6: The Mindvs. the Heart
"Angela, I read your report from Don Juan's phone call to you last night," Dr. Greene says to you as you walk briskly to your office.
"I did as best I could given the circumstances, Doctor," you reply quickly and professionally.
"I completely understand that—I was actually complimenting your efforts. It is a fine report—extremely well done. I would, however, like to see your patient on meds this week."
"Will do, sir," you reply with a sigh as you reach your office door.
"There is a bit of an issue going on with the evening staff—something about the evening doctor not being able to be on call tonight," Dr. Greene says finally.
"Uh oh! Well who's going to be on call? Why isn't Dr. Bing able to?"
"His wife is in labor and took paternity leave," he replies, giving you a look that pretty much means he wants you on call tonight as the evening doctor.
"Now look, Dr. Greene, you know I'd do anything for this hospital…" You begin, a grin forming on your face, knowing you're going to have to fulfill this task.
"I am not saying anything just yet!" Dr. Greene laughs, "but you do know me too well, Angela. I will get back to you by noon whether or not you will have to fill in for tonight," he says.
"That's fine, Doctor. I was only giving you a hard time," you laugh as you unlock your office door. You open the door and notice Don Juan sitting on the sofa. You shut the door immediately, fearing that Dr. Greene may have seen your patient waiting for you not at his scheduled time.
"See you around noon, Doctor Tribianni," Dr. Greene says as he walks past your office and down the hall. You breathe a sigh of relief and quickly open the door and shut it behind you.
"Don Juan, what on earth are you doing here!" You exclaim, not expecting him to be there at all. And how did he get in!
"I am terribly sorry señorita Angela. I couldn't wait for my scheduled time today, so I figured I would wait for you this time, rather than have you wait for me,"
"Well thank you very much Don Juan, but it is very unexpected—I am not even prepared yet to speak with you. It may take me a few moments to get my bearings together," you smile at him as you unload your briefcase onto your desk. "And in the future, I would advise against this—the nurses and staff get awfully irritated if the patients see us on unscheduled times."
"I understand, señorita," he says as he stands up from the sofa and walks over to you, "it's just, I could not stop thinking about my dream and I had to see you as soon as I could," he takes your hand and kisses it, slowly moving up your arm. You close your eyes and…
"Dr. Tribianni? Doctor? Are you feeling alright?" Dr. Greene asks you. You jump, startled by his voice suddenly. You look around and notice you're still in the hallway and your office door is locked and shut.
"Oh! Doctor, I am so sorry," you say finally, putting your hand to your head.
"Are you ill?" He asks, looking concerned.
"I am not—I'm fine…I just, am a bit tired from last night, that's all," you reply, knowing that you were in fact up late doing that report on Don Juan's dream, and having dreams of your own.
"Understandable, but you have a long shift ahead of you, and possibly the night shift as well,"
"I will wake up sir," you reply with a smile, unlocking your office door. You wait to open it until Dr. Greene is far down the hallway. You quickly open the door, rush into the room and shut the door. Your eyes closed, you lean against the door and breath a long sigh of relief.
"It was just a day dream," you sigh aloud.
"You're dreaming too!" A voice asks you from the other side of the room. Your eyes fly open and you gasp.
"AHH!" You shriek when see finally that it's Johnny who is sitting at your desk, his feet up.
"Oh my God, it's déjà vu," you mutter under your breath as you bring you briefcase over to the desk.
"Don Juan how on earth did you get in here?" you exclaim, "you know we don't meet until 10:30."
"I do, señorita Angela—but I simply could not wait until then to speak with you about my dream! It had me awake all night long thinking about it," he replies, taking his feet down, trying to be more proper in front of you—you are, after all, a woman.
"Well that's my job—and I have it right here—a report I wrote on your dream and what it possibly means," you smile at him, taking the report out of your case.
"Oh señorita Angela! You are too good to me" he says, his smile genuine.
You smile back, not really knowing what to say.
"I should call your nurse and let her know I called you into my office earlier than your scheduled time," you say finally, picking up the phone. Suddenly, his hand touches yours, making your hand put the phone down.
"Señorita Angela, she knows I am here—she let me in,"
"Oh, she did? Alright then, no need to call then," you say, taking a seat in your now vacant chair.
"Señorita, there's more reality to this dream than what seems obvious, isn't there?" he asks finally, his voice somewhat low.
You look at him, knowing the psychological interpretation you made the night before, and knowing your own interpretation—your heart's interpretation. It always seems that your heart goes against all of your minds thoughts. How inconvenient that you are psychiatrist!
"True, there are many interpretations of dreams, Mr. Demarco," you say trying to sound professional, "the one I have here is mostly psychological—basically what 'the books' believe it would mean. If it does not satisfy what you believe, then please, discard this meaning."
"I believe there is a deeper meaning for it," he says, not even bothering to read your report, "and I believe you believe it too."
"It's not my place to tell you what I believe," you say, avoiding all eye contact with him.
"I don't believe that for one moment. I come to you to tell you my life and about me. I want to know about you," he leans over the desk and lifts your face ever-so gently so that you are looking into each other's eyes, "and I know by the look in your eyes that there is a deeper longing to share your feelings with me than what you appear to give."
You are just silent, continuing to gaze into his dark eyes. Finally, after many moments, you look down and break the gaze.
"Very well," you say, licking your lips. "What would you like to know?"
"Tell me, señorita Angela, when was the last time you were in love and were loved the way you wanted to be?"
"Oh God, I can't even remember! I'd have to say, my last serious relationship was probably during grad school and it lasted all of 2 years. As for being loved the way I wanted to be—never. If I had been, I would be married right now, wouldn't I?" You laugh and sit back. You notice Johnny isn't laughing.
"I can love you the way you want to be loved," he says finally, gazing into your eyes.
You sit completely still and then sit forward in your chair.
"You can what?" You ask, knowing perfectly well what he just said—you just can't believe it.
"I said, I can love you the way you want to be loved," he replies.
"I…I…I don't know what to say to that, Don Juan," you respond, your heart beating fast than it's ever beat before. "Love me, as in, love love, or love me as in make love to me like I've never had that?"
"Both," he says, taking hold of your hand and kissing it.
"Oh God," you sigh as your shut your eyes. "This can't be happening—this can't be really happening." You open your eyes and he is still sitting in front of you. This is no dream.
"What am I doing! I can't do this! I'm your psychiatrist…and you…you're my patient!" You stand up and begin pacing around the room.
"But señorita Angela, why conform to what this place tells you? Do what your heart says. Sometimes the logic of the mind overshadows that which our heart truly desires," he says, walking up close to you.
"If I did everything my heart told me, I would have had you make love to me the moment I saw you," you say finally, feeling free to speak how you truly feel. "But I'm not one for one-night stands. I'll have you know I don't make love to someone unless I truly care about them…"
"Well I won't rush you into anything then," he says, taking you face in his hands. "But I must do something I've wanted to do since I first laid eyes on you," you shut your eyes as he leans in and kisses your lips with a gentleness and passion you've never felt before in your entire life.
He pulls away, leaving you wanting more.
"I've never felt that before in a kiss," he says finally, speaking exactly the words you were thinking.