My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 26

West

Under cover of darkness, Goku slips down from his place on the roof. The knowledge that Sanzo is so very near has simply become too hard to resist any longer. Perhaps one quick glimpse will be enough to tide him over until the dawn, when his substitute sun will rise once again and somewhat soothe him with its comforting light.

And so he creeps his way towards the tiny, escape-proof window of Sanzo's room.

XXX

At the first touch, Gojyo quickly awakens with a start. Since he's been sleeping in Sanzo's room in order to watch over him, Sanzo has often awakened him in the middle of the night with various emotional or mental disturbances, but Sanzo does not touch him. Not like this.

Sanzo is naked, his pale skin illuminated by the faint moonlight shining in through the little window. He tosses his head seductively to clear the hair from his face, panting slightly as his slender fingers trace over Gojyo's chest. Gojyo catches his wrists, surprised by this unexpected and bold behaviour.

"Hey, what d'you think you're doing?"

Sanzo's eyes flash as he slowly licks his lips. This teasing display is followed by a sonorous whisper wrapped around three intoxicating words.

"I want you."

"No you don't. What happened to your 'don't touch me' rule?"

"Rules were meant to be broken."

Sanzo leans down and tickles Gojyo's neck with a trail of feather-light kisses, and Gojyo decides it's time to put a stop to this nonsense before Sanzo gets carried away.

"Okay, time out. You obviously don't know what you're…"

Sanzo shuts him up with a heated kiss, tongue stroking and sliding like wet silk against his lips. Gently but firmly, Gojyo pushes him back by the shoulders and looks seriously into his eyes.

What he sees is confusion, uncertainty, and not as much confidence as Sanzo's words would have him believe is present. Gojyo is not about to take advantage of Sanzo's muddled mind just to get a taste of something sweet, no matter how enticingly it may be offered up to him. But then Sanzo says something else that makes him reconsider his refusal.

"I don't belong to Goku."

So,perhaps Sanzo is trying to prove something to himself, but it still isn't right. Giving in to him would only make things more messed up then they already are. Gojyo is supposed to be helping Sanzo as a friend. But if this is really what Sanzo wants, and if it's going to make him feel better, what nicer form of therapy could Gojyo provide other then sex?

As all these thoughts run rampant through Gojyo's head, Sanzo leans in for another kiss, and this time, Gojyo does not refuse him, but gives as good as he gets.

Surely one simple kiss won't do any harm.

XXX

Outside, Goku holds his breath nervously, and peers into the window. Sanzo is probably asleep at this time of night, and Goku tells himself that everything is okay.

Surely just one simple look won't do any harm.

It takes a moment through the shock of what he sees for his brain to process the sight. Gojyo is kissing his Sanzo.

Jealousy, and then anger, hit him full force. Gojyo must be made to pay for such a serious transgression. Goku's hands curl up into tight fists and a growl surges in his chest. Just as hisfury is about to explode, the realization of what he's thinking strikes, and memories of his previous actions flash painfully in his mind. He closes his eyes against the unbearable sight through the window, and sinks to the ground, pressing his cheek to the earth. His whole body is shaking, his teeth clenched almost painfully as he slams his fist into the ground again and again.

No, he mustn't lose control. He mustn't make another mistake. He mustn't hurt anyone he cares about ever again, no matter what. There has to be another choice besides giving in to blind rage. There must be something else that can be done.

Yes. Yes there is. The idea is so simple, and yet so perfect. If only he can restrain himself,all he needs todo iswait for Hakkai and Gojyo to provide him with an opportunity. He can still win Sanzo back without the use of violence, yes he can.

XXX

So very tempting, but so very wrong. Sanzo doesn't know what he's doing, and besides, it would be like taking advantage of his emotional vulnerability to let this go any further than it already has. And so Gojyo again pushes Sanzo away from him, sits up, and removes himself completely from the delicious embrace. With the physical contact broken, Sanzo looks suddenly very lost and a little disoriented. If it weren't for the slight trembling of his slender figure, one would almost think him frozen by the moonlight. As Gojyo moves to gently drape a blanket over Sanzo's nudity, to his relief there are no protests or further advances made. Gojyo sighs, feeling deeply sorry for his mixed-up friend.

"Go back to sleep, okay?"

Sanzo does not look at him, but just nods, lies down, and covers his head with the blanket, as if embarrassed by his actions and wanting to hide. Gojyo allows himself a smile, and returns to his own sleep, uninterrupted for the rest of the night.

XXX

Goku bides his time impatiently, strung out almost to the breaking point as he watches and waits for the chance to make his move. Finally, one day it arrives. He sees both Hakkai and Gojyo outside together, and he wastes no time in taking action.

Surreptitiously, he climbs down from the roof, and makes his way inside the temple, hoping against hope that Hakkai and Gojyo do not have with them what it is that he seeks.

He slips through the corridors like a shadow, using every ounce of inhuman stealth available to him. Into Hakkai and Gojyo's room he creeps, unseen, and here he immediately begins searching for the items he needs. Here, wrapped up and tucked away, is Sanzo's gun, and he eagerly takes it. Next, the even more important and triumphant discovery is made. The Maten scripture. He grabs that as well, and hurries to his final destination.

Sanzo's room.

He does not hesitate to break the lock and enter, and when he sees Sanzo, he nearly cries with joy. Now, finally, they will be together again, and everything will be all right.

XXX

Sanzo had been asleep, and wakes with a start when Goku enters the room. He stares at Goku in a daze, not knowing whether he is dreaming or awake, and watches as Goku falls to his knees in front of his long-lost sun.

"Sanzo!"

To his dawning horror, Sanzo is not greeting him with anything even remotely resembling joy. There is nothing but disbelief and confusion in hisbrilliant purple eyes.

"Sanzo? I'm here. I… I brought you something."

Goku swallows hard. Is Sanzo afraid? Is Sanzo afraid of him?

"Sanzo? Sanzo, please. Listen. Every day… Every single day I think of only you, and every single minute of every single day I think of how sorry I am. Please forgive me, Sanzo. I didn't mean to hurt you, or scare you. I only want to be with you. Please, Sanzo? Please?"

Oh, Gods. Sanzo is crying, now. No, wait. Sanzo is not crying, he is laughing.Why is Sanzo laughing?

"Silly, naughty monkey. What are you doing? Whose naughty pet are you? You need to be punished, bad little pet. Do you think I want to see you again? Do you think I belong to you?"

"Sanzo?"

"Answer me! Do I belong to you?"

Now Sanzo is angry with him. Sanzo is livid. Does Sanzo belong to Goku? Goku blinks away his tears and considers the question. Yes, Sanzo does belong to him. But… Goku also belongs to Sanzo. Is that what he has been missing all along? Is that the right answer? Yes, it must be. It must be the truth.

"No. We belong to each other, Sanzo. We belong together."

Goku waits for the rejection that he expects, for the refusal and the sharp words, for Sanzo to tell him to go away forever and never come back. But the words do not come. Instead, Sanzo asks him another question.

"Goku. What do you have for me?"

Goku breathes a sigh of relief, and holds out the gun and the scripture eagerly in his hands.

"Sanzo. Look. I broughtyour stuff. Now we can leave here, and go away together. We can go west, just you an' me together. Right, Sanzo?"

"West?"

"Yeah. We have to go west, remember? With this."

He scoots closer to Sanzo and offers him the scripture. Sanzo takes it in his hands and examines it as if he is seeing it for the first time.

"West? Yes, west. I forgot. I forgot because I got lost in the dark, and I couldn't think. I couldn't see. West."

Sanzo clutches the scripture protectively close to his body, and slowly rises to his feet, gazing down at Goku in defiance.

"I don't want to go."

Goku is stunned.

"What? But... you have to."

"No. I don't want to go west with a monster."

Goku hangs his head in shame.What can he do if Sanzo will not come with him willingly? He will not leave this room without his treasure. Reaching out, he wraps his arms tightly and possessively around Sanzo's legs.

Sanzo tenses in alarm. The sudden, uninvited contact and the feeling of Goku's arms holding him in such an unpleasantly constricting manner is more than he is ready to tolerate, and it disturbs him.

"Goku! Stop it. Behave."

"Sanzo, please don't send me away again. I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of it."

Sanzo bops him on the head with the rolled up scripture.

"Goku, let go. Stand up and listen."

Nervously, Goku stands.

"Goku. If we belong together, then why would I send you away?"

"I… I don't know. You always tell me to go away."

"You never know when to listen, do you, my silly monkey? I said I won't go with a monster. I sent the monster away. The monkey can stay."

"Sanzo?"

"Come here, Goku."

"I am here."

"Come closer, so I can punish you."

Goku steps closer, and Sanzo grabs him by the hair and leans in close to whisper menacingly in his ear.

"If you don't behave, I will send you away, I'll send you away forever. Don't disappoint me again."

Then, he pulls Goku into a rough, forceful kiss, before whacking him over the head again with the scripture as hard as he can.

"Will you be a good little monkey from now on?"

"Yes, I promise."

"No, no more promises. Promises are dangerous things, aren't they? Let's just go. Go to the west. Let's go together. Let's go now."

And so, Sanzo and Goku slip out of the temple and escape together into the west.

TO BE CONTINUED