Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter related in this story. I hope the idea for this little piece of humour is mine, but who knows. I don't mean to infringe on any copyrights and this story is for entertainment only.
This is a short story, set on the first day Harry enters Hogwarts. If something is totally unbelievable, let me know and I might change it. Hope this gets one or two laughs.
Harry sighed as he sat down on his new four-post bed. He could barely believe that he wasn't dreaming. He had pinched himself several times just during the Feast to prove that this new world was real. It was end of his first "day" at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had been sorted into the Gryffindor house, made a friend and possibly an enemy, and stuffed himself full of all sorts of food that he had never been able to eat before. It had been an exciting but exhausting day. However, there was something he was afraid to do ever since the Feast had ended. He desperately had to use the restroom. Harry was afraid that in this magical world, the loo might be just as strange as the paintings he had seen earlier. They moved and talked and Harry didn't know what to expect. He couldn't wait any longer; his bladder was screaming at him, so he stood up and headed to the boy's restroom.
Once outside the restroom, Harry inhaled deeply, pushed his shoulders back, and opened the door. Stepping inside and closing the door behind, Harry didn't see anything too unusual. Everything looked like the toilets in his primary school, just older in fashion. Wooden stalls greeted his eyes instead of the metal ones, he was used to, and the sinks seemed to have fancier handles. There weren't any urinals and Harry breathed a sigh of relief at that. He could just dream up the horrors wizards could do with those. He slowly opened a stall door, hoping that the plumbing system wasn't as medieval as the rest of the castle. Harry smiled at the sight that greeted him. A regular "muggle" toilet, gleaming white, and just the opposite of what Harry thought could be in the castle.
After relieving himself, Harry went to flush. His hand touched nothing. He stared at the toilet, wasn't there a metal handle there just a moment ago? He couldn't have possibly have imagined it being there? The rest of the toilet looked just the same, so where was the handle? "Bloody hell, now what am I supposed to do?" Harry was clueless. He snickered at the thought that his new friend Ron, would probably go into shock at hearing him curse, but then again, he'd know what to do right now. Well, since the portraits needed a password to be able to let someone enter the common room, maybe the toilets needed to be told to flush. It was a ridiculous thought, but Harry didn't know what else to try. "Flush." Nothing happened. "Toilet, Flush." Again, nothing. "Toilet in stall number three, flush." Nothing. "Empty….Remove contents…flush darn it!" Still nothing happened.
Harry sighed and wished that someone had thought to tell clueless muggle raised wizards like him, what to do. Harry decided to go and wash his hands and then try to think of something else. He exited the stall, leaving the door to swing shut after him and he was almost to the sink when he heard the toilet flush. "What!" He turned around and saw that the stall door had shut. Was it truly that simple? He opened the stall door and then closed it while standing on the outside of the stall. The toilet flushed. "I am so stupid." Harry started to wash his hands and couldn't help the giggles that were escaping him. It morphed into full-fledged laughter by the time he dried his hands. "I am…so…dumb. I can't…believe…it was…that simple." Luckily, he was alone in the hallway as he continued to berate himself and laugh at the same time; otherwise someone might think he was a little off in the head. He got back to his room, stifling chuckles and laid down to await the next adventure in this new world.