A Simple Reflection
By Chibi Tsuki
I hope this makes sense. I'm no good at writing short reflections.
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Many times, over and over I pondered about my feelings. A wave of mixed emotions, not simply about romance, but more importantly other things like trust and friendship, especially friendship. I remember that day – only a few months ago. The day she walked into class uncertainly, trying to bring up the issue of her being from a yakuza family. For once she didn't seem so sure of herself but because of her strong will and determination, I didn't think she'd falter.
That night I visited her home. It seemed like the most natural thing to me, simply waltzing up to a yakuza family and requesting to talk to their precious ojou. I strode into her room, noticing the unexpected tidiness of Yankumi's room, the smallest detail of the type of figurines she had and the framed photos by the shelf. She seemed alright that night; nothing highly unusual. But now that I look back on it, I realised that I didn't look close enough. I didn't see those doubting eyes and the wavering uncertainty in her voice. It didn't seem to me at that time that she would give up, but then I never gave her a real look in the eye and listen to her. Perhaps I was more worried about myself than her.
Worried that I'd lose her, and what I'd do without her. I was afraid then, I strayed from the road again. It mightn't be a lie to say that I might've needed her more than she needed me – needed us. I hadn't been able to be direct that day and I immediately regretted it the day after. I hadn't told her that she had my full support and that we'd be there for her like she had been for us. Too shy? No, it was more like I had too much pride as a man.
Men tend to have a mutual understanding, but women; they needed to have spoken reassurance. I hadn't really seen Yankumi as a woman, not until a short while before that day. Before she had always been a mate, a comrade. The next day after hearing her resignation, I realised that I was wrong – she needed words and action, not simply mutual understanding. The words flew out of my mouth – anything and everything. I was saying all that I could to keep her by my side and yet she still walked out. It was as if she'd strayed from the road and this time it was up to me, to us to bring her back on track.
We stormed the conference the next day, unprepared for everything and yet so full of confidence. Perhaps we had confidence because that was the only thing we had left to believe in – ourselves. Again those compassionate words came flowing out that day. Anything to convince them that Yankumi was indeed important to us and that without her we'd once again become lost sheep. She was our shepherd, and us her lost black lambs, maturing to become sheep.
Those three months were the greatest and most extraordinary of my school days. The things I learnt, the people I began to treasure and that hate and negativity is not the answer to anything. Although they were the greatest days of my school life, just like before I'm having the best days of my life being with my Yankumi. No she's not my Yankumi, she's 3-D's Yankumi. However, she's my Kumiko-chan, and no one else's.
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Owari