Story: Phoenix
Chapter 16
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: When understood the medical jargon from Zoey's doctors, Jed felt out and realized how much he had to learn about the NICU; Ellie confirmed her teacher's explanation about her "secret"
Summary: Abbey's disturbing conversation with an old friend reveals what she's been trying to remember for so long
AN: While we're "seeing" Maggie Holloway for the first time, Jed and Abbey discussed her and her background in Chapter 15 of Say You Love Me Too.
Abbey paced the hospital lobby in steady strides from one end of the information desk to the other. After a week of beeping monitors, crying infants, and hustling medical experts, it was a bit unsettling to be in a place where adults roamed freely, outside the confines of a small nursery where every visitor was scrutinized for germs.
She closed her eyes and sighed as she took a sip of the hot cup of coffee she carried precariously in her hands. It was her first taste since she found out she was pregnant. All those months without caffeine, all the constant medical check-ups and prenatal vitamins, all the sleepless nights trying to find a comfortable position for the giant water balloon that had landed on her stomach, all the precautions she had taken to give birth to a healthy baby still weren't enough. She had failed to protect her daughter from an early introduction into a world where tubes and machines would keep her alive, and the guilt she carried as a result was visible to even those she didn't know.
Every moment since Zoey's birth was filled with blame. Even random distractions never offered much relief from the criticism she had inflicted on herself. Nothing could take the place of the continuous flow of self-imposed accusations that dominated her thoughts.
Nothing, until now.
So caught up in her regret, Abbey never noticed the blonde woman who snuck up behind her. "Abbey?"
"Maggie?" She was surprised, to say the least. She hadn't seen Maggie Holloway for months. A lot had changed since then. The naive, soft-spoken nurse had emerged into a seemingly stronger person, her demeanor almost intimidating and her eyes sparkling with a kind of determination Abbey didn't recognize.
"I heard you had your baby." Maggie patted her own belly, tugging on her loose-fitting maternity dress. "I'm in my ninth month myself."
"I can see that. Is it..." Abbey couldn't bring herself to say the name of Maggie's fiance, the man who had been physically and emotionally abusive for years.
"Yes," Maggie immediately answered. "And we're getting married. I know you don't approve, but..." Abbey put up a hand to stop her.
"Congratulations," she replied with a tight lip. It was hard to express any kind of joy at the thought that an innocent baby would be raised by someone like Frankie, but a cautionary lecture just wasn't on her priority list now.
"How's your baby doing?"
"She's in the NICU, Maggie. How do you think?" Abbey curled her lips remorsefully at her terse response. "I'm sorry. It's just been really difficult."
"I know." With a sincerely sympathetic stare, she extended her hand and rubbed Abbey's arm. "Is there anything I can do?"
"You can make her grow." A statement spoken with such despair that even Maggie flinched.
Abbey's haggard appearance was a reflection of the tumultuous ups and downs of the past week. The usually ravishing beauty looked pale and tired. Her bouncy auburn hair hung just past her shoulders, limp and lifeless. Her green eyes were now red and puffy. Her stylish clothes had been traded in for comfortable sweats and a blue hospital gown.
The only time Abbey left the NICU was when Zoey was needed for tests or when she went home to change and shower while Jed remained at their daughter's bedside. He spent the time reading to his baby girl, everything from classic children's fables to Greek and Roman mythology, his logic grounded in the belief that stimulating her brain would help her develop into a healthy infant.
Neither parent was allowed to hold the newborn. Instead, the only chance for physical bonding came from the occasional stroking of her leg or the gentle touch of an index finger across her forehead. The prohibitive nature of the NICU only made things more difficult, especially for Abbey. Accustomed to breastfeeding her babies, her body ached to nurture her daughter the same way she had Liz and Ellie. But now, she was forced to stand at the head of Zoey's bed and watch as she was fed intravenously.
On the surface, it was obvious that Maggie's heart went out to the woman standing before her. Perhaps something about her own pregnancy made her relate to Abbey's predicament. But underneath those soft, maternal feelings was a hardened soul smoldering with an ulterior motive.
"Where's Jed?" she innocently asked.
"I sent him home at 4 this morning. We knew they were going to take Zoey in for some tests, so there wasn't much point in both of us waiting it out here. He'll be back after he gets the girls ready for the day."
"And the girls? How are they?"
Abbey's gaze shamefully dropped to the floor. Ellie and Lizzie - two of the most important people in the world to her and she didn't have a solid answer. Aside from daily phone calls, she had barely spent any time with them since Zoey's birth.
"They're coping," she answered softly.
"Have they seen their sister yet?"
"No. I'm not sure it's such a great idea right now." Her voice broke as a few tears finally emerged from her emerald depths. "I miss them both terribly. I call them several times a day, but I just hope they understand why I'm not home."
Maggie rummaged through her purse to pull out a tissue. "Jed will explain it to them, won't he?"
"If he can. Jed and I haven't exactly been on the same wavelength either." She dabbed at her eyes to wipe her wet lashes as she recalled the strenuous conversations of the past week. It was painfully clear the stress of the situation was taking its toll.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Maggie offered. "You're not getting along?"
"We are. Sort of."
"You're not fighting?"
"No. We're just snapping at each other for petty reasons, a result of how worried and tired we are I guess." Abbey refused to acknowledge the fear that stirred inside her, the fear that she wasn't the only one who was assigning blame, the fear that beneath the surface, Jed blamed her too.
"Maybe you should be fighting. A good fight would force everything out in the open and then you could at least move past it. Besides, when you love someone that much, part of the excitement is in the passion that leads to confrontation."
"No, it isn't. At least, not for me." Abbey realized Maggie was talking about herself, but she continued. "It doesn't excite me when Jed and I fight. Especially now when I need him so much. The last thing I want to do is fight with him."
"I'm just saying..."
"When you love someone that much, the passion doesn't come from fighting. It comes from knowing they're there, knowing that in this crazy, unfair world, someone is on your side."
Maggie's stature immediately changed. She wiggled her head as she stood with an air of superiority. "I guess it's different for everyone."
"Why are you with him?"
"Frankie?"
"Yes, Frankie. Why are you still with him? Why do you want to marry him?"
Abbey was absolutely dumbfounded. She had seen the aftermath of the couple's heated altercations. Many times, she had been the one to clean up the mess. It was Abbey who stitched Maggie's face, who cared for her busted lip, who did her best to conceal the smoky gray bruises that colored Maggie's hazel eyes so she could continue to work. Abbey was the one who reached out to her as a friend and a confidante, who gave her a place to stay all those nights when Maggie believed she was strong enough to leave.
Each and every time, that strength was tested and each and every time, Frankie soiled her resolve. She was fragile and weak and no one but Frankie knew how to break her.
Then and now.
"I'm with him because I love him, just like you love Jed." That tired argument never worked in the past. Deep down, she knew it wouldn't work now either.
"Oh no. It's nothing like me and Jed."
"How do you know that? How do you know we don't love each other just as much as you and Jed? We don't show it in the conventional way, no, but if you knew him like I know him, you'd see..."
"No, thank you." Abbey turned away with a dismissive attitude that only infuriated Maggie.
"You've never even met him! You don't know what he's like!" She stepped around to the other side so she could face Abbey. "He's sweet and gentle and loving. So what if he gets angry sometimes? Who he is on the inside more than makes up for his temper."
"Okay." Abbey's shoulder brushed Maggie's as she walked past her.
Maggie rushed towards her, following her around the corner on a stroll through the double doors that led to an elevator. "He does things he doesn't mean to. He's impulsive and when he gets upset, he just loses it sometimes. But he's always sorry. He's always so sorry."
"I can't believe that's the life you want to give your baby."
As Abbey focused on the call button, Maggie blocked it. "Frankie's going to be a wonderful father. He's going to change. He is. He just needs a chance."
"Chance to what?" Abbey maneuvered her finger behind the pregnant woman. "Excuse me? I'd like to go back up to the NICU."
Maggie moved less than an inch to give her access to the button. "He wants to turn his life around. He's capable of so much, Abbey. You don't even know."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
Her voice in a low whisper, Maggie's desperation came through loud and clear. She was pleading for her partner and Abbey still couldn't understand why. "I just want him to be able to have a chance to prove what kind of man he really is."
"Who's standing in his..." Abbey stopped abruptly. Her eyes fixated on Maggie's. Her body language drooped with a flash of goosebumps that pricked at her skin. A chill began to creep up her spine and invade her innermost sensations. She felt her anxiety rising, her nerves suddenly on edge without explanation or sufficient cause.
"I want you know that he's a decent human being."
As the elevator door opened, Abbey stepped inside, her concern multiplying when Maggie followed. Her thoughts were held captive by something she couldn't quite comprehend. It wasn't intuition. It was something else. It was ragged pieces of misplaced memories, every frazzled image more troubling than the last. They kept coming, one right after another, in repetitive intervals that gripped her emotions.
"Abbey?" Maggie gave a warm smile to calm her friend's distress. "Abbey, he regrets everything he's ever done."
Maggie moved even closer to her, but Abbey moved back. Her fingers tugged at the buttons on her shirt as if the tight collar was constricting her breathing. "You left him, didn't you?"
"What?"
"Frankie," Abbey explained as she remembered the serious discussion they shared during an early morning hospital shift. "You left him last spring. You and I talked about it. I convinced you to finally leave and move in with your sister."
"No." Maggie vehemently shook her head.
"Yes, you did." It all made sense now. All the pieces of the puzzle she couldn't quite fit together were now aimlessly crashing against one another, bombarding her with information.
She took herself back to the night she wanted to forget. She retreated into her subconscious to remember the frightening details of a night that changed her life.
'She left,' he had said to her as he continuously terrorized her.
Even now, she could hear those haunting words with the same husky voice over and over again. It was almost like a chant, replaying in her mind until it dulled into a faint echo. His latex-gloved hands pulled at the tiny hairs on her arms and then, like a violent collision between the past and the present, she came out of her daze.
Her attacker never sought professional medical attention. He had cut himself with his own knife and yet, there was no record of a visit to the hospital. He didn't have to go, for his girlfriend was an accomplished and talented nurse, one who could bandage his wounds in private, away from the noisy sirens and uniformed cops that crowded the emergency room that night.
"Abbey." Maggie waved a hand in front of her.
"He's an assistant at the school board's district office. Frankie. He wants to be a fifth grade teacher and you were supporting him. You told me yourself several times."
Abbey remembered the school ID badge dangling from her attacker's neck, the clip reflecting off a street lamp. She had closed her eyes at the glare that night, but the light burned into her lids even as her head jerked from side to side.
She rebelled against her body's natural reaction to shrug the memories away. She had been suppressing them all these months, but she had no choice now. She had to confront the demons that had been buried deep inside her mind.
She wasn't afraid now. She was in a hypnotic trance and every second that passed was another second towards the truth, a truth that Maggie wanted to keep hidden.
Maggie hit the elevator stop button with such force that the jolt caused Abbey to gasp. "Look..."
"You found out, didn't you?" Abbey asked with an even tone. "You found out about my meeting with Ellie's teacher. You knew I remembered more and that's why you're here now."
"I'm here because I was worried about you." So obviously a lie, even Maggie had trouble saying it.
"I haven't heard from you since the night I was attacked! And now, you're here, singing Frankie's praises."
"I know how it looks, but..."
"Get out of my way," Abbey angrily ordered as Maggie's stature hindered her attempt to escape the cramped box.
"Not until you listen to me." Maggie spread her arms out and backed up to shield the red button that would restart the lift. "You don't understand."
"You're pregnant and I on a VERY short fuse so get the HELL out of my way!"
"No." Determined to keep the button from Abbey's reach, Maggie stood her ground. Abbey clawed at the woman's elbow, forcefully pushing her aside until an agonizing scream bellowed through the chamber. Two pairs of eyes followed a path to the floor where they heard the trickling sound of water. "Oh God. My water broke."
Abbey took advantage of the opportunity. She turned to the side panel and released the button. "Good thing we're not really stuck then."
"Please..."
aAbbey shrugged Maggie's hands off her shoulders, giving her an unapologetic tilt of the head as she made her way to the furthest possible corner. She wasn't a doctor now. She was simply a survivor. "You're in your ninth month, Maggie. Count your blessings."
Her tone was laced with resentment towards the woman who was presumably about to deliver a healthy baby. But it didn't deter Maggie. "You have to understand."
There was no hope of that. There was just no way that Abbey could understand the vicious assault and the motivation for the cover-up. No excuse would be good enough, no explanation strong enough to rid herself of the hate that immediately took root in her heart.
Abbey sprinted from the elevator before the doors slid completely open. She headed to the nurse's station and glared at the wobbling mother-to-be trailing behind, grasping her belly with both hands. "I need the police...and a doctor...in that order."
TBC