E.M.C.O.F.F.H.

(Title shortened because I'm lazy... and the fact that I don't own Excel Saga or Noir.)

By: T.R. Fanatic

Chapter 3: Target: Excel! Part 2: Enter the "Sane" People!

The reader (psst, that's you) must now globe-hop from F City's ACROSS HQ, to Paris, France, (via insane and pointless reading) to the apartment of Mireille and Kirika. (You're going to be sooo lost if you don't know the characters from Noir...)

"The series is over and you haven't kept your promise on killing me yet!" Kirika whimpered.

Mireille sighed, not looking once at Kirika, while typing on the computer. "I did kill you!" she exclaimed. "It's just that the Great Will of the Macro-whatever came and revived you!"

Again, the Great Will made her cameo. "Busy, busy schedule..." she said. "who's next?"

Mireille sighed once more, muttering out of ear-shot, "And I was so close, too! Freedom... why can't I have my sweet freedom?"

But, you can try and kill me again, Mireille." Kirika begged as she got down on her knees. "Please!"

"...Maybe after this next assignment..."

"Who is it this time?" Kirika asked as she got up and looked at computer screen.

The monitor showed a picture of a young woman who was trying to make a funny face while trying to hide her look of severe hunger.

'The target is Excel Excel." Mireille informed. "A loyal follower of ACROSS, F City's Secret Ideological Organization. It's seems that she caused..."

Another image popped up showing a picture of Excel running through traffic, chasing after a dog.

"...one too many..."

Yet another image popped up of Excel throwing "Join ACROSS, and all your wildest dreams will come true!" posters, while a tidal wave of posters came crashing down from behind her.

"...city-wide 'disturbances,' if you will...

The Great Will appeared once more. "You called?" she asked.

"Not you!" Mireille barked as she pointed to the door. "Get out!"

The Great Will folded her arms. "Fine! Stubborn pain in the ass! I'll make sure you go on the 'Do not revive with great power list!" With that said, she floated off.

"You do that!" Mireille hissed. "...Now, where was I... ah, right! Our client... is tall, dark and handsome."

"Is that our client's code name?" Kirika asked.

"No, that's what he looks like." Mireille pointed to the picture: a silhouette of ...Ilpalazzo? "Damn, he's hot!"

Kirika swiftly slapped Mireille in the face with a paper fan. "Quit daydreaming!" she ordered while in thought, If I can't fall in love with someone like Milosh, then neither will you "...How much is he willing to pay for this hit?"

"Handsomely, of course..."

Kirika slapped Mireille with the fan... again. "Quit joking around!" she barked... before reading the part of the assignment where it stated, 'How much I am willing to pay: Handsomely.' "Oh..." Realizing her mistake she threw fan aside. "Never mind, then."

She's getting more vulgar every day... Mireille thought before turning to her accomplice. "Well, shall we go?"

A blue decision box opened before Kirika, presenting her with the choices: '...No.'; 'Hit Mireille with paper fan,' or 'Oh, all right...' Not being quick with the cursor, the pig decided her fate...

"Oh, all right..." Kirika muttered.

The assassin duo got up and left the apartment... and ended up in F city a few seconds later.

"...That was quick..." a confused Kirika noted.

Mireille nodded in agreement. "Now, where do we search first?"

A billboard appeared above an apartment building with an arrow pointing to room 204 and a sign next to it that read: "Excel lives here!" Another arrow pointed to a sewer grate with another sign: "Excel worships Ilpalazzo here!" Many more arrows pointed to various places of work (buildings, restaurants, farms, etc.) with the signs: "Excel works here... and here... and here... you get the idea."

Kirika sweatdropped at the sight. "...I guess we have to split up..."

Mireille added her sweatdrop as well. "...I guess you're right..."

Chapter 3: Target: Excel! Part 2: Enter the "Sane" People!

Today's mini-experiment... failed.

Here's a clip from the next chapter:

"A writer's commentary..." Chloe pointed out. "interesting..."

(End clip)

T.R.: All this from watching the first volume of Excel Saga? I really need to get out more... XP