Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-cough-cough-cough. Sorry...failed attempt at maniacal laughter. Thanks everyone for the great reviews! We were expecting to get fried from the POTO-obsessed fans.

Specialty-(SPESH-AL-TEE)-A talent pertaining to a person or group.

Speciality-(SPESH-E-AL-I-TEE)-A hint that George Lucas needs to look over the script before giving it to the actors.

Yeah...just saw Revenge of the Sith, and Obi-Wan Kenobi says "Fighting Sith Lords is our speciality."

Anyhoo, here's...

Chapter Two-Think of Me to Angel of Music

Joel-Okay...After yesterday's three-ring circus, we're going to continue on with "Think of Me," kapeesh?

Andrew-Kapeesh.

Joel-Christine, you're up.

Christine-Yay!

Joel-Just do me one favor.

Christine-What?

Joel-Please, no more starting hidden shameless promotions. Now, sing!

Christine-Think of me, think of me fondly when we say goodbye...

(Fast-forward two seconds...)

Christine-Hey! What's happening? How'd I get changed into this pretty white dress so fast? And how did the theater get filled so quickly? Why are there horses here?

Joel-Stop questioning and keep singing while we focus the camera two stories below you!

(Meanwhile, two stories below the stage...)

Phantom-Ooh, Christine sounds wonderful. Even though I can barely hear her through the two concrete floors and the dripping water down here, she still sounds wonderful!

(Zooming back up. Boy, is this ever making me dizzy. Let's just fast-forward to Raoul's part. Tee-hee.)

Raoul-C-can it be? C-can it be C-christine? I-is it? I c-can't s-see.

Joel-Raoul! That is Christine! Now get with the script before I tell all of Paris that your grandma is a cheating whore!

Raoul-S-she beat you at Mon-monopoly again, d-didn't s-she?

Joel-Shut up! That's not the point! Now go into the hallway and sing!

Raoul-F-fine.

(As Raoul leaves and the camera follows him, the audience starts singing yet another commercially-contrived song.)

Audience-Wanta Fanta? Don't you wanta? Wanta Fanta? Don't you wanta?

Christine-Shut the Insert Explicit Word Here up! Okay! The Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper commercial I can handle, but the Fanta song is probably THE worst commercial jingle in the history of commercial jingles! Son of a Insert Explicit Word Here! Is it so hard to grasp that this is my first lead role? I mean, what have I done before? I got raped and killed in Mystic River! So don't Insert Explicit Word Here me off!

Joel-Christine! Sing Insert Explicit Word Here!

(On account that nothing really happens save Christine singing, I'm fast-forwarding to the overly long "OF".)

Christine-Won't you think ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, aaaaaaaaaaaa, ooooOF ME!

Andre-Ahh! My ears are bleeding!

Firmin-Here sweetheart, I'll clean them up with my lacy hankerchief!

Andre-Aww...I love you!

Firmin-I love you too!

(Meanwhile, some random chick waltzes out of the theater to a black carriage, belonging to guess who?)

Random Chick-Hello madamosielle.

La Carlotta-So, how was the show?

Random Chick-Wonderful. Absolutely breathtaking. I couldn't put it in words.

La Carlotta-La Carlotta was supposed to be breathtaking. Who took La Carlotta's place?

Random Chick-The lovely but sassy Christine Daae.

La Carlotta-Oh, that Insert Explicit Word Here! She keeps stealing La Carlotta's drugs!

Random Chick-You do drugs?

La Carlotta-Yes, La Carlotta does heroin. But Christine does too, obviously!

Random Chick-Well, the point is that you left, Christine replaced you, and now everybody will love her instead of you.

La Carlotta-Do you love Christine more than La Carlotta?

Random Chick-(twiddles thumbs. What the heck kind of a word is twiddles? It's so moronic!) Yes.

La Carlotta-You stupid Insert Explicit Word Here!

(La Carlotta kicks Random Chick out of the carriage onto the curb. Literally. Poor Random Chick. Now we flash to Christine and Madame Giry...)

Mme. Giry-Christine, where are you going? You're not going to do heroin, are you?

Christine-Of COURSE not. I'm visiting my father's shrine.

Mme. Giry-Okay. But just to make sure, Meg's going too.

Christine-Ugh. Fine. See you soon, Madame Giry.

(Christine takes off to her father's shrine as quickly as possible, to ditch Meg.)

End of Chapter Two

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