November 23, 2000

Amanda trudged into her apartment, tossing her portfolio on the side table. She flopped onto the couch, pulling the clips out of her bun so that her hair could hang free. Mmm…much better. She kicked off her shoes and stretched out on the cushions. Everything was set for the groundbreaking ceremony tomorrow morning. Zach had wanted every "i" to be dotted and every "t" to be crossed. Once construction started, there would be no room for mistakes or extensive revisions. Amanda smiled. Zach was very demanding, but not unreasonably demanding. He garnered a lot of respect from his employees and all the contractors. And as a result, they gave him their best. Amanda was perfectly sure that the construction of the casino and hotel would go off without a hitch. Luc Fournier, the architect, was always a bundle of nerves, but Zach had rendered him serene as a kitten by the day's end.

Amanda's thoughts drifted across the Atlantic, to the U.S. People would be in bed by now, sleeping off their turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie. Their alarms would be set to get up early and shop. Thanksgiving. Being an American holiday, it barely rated a blip in Monaco. Because of her British accent, no one had wished her a happy holiday. Interestingly enough, Zach had not mentioned it at all, either. It was as if the holiday didn't exist for him. Amanda could not ignore it, however. Her subconscious would not let her. Like clockwork, every Wednesday before Thanksgiving, for the past eight years, Amanda would have her one and only happy dream. In it, she was walking up the stairs of a brownstone. She would knock on the door, and it would swing open automatically. She would step inside, and her senses would be assaulted. The merry chatter of friendly voices. The warm colors of harvest decorations. The smell of the turkey. The sensation that someone was hugging her. She always woke up from this dream, sobbing. Because of this dream, she knew that she had been in the U.S. prior to ending up in Canada. She just had no idea where. Oddly enough, she didn't dream at Christmas-time. She suspected it was because her subconscious wasn't even that cruel.

Amanda got up and wandered to her kitchenette. She wondered what memories of Thanksgiving occupied Zach's mind. She sighed as she opened the refrigerator. She always had questions like this, and none of them were ever answered. In six months of working with the man, she had uncovered zilch about what had happened in his past. She smirked as she leaned over to examine the contents. He hadn't learned anything about her as well. Not for lack of trying. The verbal swordfighting was exhausting at times, but also stimulating. Amanda shook her head. Unfortunately both of them were just too stubborn to be the one to open up first. She closed the refrigerator. There wasn't a darn thing she wanted to eat. What she really desired was a nice glass of wine, and she was all out. She tapped her fingers on the counter. It was Thanksgiving, she should splurge. Go out and have something to eat, and raise a glass silently to her adoptive country.

Amanda went into her bedroom to find something to wear. She missed the U.S. Monaco was beautiful, but it wasn't home. Home? She shook her head. Strange word to use. Her eyes fell on a dress that she hadn't worn yet. She had seen it while browsing one day, and had taken a liking to it. Without a clue as to what she might wear it for, she had bought it anyway. It was steel gray, with a slight shimmer to it, as if it aspired to be silver, but didn't want to be flashy about it. It was sleeveless, with a cowl neckline. It draped like a sheath, down to just below her knee. Amanda didn't wear dresses very much. Why had she bought this one? Oh, who was she kidding? She bought it because of Zach's gray suit. Amanda sat down on the bed and sighed. Every time he wore that gray suit, she wanted to melt away. When she saw the dress, it was obviously the perfect compliment to his suit, and so she had bought it.

She shook her head in self-disgust. She and Zach had certainly spent a lot of time together over the last six months, but none of it was on a dinner date. Zach was all business. The frustrating thing was that she couldn't be quite sure if it was because he had a policy against dating employees, or if he just wasn't that into her. He certainly wanted to find out her secret, but he gave no indication of whether he wanted to find out what she looked like naked. Amanda stood up before her thoughts could stray any further. She pulled the dress off the hanger. She would wear it tonight. She'd go to that piano bar that everyone was talking about.

Zach arrived at Musique with Pietro and Silvia Moretti They had been to the Seasons casino in Las Vegas many times. They were now investors in the Seasons Monaco venture. They were seated at a small, intimate round table next to the window. Pietro lifted his glass of champagne. "To the groundbreaking tomorrow." Silvia and Zach lifted theirs and they clinked glasses. Silvia smiled. "I am curious why you are not in the U.S. during one of their important holidays."" Zach gave her an enigmatic smile. "Thanksgiving is for families. I have no family. Oh, don't look so sad, Silvia. I thrive on solitude." A statement that once was true, but hasn't been recently. Silvia elbowed him. "With that sharp suit you are wearing, you will have the women surrounding you tonight. My advice is to pick one and start a new family." She nodded as if it was the last word. Zach chuckled. At that moment, he happened to look up at the entrance and see Amanda standing there.

It was the first time he had seen her in anything but those godawful business suits. Even worse, they were pantsuits, so he had no earthly idea what her legs looked like. Tonight she wore a dress. A dress that subtly hugged her curves, showed off her legs and accentuated her shoulders. The dress had a sort of draping neckline, that dipped far enough down that if he were standing next to her he would probably be able to see whether she was wearing a bra. He was annoyed to find himself really wanting to know if she was wearing a bra. Zach wondered who would be the lucky man who found out. She looked amazing.

He saw her make her way to the bar and seat herself next to the enormous grand piano. She placed an order with the bartender, then began to study the appetizer menu. Zach was puzzled. Surely whoever she was meeting would not have been such a classless idiot as to make her wait for him at the restaurant. She certainly couldn't be here alone, not dressed like that. Too late, Zach realized that he had been staring at Amanda for quite awhile. Silvia had taken notice. "Who is that lovely woman? She looks familiar." Zach cleared his throat. "That is Amanda Dover, the security expert I hired to design the security system for the casino. You met her this morning." Silvia brightened. "The dour girl in the pantsuit! I remember. Well, well, as you Americans say, she cleans up nicely, eh?"

Amanda was looking around the room at the décor, and when her eyes skimmed their table, Silvia waved. Zach stifled a groan. If Amanda come over, then he would get to see the dress in close proximity. Bad idea. Amanda was now focused on their table, and when she locked eyes with Zach, she looked very uncomfortable. That was odd, why would she be upset to see him? She sat there frozen, while Silvia beckoned her over. She stood up, reluctantly it seemed, and walked over. Silvia beamed triumphantly. "Ms. Dover, do you remember us? I am Silvia Moretti, and this is my husband, Pietro." Amanda flashed a smile. She was wearing make up tonight. It wasn't applied heavily – just enough to accentuate her exotic features. "Of course I remember you. You're investors in the casino, right?" Pietro pulled out the fourth chair next to Zach. "Yes, that is correct. Please sit, join us." Amanda's smile dimmed slightly, but she obviously knew about investor politics, because she obeyed. As she sat, some of the candlelight shimmered in her hair. She leaned down to pick up her clutch purse, which had fallen to the floor. Definitely not wearing a bra.

A waiter brought a glass for Amanda, and refilled everyone else's glass. They sipped their champagne and chatted pleasantly. Zach noticed a gleam in Silvia's eyes. She bestowed her best maternal smile on Amanda. "Pietro and I feel so secure about our investment in Zachary's casino, and do you know why? Zachary has told us all about the security system you designed, he cannot rave enough about it. He's quite taken with your…professional abilities. It makes me feel confident that our money will not be stolen by thieves or con artists." Amanda was very amused. "I am grateful to Zach for believing in my abilities and offering me this very challenging job." Silvia beamed. "I wish we could spend some more time with you, Amanda, because you are so charming. However, Pietro promised me earlier that he would take me dancing, and I must make sure that he keeps his promise." Pietro looked startled, and Zach narrowed his eyes. As far as he knew, they had planned to have dinner with him. "You can dance here, of course. The pianist will be out any minute." Silvia waved her hand. "It is not good dancing music. At least, not the type of dancing I want to do." Pietro looked stricken, but apparently knew to keep his mouth shut. Silvia smiled warmly. "We will leave you two alone to finish your date."

Amanda stared at her. "Date? You think we're on a date?" Silvia looked confused. Zach didn't buy it. "You mean you two aren't together? I apologize if I misspoke. I think it must be your clothing. The two of you match. You complement each other very well." Zach realized for the first time that they wore the same color – they did seem to look like a couple. Amanda, however, didn't seem awestruck by the revelation. In fact, her cheeks looked a little darker than they had before. She cleared her throat. "We're just colleagues. It is merely a coincidence that we are both at the same restaurant on the same night…wearing matching outfits." Her smile wavered. Silvia looked unconvinced. She patted Amanda's hand. "We shall see you at the groundbreaking ceremony tomorrow. Ciao!" The Morettis swept out of the restaurant.

Amanda glanced over at Zach. She wondered what he was thinking. It was a complete shock when she looked around the room and saw Zach sitting with the Morettis. And he was wearing the gray suit. Of all the bizarre coincidences. When she was walking towards their table, she thought she saw admiration in Zach's eyes. Maybe he wasn't completely immune to her. Right now, his expression was unreadable. "It occurred to me tonight, Amanda, that you might have been interested in flying back to the U.S. to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends or family. I hope I didn't cause you any disappointment by scheduling the groundbreaking for this week?" She shook her head. "I have no family. My…adoptive father, Bart, passed away six years ago." Before Zach could respond, his cell phone rang. He glanced at the display. "It's Luc, again. I thought I had him calmed down. If you'll excuse me for a moment." He stood up and went out into the foyer of the restaurant.

Amanda slumped back in her seat a little bit. That was close. She might have had to tell a lot of lies if he went further in his questioning. She became aware of someone standing nearby, watching her. She looked over and saw a man. He was tall and superficially handsome. He smiled and walked over to her. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about this man creeped her out. "Alexandra! Darling, I haven't seen you in years. You look absolutely divine. Tell me, why haven't I heard from you in so long? It's like you dropped off the face of the earth." The blood drained from Amanda's face. Was this it? Was this going to be the person who would tell her who she was? Alexandra…Alexandra… The name was meaningless to her. This man, with the smile of a shark, was a complete stranger. Nothing triggered her memory at all. Calm down…it was possible he had her confused with someone else. "I beg your pardon? I don't believe we've met." The man's smile faltered and his eyes narrowed. "Alexandra…are you playing games with me?" She shrugged apologetically. "I'm afraid I have no idea who you are." He assessed her for a few minutes. "I…I think you're right. You are the spitting image of Alexandra, but…there is something different. Your eyes don't have the soft gold flecks that she has. There are a few other things as well. I apologize for making you uncomfortable. Really, you could be Alexandra's twin. Please forgive the intrusion." He made a slight bow and then left.

Amanda felt her whole body start to shake. She had thought for a moment there that her identity would finally be revealed, whether she wanted it to or not. Okay, so she wasn't Alexandra. But he did say she could be her twin. Was she Alexandra's twin? She groaned silently. Anything was possible. It did seem like a strange coincidence that she had chosen a name similar to the name Alexandra. The man talked about not seeing Alexandra in years. Did she suffer a similar fate? Was she dead? Amanda put her head in her hands. Tears were welling up in her eyes. She had to leave. She had to process this in private. She stood up, and collided with someone. She lifted her head and saw Zach standing there, a grave look on his face. "What did that man say to you? Did he threaten you in some way?" Amanda felt a headache coming on. "Zach, I need to leave this place. Please let me by." He moved out of her way. When she headed for the exit, he followed her.

When she was finally out in the night air, she took a deep breath. Much better. Amanda stood on the sidewalk for a moment, staring into space, as if not sure what was supposed to happen next. After awhile, she became aware that tears were streaming down her face. A sob escaped her, and she felt an arm around her. Zach hailed a taxi, and then bundled her into it when it arrived. Neither spoke a word until they had reached Amanda's apartment.

Amanda sat on the couch, with her head in her hands, silently sobbing. Zach looked out the window for a little while. The time for games was over. When he had seen that man talking to Amanda, and the look on her face like she was staring at death, his blood ran cold. Zach knew it had something to do with her past, and that whatever she was hiding was far more dangerous than his own secret. He wanted to keep Amanda safe, and knew that if she was ever going to open up, she needed to trust him.

"I'm going to tell you a story, Amanda." She looked up at him, as if startled to see him in her living room. "I was the first born son of a very rich and powerful man. He was very ruthless, and he had plans for me. Growing up in that house, I felt….suffocated. My father was a terrible man, and he wanted to pass on his so-called genius to me. Being the heir to such a legacy ate me alive. I wanted out, I wanted to be free. My younger brother helped me…he…helped me fake my death." Amanda's eyes widened in shock. "I was seventeen years old. We engineered a car accident. And we made sure that the fire was so intense that the only thing left were my ashes." Amanda gaped at him. "About six years ago, I was in need of a more permanent identity. My brother's roommate died, and we decided that I would use his identity. Ever since then, I've been Zach Slater."

Amanda leaned her head back on the couch. Unbelievable. "So what is your real identity?" Zach cocked his head. "It's your turn, Amanda," he said, quietly. She felt lightheaded as she realized what was happening. Zach knew that something had profoundly upset her tonight, and he somehow knew that it had to do with her missing past. So in order to get her to spill, he shared his secret with her first. She stood up and started to pace. She gathered her thoughts for a few minutes, then turned and looked at Zach. "You chose to walk away from your past. You deliberately created a new identity, because you wanted nothing to do with the old one. And whether you like it or not, you still remember everything about it. Frankly, I'm envious that you have the luxury of knowing what you left behind, and knowing that you made the right choice for yourself. I don't have that luxury. Every day of my life I second-guess the decision I made to become Amanda Dover. I could probably easily find out who I was before. But I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of what…of who I'll find." She paused as her throat constricted.

Zach stared at her quizzically. "I don't understand. You don't know who you were before?" Amanda shook her head, the words rushing out of her in a torrent. "I have no memory beyond eight years ago…when I woke up in Bart Smith's cabin. He found me near death, washed up on shore. He nursed me back to health, but it took a long time. I was racked with pain all the time, and I had seizures. He was afraid to take me to the hospital because in my sleep I would mumble things that frightened him. And I would tell him about my dreams. The dreams I still have to this day about…about guns and car chases and explosions and…and killing people. That's why, when I got better, I didn't try to find out who I am. I'm afraid I might be wanted for murder. Or if I'm one of the good guys, maybe there are some criminals that want revenge. What if the trauma I suffered wasn't because of an accident? What if someone tried to murder me? If I revealed myself, they might want to finish the job."

Zach sat down, completely stunned. Whatever he had expected, it certainly wasn't this. "What about your family? Surely someone grieved for you?" Her face crumpled. "If I do have a family that loved me, isn't it better that I stay dead? If I turn up alive, it might leave them even more destroyed when whoever wants me gone succeeds for real this time." She looked out the window, resting her head against the glass. "I know one thing for sure. A gynecologist examined me, and confirmed that I have had a child. Even if she hadn't said anything, I would have known. Sometimes I dream about a little girl. With dark hair and freckles and the cutest upturned nose." A keening sound rose in her throat, and Zach leapt up from the couch to envelop her in his arms. He led her to the couch, and rocked her as she sobbed.

When she was more calm again, Zach asked her about the man in the restaurant. She told him about his initial belief that she was someone named Alexandra. Zach was a bit startled at first. His real first name is Alexander. But then Amanda told him that the man decided that she wasn't Alexandra after all. "When he walked away, I had so many possibilities running through my head that I couldn't handle it." Zach rubber her arms. "I can't even imagine how incredibly hard this has been for you. You were right, before. I can sleep at night knowing that what I did was the right thing. But you probably doubt yourself all the time. I could try to find out who you are, Amanda. I've got some powerful resources at my disposal." She shook her head. "I don't know what we would be up against. Anything at all could trigger some sort of alert. They could easily find out who I am before I even get the answer myself. Thank you for wanting to help, but it is too risky."

She leaned her head on Zach's shoulder. "I do feel that a weight has been lifted by telling you all this. Carrying a secret this huge has been oppressive." Zach nodded. "I know. No one other than my brother has known the truth about me. I've had to always be on my guard." He paused for a moment. "My real name is Alexander Cambias, Junior." She looked up at him, startled. "I know that name. Alexander Cambias approached me once about doing a security job for him. I turned him down because there was something about him that I profoundly disliked. That was your father?" He nodded. Amanda sat up a little and looked into his eyes. "Thank you, Zach, for trusting me with your secret. I wanted so much to trust you, but…" He caressed her cheek. "I understand. Your secret is potentially more dangerous than mine. Because of your memory loss, you have no idea how anyone is connected to you. That is a very frightening position to be in. I will protect your secret, Amanda. I will help you in any way you need." Her relief was palpable. Zach gazed down at her, amazed at this incredible woman who had survived so much horror.

Amanda felt all her troubled emotions melt away as Zach held her to him, looking at her contemplatively. The shock of the evening's events was being replaced by awareness of his body against hers. For heaven's sake, she thought, was he going to continue holding her like a supportive friend or was he ever going to kiss her. No sooner had the thought flitted through her brain, when suddenly he was kissing her. Her hands came up and she slipped her fingers into his hair. Amanda tried to tell herself that the raw need that she felt for Zach was a result of the emotionally charged conversation they just had. It was a waste of brain function, especially when he was running his fingers down her neck in a way that made her skin ache.

He pulled away, breathing heavily. No, no, what was that look? That was the "I need to get myself under control" look. "Amanda, I apologize for kissing you. You're vulnerable right now, I shouldn't take advantage of that." She laughed. "You think I wouldn't have let you kiss me if I was in a better frame of mind?" Zach's lips quirked. "That's not quite what I meant. I just don't want whatever happens between us to be because we're on an emotional roller coaster. We're also working together, so it makes things even more complicated."

She gave him an exasperated look. "You think too much. You want to know something else about me? I don't know exactly how old I am. I figure I'm in my mid to late 30s. That means that almost 30 years of my life was wiped out. Meaningless. Who knows…maybe I'll get amnesia again and whatever I do with you here tonight will be meaningless. What I'm trying to say is that I live by the moment. I don't analyze why I do something. I don't try to figure out what the ramifications will be. I do what makes me happy. It would make me very happy to spend the night with you, Zach." Zach shook his head, unable to stop the grin that was threatening to split his face. "I don't think I've ever met a woman like you, before." He pulled her to him for another kiss, reaching around her to unzip her dress.