Chapter 19 – Rising Worries

The next two days passed in a leisurely rhythm. Harry got up late and had breakfast in the Gryffindor common room. Dobby always had breakfast prepared for him, but as Remus used to get up earlier than Harry did, Harry had to take the breakfast alone. He then occupied himself either with the last bits of his summer assignments in the library, with visits to Dobby in the kitchens, or with flying on the Quidditch-pitch. The greatest disappointment was that Ron would not join him at Hogwarts anytime soon. On the day after Harry's arrival, Ron's owl Pigwidgeon had knocked on the window of the Gryffindor common room, carrying a letter from Harry's best friend. Seemingly, Ron's parents thought it was safest to keep their youngest son within their immediate reach for the next few days and simply would not allow him to join Harry at Hogwarts. They didn't doubt that he'd be safe there as well, but for the time being relied on his older brothers to keep him company and make sure that nothing unforeseen happened. Harry was a bit disappointed, but Ron wrote that he'd probably join him at Hogwarts with Ginny and Hermione as soon as the latter returned from France, earlier if anything else happened in the meantime.

In the evenings, Harry went to Snape's office to continue his Occlumency lessons. In all truth he was royally fed up with it already after the first session, but he had promised Remus, and he also knew that it was important for him to protect himself from the dreams which were connected to Voldemort. But still, he didn't like the feeling of Snape trying to enter his mind. It was too early yet to say whether he was making any progress, but on the second night he really managed to ward Snape off one time. He had been very intent on keeping Snape out of his mind that day, his first night at Hogwarts had been spent with another nightmare about Sirius' death and he didn't want Snape to poke around in that particularly painful memory. So when Snape had started to penetrate his mind, Harry had managed to push him back quickly and had cast a scorching hex that had sent the Potion master's sleeve on fire. Harry had been thunderstruck upon finding what he had done with his professor, but Snape had calmly extinguished the flames with a wave of his wand. He had then fetched some kind of salve from a shelf and started applying it to the burn marks on his wrist. Snape had briskly warded off Harry's apologies, stating that he had meant it when he had told Harry to defend himself in every way he could think of. But that had been the only time he had managed to keep Snape out of his mind. And though there might be a slight progress in his Occlumency lessons with Snape, but his nightly efforts of keeping his mind clear were something different entirely. He had not dared to ask Snape any further about it yet, but he simply did not manage to let go off all things that were bothering him before he fell asleep.

On the second day after his arrival, Harry went into the Hogwarts library to finish his Charms essay, one of the last bits of holiday assignments that he had not done yet. The library was a comfortable place to be, it was silent – though the rest of the castle was not exactly humming with activity, either – and nothing was there to disturb him. Madam Pince was not in the castle during the holidays, and without the presence of the rather stern librarian Harry felt really comfortable in the library rooms.

Harry had gotten up extremely late that morning, and had found his breakfast brought to the common room by a house elf with no trace of Remus. Now that he went into the library, however, he found that he was not the only one here today. Remus was sitting at one of the tables, head bent over a stack of parchments in front of him. A few reference books were scattered across the table in front of him, all opened on various pages with pieces of parchment for further reference stuck between other pages. He turned around slightly as Harry entered. Harry was still a bit hesitant to interact with Remus after the strange ending of their conversation in the Gryffindor common room, but Remus did not behave any differently to Harry. He had not mentioned their conversation again, and nothing in his behaviour indicated that he was thinking overly much about it. Harry went along with that, he felt a bit uncomfortable thinking about the raw emotions he had seen his former teacher display.

"Good morning, Harry."

"Good morning, Remus. Mind if I sit down here?"

Remus shook his head. "No, of course not."

Harry put his parchments, quill and ink down on the empty half of the table and sat down so that he was facing Remus. Remus was seemingly about to make a short break, for he had put down his quill and was looking at how Harry unrolled his parchments and reference notes.

"Charms?"

Harry nodded. "Yes. Two rolls of parchment, but I'm nearly finished. I just wanted to give it the final touch. And you…if I may ask", he added quickly, remembering that Remus was probably doing some Order business here and would not be allowed to tell him. But Remus only shrugged.

"Two intercepted letters Albus asked me to translate. Copies of those letters, rather. They're in Russian."

Harry's eyebrows went up. "You speak Russian?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "I wouldn't say I speak it. I only know some basics, hence all the reference works. But I have a knack for languages, I generally don't find it difficult to understand the basic structures of a language, and once you've figured that out it's not that big a step to translate a written text."

Harry nodded, rather stunned. He had enough to do with learning Latin spells, the thought that Remus seemed to be working himself into new and unknown languages on a regular basis was completely alien to him. He was glad that he 'only' had his Charms homework to finish.

"If you say so. I wouldn't want to be doing it, though."

Remus laughed. "Nobody expects you to."

With a sigh, Harry pulled his parchments closer to him. "No, you're right. But Professor Flitwick expects me to finish this essay, so I should better go to work, then I can go flying for a bit later on."

They sat working in silence for about an hour after that, the only sound being the scratching of the quills on parchment and the occasional turning of a page. Finally, Harry blew the ink on his parchment dry and rolled it up, content with the essay he had produced. Charms was not one of his problematic subjects, and no matter what his O.W.L. results, he would continue with it if he could. As he put his essay aside, the lack of writing-sounds from across made him look up. Remus had put his quill aside, his head in his hands and massaging his temples, his reading glasses lying in front of him on the letter he had translated.

"Are you all right?", Harry asked lowly. Remus looked up and quickly nodded.

"Yes, I'm all right. I just have a headache, I always get that when I'm reading too much. Shouldn't have seated myself with my back to the window, I blocked out the light." He straightened up in his chair. "You want to join me on a stroll to the kitchen? I'm rather hungry."

Harry nodded and picked up his rolled parchments. "Sure, just let me bring that stuff into the common room."

He was keeping a careful eye on Remus, though. Harry had not yet mastered the art of distinguishing between the various degrees of not-looking-good which Remus displayed as of late, but today he didn't seem to be doing fine at all. There was that headache, for one, and Harry doubted that it came from reading while blocking out the light. The second thing was that he was abnormally pale again, as if he hadn't seen the sun in months. The haggard features Harry had already gotten used to over the past weeks, though it was still shocking to see just how badly Remus had wasted away since Sirius' death. Harry knew that full moon was less than a week away, but there was still a nagging doubt that Remus' condition was to blame entirely on his lycanthropy.

They went into the Gryffindor common room where Harry deposited his essay no the table in the corner, then they went down the stairs and along the corridors until they had reached the picture of the giant fruit-bowl that marked the entrance to the kitchens. Remus reached out to tickle the pear, and the painting swung aside to reveal the large rooms in which the food for the Hogwarts students was prepared during school year. The two stepped into the room, and immediately Dobby and another house elf stormed towards them, bowing fervently.

"Master Harry Potter! How can Dobby be of service?"

Harry had to think for a moment. It wasn't so long ago that he had eaten breakfast, but the kitchens always made him slightly hungry.

"You wouldn't have a strawberry pasty, would you Dobby?"

Dobby enthusiastically bobbed his head and vanished to the back of the room, only to come back a moment later with a pasty on a plate and a large glass of milk which he put in front of Harry.

"Harry Potter is wanting anything else?"

Harry shook his head and settled on a chair. "No, thank you Dobby."
Next to him, Remus was starting on the sandwich he had been handed by the other house elf. Harry turned back towards Dobby.

"Where's Winky, by the way?"

Dobby hopped onto the table in front of Harry, sat down and sadly shook his head.

"Winky is still here, she is helping Mistress Pomfrey in the hospital wing this week."

"Is she doing a bit better?", Harry asked, remembering how badly the female house elf had been dealing with her newly gained freedom. Dobby shook his head.

"Winky is doing better, then Winky is doing worse. Sometimes she still drinks too much butterbeer, and Winky doesn't talk that much anymore. But Winky's better than last time Master Potter has seen her."

Harry didn't quite know what to respond to that.

"Well, tell her I said hello if you see her. I'd like to see her again, and it's always a bit difficult once the school year has started. But maybe I'll meet her during the next days."

"Dobby will tell Winky, she will be very happy that master Potter asked for her."

Harry finished the last forkful of his delicious strawberry pasty, savouring the taste and washing it down with the remaining milk in his glass. He'd probably skip lunch today, it was already half past eleven and he felt pleasantly full at the moment. He looked up at Dobby again to say something else, but suddenly the elfs huge eyes bulged in alarm and Harry quickly spun around just in time to see Remus slide off his chair and to the floor.

"Master Lupin!", Dobby cried and jumped off the table. Harry felt cold and shaky all of a sudden, and without realizing it got up from his own chair and knelt down next to Remus.

"Remus, Remus can you hear me?"

But Remus obviously didn't hear him. He had curled up on his side, shaking with the cramps that seized through his body, his hands clenched into fists, and his breathing loud and laboured. It looked scaringly like the seizure Harry had seen him suffer from at Grimmauld Place, and Harry's panic was rising quickly.

"Dobby, go and get Madam Pomfrey, quickly!"

He didn't even see the house elf leave, but he hoped that Dobby had heard him. His heart breathing fast in his throat, Harry brought up a hand and put it against Remus' forehead. His former teacher's skin was cold and clammy to the touch, and when Harry reached for a pulse, he found it fast and erratic.

"It'll be all right, help is on its way", he mumbled, more to assure himself than to assure Remus, who obviously didn't realize anything that was going on around him. A house elf materialized at his shoulder with a blanket in its bony hands, and Harry gratefully took it. He didn't know if it would help Remus at all, but his skin felt cold, and the small action gave Harry the feeling that he at least could do something. He wrapped the blanket tightly around Remus and chafed his icy forearms and hands for warmth, praying that Madam Pomfrey would just hurry the hell up. There was a rush behind him, and a moment later somebody knelt down next to him.

"All right Mr. Potter, what has happened here?"

Harry had never been so relieved to hear Madam Pomfrey's voice before. The Hogwarts nurse was kneeling next to him, wand at the ready, and that image alone calmed Harry a little.

"I don't know, from one moment to the next he collapsed. It looks…I don't know, but it looks a bit like what happened to him at Grimmauld Place."

Madam Pomfrey waved her wand over Remus a few times, nodding and mumbling to herself. There was a visible frown etched into her features, a sign of grudgingly accepted defeat, as she finally leaned back on her heels.

"I'm afraid we'll have to wait it out, there's nothing I can do against the seizure. I couldn't the last time, either."

She tucked a stray corner of the blanket tighter around Remus, checked his pulse and temperature again and again, until after endless minutes the cramps eased. Remus' breathing became slower and more regular, and a slight bit of colour returned to his face. Madam Pomfrey got up from the floor and pointed her wand at Remus.

"Mobilis Corpus!"

A stretcher materialized underneath Remus' unconscious body, and with a quick wave of her wand Madam Pomfrey levitated it towards the door. Harry moved to follow her, but once they were out in the corridor and Madam Pomfrey turned towards the staircase, she halted Harry.

"Potter, please go and send Professor Snape up to the infirmary."

"I want to stay with Remus", Harry protested, but Madam Pomfrey warded him off. "You can stay with him after I finished my examination. But first I'd like you to send Professor Snape up to the infirmary."

Harry nodded, though still reluctantly.

"All right."

And so Madam Pomfrey levitated the Remus' unconscious form up the stairs, and Harry turned towards the staircase that would take him down to the dungeons. He didn't particularly fancy seeing Snape before their evening appointment, but if Madam Pomfrey needed him for something about Remus' examination, then he'd comply. Snape was not in his office, though, and for a moment Harry wondered what would be if he was not at the castle. He was not in the potions classroom, either, but there was still his private workroom at the end of the corridor. Harry had hardly ever been there, but he knew that this was where Snape brewed all the potions that were not connected to his classes, meaning the ones he brewed for Professor Dumbledore, for the Hogwarts infirmary and…well, Harry didn't exactly know if he brewed potions for Voldemort, but if he did, then he surely didn't do it in the classroom. Harry quickly hurried down the corridor and knocked on the door. After a moment, Snape's annoyed voice sounded from the inside.

"Enter."

Harry opened the door and stepped over the threshold. Snape was indeed standing behind his workbench, a simmering cauldron in front of him and a number of ingredients lined up next to it. He looked up as Harry entered, an angry glare in his eyes.

"What, Mr. Potter? I've got work to do, it's not eight yet."

"I'm sorry, Professor. Remus collapsed again, and Madam Pomfrey asked me to send you up to the infirmary."

Snape just stared at Harry for a moment, then grunted angrily, mumbled something about ingredients going to waste, but with a quick wave extinguished the flames underneath the cauldron. Impatiently, he gestured towards the door.

"Then what are you waiting for, Potter?"

Harry and his least liked professor silently climbed the stairs and walked down the corridors that would take them towards the infirmary. Snape didn't seem to be in a hurry to get there, which irked Harry. He could hardly wait to see how Remus was doing, but he'd never give Snape the satisfaction of hurrying to the infirmary right in front of his eyes. He quickened his pace slightly in hopes of making Snape go faster as well, and only hoped that Madam Pomfrey would already know just what was wrong with Remus by the time they arrived in the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey didn't. After what seemed like a small eternity, Harry and Snape finally reached the infirmary and without bothering to knock, opened the doors and stepped through. Madam Pomfrey was bending over the only occupied bed in the room, the frown on her face telling them quickly that she was none the wiser as to the reason for Remus' collapse. Not caring about Harry's presence, Snape stepped up to the bed and looked at the Hogwarts nurse.

"All right, what happened now?"

Madam Pomfrey shrugged and stepped back a bit, leaving Snape to stand alone next to Remus' unconscious form.

"A house elf called me to the kitchens earlier. Remus collapsed again, just like a few days ago."

Snape frowned, then looked away from Remus and stepped back again.

"Then why did you call me up here? I examined him a few days ago, and could not find any trace of somebody poisoning him. And now he hasn't even been exposed to the possibility of somebody poisoning him, not unless there is a house elf at Hogwarts who holds a grudge against him."

Madam Pomfrey crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at Snape. Her voice was hard as she spoke, making clear that her calling Snape up here had not been a request as much as an order.

"Remus is my patient, and until I can determine exactly what is wrong with him I want every possibility excluded. I want to know for sure that nobody tried to poison Remus, so if you'd please do what needs to be done to find that out."

Snape sighed dramatically.

"I'll need a blood-sample."

Madam Pomfrey nodded and pressed a vial into his hand. "I thought you would. Thank you."

Snape grunted something and turned around, even more than usual resembling an overgrown bat as he left the room with billowing robes. Harry hesitantly stepped closer to the bed and turned a questioning gaze onto the Hogwarts nurse. Madam Pomfrey shook her head.

"I don't know what is wrong with him, Mr. Potter. Did you notice anything unusual about him this morning?"

Harry shook his head.

"No, nothing unusual. I mean, he was pale and looked ill, but that hasn't been unusual as of late, has it?"

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "No, I'm afraid it hasn't. Nothing else?"

Again, Harry shook his head. "No. He had a headache, but said it came from reading in bad light. Then we went to the kitchen for something to eat and he collapsed. He said he was hungry, though, if that counts for something. I don't know when he had breakfast."

Madam Pomfrey shrugged, but a small voice from behind her interrupted whatever she ha been about to say.

"Master Lupin never takes breakfast."

It was Winky, standing behind Madam Pomfrey with an wastepaper basket she had obviously just emptied in her hands. Winky looked slightly better than the last time Harry had seen her, but that didn't count for all that much, as she had looked horrible the last time he had seen her. There was no time for him to greet her, though, as Madam Pomfrey quickly turned around upon hearing her words.

"Are you sure about that?"

Winky cowered away a little at the harsh tone of the nurse's voice, but nodded her head.

"Dobby told Winky that Master Lupin never took breakfast. Winky knows for sure, because Dobby makes the food for Mater Lupin and Master Potter. Master Lupin ate a bit of lunch and dinner every day, but nothing more."

Madam Pomfrey sighed resignedly, but managed to smile at the house elf. "Thank you, Winky."

Winky nodded her head at the dismissal and with a low pop vanished. Madam Pomfrey turned towards Remus' bed again, a frown on her forehead.

"Typical", she muttered, then went to the small cabinet behind her desk and searched through it.

"What is wrong with Remus?"

"Well, he is extremely weak, that's what's wrong with him. Those seizures don't stem from him not eating enough, but lacking nourishment of course increases their effect on him. He might manage better to deal with them if he was eating regularly, but of course he's too stubborn to see that. He has always been like that, Mr. Potter."

"But he'll be all right again, won't he?"

Harry didn't like the sound of his own words, but he needed to know. The first time Remus had collapsed, Harry had not allowed any other thought than that it was a one-time occurrence. Now that it had happened again, Harry was afraid what would become of it. Madam Pomfrey had told him in no uncertain terms that Remus was physically weak, and Harry didn't even want to contemplate that he could be too weak to deal with those seizures any further. Would there be another one, and if there'd be, when would it happen? What in Merlin's name was wrong with Remus? Harry had always had the utmost faith in Madam Pomfrey's ability to deal with everything she was confronted with. She had managed to wake the petrified students again, she had grown the bones in his arm back, she had treated Hermione after that botched attempt at taking a Polyjuice potion. The fact that she didn't even know what was wrong with Remus scared Harry, and that realization settled like an ugly weight in his stomach. He was scared that Madam Pomfrey would not find out what was wrong with him in time to treat it. Harry had already lost Sirius, he didn't want to lose Remus as well. Why did it always have to hit the people around him? His parents, Sirius, and now Remus – had it something to do with him? Did people who tried to take care of him put their life into more danger than he had been aware of? Harry would have gladly agreed never to see Remus again if that guaranteed that the man would be all right, but that was not a chance he had been offered.

"Can I stay with him?"

Madam Pomfrey was absent-mindly shaking the flask she had been searching for earlier and nodded at Harry's request.

"Of course, if you want to. He'll probably be asleep for the next couple of hours, though, but if you want to stay here."

Harry nodded and the nurse waved at Remus' bed in an invitation for Harry to take a seat on a chair next to it.

"Just keep in mind that he needs a lot of rest. But maybe you'll be able to convince him that he needs to take a bit better care of himself."

She put the small bottle onto the bedside table next to Remus' bed and left Harry to sit up with him without another word. Harry sank down into a chair he pulled up next to the bed and took a good look at his former teacher. Remus was still abnormally pale, he looked wasted and ill. His breathing was low and regular again, though, at least that was something. And he looked as if he needed the rest his body was getting at the moment. With a sigh Harry leaned back in his chair and settled for the wait.