally had the meltdown that he knew had been brewing but strangely enough he felt better than he'd done in weeks, better than when he'd confessed to Kirsten. It was like all the emotions he'd been holding tightly inside for so long had rushed out and he felt lighter and more clearheaded. He just didn't know where that had come from; he had certainly never acted like that before. That level of emotion just wasn't him, never had been and it confused the hell out of him.

"You O.K?" Sandy finally enquired.

Ryan gave a loud sniff.

"Yeah…yeah I think I am." He gave a small-bemused laugh. "I think I needed that."

"Seth didn't say anything to upset you did he?" Sandy asked.

"No…well yeah but it was cool. I just…it was like for the first time I felt I could let go. It kind of felt good ya know?"

Sandy smiled.

"It all had to come out sometime. We're just surprised it took so long. You sure that you're O.K? Remember, honesty is the policy now."

Ryan nodded his head.

"Yeah…really I feel better, less numb. You can cancel the call to the men in white coats."

Sandy got up off the floor.

"I think I'll keep that call out. They can have a look at Seth."

They both sat in silence for a while...unsure of what to do or say next.

Ryan eventually looked up at Sandy and asked quietly the question that had always been on his mind.

"Can I ask you something?"

Sandy waited.

"What made you give me that card?"

Sandy sat down on the end of Ryan's bed.

"You really want to know the truth?"

Ryan nodded his head.

"I really don't know, I've asked myself that question a thousand times and I really don't know why you jumped out at me from amongst all the kids I've seen. I just know that I've never regretted it."

"Neither have I."

Ryan said the words out loud and he meant them. His life may have turned to crap the last few weeks and he may have not been one hundred percent happy since he'd come to Newport but one thing he did know was that here he had a chance. He could face what life threw at him because for once in his life he actually had people who believed in him. The Cohens didn't offer him the moon on a stick then snatch it away again. He'd screwed up time and time again and they were still here…. he was still here.

He knew that whatever stresses the next few weeks contained he could handle it. The trial would not be easy, having to face Cody, Parker and O'Farrell again scared the shit out of him but he realized that these people would be with him every step of the way. That was a strange feeling.

This family had opened their house to him.

He stared around the pool house, at the crooked stick that he'd once hated propped up against the wall but had gradually grown to like. He looked at the low futon that had also taken some getting used to. He looked at the picture of Mohammed Ali that Seth had brought for him as a not so veiled joke and finally at Sandy who sat on the end of his bed looking at him as if he cared.

His bed… his stick… his room.

Ryan realized that he had just might have just started to reach the stage three that Kirsten had talked about.

Acceptance.

Fin

So there it is, the end of the road. Thank you for all sticking with me on the journey and a huge thank you to all you who reviewed.