February 26, 2005

Anna paced the living room. Robin had already kicked her out of the kitchen. She had so much nervous energy. Bianca and Maggie would be here any minute with Miranda. Anna wanted to have them over for dinner yesterday, but they were still experiencing jet lag. Anna still couldn't get over Miranda being alive and well. Who could have ever imagined that such a beautiful miracle could have resulted from such an ugly crime? And she was Zach's niece. Anna wondered if he got to meet Miranda at all. From what she heard through the grapevine, he was pretty well despised in Pine Valley. She still couldn't get over the fact that he actually went there and stirred the foulest pot in town. What really shocked her was that he revealed his identity at long last.

Sean Donely found her not long after she moved to Paris. Ever since, he has periodically recruited her for long term undercover assignments. She was in South America during the time when Zach opened his casino near Pine Valley, and conducted the murder game that resulted in Ryan getting shot. By the time she got back to Paris, about two weeks ago, it had been revealed that he was Alexander Cambias, Junior; that Ethan Ramsey was his son; and Miranda found her way back in Bianca's arms. Ethan was still under arrest for Ryan's attempted murder. Anna sighed as she looked out the window. She couldn't imagine what Zach must be going through. By now he has hopefully come to terms with the reality that his brother was the monster she had claimed him to be a year and a half ago.

She touched the glass of the window, which was cold to the touch. He spent months enduring blow after blow to his psyche, and she had been stuck in the jungles of Bolivia. By now he had to be quite sure that she cared not a damn bit for him. The truth was that she would have been there for him if she had been free. She wouldn't have cared about the risks to her heart. She would have been there. Her reverie was broken by the doorbell. She rushed to answer it.

Anna opened the door and immediately enveloped Bianca in a hug. "Darling girl! Let me look at you! You are absolutely radiant. Motherhood sits well on you. Come in, come in. Where's Miranda?" Bianca laughed at her disappointed expression. "She'll be along shortly. She fell asleep way earlier than usual – I guess still adjusting to the time difference. Maggie and I were afraid that if we brought her while she was sleeping, she might wake up too early and be cranky. So Maggie insisted that I come at the appointed time, and she will bring Miranda when she wakes up."

Anna led Bianca from the foyer to the living room. Robin came out of the kitchen. "Everything is almost ready for lunch. Hi, Bianca. Nice to meet you again." They shook hands warmly. "I look forward to getting to know you, Robin. How is your residency going?" Robin's eyes lit up. "Its going so well. I love my work, absolutely love it." Bianca smiled. "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I wanted to ask you a favor." Robin indicated the sofa, and they sat down. "Maggie would kill me, so its probably better that she is coming later with Miranda. She left Pine Valley rather abruptly in order to be here with me. She was in medical school, there. I was hoping you could give her some advice on what schools she could apply to here in Paris." Robin smiled warmly. "I would be more than happy to do that for her."

Anna clasped her hands together. "I think the three of you will be very happy here. Certainly you'll be far away from all the drama in Pine Valley." Bianca leaned back. "I hated leaving my loved ones, but you're right. I was suffocating there. You were smart to leave when you did." Anna reached over and put her hand on Bianca's. "Bianca…I want to say I'm sorry for not being there, last year, during Kendall's trial. Sometimes I wonder if I could have done something to…minimize the catastrophe." Bianca smiled wryly. "What could you have possibly done to make it any less horrifying? Derek had to solve the investigation. It was his job. He did the best he could. If I hadn't suppressed the memories, none of it would have ever happened. Just be glad you weren't the one in the hot seat." Anna grimaced. "Poor Derek. It would have eaten me alive to have to solve Michael's murder."

Bianca gave her an assessing look. "Anna, I always got the impression that there was more going on inside your head, regarding Michael. Even when you arrested him on fraud charges, it seemed as if you were struggling with some personal demon. I know you cared about your work, and you were dedicated to upholding the law. But with Michael, in particular, there was this air of…grimness. At the preliminary hearing it was like…well, as you said, it was like you were being eaten alive from the inside out. Am I imagining this? The only thing I could think of was that maybe you knew Michael before he came to Pine Valley."

Anna stood up and paced. Robin watched the exchange, a bewildered expression on her face. "No, Bianca, I never met Michael before he came to Pine Valley. But he did have a very strong connection with someone that I knew. A connection that was revealed to you a few months ago. I…" The doorbell rang. Anna glanced at the door. "It must be Maggie. We'll discuss this later." She opened the door and saw that it was indeed Maggie. She was pushing a stroller. Anna hugged her, and then led her into the apartment. She introduced Maggie to Robin. Maggie turned to Bianca and held up a small package. "On my way here I picked up the pictures from the farewell party. I thought Anna might like to see snaps of everyone." Anna smiled. "Oh, I would. But why don't you show them to Robin, first. I really want to get my hands on this little one."

Bianca unstrapped Miranda from the stroller. "Sweetheart, this is Ms. Anna. She is our very first friend, here in Paris, and we hope to be seeing a lot of her. Want to say hi to Ms. Anna?" Anna held out her arms, tentatively. Miranda gave her a big smile and consented to be held. Anna bounced her up and down, then swayed back and forth. Bianca walked over to where Maggie was pointing out people in various pictures. Anna gazed into Miranda's eyes as the little girl drooled and grabbed a fistful of Anna's hair. "You like my hair, don't you? I could have put it up, but where's the fun in that?" Miranda grinned, and Anna felt prickling in the back of her eyes. "Oh my." When Miranda smiled at her, the resemblance hit her immediately. Zach. Realizing that her smile had turned into a grimace, she started bouncing Miranda a little faster. Miranda lay her head on Anna's shoulder. She remembered a little song, and began to sing it. Anything to distract herself from the thoughts running through her head. Unaware that she was saying it aloud, she said, "You look so much like him, Miranda."

The other three overheard the comment, and seeing the sadness on Anna's face, Maggie immediately stood up from the couch. "Anna! How could you say such a thing in front of Bianca?" Anna turned her head in their direction. "What? What did I say?" Maggie repeated her words. Anna looked mortified. "Oh no, oh no no no, Maggie. I wasn't talking about Michael." Maggie put her hands on her hips. "Who else could you have been talking about?" There was silence as Anna swayed Miranda from side to side and thought of the best way to explain. Robin beat her to the punch. She held up a photograph. "Maybe she was talking about him?" It was a picture of Zach holding Miranda. "I wasn't aware that Zach Slater was living in Pine Valley. Is he somehow related to Miranda?" Bianca looked at Robin in surprise. "Zach is Michael Cambias's brother. You know him?"

Robin's eyes widened. "The man who raped you? Zach is his brother? Mom, how come you never told me this? Or did you know?" Anna stopped swaying and bouncing. "It's a long story." Bianca stood up. "Miranda's asleep in your arms. How about we take her to one of the bedrooms?" Anna led her back to her bedroom, and they put Miranda in the center of the bed, with a surrounding barrier of pillows. When they came back to the living room, Anna suggested they go ahead and eat. "First rule for mothers of babies is to eat when you can." Over lunch Anna explained to Bianca and Maggie about working for Zach while she had amnesia, and how it had grown into a dating relationship. She explained to Robin about Zach's activities since moving to Pine Valley.

They cleaned up and went back into the living room. Anna picked up the photograph of Zach and Miranda. So Zach did get to spend some time with his niece. Her throat constricted tightly at the sight of Miranda snuggling against Zach's shoulder. She always thought he would make a terrific father. She touched Zach's face. She did this without realizing what she was doing, or that she had an audience. Bianca cleared her throat. "So, how serious were you and Zach?" Anna looked up. She lifted one shoulder in an attempt to be nonchalant. "Serious. Because we kept each other's secrets, that drew us pretty close." Maggie cocked her head. "How come you two never connected again after you recovered your memory?" Anna sat down on the couch, looking at Zach's picture again, at the tenderness in his eyes. She remembered how he would look at her that way. "I don't really know the answer to that, Maggie. You would have to ask Zach. He was right there beside me when I lost consciousness. And when I woke up, he was gone." Robin went over to sit beside her. "Mom, I told you why he wasn't there. The doctor felt that you needed to concentrate on your recovered memories. He said that Zach would be too much of a distraction, and might cause more psychological harm than good. Zach really took that to heart. He didn't want you hurt by his presence, so he bowed out."

Anna stood up and went to the window. "You also told me that he said he would write me a letter, that I could read when I was ready." Robin stared at her. "So, what did the letter say?" Anna stared back. "I never got one, Robin! You know that. You gave him your address - he was going to send it to you." Robin shrugged. "I figured when I never got it that he must have found out your address in Pine Valley and sent it to you directly." Anna shook her head, tears starting to fill her eyes. Robin stood up. "Mom, when you never got back together with him, I assumed it was because your feelings for him weren't as strong as his for you." Anna looked at her incredulously. "As strong as his feelings for me? What makes you think they were strong?" Robin raised her palms ceilingward. "It was everything about him. When you passed out at the ball, he carried you to his office like you were made of porcelain. The expression on his face as he watched over you in the hospital. The pain in his eyes as he agreed to stay away from you. And then there was the ring."

Maggie blurted out. "A ring?" Bianca shushed her. Anna stared at Robin with her mouth open. "What…what ring?" Robin led her back to the sofa. "When Zach was getting out the keys to his office, a jewelry box fell out of his pocket. I picked it up. It didn't take me long to figure out what it was." Anna blinked. "What did the ring look like?" Robin laughed. "Mom, you taught me better than that. It would have been rude to open it." Anna rolled her eyes. "Then how do you know it was a ring? Zach gave me earrings not long before that, it could have been something to match it." Robin shook her head. "It was too small to be anything else but a ring. And given the way he was eyeing it while it was in my hands, I knew it was pretty special to him. Mom, he was planning to propose to you. He loved you. Everything about his behavior in regards to you made it clear that you had his heart."

There was a moment of silence, then Bianca gasped. Everyone turned to stare at her. "His heart. Oh my goodness, it makes sense now. When I saw Zach a few days ago, as I was preparing to leave, he said something cryptic. I didn't pay much attention at the time because I was upset with him over his behavior with Ethan. He was holding Miranda and talking to her. He told her that she held half of his heart, and that she was going to Paris to join the other half." Anna felt like her stomach took a swan dive into her toes. She couldn't take it all in. "If…if he was talking about me, that would imply that he still loves me. After four years of silence between us….punctuated by one horrible argument about his brother…even if he did love me then, enough to want to marry me, I find it hard to believe that those feelings are still there."

Robin put her hand on Anna's shoulder. "Mom, your feelings are clearly still there. My God, they're as strong as ever. After all this time. And you never once let on that you were so miserable. Any time I brought up Zach you shrugged him off as ancient history." Anna caressed her cheek. "I wanted to spare you from worrying about me. Hearts heal eventually. You needed to concentrate on your studies." Robin threw up her hands. "For crying out loud. Always the mom. Maybe if you had let me in on your feelings, I would have told you about the ring, and you would have been back with him much sooner. You need to call him. You need to work this out."

Miranda cried from the bedroom. Bianca went to go get her. When she came back, she glanced at Maggie. "We should get going. Its time for her to eat. Thank you for having us over for lunch. It was…amazing to say the least." They gathered up their things and departed. Before walking out the door, Bianca gave Anna the picture of Zach and Miranda. Robin raised one eyebrow at Anna. "You are going to call, right?" Anna ran her fingers through her hair. "The evidence of Zach's feelings for me is all circumstantial. I need more proof." Robin threw up her hands. "Would you put the cop away for once? I mean, how are you going to get proof unless you CALL THE MAN?" Anna's expression was stubborn. "I know of a possible way to find out. I need to go to Monte Carlo." Robin shook her head and hugged her mom.

Later that evening, Anna drove to Monte Carlo. She spent the whole drive mulling over everything that Robin had said to her. Robin was a good judge of people's emotions. She might have been right that Zach did love her back then. It didn't explain why he never sent a letter. She also thought about what Bianca told her that Zach said to Miranda. She tried to figure out what he might have meant, if he wasn't referring to her. It just didn't seem possible. After the way she trashed his brother to his face. He never heard a peep from her when he went through so many trials in the town where she used to live. There was so much water under the bridge that she found it hard to believe that he would still love her, assuming he ever did. Anna did not count the fact that she still loved him. She had tried to deny it to herself, but holding Miranda in her arms had broken down her barriers. Anna didn't know why she held on to love for so long. It was just part of her personality. After she and Robert were torn apart, a piece of her heart still loved him, even when she made a life with Duke. After Duke died, she and Robert rekindled. She couldn't really expect that it would happen the same way with Zach.

Anna parked at the far end of the casino, avoiding the valet. She used sweet talk with any personnel she encountered that recognized her from four years ago. The rest of the time she used stealth and various tools that Sean supplied her with on their recent jobs. If she had used ordinary burglary tools, she might have been more concerned. The fact that it took WSB-grade equipment to break into the manager's office filled her with satisfaction. She looked around the office. Most of the time it was used by the general manager. Zach told her that he planned to come here only occasionally, and asked her to design a special wall safe that no one else knew about, for his files. She went over to a wall that was decorated with large wooden squares in two alternating shades. She pressed a spot on one of the squares. It silently popped open. Since the head of security didn't know about this particular safe, she doubted that the combination had been changed in four years. She punched in "0521" and turned the handle. It opened.

What she saw inside filled her with memories. When Zach had whisked her off to Switzerland for Valentines Day, they did a lot of window shopping. One time she saw an intricately carved wooden box, and bought it for Zach. She told him he could put his most treasured possessions in it. He had held the box up to her and said that the box was too small. With trembling hands, Anna lifted the box out of the safe. She went over to the desk and turned on the desk lamp. She took a deep breath and lifted the lid. Her eyes immediately zeroed in on the jewelry box. Peripherally she noticed an envelope. She picked up the jewelry box. Robin was right, it was too small to be anything but a ring. Biting her lip, she popped it open. Inside, there was indeed a ring, nestled in black velvet. It was a princess cut diamond, more than 2 carats. On either side were two small emeralds, sculpted to vaguely resemble two leaves. It was breathtaking. The light from the desk lamp reflected off every facet. She snapped it closed again, unable to look at it any more. Where had it all gone wrong? Had her stubbornness and fear of being hurt really robbed them of four years? What about the damn letter?

Her eyes fell on the envelope that had been next to the ring. She picked it up. It was plain, unaddressed, and unsealed. She pulled out three pieces of paper and unfolded them. The top page looked like a photocopy of a letter. It was addressed to her, and it was in Zach's writing, on her personal stationary from when she was still Amanda Dover. Her mouth dropped open. Was this it? The letter? She smoothed out the page and read it.

Dearest Anna,

I think it might take me awhile to get used to calling you by that name, when you've been Amanda in our most intimate moments. I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I were there with you, at this time. You're in the hospital, reliving all the best and worst moments of your life. I want to be by your side, holding your hand. I've been told that isn't a good idea. I want you to get well, and be able to process through all these new old memories without my face muddying the waters. So I am backing off, for now.

Last night - it seems like ages ago - I was leading you out to the veranda to tell you something. I was going to tell you that I love you. On this special night, a year after we first met, I wanted you to know everything that was in my heart. I was hoping to find out if what I saw in your eyes every time you looked at me was a reflection of what I felt for you. There was something very important I wanted to discuss with you. I still want to have this discussion, but I understand that it has to wait until you are ready.

Please, let me emphasize one thing. I know that your world has just been thrown completely off-kilter. I would understand if whatever feelings you had for me, right up to the moment you saw Robin, have changed. Even if that is the case, I still want you to respond to this letter. I think both of us need a resolution to this relationship, one way or another. I have made the first step by writing this down. The next step is yours. Take your time, however much you need, but please contact me. You know where to find me. I won't make any more attempts to contact you, because I do not want to pressure you. I love you, and all I care about is that you are happy. I want nothing more than for you to smile again, to laugh again.

Very much yours,

Zach

Tears streamed down Anna's face as she finished reading the letter for the third time. It was two pages long, and for the first time Anna looked at the third page. It was a photocopy of an envelope with an address. It was her name, and the address where Robin lived while she was still at school, before she took up her residency across town. Anna frowned, looking closer. The apartment number was incorrect. It was #77. Robin had lived at #11. Anna stared at the number, her mouth hanging open. He sent it to the wrong address? Perhaps if Robin's name had been on it, the occupants at #77 would have recognized her, and passed it on. No one would have known Anna Devane.

Anna dropped the pages and put her head in her hands. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have not considered that he might have sent the letter, and it got lost? It would have been so simple to call him. Call him and ask to have a talk. Instead she stubbornly waited for a piece of paper to be her invitation. The kicker was that all this time she waited for his letter, he was waiting for her response. He kept his word about not contacting her, except the time he wanted to talk about his brother. And when they finally met again, it turned into a face-off. They never addressed their feelings, remaining stubbornly in their own corner. What a mess. Anna read the letter for the fourth time. When she was done, she put her head in her arms and wept.

Zach approached the office, and saw a light under the door. That was strange. He'd been told downstairs that the general manager had left for the day. It was the only reason he came up here, so he could have some privacy. He needed to think long and hard about what he would say to Bianca. They had not parted on good terms, and he couldn't bear it if he were kept out of Miranda's life. Being here at the casino was really an excuse to be in the area. "Well, I was in Monaco on business, and decided to stop by…" He refused to contemplate the fact that Anna was in Paris, also. One heart-wrenching scenario at a time was enough for him.

Now he was forced to deal with a possible intruder. He wondered if he should call security or handle it himself. Better handle it himself in case it was something innocent. He crept up to the door and put his ear to it. It was a waste of time. He had wanted the doors to be virtually sound-proof so that he or the manager could have complete privacy. If he simply opened the door, he would have no idea what awaited him. Whoever it was could be armed. He decided to head over to the security room. He greeted the team of people that monitored all the cameras in the casino and hotel. He went over to one of the private consoles, and entered the code to turn on the camera in the manager's office. He was the only one with the code. An image snapped onto the screen of the interior of the office. Someone was seated behind the desk, their head resting on the desk. From the length of the hair, it appeared to be a woman. He turned on the sound and heard snuffling noises.

It was then that he noticed what was on the desk. The carved wooden box from Switzerland was sitting open on the desk, empty. He saw paper scattered on the desk. The letter. The woman was clutching something in her hand, that could have been the ring box. My God. It was Anna. He quickly turned off the camera, and had to seriously restrain himself from flying down the hall to the office. He casually flung open the door, and entered. Anna catapulted upright at the sound of the door. She stared at him in amazement. "Zach." He walked over to the desk and stared down at the three scattered pages. "Why are you looking at a copy of the letter? Regretting that you threw the original away?"

She shook her head. "I didn't throw it away, Zach. However, I'm betting that it was thrown away by the person who received it, since it wasn't addressed to them." He stared at her for a moment, trying to comprehend her meaning. He cocked his head, waiting for an explanation. She held up the copy of the envelope. "Robin's apartment number was 11. I think you might have thought her ones were sevens because she wrote them in the European manner." He took the page from her and stared down at it. "The writing was a little blurred by her tears. Because she's American, I never would have guessed they were ones." Anna wiped away a stray tear. "She had to learn to write it that way for medical school." Zach slowly sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk. "So you never got the letter?" She shook her head. "No. And I waited for it, Zach. Instead of taking initiative and calling you, I waited for it. And because I never got it, I assumed that you had moved on."

Zach rubbed his hand over his face. "Why did it never occur to me that you might not have gotten it?" She shook her head. "For the same reason it never occurred to me that you sent one. We're both a couple of stubborn, prideful, heart-guarding cowards. Well, I am anyway. You wrote this beautiful letter..." She stopped, unable to continue past the lump in her throat. He gripped the arms of his chair. Tears welled in his eyes, and his voice became even more gravelly. "Why now? Why did you come looking for the truth, now?" Anna took several deep breaths. "Because I learned a very valuable lesson about adult children. I learned that I should have given my daughter credit for being mature and intelligent, and should not have thought that she couldn't handle the burden of my problems. I never told her how I felt about you, never told her how hurt I was that I didn't get the letter. I finally confided in her today, and she told me all about the ring and her assessment of your feelings. And then there was what Bianca told me."

Zach leaned forward. "You saw Bianca?" Anna nodded. "She and Maggie and Miranda had lunch with Robin and I today. It was a very enlightening time. When Bianca heard all that Robin had to say about you, she told us about what you said to Miranda." Zach thought a few moments, then realized what she meant. "When I told Miranda that she had half my heart." Anna nodded. "And you told her she was joining the other half in Paris."

Anna stood up, suddenly no longer able to sit still. She went over to the window and looked out at the night lights of Monte Carlo. She felt, rather than heard Zach come up behind her. "I didn't want to be presumptuous and jump to the same conclusions that Robin and Bianca had. I needed to see for myself. I needed proof." She held up the ring box that she had been gripping in her hand the whole time. "I have the proof that you loved me then. But I really don't know, do I, whether it's true now. What Bianca said, it could have meant something else. I…" Before she could say another word, Zach turned her around and pulled her to him. "Nothing in that letter has changed. God help me, after all this time, my heart is still very much yours." He kissed her. She wound her arms around his neck, tightly. She had longed for this moment so much.

He pulled away and gazed into her eyes, smoothing her hair back. He chuckled. "We used to joke about that movie, To Catch A Thief. And here you are, in Monte Carlo, breaking and entering to get your hands on a piece of jewelry." Anna laughed through her tears and looked down at the ring box. Zach tilted her head up. "It's yours, if you want it." Tears welled up in her eyes again. "I want you, Zach." He pulled her to him more tightly. "You have me, Anna. Finally, we have each other."