Raventhedarkgoddess: One shot. Random, totally uninspired one-shot. I have nothing better to do with my time, I suppose....... Anyway, this is for you two, Libby and Morph. Hope it gives you both something to do to avoid the evils of reality. No flames about the R/R couple, I couldn't care less what you think of it....... Reviews welcome.

Broken

Robin.......

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

I just wish there was some way I could have told her before it was too late, the miserable boy thought to himself, his face devoid of emotion, mask-like though he himself wore a mask no longer. It had been a year, a long hard year, as Dick Grayson, but the part of him that was still living was Robin. Robin was the one with all the dreams, with all the emotional pain.... Robin was the one that lay awake at night, dreaming of his team, of a girl in a blue cloak........

Of the team I broke up. Of the team I left because I wanted a new life. Of the team I didn't realize I needed so much...... He sighed, both Robin and Dick unable to handle the emotional stress it brought back. He had broken up with Starfire, had been completely prepared to leave....... And Raven had tried to hold him back.

"How could you even THINK of leaving us?" Raven's voice was shrill and near in his head again.

"I..... I don't know, Rae. It just.... feels right, ya know? I mean, I need to get out and have a life, friends...." Robin's voice trailed off. "I just don't want to be Robin anymore." Even in his own ears, even then, he had hated the excuse, had known Raven didn't buy it, could feel it in the way she stared at him........

"You need friends? You need friends?" She did not shriek. She spoke in a death-like whisper, one that made the skin on Robin's arms crawl. "You have the nerve to tell your team, who were also your friends and house mates, that you need a life and friends, when we've been here for you all this time?" She glared at him through her violet eyes. "You sure know how to make a person feel needed, Robin."

"I didn't mean it like that, Rae, I just......." Robin found himself tongue-tied. It felt so important then that she didn't go away mad, he couldn't stand to have her mad at him, not now, not when he needed her so badly. "We can keep in contact and everything, but the crime fighting days are over."

"That's not what you said when we formed. You said we were here, not for ourselves but for others, and that we would fight to the death. You said, Robin, to the whole team, that we were in it for others, that we were in it because we cared about this city. You were the one that held us together when Cyborg wanted to leave, when I wanted to leave...... And now you'd give us up for your own 'freedom'? Is that what you think we are, a trap to keep you here?"

"That's not it at all! You miss the point! I just want to be myself, to be Dick Grayson again, to have a life, a normal one...." Robin tried to make her understand, placed his hand on her shoulder, didn't fight to brush his black hair back so that he could avoid making sudden motions. "Just try to put yourself in my place."

"You can have a normal life. At least you're a full human." She stepped back, and his arm fell limp between them, green gloves still in the shape of her shoulder, still longing to hold it, to keep her there with him.........

"Rae, I didn't mean it like that........"

"Goodbye, Dick Grayson. This shall be your last moment here, I'm assuming." She eyed his suitcase in distain, with obvious pain that she refused written on her face. "I will miss only the Robin you carry with you." Her hands went up to his face, and they removed his mask. Suddenly everything was brighter for him, and the mask was laying in two pieces on the floor..... And Raven was gone. The soft swishing noise was all that was left of him.

She left behind only his shattered identity in the form of the two-pieced mask, and with that she left, in a sense he didn't understand just then, his heart beating and bleeding on the floor.

Snap out of it, snapped the part of his mind that commanded him through life, the part that was Dick Grayson and not the boy Raven would miss, not Robin. You've still got work in the morning, and sitting here in front of the window mourning the past. That was then, this is now........

So why can't I just get over her? Part of him, the Robin in him, heard one of the few times he had heard her laugh, the one time he had made her laugh with some corny joke. And I loved that laugh. So why would I leave her?

The wind rattled the windowpane in the dying sun. The question fell without answer into the devoid hole of his mind.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Why are you still letting her get the best of you? Argued his modern self. Give it up and get over her. She's not your girl anymore, and she never was. You didn't even say hello to her most days, and she ignored you as well. She was just sad to lose her home is all......

"You can have a normal life. At least you're a full human." Why would she say something like that, though? And why was she so set on missing only Robin, what about her home and family and friends.... What was different about me?

The brilliance of the red sky caught him in all his misery. He stood up, his eyes catching something faded on his mirror.

An old photograph, faded and torn at the edges where he had held it so many times while trying to forget Robin, while trying to switch roles and lives so quickly and easily, while trying to do the impossible. Beneath that, on the dresser that refused to fit into his undersized bedroom, was a shredded mask, two pieces, torn directly down the middle. There he was, front and center, holding onto Starfire's hand, and Beast Boy and Cyborg were making faces at the camera, at the man who had come to take pictures of the 'heros' for the Jump City newspaper...

Off to one side was Raven. He could never stop looking at her, at her serious demeanor and the way she refused to touch any of them, standing clear inches away from Cyborg's shoulder, hood up, violet eyes piercing even in the faded color copy he had managed to obtain from the man. A single strand of her hair fell forward across her face, but she made no attempt to brush it away as the red stone set in her forehead cast tiny prisms of light into Robin's hair.....

Those days are long gone, he tried to tell himself again. What is holding you back? Why can't you just let Raven Roth go already? She was never an important part of your life anyway: Burn the picture. It's Starfire you should still be thinking of. Quit acting so broken over a girl you didn't even know.

Robin looked at the shadows around him, at the blood-red light staining his walls, his ceiling........ "I'm all alone. I just need to get out of here." He quickly turned on his heel, slipped into a pair of worn street shoes at the door, and found himself fighting his way down the steps, past a dark-haired woman in her late thirties that had already identified her neighbor "Dick Grayson" as Robin of the Teen Titans: The team that had been broken up by it's leader, by him.

"I've got to get out of here." He shoved past her and ran, moved down the steps and out the door. He took the air in, gulped it in as if it could wash the pain he had been hoping to escape when he left Titans Tower away. Raven could make this all better...... With her I wouldn't be so broken and lonesome......

The blood-red light danced a pattern of small spots in his hair. Robin ran a hand over it, then caught sight of himself in the store window: He wheeled around, half expecting to find Raven to the reason for the dots. The area behind his shoulder contained only an empty, heavy air, and a fast-sinking sun.

"I'm just not strong enough to let it go, am I?" He started to walk, wasn't sure where he was going but liked the feel of his feet under him. "I should just go away again and never come back, somewhere where I won't have to think about her anymore....."

Where could I go where that could happen? Although Robin heard no answering thought in his head, his heart answered the question for him: Nowhere. One shot at love: You had it and lost it.

Even out in the air, he could still see those piercing, lonesome eyes, staring after him, calling his name from both the photograph and from the scene in the Tower, could still feel Raven calling him, pulling him to her. The violet eyes rose up behind his own and refused to leave. Raven was all he could see: He walked faster, wondering how to escape an enemy when the enemy was his own mind and memory as a prisoner of his heart.

Raven........

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Why? Why can't I just forgive him and move on? This shouldn't have marred my heart. Pain and death and suffering should never mark my heart, not because of something I do or something someone else does. Violet eyes to the red sunset, Raven tried to ignore the pulsing of her heart speeding steadily as she conjured him up again, standing across from her, defenseless and helpless against her sudden rage.....

Her hands were around the mask. She couldn't help it, couldn't help the rage, was doing all she could to keep it down.... If a shreded identity is what he wants, then so be it, she had said to herself, preparing to shred his mask into two.

She had looked up into the most perfect pair of eyes she could have imagined. Electric blue and crisp, worn with wisdom behind them and yet somehow child-like. Had she not been in such a rage, she might have told him so. "Goodbye, Dick Grayson." She had glared at his suitcase before glaring at him. "I will miss only the Robin you carry with you." She knew he could never understand how much pain was within that statement: She could remember one laugh and plenty of good times with him. I almost liked him, she had found herself thinking.......

Her powers becoming almost impossible for her to keep at bay, Raven ripped the mask with hand power alone to avoid unleashing accidental energy, watched it fall to the floor, divided in a perfect half down the center, directly along the eye holes......

She was able to take the sight no more. She turned, heard her own cloak swish behind her, and then pulled up onto the steps, where she had comforted a crying Starfire and said her goodbyes to her friends, wishing them the best of luck in whatever they could do.

"There's no place in this world for a half human....." Raven had looked sadly at each of her friends, from Cyborg to Beast Boy to Starfire, all looking at her with tears in her eyes....... Only her violet eyes were able to remain unfeeling......

"We'll all make it through. You go out there and do whatever you can. Just get by without your powers, and no one has to know." Cyborg had taken her in his arms. "Take care, you're like a sister to us all, Raven. We're one big family....."

Who Robin broke up, Raven found herself snapping in the present. I just need to forget him. The worst is over now. He's no big deal and he never was. He never will be, either, if I have anything to say about it. I can't cry for someone who wouldn't cry for me.......

I don't cry for him. My heart just burns for him in a way I can't show..... Everyone at the workplace thought her cold, unfriendly, a problem she had never had with the others. He's the one that ruined your life. Why do you care about him so much?

If only I could have told him that I loved him..... But I can't love. So why do I keep caring? I can't show caring..... Why do I need him? Why do I care about him so much?

It was a question Raven had asked herself over and over at night, when everything became quiet and she found that she could hardly think of anything but the friends soon to cloud her dreams. Why do I care about him so much?

"Why?" She let out a sudden outburst. It was more of a sound than a word for her anymore, at this rate anyway, and every time she said it, Robin flashed through her head. Robin kicking out, Robin trying to defend her, Robin trying to fight with Beast Boy for a remote, Robin's grin the only time he had ever made her smile, her own laugh without the forced hollowness behind it in her mind........

Why? An unanswerable question. The bane of her existence.

But it was also the only way she could bring back the home she longed for. "Why?"

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

She stood up, her neck stiff from working long hours behind the desk, smiling for strangers and acting as if she was a normal girl, despite everything they thought of her, of her deliberate coldness and the way she avoided being close to anyone or anything. She hadn't used her powers in almost a year and seldom meditated: She had almost grown immune to the pain Robin had left in his wake, and as long as her emotions were kept in check she had no need to bother with her powers.

She felt her hand on the doorknob. The cold metal awakened her somewhat, opened her eyes a bit wider so that everything became slightly brighter, although her mood was not uplifted and she continued to frown at the metal door, glided down the steps and past the front desk, where a man gazed at her with thought, as if trying to figure out who she might have been before she had moved into the apartments in the dead of night almost a year before.

Just a walk..... That's all I want is a walk. The sky burned above her, made her eyes cast up to the dyed appearance of the white clouds. Blood red, the color of all misery and hate, of woe and of the blood that keeps a person alive........

She started to walk, her black skirt beating her legs in the breeze, catching up to her rhythmic stride and allowing her to move slowly, almost effortlessly, with no destination in mind but being outside of the four walls of her trapping apartment, away from the one small window that had kept her attention captivated for hours.

She felt like running, trying to fly, becoming a large black raven and seeking out her friends, shaking Robin by the neck for all the pain he had caused them all. I can't fly, though. Dreams and wings and powers aren't a part of my life anymore.

Her violet eyes clouded over slightly with tears. Don't cry. Forget it already. Forget HIM already..... The Titans are a thing of the past. She stared off, blinked a few times, trying her hardest to avoid the emotional swell within her heart. She ducked into the shadows, away from the red light, and leaned on the bricks of one of the buildings.

Darkness coming on around her, she moved away from the wall, deciding to get a quick stroll in before the last of the setting sun left her all alone in the darkness. Even though the place inside me is darkness and despair.........

The words came to her simply: I'm broken and alone. This is my life now.

She didn't see the boy until she ran into him. He turned to her and she uttered a gasp. Who...... There's no way this is.........

The electric blue eyes, worn down by the stress of average life, stared and locked on her violet ones. "Raven....."

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

"Dick." Where did he come from?

How can I really be seeing her after almost a full year? "I didn't mean to bump into you. I had a lot on my mind, and...." In truth, he had been thinking about the way her eyes had looked when he had last seen her, had failed to notice her right in front of him.

"I'm glad to hear your life is treating you well, then," Raven said softly, not meaning a word of it. I hope you're miserable, I hope this is just an act, I hope..... What do I hope? What is hope? The questions spun around in her head, finding no outlet and no answer as she gazed at him.

"What about you?" He gazed at her. "And please..... Just call me Robin." He fidgeted now under the gaze of the eyes he had wanted to see so badly: Why did he like her so much, why HAD he longed to be here...? She probably hates me now, he thought sadly. It had been over a year since anyone had called him Robin, and we was beginning to wish that it were all people called him.....

"Alright, Robin," Raven hissed, throwing emphasis on the word Robin, showing him that she still remembered his speech, his want to be somebody else. "I'm doing okay, bills are tight and my job sucks, but I'm fine." I'm anything but fine with you standing here, driving me insane.....

"Glad to hear it." She's forcing herself to behave normally. She wants to go back and talk about what I did..... I can't let her know how much I miss her, though..... "It's getting dark. Want to go get a coffee or something, and you can show me where you live? I really want to keep in touch with someone." The last sentence, though unintended, was true, and he felt his face arrange itself into a rather pleading mask.

"I guess so." The words tumbled out of her mouth, making her sound breathless, falling out in a rush. I can't believe after all this time I'm still willing to follow him around.... Like some DOG or something.... They walked quickly down the sidewalk, quiet considering that it was not even fully dark on a Saturday night yet. Robin watched her quietly, trying to guess what she was thinking about him.

I still think she probably hates me..... They entered the tiny corner coffee shop without a word. "Just tea," Raven said to the waitress, and Robin ordered himself a strong black coffee. I could use it...... This is all making me so nervous.....

"So.........." Robin said, forcing cheer into his voice, trying to find words that didn't sound dull or uninteresting. I don't want to force her to talk to me, I can't blame her for hating me.... I can't blame anyone for hating me.....

The waitress came back, tray in hand, and dumped the bill on the table. Two hands reached for it at once: Holding the bill from opposite ends, both felt their fingers brush the bill. "I've got it," Robin heard himself say, trying to draw his hand back, and Raven quietly let go.

She took a long sip of her tea, and suddenly she couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Don't you ever miss me.... I mean, the team?" A warm blush covered Raven's face: She couldn't believe she had let something slip out like that. You idiot.....

Robin politely pretended not to notice, mainly because he was just as embarrassed as Raven was by his thoughts. So she doesn't hate me.... But what should I tell her? "Yes, actually." He heard himself say without thinking. Now you've done it, Robin......

I never thought he'd admit it..... "Why couldn't we reform? Or at least see more of each other, find the rest of the team, try to get back together?" Her breath came out in a rush, her voice quiet but strong in a way Robin had never heard before. "Unless things are going too well for you as Dick...."

"They aren't. I just wanted you to think I was happy, but..... All I can think about is the team, and the old days..... And our fight. I think about our fight a lot." The words fell over each other: Robin was not used to talking to anyone openly about anything and now, for the first time in a year, he had met up with someone from his old life, the one he cared about the most, and he couldn't even keep himself from babbling.

"I should have known to let you go..... I wasn't strong enough. I'm still not strong enough." Why did I say THAT? Raven questioned herself. Now he's going to figure it out.....

"I think about you a lot." What did I say that for? Robin found his eyes locked on her violet ones. They were still piercing, as if they could see through him, and did not change at all as he made a confession of his feelings for her. She stood up, the bill now in her hand, and motioned for him to follow her.

Standing outside, Raven cast her eyes down the street and began walking toward her tiny apartment, Robin in stride next to her, saying nothing. "It's been nice seeing you again. I thought I wouldn't see you again, Rae.... And it worried me." The silence between them shattered, Robin's words hanging in the air, slowly taking shape inside of Raven's head and obtaining a meaning for her.

They climbed the steps in silence. He actually couldn't stop thinking about me....... "Do you maybe want to.... try to find the others, keep in contact?" Her eyes pierced his, only now he saw a change: He saw her anticipation, her hopefulness. It was enough to make him grin, and, judging by the long forgotten feeling tugging at his lips, he did so.

"I think we could." He felt himself draw forward, brush her lips in silence. She pulled away and looked at him: He looked back at her.

"You're missing something." She stepped through the doorway and to her dresser, moved the picture of the team, and retrieved a small black mask, tying it around his eyes with trembling fingers. "Or would you prefer to just go on living as Dick?"

"I'm Robin." He looked at his reflection, which was smiling, and at Raven's reflection, which was grinning and holding onto his reflection's arm. "I've been Robin all along. Dick is a broken identity now."

Raventhedarkgoddess: Interesting way to kill some time. Not that great of an ending, though, I will admit. Whatever, I suppose. I hope you guys enjoyed it, despite the fact that it's a change from one of my really dark stories.