Chapter 4

"Suddenly I Know I'm Not Sleeping"

Lucas was surprised when he woke up on the floor of the bathroom. He couldn't remember how he got there…until he saw the razor and the blood. He didn't believe it was true until he saw the gash on his wrist. He felt ashamed at what he had done. He'd have to hide the mark so that no one would suspect anything. Even though it was a warm day he'd have to wear long sleeves.

Haley was standing at her locker when Nathan came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "How's my girl?" he asked.

Haley smiled as she turned around and planted a kiss on his lips. "I'm just glad that you and Lucas didn't kill each other last night." Then she looked over at Lucas' locker and found it empty. "You didn't kill him…right?" she asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Don't worry; he's still alive. We kind of avoided each other last night. Actually, I don't think he left his room," Nathan replied.

"It must have been hard on him," Haley stated.

Nathan nodded his head. "I feel sorry for him. He just lost his mother, and my dad isn't making it any easier for him."

Haley could see that Nathan meant what he said, and she was hoping that this tragedy would finally make Lucas and Nathan brothers. "You know he's not all that bad…I mean Lucas," Haley said. "You should really try to get to know him."

"I want to," Nathan admitted, "But I don't want to disappoint my dad."

"Screw him," Haley replied, "Well, I don't mean literally…you know what I mean."

Nathan couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Haley noticed Lucas arrive at his locker, and couldn't help but smile. She rubbed Nathan's arm. "I'm going to go check on Lucas," she said.

Nathan nodded his head. As much as he didn't want Haley to leave, he knew that Lucas needed her more. "I'll see you at lunch," he said,

Haley watched Nathan leave, and when he was gone she headed over to Lucas' locker. "How are you holding up?" she asked as she stood next to him.

Lucas managed a weak smile when he saw his friend. "I'm getting by," he replied.

"How is it living with Dan and Deb?" she asked.

"It's fine." Lucas lied, but he didn't want her to worry, and he wanted to drop the subject. "It's really warm in here."

"You picked the wrong day to wear long sleeves, Lucas. It's like one hundred degrees in here."

Lucas shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I wasn't thinking clearly when I got dressed this morning."

Haley was about to respond, but was interrupted by the bell. "I better get to class," she said. "I'll see you later."

Lucas felt like he'd been saved by the bell. He really didn't feel like talking. "Bye Haley."

Lucas' morning classes were all a blur to him. He had the teacher tuned out in all of his classes, but none of them seemed to mind. They were all cutting him some slack since it was his first day back to school since his mother died. He was now headed to lunch, and he was in search of Tim Smith…Nathan's best friend.

He found Tim at a vending machine getting a soda. "Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked as he stood behind Tim.

Tim turned around and wasn't too happy to see him. "What do you want, Pucas?" he asked impatiently.

"I need a favor from you, Tim."

Tim took a sip of his soda. "I'm listening," he said.

Lucas took a deep breath as he thought about what he was going to say next. He never got a chance to speak as Nathan approached them. "What's going on?" Nathan asked with a confused look on his face.

"Nothing," Lucas replied before hurrying away.

"What was that all about?" Nathan asked when Lucas was gone. He was surprised to see Lucas and Tim talking to each other because neither one really liked the other.

"I have no idea," Tim replied. He was just as confused as ever.

Lucas felt defeated as his plan with Tim was shot down when he saw Nathan. Lucas was in a lot of pain, and he needed to feel numb. He was going to score drugs from Tim to numb the pain. Tim's older brother dealt prescription drugs, and Lucas was looking to buy some. Since it didn't work out with Tim, he headed over to the football field where all of the stoners hung out behind the bleachers.

As he approached, the group standing behind the bleachers began to laugh. "Hey Blondie, I think you've lost your way," one of the girls commented.

Lucas ignored her remark as he approached the leader of the group. "What do you want, Scott?" Benny, the leader of the group, asked.

"I need something to make me feel numb," Lucas replied nervously.

"You got money?" Benny asked.

Lucas pulled some twenties out of his pocket. "Is this enough?"

"I've got just the thing for you," Benny said as he pulled a packet of white pills out of his pocket.

The title of this chapter is a lyric from the song "Breathing" By Evanescence.