Chapter 39 – Great Expectations

Harry didn't meet Remus anymore that day. He and Ron went down for dinner – an unusually silent affair which testified of the still tense mood at headquarters after what had happened a few days past. But Remus was not there for dinner. Either he had already left Grimmauld Place again after his visit to Sirius, or he had not been here at all. Harry caught himself sneaking glances at the kitchen door every other moment, though. His desire to see Sirius, his need to make sure with his own eyes that he was back and well, was only growing with every minute that passed, and he hoped that Remus visiting Sirius meant that his godfather was allowed to have visitors and was well on his way to recovery. Because that would mean Harry could visit him as well, and if that was the case, nothing would hold him back anymore. He'd even find his way to St. Mungo's on his own if he had to. But the door didn't open and Remus didn't appear.

Disappointed, Harry lingered in the kitchen after dinner until it became obvious that Remus would not come down into the kitchen for a late snack. Even if he came home now, he'd probably go directly to his room. Still Harry stayed in the kitchen for a few moments longer, absent-mindedly listening to the conversation between Ron and his two oldest siblings but not really paying attention. At quarter past eleven, Harry gave up waiting for Remus and excused himself to go to bed.

For some reason, sleep did not come easily that night. Harry lay in bed for a long time even after Ron came into the room and went to bed himself, staring up at the ceiling and allowing his mind to drift off. Snape would be having a field day upon seeing how unable Harry was to clear his thoughts, yet there was no possibility that he'd fall asleep anytime soon, so he didn't worry overly much about the possibility of any kind of dreams. After maybe an hour of numbly staring ahead in the darkness, Harry rolled onto his side and looked at the framed photograph of Sirius and himself which he had put onto his nightstand earlier. In the picture, Sirius had sat down in an armchair, holding the sleeping baby-Harry in the crook of his arm. The younger version of Harry's godfather was staring back at Harry, a slight smile showing in the corners of his mouth.

"Why don't they allow me to see you?", Harry whispered, but there was no perceptive reaction from the photograph. Harry sighed and curled up tighter under his blankets. Finally, after what felt like hours of staring at the picture of himself and his godfather, Harry's eyes dropped close and he fell asleep.

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After he had left Severus' office, Remus numbly walked down the corridors and passages in the castle. He was feeling angry at no one in particular, rather about the fact that he was none the wiser after his visit to Severus. If Severus hadn't lied to him – and despite their strained relationship, Remus saw no reason why Severus should have lied to him – then he knew no reason why Sirius was changed now. But if he didn't, then who would? Remus didn't know what Sirius had experienced in the time after he had fallen through the veil, but knowing what he did about the archway and its previous uses, it couldn't have been a good place. But what about that place had changed Sirius? Where was the rest of his friend, if he could say so. Sirius had come back physically, but it seemed that was about it. Only physically.

After endless minutes of brooding, Remus finally halted his steps and looked around to see where he was. On the other hand of the corridor, he could just make out the stone gargoyle that marked the entrance to Dumbledore's office. Remus couldn't tell whether it was coincidence or whether his steps had unconsciously taken him here, but while he was still deciding whether or not to knock on the headmaster's door and seek advice in sorting through the chaotic mess that were his thoughts, the decision was made for him. Even as he stood undecided in the middle of the corridor, the gargoyle suddenly slid aside and revealed the moving staircase beyond. A moment later, Albus Dumbledore appeared. He stopped as he saw Remus standing in the corridor, then slowly came closer.

"Remus, were you looking for me?"

Remus shook his head, then, as if not quite sure himself, shrugged. "To be honest, I don't know."

Dumbledore thought for a moment, then he took Remus by his arm and guided him over towards the moving staircase.

"Didn't you intend to go somewhere?", Remus asked.

"I intended to visit Severus in his rooms, but that can wait for a little while longer. Why don't we go upstairs and have a cup of tea?"

Remus didn't know whether he actually wanted that, but his thoughts were such a tumbled, confused mess that he was unable to formulate a coherent articulation of what he wished to do, so Dumbledore had already guided him well up the staircase before he managed a nod. The two men went inside Dumbledore's office, and while Remus sat down in an armchair in front of Dumbledore's desk, the headmaster closed the door behind them and poured two cups of tea for them. He sat down so that he was facing Remus and handed one of the cups over to the younger man.

"You seem a little confused, if you don't mind me saying so."

Remus didn't know whether he should laugh or not. "Knowing as you do that I visited Sirius this morning, my confusion should not come as a surprise for you."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. "No, it probably shouldn't. I wanted to prepare you for what you should expect, but I was hoping that things would have changed by now. I take it that is not the case?"

"No, it's not."

"Did he react in any way?"

Remus shook his head. "No, he didn't. Not to anything I said or did. Not once. I…I just come from Severus' office. After my visit to Sirius, I thought that he might shed some light onto what happened to him. After all, he was there, he was the one who brought Sirius back. So I asked him if he knew anything."

When Remus didn't continue, Dumbledore rose both his eyebrows inquiringly. "What did Severus tell you?"

"That he doesn't know. He said he doesn't remember anything about bringing Sirius back, and that Necromancy bears the danger of souls not returning entirely."

Dumbledore looked at Remus intensely. "I doubt that there is much we can do about it for now. If the healers knew anything to help his progress, then they would do it."

Remus ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He knew that Dumbledore was right, yet he didn't want to believe it. There had to be something that could be done. There had to be something he could do to help the old Sirius resurface.

"Whatever Sirius experienced, I don't see a way of helping him if nobody knows what caused his state in the first place. And we don't know yet if it's a permanent state", Dumbledore said, as if he was reading Remus' thoughts. Remus thought on this for a moment, then he looked up at Dumbledore.

"He was the same when you visited him?"

"From what you tell, exactly the same, yes."

"We can't let Harry visit him like this", Remus said, his face turning ashen at the thought of how devastated the teenager would be if he saw Sirius as unresponsive as Remus had seen him earlier.

"I imagine that he has set his hopes in Sirius' return very high."

"That he has. And the problem is that he won't just accept it if I tell him that he can't visit Sirius. He's desperate to see him again, it was hard enough to explain him that he couldn't visit Sirius when he woke up. He won't put up with that for much longer."

Dumbledore sighed deeply. "Assuming that Sirius condition is permanent, Harry has to get to know about it sooner or later. And if Sirius' condition isn't permanent, meeting Harry might trigger something in him."

"So you'd let him visit Sirius?"

"I don't know how he'd take it, Remus. Meeting Sirius in such a state will certainly be hard on him. The problem is that we don't know when, if at all, Sirius' condition changes for the better. However, I do certainly not suggest to let him walk into Sirius' hospital room totally unprepared. On the contrary."

Remus leaned back in his chair and stared to of the window for a couple of moments.

"I will take some more time before I'll return to Grimmauld Place, there is too much going through my head at the moment. But tomorrow at the latest I'll see him again. I'll see if I find a good way of telling him what my visit was like. He'll want to see Sirius no matter what, but I'll do my best to prepare him." He looked up at Dumbledore. "Would the Ministry allow Harry to visit Sirius at all? I don't particularly like the idea, but if the Ministry denied Harry the right to visit him, we would have some more time to find out what happened to Sirius and whether and how it can be changed. I don't like hiding the truth from Harry, but it might be better than to devastate him."

Dumbledore shook his head. "Sirius' legal status is that of a Ministry prisoner in hospital. It's not impossible to get visitation permission for him, especially because of the doubts about his guilt which have surfaced right now. Seemingly, the Minister has finally heeded the words on his innocence after he had to admit Voldemort's return. And after I drew his attention to the fact that Sirius never had a trial to begin with. As long as the visit is announced at the Ministry, I guess that Harry would be allowed to visit Sirius. I announced your visit to Sirius the evening before you came to the hospital, and it was no problem at all."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "So we'd be lying if we told Harry that he can't visit Sirius, and I won't lie to him about it. I'll tell him what I know."

"Considering that Harry will want to hear an explanation for what is happening, that might be the best solution. Do you want me to be there when you tell him?"

Remus thought for a moment, then he shook his head. "No, I think it will be better if I tell him alone."

Dumbledore nodded, absent-mindedly running his hand thought his long, white beard. "I have a meeting with Minister Fudge about Sirius tomorrow morning."

"What about?"

"His legal status, mostly. I have the feeling that the Minister suspects that I knew where Sirius was all the time and that I've hidden that information from him. After Sirius fell through the veil, he kept on asking me where Sirius came from, but as to not compromise the Order I couldn't tell him, which somehow made the explanation for his presence in the Department of Mysteries that night somewhat…sketchy. But now he seemingly made the connection as to why I was telling him more than once to have a look into the old files because I thought Sirius was innocent. He always pushed those concerns of mine aside, and if he already wants to talk about Sirius, then we will talk about everything that happened."

Remus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I asked Kingsley to dig up whatever was left of the old records from Sirius' arrest. He spent the past two days in the archives whenever he was not on duty, and from what I gather it was not exactly easy. Everybody knew about Sirius' arrest and his sentence at Azkaban, but the official files were classified."

Remus nodded. "Because he never got a trial, and that's against the law."

"Exactly. And I want to confront Cornelius with it in a manner so that he cannot close his eyes to what happened back then."

Suddenly, Remus understood. "You want him to release Sirius."

Dumbledore nodded. "That is exactly what I want. I know that he cannot declare Sirius innocent and set him free as easily as Sirius was declared guilty all those years ago, but once the healers release him from St. Mungo's, I don't want him to be under Ministry arrest."

"Or back in Azkaban."

"Or back in Azkaban. Though the Dementors have left the prison."

Remus shook his head emphatically. "That doesn't matter, Albus. If there is any chance, Sirius should not return to this place ever, if possible."

Dumbledore just looked at Remus for a long moment, and Remus thought that he knew what the old wizard was thinking about. He knew that Sirius had not talked to anybody about his experiences in Azkaban. Not to anybody but Remus. He didn't know much of what his friend had gone through during his imprisonment, but the little that Sirius had told him was enough to be sure that returning to Azkaban would not be good for him. Finally, Dumbledore broke the silence.

"As I said, I know that Cornelius cannot simply set him free. But I want him to give Sirius a trial, and I want him to release him from Ministry arrest. And in the light of the illegality of everything that surrounds Sirius' arrest, I will press Cornelius to set the trial as soon as possible. Until everything is officially cleared, they will probably put Sirius under house-arrest, that cannot be prevented, but it's better than locking him up in prison."

Remus wasn't so sure about that. Sirius had been under 'house-arrest' at Grimmauld Place for an entire year, and it had not done him good. It had been a prison for Sirius, one he had not dealt with well. But he hoped that this would be different if Sirius knew that it was only a temporary solution until his trial. He hoped it was. If it mattered at all. In his momentary state, Remus doubted that Sirius would be able to tell the difference between St. Mungo's and Grimmauld Place. Dumbledore's voice interrupted him before he could think more intensely about it.

"And I want Cornelius to finally issue a search warrant for Peter Pettigrew."

"Do you think he will believe you that Peter is still alive? We don't have any proof for it, only witnesses."

Dumbledore sighed. "I hope he will. I have our people at the Ministry look out for any sign of him already, but it would be so much more effective if all the forces would be ordered to keep an eye out for him. So I will tell Cornelius that we have not only one but a couple of witnesses who saw him alive, and I hope that will finally be enough for him. If not, I will ask him to question Harry about it."

"I don't like Harry being in the focus of the Minister's attention."

Dumbledore cocked his head to the side and watched Remus intensely. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that he has done nothing but scrape at Harry's reputation while it was convenient for him last year. He used Harry to avoid the admission that Voldemort is back, because he didn't want it to be true. He used Harry for his own purpose, though it doesn't take a genius to understand that it must be hard for a fifteen year old to be all but publicly declared a nutcase. And now that he can no longer deny it, Harry suddenly is everybody's golden boy again, and again Fudge is using him for his purpose. It's an open secret that most of what is printed in the Daily Prophet reflects the Minister's current mood and opinion. I for one would be more at ease if Fudge left Harry entirely alone, impossible as that may seem. I'm worried that there will come another time when it'll be convenient for him to publicly denounce Harry again. There are too many people he listens to who might have an interest in seeing Harry publicly denounced or worse."

He didn't need to speak out loud what he meant. The entire Order had been in an uproar when Lucius Malfoy had been released from Azkaban barely a week into the summer holidays. The investigations against him had not been conducted in a manner that would have satisfied those people who knew about his involvement with the Death Eaters, but there had been nothing Kingsley or even Moody had been able to do against it. Lucius Malfoy had good lawyers, and – even more importantly – he had much influence at the Ministry, going up to the top ranks and Minister Fudge himself. If the Minister knew that Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater, he turned a blind eye on it. But the Order guessed that he simply didn't want to know and had seen it as their own task to watch the man. The problem was that Lucius Malfoy was not stupid. He knew that his arrest had put him into a bad light, and he knew that Dumbledore would have an eye out on him because he was not so easily influenced than Malfoy's Ministry associates. The Order was tailing Lucius Malfoy nearly without interruption, but as Snape had said during one of their meetings, the man was far too clever to make an obvious mistake.

Dumbledore nodded. "I am convinced that it won't be necessary to involve Harry into anything. The Minister has enough on his hands already, he'll opt for a quick and safe solution so that he can get back to the really urgent issues."

"And while you are already there, you'll be trying to press him for information."

"I'm still worried about those two attacks, more than I can tell. They just don't make sense, so I need to find out if Cornelius knows more about it than we could gather so far."

"There will be a meeting tomorrow night?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, there will be. I hope I'll have some information to share until then."

Remus rose from his chair, glad that the conversation with Dumbledore had taken his mind off of Sirius and what had happened this morning. He felt more like himself now, at least more ready to think about what all this meant.

"I'll see you tomorrow evening then. Thank you for the tea, Albus."

"You're welcome, Remus. Until tomorrow."

Remus turned and left the office.

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When Harry woke up the next morning, he felt as if he had barely slept at all. His sleep had been anything but restful, there had been too many strange nightmares. Now his head was aching slightly, and solely the idea of getting up made him come to the conclusion that this was not one of the better days. After a minute or two of silent contemplation whether it would be worth it to crawl out of bed, Harry decided that he'd have to get up sooner or later, anyway, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and got up.

Ron was no longer lying in bed, but judged by the fact that it was only quarter past eight, he couldn't have been awake for long. Tiredly, Harry shuffled over into the bathroom, washed up and brushed his teeth, then he got dressed and went downstairs into the kitchen for breakfast. As Harry had predicted, Ron was already downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of breakfast in front of him. Nobody else was to be seen, not even Mrs. Weasley. Harry went over towards the stove, filled a plate with porridge, fetched himself a cup of tea and sat down at the table.

"'Morning Ron."

Ron looked up from the Daily Prophet's sport section. "Good morning."

"Anything interesting in the paper?"
Ron shrugged. "The Canons have sold their best Chaser to an Italian team."

Harry had not been talking about sports, he thought that Ron should know that. But his friend only pushed the remaining parts of the paper towards Harry.

"That is really the most interesting piece of news in the whole paper. The rest is only rubbish. Nothing happened, if that's what you wanted to know. And at least the paper doesn't seem to know that anything at all happened in the Ministry as of late."

Harry pulled the paper over towards himself and started leafing through the pages. Ron was right, there was nothing. The front page was taken up by a lead article about the leader of the Ministry's head of Department of Foreign Affairs starting a three-day journey to visit his colleagues in France and Spain, and inside the paper there wasn't anything of interest, either. The Goblin's Union complaining about the receding productivity of the British markets, a report about the upcoming Scottish Warlock Fair, a smaller article about a Ministry conference concerning a tax reform. Ron was absolutely right, the Canons selling their Chaser was the most interesting article in here. Harry didn't quite know what to think about it. Of course he was glad that what he had done in the Department of Mysteries had not become public knowledge, and of course he was glad that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had not murdered anybody else, but with every day that passed without any news from Voldemort, he found himself feeling a bit more edgy.

"Where's your Mum?"

Ron looked up from his paper and shrugged. "Off to Diagon Alley, it's the weekly shopping-for-headquarters day. She should be back around lunch."

Harry nodded and finished his own breakfast. He had his own plans for today, or rather one very specific plan. Find Remus, ask him why he had lied about visiting Sirius, demand to see Sirius. If he didn't find Remus, he'd have to find somebody else who'd bring him to St. Mungo's. But he would see his godfather today, that was his resolve. He had enough of sitting around and waiting.

"Do you know if Remus has come back last night?"

Ron, who was just about to get up and put his dirty dishes into the sink, stopped and shook his head.

"No. I haven't seen him this morning, but I only came down maybe fifteen minutes before you did. Why do you ask?"

"Because I know that he visited Sirius yesterday, and I want him to take me to St. Mungo's."

"Well, good luck for that. I'm going upstairs to finish those stupid holiday assignments. Really, why they give us homework for the holidays is beyond me, especially since we still haven't received our O.W.L. results."

Ron continued to grumble a little about the amount of work that was demanded from them during the holidays, then he went upstairs to finish his essays. Harry knew that Ron wouldn't have such a hard time. He had nearly finished all of his essays, and only yesterday Harry had given Ron his own essays for comparison. But he could sympathise with what Ron was feeling, writing those essays was a chore, no matter how little researches he'd have to conduct. He fetched himself another cup of tea and settled to wait for Remus, starting to read all the articles in the Daily Prophet, even the boring ones.

An hour later, Harry knew everything about the attractions at the Warlock's fair in Scotland and the economic decline of certain market branches which worried the goblins deeply. That the Canons had sold their Chaser wasn't a good idea in his opinion, either, but it wasn't the focus of his interest this morning. However, before he started to read the horoscopes in his desperation to pass the time, the door to the kitchen opened and Remus came into the room. Harry had to admit in Remus' favour that his former teacher didn't seem to have gotten all that much sleep last night, so he probably hadn't snuck into the house while Harry had still been waiting for him. But still, Harry felt angry at him for lying about visiting Sirius.

Remus looked at Harry for a short moment, with an expression that somehow seemed not all that happy to find him here in the kitchen, and alone, then he went to fetch himself a cup of tea.

"Good morning, Harry", he said as he sat down at the other side of the table so that he was facing the teenager.

"Good morning", Harry said and couldn't stop his voice from turning sharp. "Had a good day yesterday?"

Remus drank a deep sip of tea, then he put down his cup and looked at Harry.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you visited Sirius yesterday, without telling me about it. I didn't even know that he was awake again. All I was told was that he wasn't even allowed to have visitors, awake or not, and quite obviously that hasn't been the truth!"

Remus nodded. "I see. I can understand that you're angry."

"I'm fed up with people understanding what I feel! Just for once, I want to be told things that concern me, not any expressions of compassion for my hurt feelings afterwards!"

"I'm sorry, Harry. Will you let me explain?"

Harry shrugged angrily. "I'm used to explanations afterwards, so why not."

Remus leaned back in his chair and waited for a beat, searching for the right words.

"Albus told me yesterday morning that Sirius has woken up, and that he is allowed to have visitors. My first suggestion was that the two of us visit Sirius together before returning to Grimmauld Place."

"Then why didn't you come and fetch me?", Harry asked.

"Two reasons. The first reason was bureaucratic in its nature. Sirius is still a Ministry prisoner, and while I gather that Minister Fudge finally starts listening to what he is told about Sirius' innocence, the Ministry still needs to be notified about the visits beforehand. And Albus only announced my visit to him."

Harry's face turned angry. "Why did he do that? He should be able to imagine that I want to see him."

"That is the second reason I've talked about, and that is something which will be harder for you to understand. Albus visited Sirius the day before yesterday, and I visited him yesterday. Before I went to St. Mungo's, he warned me and said hat Sirius' condition was not good."

"What do you mean?"

"That is what I asked him, but he didn't want to tell me anything specific. He hoped that it was only a temporary condition. When I visited Sirius, I learned that unfortunately Albus was not wrong, and in the end I was glad that you didn't come with me straight away."

"What is wrong with Sirius?", Harry interrupted yet again, growing more and more impatient. "You said that he was all right, didn't you?"

"I said that he was physically all right, and that was not a lie. It's not a physical problem. This might be hard on you, but I'll just tell you straight away, without beating about the bush. Sirius is awake, but he's unresponsive."

"What does that mean?"

"That he doesn't react to anything. Physically, yes. But while he appears to be awake, he just stares emptily ahead. He doesn't talk, doesn't react when he's spoken to, doesn't react to any kind of physical approach. He's just…not there, only physically, but it seems as if his mind isn't there. The healers are not yet sure whether this is a temporary condition or not, but right now nobody can say for sure."

Harry looked thunderstruck for a long moment, then he shook his head.

"No, no, that can't be right."

"I'm sorry, but it is."

Harry shook his head again. "You have to be wrong. I'm sure you've just misunderstood something. Maybe he was still confused, or they had given him some medication that made him drowsy, but I'm sure that Sirius will be all right."
Remus leaned forward and looked at Harry intensely. "Merlin knows I hope that's the case. But I'm telling you this because I want you to be prepared in case that it isn't just confusion. It was Necromancy that brought him back, and Severus said that it's possible that this change was caused by the rite. And even if it's not, he has been caught in a place where no living human being was supposed to be, for over two months. Whatever the reason, Sirius has changed, either temporarily or permanently. And I wanted you to know that before you go and visit him, because it's possible that he won't react to seeing you, either."

Harry shook his head again. "Maybe the healers were wrong, and he's still partly unconscious or something. There has to be a sensible explanation for all this."

Remus sighed deeply. "Don't get your hopes up too high, Harry. Please."

"I want to see him."

"I thought as much."

"Yeah, right. That is why I had to wait for over two days before I get the chance to."

"Harry, nobody did anything to keep you away from Sirius. Before yesterday, I didn't know anything about his condition either, and after I saw him I wanted to prepare you first. I just didn't want you to visit him only to be horribly disappointed, that is why I told you this. I went to the Ministry before I returned last night, to tell Kingsley to arrange that you can meet Sirius today. But please keep in mind what I told you."

Harry didn't even seem to hear him. "When do we leave?"

Remus checked his watch. "Kingsley is on duty since ten, he'd have called already if the Ministry had any objections against your visit. So I think we can leave as soon as you're ready. Just keep in mind what I just told you."

But Harry had jumped up from his chair so quickly that Remus was sure that Harry didn't waste one conscious thought on Remus' warning about Sirius' condition. He couldn't change that, though, so he'd just have to come along and see how things would develop.

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Remus knew that Harry was deluding himself, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do to stop that at the moment. He had told Harry what he knew about Sirius' condition, had told him about the absolute lack of reaction upon his visit the day before, but still Harry was convinced deep down inside that it would all be different when he came to visit him. Remus would have liked to spare the teenager this probably devastating experience, but he knew that Harry would not believe what he had been told until he saw it with his own eyes. So the least - actually, the only thing - he could do was come with him when it happened.

After they had come out of the fireplace at St. Mungo's, Remus had noticed that Harry grew more nervous by the minute. The teenager was fidgeting uneasily, again and again wiping his palms against his trouser legs. Remus himself had a feeling of dread rising in his stomach which only increased the closer they came to the corridor where Sirius' room was located. As they turned around the last corner, he saw Kingsley sitting in front of Sirius' room just like he had done the day before when Remus had visited Sirius for the first time. There was another Auror with him, a different one than the day before.

Remus had told Harry not to let show that he knew Kingsley Shacklebolt, and he was glad to see that Harry seemed to remember it. He gave no indication that he had met Kingsley before as they stepped up to the desk and stopped. Kingsley and the other Auror looked up at them. This time, Kingsley picked up his clipboard before he asked Remus anything.

"That would be Remus J. Lupin and Harry J. Potter to visit Mr. Black?", he asked. Remus nodded, and Kingsley opened the book in front of him and pointed at a certain column.

"Sign in here, then please hand over your wands. Auror Jennings will have to search you for concealed weapons. You have fifteen minutes, and I have to inform you that any attempt to help the Ministry prisoner escape will lead to serious repercussions. As will any attempt to enable contact between Mr. Black and anybody outside this hospital ward. Should any problems with the prisoner arise, call us in immediately. Any questions?"

"No", Remus answered for them while Harry finished signing in. This time, Kingsley's warning sounded ironic to him. Of course he knew that it was a standard legal admonition, yet the part about enabling Sirius to contact somebody outside the hospital was, given his current state, more than highly ironic. Jennings performed a quick but thorough search for any concealed weapons or other things they might be trying to smuggle into Sirius' room, then Kingsley guided them over towards the door. He didn't say anything, but positioning himself between Harry and his colleague so that Jennings could not see, he squeezed Harry's shoulder once in encouragement as he opened the door to Sirius' room for them. Harry breathed in deeply, then he and Remus entered the room. Both didn't even notice that Kingsley closed the door behind them, Harry because he was so excited that he was finally going to meet his godfather again, and Remus because he was dreading that the visit would devastate the teenager.

There was a slight hesitancy in Harry's steps as he entered the room, but it vanished after a few seconds and after drawing a deep breath, Harry quickly stepped up to the bed at the other end of the room. Quietly, Remus followed Harry into Sirius' ward.

Just like the day before, Sirius was lying in bed, arms lying at his sides, blanket drawn up to cover his chest. Both chest and blanket were rising and falling slowly in time with his breaths, but that was about all the movement that was coming from him. His blue eyes were open, blinking occasionally, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling. Just like the day before, Sirius' gaze was unfocussed and he gave no sign that he had noticed Remus' and Harry's presence in the room.

Harry quickly walked up to the bed, only slowing down when he stood directly next to his godfather.

"Sirius", he said, in a tone of voice one would use when waking somebody from sleep. Remus noticed that Harry's voice was shaking slightly from nervousness, and as he received no answer, his hands balled into tight fists at his side.

"Sirius", Harry said again, louder this time, and sat down on the edge of the mattress. He picked up Sirius' hand and squeezed it tightly, but again he received no reaction. Remus kept himself in the background, trying not to disturb Harry's moment with his godfather. Maybe, maybe there was the slight chance that Harry's presence might trigger something in Sirius and bring him closer to awareness, though Remus had serious doubts about that. He watched how Harry continued to talk to Sirius, though he didn't pay any real mind to what it was that Harry was saying. Not because he was not interested, but because he wanted to give Harry at least a sense of privacy without leaving him completely alone.

As Remus had feared, nothing about Harry's presence helped to change even the slightest thing about Sirius' condition, not even as Harry's pleading grew more and more desperate. Slowly, Remus stepped up behind Harry and put his hands on the teenager's shoulders. The muscles there were as taut as bowstrings, he was breathing harshly, and as he turned to look at Remus, there were tears running down his cheeks. Remus squeezed Harry's shoulders again.

"Let's head back, Kingsley is surely going to call us out any moment."

Harry nodded numbly, and as Remus let go off his shoulders and turned towards the door, he bent down and hugged Sirius tightly. He hadn't expected otherwise, but Sirius made no move to wrap his arms around him and hug him back. Harry took another moment to calm himself, wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, then he got up and followed Remus towards the door and out. Once they were out in the corridor and the door was closed behind them, Remus wordlessly guided Harry over to the desk where Kingsley sat, signed them out of the visitor's book, took their wands back and led them down the corridor and out of sight of Kingsley and the other Auror. As soon as they had turned around the corner, he wordlessly turned Harry around and pulled him tightly against himself. Harry was crying, Remus felt how his shoulders shook against his hold, but he didn't say anything about it. He merely allowed the teenager to cry on his shoulder and did his best to comfort him.

"Do you think it was a mistake?", Harry asked after a long while. Remus rubbed across his back in what he hoped it was a comforting way.

"Even if it was, we could not change it anymore. But no, I don't think it was a mistake. And not because it saved my life in the end."

Harry shook his head and pulled back slightly from the embrace.

"But it was selfish. I did it because I wanted him back, and I didn't care about the consequences. I didn't think what that could mean for him. I thought he'd come back just the way he was before, and now everything is just so wrong."

Remus looked at Harry for a moment, then he took him by the hand and led him down the corridor towards the staircase. Only when they had reached the nearly empty cafeteria on the top floor and Remus had fetched them two cups of strong tea did he break the silence.

"All right, I think there are a few things we need to talk about."

Harry shrugged uncomfortably. "It's just…when I woke up and was told that it had worked, that we had really brought Sirius back, I thought everything was all right. I thought that I had done the right thing. But now I simply don't know anymore. I was selfish, and in the end the results are worse for everybody."

Remus nodded.

"All right, I see your point. When I first got to know that you had gone to the Ministry, I was as angry with you as I've ever been. Angry because what you did was plain stupid."

Harry looked away and bit his lip, but Remus reached for his chin and gently turned him around again.

"Listen to me. It was stupid. You endangered yourself, fully well knowing that you simply didn't have the abilities to do what you set out to do. You could have killed yourself. That is what I meant with stupid. But more important than being stupid, it was also an act of utmost devotion, and you showed a degree of care and love which I haven't seen in many people before. Even when everybody gave him up, including me, you didn't. Because you believed that it was good to bring Sirius back. That it was right and necessary. And it was good and necessary to bring him back."

Harry looked unbelieving. "What is supposed to be good or necessary about bringing him back like this?"

"Bringing him back. Period. Like you, Sirius has a long history of people not doing enough for him. Me included. He had earned it that that somebody finally went lengths to do something for him."

"Damn lot of good it did."

"Don't give up on him already, it's too early to do that."

"And if his condition doesn't change?"

Remus sighed deeply. "Then we'll at least have the chance to say goodbye to him. But that is something for when nobody sees a chance for him to recover anymore. And believe me that I have no intention of letting it come to that. If there's a way to help Sirius, I'll find it. I won't give him up one more time."

Harry silently and sipped his tea. There were still tears in his eyes, threateningly close to spilling over, but Remus would not have minded if Harry had started sobbing now. Merlin knew he could relate to what the teenager was feeling.

"I just want him back, Remus. He's all the family I have, aside from my aunt and uncle. But he's the family I want. And I was so happy to have him back, I thought that I finally had a chance to have everything I dreamt of."

Remus shifted his chair closer to Harry and wrapped an arm around the teenager's slim shoulders.

"I'll do anything I can to help you get him back. Anything."

Harry gulped the last of his tea and shrugged again.

"Let's head back to Grimmauld Place", Remus suggested. "I'm getting hungry, and hospital food is not exactly what I had in mind."

"Sure", was Harry's court answer. They cleared their cups away and walked down the stairs until they had reached the lobby from which they could floo back. As they came out of the fireplace in the still empty basement kitchen, Remus vanished the soot from their robes with a wave of his wand and for a moment they simply looked at each other, not really knowing what to say. In the end Remus made a step forward and wrapped his arms around Harry again.

"It's hard now, I know that. But I'm here for you, okay? If there's anything you need, anything you want to talk about, you can always come to me."

Harry didn't say anything, he simply hugged Remus tightly for a long moment. When he withdrew, he still looked slightly shaky and teary. Remus smiled at him.

"All right, as I don't see Molly anywhere around, how about I see what I can do to produce something edible? I can't match her skills at cooking, but I'm fairly sure I won't give us a case of food-poisoning."

Harry smiled shakily and nodded.

"Sounds good."

"Nah, don't think I'll let you get off so easily. I hereby promote you to chief-chopper and fetcher of things from the pantry. If we already start to cook, we can as well make enough for everybody and relieve Molly for lunch. Why don't you start with the potatoes while I go and see what else we have?"

Harry nodded and stepped up to the counter. "Sure." He pulled a knife from one of the drawers and fetched the basket with potatoes from the pantry while Remus went in search of the other ingredients. If anything, Remus hoped that this would help to distract Harry from what had happened this morning.