Augury isn't Spelled O – R – G

By Crazy Chick 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! But if I did, this would be a pretty funny book. winkwink R&R, Please!

Chapter 1: Fawkes

I think something's going on between Harry and Ginny; I mean, something already was going on, but…they're doing….some stuff. Other than just snogging, I mean. "Dear Holly, is 'Happiness' spelled,

'H – A – P – P –Y – N –E – S – S' ?" I ask my beautiful wife, Holly (You probably know her name already). My wife looks concerned. "Have you taken your spelling medication today, honey?" she asks. I look back at my day. "No, I believe not. But it won't work now, it wears off at exactly 7:00 pm, and it's 8:30." She shakes her head and starts reading some…knitting magazine from the new Headmistress , Minerva McGonagall (Albus Dumbledore died. Murdered by Snape…but Snape didn't want to do it). Anyway, I return to my crossword and try to figure out how to spell, 'Happy.' I'm a whiz at crosswords, but I can't spell without my medication. Once I figure it out and write it down, I'm too tired to continue. "I think it's time for bed," Holly must've noticed how tired I was. "Good night!" she said, and lay down to sleep. I must've dozed off, because I don't remember anything else. Oh, and I'll tell you about…Harry…and…G –G- Ginny…Later…

Dream Sequence

Holly is having babies…but I know she doesn't want babies yet…and besides, she says I need my mojo back…but…what if she ch – ch –cheated on me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chapter 2: Holly

Well, my husband Fawkes has died…he's rebirthing now, as I speak. He's so cute, but I have to take care of him, for when he really does die, he'll be ready to say good - bye. But that is not this year. Nor is next. Anyway, I have to take care of him like he takes care of me when I die…and rebirth. Ugh. I'm sorry, but Fawkes looks quite ugly when he's old, when he dies, and when he's reborn. No, not ugly, horrific. No offense, but he is. It's not…pretty. Anyway, it's the same thing with me; when I die he says I'm quite pretty when I die, but I know he's lying. Sigh I wish he would be happy with the way I am. I'm happy with him, so…hmmm…I wish I could say something more interesting other than, "Oui je sais le français il est difficile de croire mais si vous pourriez entendre que je que je retentirais français, mais parlez en anglais, comme Fleur Delacour. J'avais l'habitude d'être Madame Maxime's, mais elle m'a donné à Dumbledore avant qu'il soit mort. Bien, je suis fatigué et il est tard, ainsi... bonne nuit!" (Translation: "Yes I know French it's hard to believe but if you could hear me I would sound French, but speak in English, like Fleur Delacour. I used to be Madam Maxime's, but she gave me to Dumbledore before he died. Well, I'm tired and it's late, so...good night!")

Dream Sequence

I am having babies…but Fawkes knows I don't want babies yet…and besides, I says he needs his mojo back…but…what if I ch – ch –cheated on him!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!