Ooooh aren't you all proud of me, two updates right after each other!

Harsh Realisation

Sandy sat down in the plush chair, nervous, even scared about the session today. For the last few months he had watched his wife descend into the grasps of alcoholism and now he was going to have to live through the night that changed everything once again. How oblivious he had been to it all, ignorant even. What did it take for him to realise his wife's actions? Too much, he thought to himself, too much.

Next to him on a separate chair sat Kirsten, the guilt radiating from her. As upset and slightly deluded by the guilt she was, she knew that this wasn't going to improve their relationship right now. In the long term it might, she hoped, but it was definitely going to be a struggle. How do I wind myself into these situations?She thought to herself. First Jimmy, and now Carter… This is a disaster, my life is a disaster.

The Doctor sat there, hesitating before he entered the situation. He knew from the beginning that this was going to be difficult, if he thought that they had had trouble so far, this was going to be worse. He could see from the body language, even the simplest details, that this was their biggest problem. He paused a moment before beginning the session.

"Hello. Now part of my job is observing and from what I can see now you both can't even make eye contact. By the end of the hour I would like to have gotten to a point where you both feel comfortable enough to make eye contact, does that sound realistic?"

They both hesitantly replied with a mumble "Yes."

"Good, then let's get started. So from what I know Rebecca had left and Sandy had come home to you after a moment in the rain. What happened after that, Kirsten?"

"Well I was still unsure about us, after all we had been through I was questioning my part in this marriage. I really wanted it to be all over but I had gotten so used to things being strained it was hard to just slip back into how it was. I had been hurt badly so I guess I was just being cautious, I didn't want to get hurt again. I didn't want Sandy to just think that we could go through something like that and then pretend like nothing happened because that wasn't nothing."

Sandy could hear his wife fluffing around, unable to reach the point she was meant to. He knew that the issue surrounding her misplacement of her ring was about to be faced and these delays of confronting this event secured his belief that there was more to the story that Kirsten had told him previously. While at the time he had a slight feeling that she may have purposely taken them off, he believed that she had really lost them, he had hoped that she had really lost them. Facing the idea that she had willingly taken them off would have indicated a deeper problem between them and Sandy had not been eager to believe that but now they were here getting outside help so he needed to know the truth.

"Kirsten at the time I knew how hard Rebecca being around was for you, so when I saw that you had lost your ring I just wanted to make it up to prove to you that you are the love of my life and that I cherish you above all others. That morning when I saw that you didn't have your ring on, I small part of me had a feeling that you had purposely taken it off but the larger part of me wanted to believe that we were fine, and that it was a mere misplacement. What should I believe?"

"It was a mistake Sandy. I admit now that I did take them off deliberately, I just wanted to see if you noticed. I felt like you had been ignoring me and my needs but when you noticed their absence straight away the next morning it gave me a glimmer of hope that we would make it. But because I was still reeling, I didn't really register this feeling and left my rings off. I didn't know that you spent the whole day with my father searching for them until I arrived home after I had spent the night having dinner with Carter who instantly picked up on my deceit. He said that he found out that his wife didn't love him when she left her wedding ring beside the sink. It made me question whether I didn't love you anymore, but my sight was hindered by the recent events.

When you gave me that ring, once again I saw a glimpse of the man I married 20 years ago. It made me realise that I did still love you, and how bad I felt for not thinking that way for the day. Not only did it show to me that you cared about my wedding rings, but that you cared about our relationship the whole way through. The way you incorporated your proposal with your own little Sandy Cohen forgiveness plea that I know so well indicated to me that it did matter to you and from that I knew that I shouldn't have dealt with it by taking off my wedding rings. But now I know that from this I have learnt that my wedding rings belong on my fingers, not tucked away in a draw. While I was trying to find who I really was, the person I am is not complete without my wedding rings."

"So Kirsten, can you please expand on the Carter fellow?" Dr. Simmons encouraged.

"When Carter first arrived in Newport as the editor that had been assigned to us he didn't exactly come across as the ideal man for the job, he was resentful. But, as we began to talk over dinner when Julie left on personal business I came to realise that he was different to everyone else here in Newport, just like Sandy. The conversation led on to him telling me that he was divorced and I sympathised for him only for the conversation to steer back to my marriage and lack of wedding rings. He picked up on the fact that I had taken them off, and I knew that for the whole night he had been flirting with me and to be honest it felt good. I felt like I had been ignored by you for the last few months and it was a nice change to have some male attention, albeit from a different man.

At the Newport Living Launch Carter came up to me after I had been humiliated by Julie going on about my crush on Carter and told me that if there were any vibes, they were from him and that we should forget about it. I felt so uneasy because I knew that they weren't just from him, they were coming on my behalf as well.

Sandy I know that I shouldn't have had feelings for another man, not when I'm married to you. And I feel so bad about it, even at the time I felt bad about it but there was so much happening and I was feeling so lonely. I knew that I was making a big mess of my life but everything seemed to be spiralling out of control so fast.

While I tried my hardest to postpone the inevitable, Sandy and Carter finally met. I don't really know why I tried to stall their meeting but it just felt awkward for me to introduce the two."

"So Sandy, how was it when you and Carter met?" Dr. Simmons enquired.

"Well at first it was really good. I mean since Jimmy had left I had never had another friend; I had come to think that I wouldn't find another friend and now I had another person I was able to hang out with. We went surfing together and I even set him up with a friend but that didn't seem to go well. But then I guess just like it was with Jimmy, it's hard being friends with someone who has feelings for your wife, and even harder when you suspect that your wife has feelings for him too."

"So you thought that Kirsten had feelings for Carter?" He pushed.

"Yeah, I did. I tried to deny it for so long but in the end I had to face it. I mean there had to be a reason beyond Newport Living that kept Kirsten spending all her time at the office, and as much as it hurt me to realise that, it also made me come to terms with the damage that I had inflicted on our marriage myself."

"Sandy, this was not your fault." Kirsten butted in before remembering where she was.

"Honey, face it. It was my fault. I'm just disappointed that your actions got this far, that this is what happened instead of talking it through with me."

"Kirsten, your view please." The Doctor urged her on.

Sandy, please don't make this harder on me. I'm disappointed in myself, I mean it's not like I cheated on you but just the whole idea of betrayal is so overwhelming, I just feel so small now. I don't deserve you Sandy, not after everything that I've done, but if you leave me I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't live without you, just being as separated as we were over this year hit me hard enough and now this actual separation while I'm in rehab, I don't think I can take it any longer. I just need to know whether you will take me back."

"I need to know what happened with Carter."

"Nothing happened Sandy! He kissed me goodbye, that's all."

"So he kissed you. What kind of kiss?" He pushed her on.

Her face twisted at the painful recollection, her near brush with infidelity in her own kitchen. "Sandy… it was only a kiss."

"Kirsten, I trusted you all the other times like at Featherbrook but this time you never even filled me in that he was coming over for dinner. You never told me that while I was visiting my sick mother that you were setting up a romantic dinner for another man. It's bad enough kissing him but not even letting me know that you were with him, that's beyond it Kirsten."

"So what are you saying? How is this different to you and Rebecca?"

"First of all, I went out with her 22 years ago, for goodness sake Kirsten I was engaged to her. We used to have something, you and Carter had known each other for how long, two months tops? Was it infatuation or love… or lust?"

"Sandy!"

"Honey just listen to me; just give me a chance now because you sure haven't this year. Do you want to know the difference between Rebecca and Carter? After the whole Rebecca events I spent the whole time trying to make it up to you, I went out of my way, day after day, to prove to you that you are the one that I love above all others.

After Carter left all you did was drink, pass out and push me away. There was no indications that you felt bad, no way for me to see that you love me. Every time that I'd try and reach out to you, help you, you'd just push me away and act so reserved. All I wanted was you to show me that I still meant something to you because I still felt that way about you."

"Sandy, don't you dare accuse me of not loving you."

"Why not? What was I meant to think because if you did love me you sure weren't making an effort to show me?"

"Look, I was in so deep by then that I didn't know what to do. Every time you reached out to me, it felt like you were suffocating me. I wanted to get through this by myself and I certainly didn't want you to find out what happened."

"Why not?"

"Because I felt so bad; I let you down Sandy, I ruined your trust in me."

"Honey I still trust you; just don't go assuming things like that because they aren't true. But for now I think that I need to take some time, to register everything."

"You want a break?"

"I think it would be for the best. We won't tell the boys anything, they don't need to know unless it becomes really serious."

"Serious?"

"I just really need to have some alone time and to think about everything that's been revealed today. A lot has happened; I just need to figure out my stance on everything."

The Doctor quickly disrupted the heated discussion. "Sandy, I think that decision would be severely detrimental to Kirsten's progress."

"Look, this is a personal matter involving just the two of us. While it may have a negative impact on Kirsten, can we slide the focus away from her for a moment and take a look at me. I've just realised that my wife of twenty years has had feelings for another man, I need some time to take this in and work out my next move so don't go on telling me what to do!"

With that he stormed out of the room leaving a shocked doctor and Kirsten whispering after him "So that's it?"

Okay so I know you're probably very mad with me now but don't worry, they will work it out, they are Kandy! Please review!