Well after 2 months of waiting for Mark to make up his mind…he noticed I was having a bigger attitude then normal…and he wanted to get to the bottom of it…so one night while we were in the dressing room talking to Glenn and Jamie who had recently gotten engaged…I was really happy for them…We were waiting for Monday Night Raw to start…
Mark came over and said, "Can we talk privately for a few minutes?" I looked at Jamie and we were both thinking Mark was ready for a commitment…Boy was we ever both wrong. We couldn't have been more wrong about it…
I followed Mark into the locker room while he was getting ready for his match…and I braided his hair…Mark finally spoke and said, "What's going on with you lately?" I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "You know exactly what I mean…lately you've had this big attitude towards me…why? I'm getting tired of it…I'm old enough to know better then to get involved with someone as young as you…but against my better judgment I fell in love with you."
I stood there with my hands on my hips and said, "You sure have a funny way of showing it…" Mark said, "Oh I see what this is…" I said, "Oh really wise one…what is it?" Mark said, "Don't start getting an attitude little girl…I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this attitude of yours…you're mad because I won't call you my girlfriend yet. I told you I'd let you know when I was ready for a relationship…"
I said, "No Mark…you know what I'm really tired of?" Mark said, "No…but I'm sure you're going to let me know."
I glared at him and said, "I'm tired of being your fuck buddy…we walk around holding hands…we have these great conversations like…oh I don't know…like adults…you hold me…and kiss me and tell me you love me…we sleep in the same bed at night…we have sex like a normal couple would…but the only thing people see me as…is your fuck buddy…every single person on this tour knows I'm not your girlfriend…well it also doesn't help that if someone calls me you're girlfriend when they are talking to you…you over correct them…with the ever popular deep seated Undertaker voice of 'she's not my girlfriend'…Believe me when I say I know this isn't a relationship…"
I exhaled hard and continued, "You know what I want out of life…I just want a man who is going to love me…and who I can love back…and who will eventually love me enough to want to marry me and have tons of babies with…About a month ago I started wandering what it would be like to be Sara…married to this great man who loves her to pieces in life and in death…but then I thought about it…I don't want to be her…cause I'm not her…I could stand here and tell you I love you all day…but it wouldn't make a difference at the end of the night…Cause in the morning…I'd wake up in your arms after we made love all night…I'd still be in love with you…but Sara would still have your heart."
Mark said, "Why do you always bring her up? You keep saying you don't want to be her…but I think deep down you really do want to be her…Don't you Samantha…Just admit it…you do want to be Sara…because I love her and had a marriage with her…and I'll never stop loving her…you're right you never could be her…At least Sara didn't try and force me into a relationship…You will never give up until I give in to you…well you can forget it cause I'll never be ready for a relationship with any one other then her…feel like dying your hair blonde now?"
A couple of tears rolled down my cheeks and I said, "What's so wrong with wanting to be Sara? The only reason I would ever want to be her is because she had you…not Undertaker, or the American Bad Ass…or the Phoneme…but you Mark Callaway…If I let you…you would sit here and shit all over my feelings and heart cause you could care less about anyone other then yourself and your precious Sara…Mark Sara's not here any more…she's dead…she's never coming back…But you are still alive…I wish you'd act like it…you're sitting here dumping on someone who is wanting to love you until the day you die…but you don't care…I'm not going to stand here and let you treat me like this…I may love you…but obviously it isn't enough…" I whipped the tears away and started to walk away…
Mark grabbed my arm and drug me over to stand in front of the mirror with my back to his chest he looked at me in the mirror and his mouth was close to me ear and he said, "You want a husband…I'm not it…you want babies….You're not getting them from me…look at us…do we look like were the perfect couple…I'd never be able to have a serious relationship with you…you're too God Damn young…and I'm too fucking old…Go find some other guy your own age to force into marriage…cause I'm not him…"
I looked in the mirror and saw the same look in his eyes that was in my mothers eyes just before she slammed my head into the mirror…I had a huge flash back and freaked out…and slammed my fist into the mirror shattering it…I pulled away from Mark and it kind of shocked him…he looked down and my hand was bleeding…