Chapter Five at last! Well...I must warn you...this chapter's not that funny. I mean how can you make fun of Music of the Night? Oh well...R&R!

Chapter Five: "Music of the Night to Meg's Snoopiness"

Authors: Yea! Chapter Five! Thanks to all reviewers!

Joel: Bring in the midgets!

Andrew : Um…Joel? We couldn't find any…small people.

Joel: What do you mean, thousands of people are short! Including you, I'm sorry to say.

Andrew: (glares) We couldn't find any…dwarves.

Bob: Then smoke this!

Andrew: No! Get him out of here! And Bring in the Oompa-Loompas!

Oompas: Oompa-Loompa, doopedy-do, I've got another puzzle for you. Oompa-Loompa, doopedy-dee, if you are wise you'll listen to me.

Andrew: They needed a job, and were scared of the Willy Wonka/Johnny Depp.

Joel: oh, okay. Just…get under the organ! And…action!

Phantom: I have bought you to the seat of sweet music's throne.

Christine looks interested, but then falls asleep.

Phantom: Where all must pay homage to music…to music.

Christine: I'm sorry, you were saying, God?

Phantom: I'm not God.

Christine: Daddy?

Phantom: Well…I'm kind of dreading what else you'll call me, so let's go with that.

Christine: (throws her arms around him) Daddy!

Phantom: Oh…thank you, God. Thank you. (awkward cough) Yeah…well, I'm gonna sing now:

Night-time sharpens,
heightens each sensation . . .
Darkness stirs and
wakes imagination . . .
Silently the senses
abandon their defences . . .
Slowly, gently
night unfurls its splendour . . .
Grasp it, sense it -
tremulous and tender . . .
Turn your face away
from the garish light of day,
turn your thoughts away
from cold, unfeeling light -
and listen to
the music of the night . . .

(Narrator: As he sings, the Phantom's hands begin moving upwards on Christine's stomach-area. Bad phantom!)

Christine: Hey! Hey! No hand-sex! Stop stroking me, what do you think I am-your pet!

Phantom: Sorry about that-now, can I continue showing my…amazing singing.

Christine: Tiny bit self-concieted?

Phantom: Of course not! Now… let me continue singing. I'm getting to my Rocky move: (runs up the stairs as he sings)

Close your eyes
and surrender to your
darkest dreams!
Purge your thoughts
of the life
you knew before!
Close your eyes,
let your spirit
start to…

Joel: Oompa-Loompa's, kick Phantom! (and they do, right where the sun does NOT shine. Poor Phantom.)

Phanom: soooooooooarrrrrrrrrr!

Joel: Yes! It worked!

Oompa-Loompas:

And you'll live
as you've never
lived before . . .
Softly, deftly,
music shall surround you . . .
Feel it, hear it,
closing in around you . . .
Open up your mind,
let your fantasies unwind,
in this darkness which
you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of
the music of the night . . .

Phantom: (very quick recovery) Hey! They're stealing my song!

Mr. Wonka: Hello! Have you seen my singing/dancing small, tiny men from Loompa-land?

Joel: Why…no, no I haven't.

Wonka: Oh. I'll have to look somewhere else then. Pa-pa(runs into a camera wire, leaving the camera teetering, almost ready to fall)

Joel: Did anybody find that odd besides me? Okay everybody, let's boogie!

Christine: What?

Joel: Um…I'm not sure. Either way-resume filming!

Phantom: On with the sexual song!

Andrew: It is not. (sniffs)

Phantom: Let your mind
start a journey through a
strange new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world
you knew before!
Let your soul
Take you where you
long to be !
Only then
can you belong
to me . . .
Floating, falling,
sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me
savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night . . .

Christine: He's right. This song is sort-of sexual. And, by the way: Why are there so many pictures of me? Sure, I'm beautiful, and everyone should at least have one…but ten!

Phantom: Haven't I made it obvious yet?

Christine: (another dead-fish stare)

Narrator: And on your left, we see a love letter to Christine, never sent-Phantom's a shy one, yes he is. Along with a small glass figure of her, which Bob is stealing. Swiper no swiping! Wonder who's the obsessed love intrest here? Hmmmm…WATCH OUT FOR THE CAMERA!

Christine: Ouchie! That...mixed with the drugs...I think I'm passing-(faints)

Phantom: You're so lucky I'm an obsessed stalker or I'd leave you unconscious on my floor. However, since I am, I'm going to lay you down on this lovely, to-pretty-to-be-real, bed. (sighes, as the curtains are being pulled down) Aren't these nice? I got them at Target. (finishes singing as the curtains go down slowwwwwwllyyyyyy.)

You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night . .

Joel: And…..end scene! I'm going to go flirt with the new director of Batman, to see if he'll use my suit. It's so nice to see one of your designs in a movie.

As the Oompas rush in to do a song and dance routine to Cabaret. (talking about dirty songs! Goodness.)