This story contains slash. Dont like, dont read.

I own nothing.

I imagined Harry to be about 19-20 in this story.

Please forgive my spelling and grammar mistakes.

Why, why did this have to happen?

Everything had started out so great. Even better than he had ever dreamed it could be.

To good, looking back on it. Leave it to the great Harry Potter to mess things up as usual.

He just wished he could turn his horrible, perverted brain off. And it wasn't as if he hadn't been trying.

Harry didn't really know just what Sirius's reaction would be if he ever knew the thoughts flying around in his head, but he did know he didn't want to find out. When "the thoughts" first started Harry had blamed it on the close proximity. They had simply been spending too much time together.

Then when time didn't fade them away, like he had hoped, he reasoned that he was simply confusing affection with attraction. He was inexperienced in having somebody around that cared for him, and that he cared for.

And then the feelings changed, grew, and it dawned on Harry that he was kidding himself.

He was in love, and there was no denying it.

That realisation had hit him one night when he woke up sweaty, out of breath and oh so hard. The dream, in witch Sirius had been screwing him in to the mattress growling his name, was vivid in his mind.

He had reached down and pulled almost brutally at himself until he came muffling his cries of his godfathers name with his pillow. Then he had changed boxers and muttered a cleaning spell over his bed with tears of shame stinging at his eyes.

From then the feeling that he was betraying Sirius had only grown.

At night he would wank off imagining his eyes, his hair, his hands, his laugh…oh god his laugh. The day after he wouldn't even be able to look him directly in the eye, but it didn't stop him from doing the same the very next night.

He flinched every time they brushed up against each other, because it instantaneously sent his imagination into overdrive, and more embarrassingly often gave him an instant erection. So he had taken to spending more and more time in his room.

And then he had the nightmare.

Not the usual one he had been having until he moved in with Sirius where Voldemort returned and killed the ones he loved.

A brand new one, where he told Sirius how he felt and he looked at him with disgust and told him they couldn't live together anymore.

He had been shaken out of his nightmare to find himself looking into worried grey eyes. It had felt so good to feel Sirius's arms snake around him, holding him safe, so he had allowed him to gently rock away the nightmare while he whispered soft words in his ear.

So good. Too good as it turned out because just as his sobs died away he felt his cock start to twitch in appreciation off the compromising position he was in.

So he pulled away, horrified, to see if Sirius had noticed and there it was. The shock in Sirius's face, although just for a moment until it was replaced by fake cheerfulness.

Now Harry sat here, and he knew it was coming. The unavoidable conversation.

Sirius stood in front of him, wanting to talk, with a horribly serious look upon his face, very un Sirius like at all.

He felt his heart rate pick up, felt his hands begin to sweat but willed his face to remain calm. Could at least go down with dignity.

"Harry are you afraid of me?"

For a second he was sure he had misheard, but the expression on Sirius's face convinced him other vice. When he realised that Sirius wasn't about to throw him out, or express his disgust and disappointment, that he hadn't even realised what was going on he couldn't help a small smile.

It wasn't until Sirius began to shout that he realised what he had been doing.

By acting so distant he had filled Sirius's head with the idea that he didn't want to live with him, and now the only way to set this right was to tell the truth.

He whispered despite all his effort to talk normally "I'm not afraid of you."

He could feel his face turning red, and was mad at himself for it. Right now he definitely didn't need Sirius to look at him like a awkward teenager.

And then he said it. Saviour of the wisarding world or not, this sentence took more bravery to say then anything he had done up to this in his life.

His heart was pounding against his ribcage and for the life of him he couldn't look up from his shoes.

For a few seconds everything went oddly quiet and the Sirius started to laugh. Now, Harry had imagined a lot of bad responses but he had never thought Sirius cold enough to laugh at him, so he did the only thing that came into his head.

He ran.

He didn't get very far though, because Sirius quickly grabbed him by the arm witch caused him, to Harry's mortification, to see that Harry was crying.

Harry wasn't going to give up so easily, he wasn't going to stand here and be mocked by the person he loved most in this world. When trying to wring himself free didn't work he tried hitting Sirius, hoping he would let go out of shock.

His plan backfired though, because Sirius simply pushed him down on the bed, overpowering him easily, holding him still with his weight.

He stopped struggling, the heat emitting from the body on top of him making him dizzy.

"Let me go." He pleaded, trying to get his breathing under control, praying that he would be able to control himself.

He was afraid that he was just about to start crying again when he felt the soft brush of lips against his own.

It took a few minutes to sink in, and when he saw that Sirius was waiting for a response he mustered up all the confidence that he had left. "More kissing." He felt himself begin to blush again at his own words so he hurriedly crushed his lips against Sirius's before he would see.

I´m not sure if I like this chapter...but here it is.