Chapter 43 – Promises Fulfilled

Harry had not seen much of Remus all day. From all he knew, Remus was still researching possible ways to bring Sirius back. He had been doing that for the past two days, but so far Harry had heard nothing that would suggest that he had found out anything.

Not finding out anything also seemed what the healers at St. Mungo's were stuck at. Harry had visited Sirius again this afternoon, and his godfather had been exactly the same than during Harry's other visits. Not reacting to anything, staring sightlessly ahead, giving no sign that he was aware of Harry's presence. Harry had been glad upon finding Ron and Tonks in the kitchen upon returning from the hospital with Bill and Mr. Weasley, because their presence had stopped him from returning to his room and brooding about how shitty life was treating him at the moment. Instead, he had remained downstairs until long after dinner, chatting with Tonks, playing chess with Ron and a round of Exploding Snape with everybody who had remained in the kitchen after dinner. It was nearly nine when he and Ron went upstairs. They didn't intend to go to bed yet, of course, but Tonks had left after their game was finished to sleep off the after-effects of a double shift at the Ministry, and Mrs. and Mr. Weasley had also called it an early night.

Ron was still wiping the remaining soot off his face. He had not exactly been lucky during the game of Exploding Snap earlier, and the last deck had blown up right into his face. A sooty smear was still running across his nose, and so far he had missed it while rubbing his face clean. It looked rather funny, so Harry had no intention of telling Ron about it for now.

They entered their room, and while Ron picked up his broom catalogue again, Harry let himself fall onto his bed with a sigh.

"You're not tired already, are you?"

Harry shrugged and turned around, but stopped himself before he answered. Something had rustled in his bed as he had turned, and now that he had turned, he could see the end of an envelope sticking out from underneath his pillow. Frowning, Harry sat up and pulled the envelope out.

"What's that?", Ron asked.

"I don't know. I haven't seen it before."

His name had been written onto the envelope with black ink, and Harry recognised the handwriting immediately.

"It's from Remus. I just don't know why he should leave me a letter and not just tell me whatever it is." Harry quickly opened the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. As he unfolded it and began to read, Ron sat down next to him and looked over his shoulder.

Dear Harry,

first of all, I'm sorry for taking your invisibility cloak. Until now you probably didn't know it, but Kingsley gave it to me this morning with the request to return it to you. However, I found that I had use for it today and will hopefully return it tomorrow.

I'm also sorry that you have to get to know about what I intend to know this way. I did not want to exclude you from it, but there was neither the time to explain, nor could I risk running into something or somebody who would delay me, so I had to keep my earlier visit to Grimmauld Place as short as possible.

At this moment, I'm at St. Mungo's, in Sirius' ward. Which would explain the need for your invisibility cloak. I do not want you to get your hopes up too high, I am by no means sure that I have found a way to bring Sirius back, but I have stumbled across something which I cannot ignore. I doubt that I can make Sirius' situation any worse, yet I hope that if the blood-bond I share with Sirius was strong enough to keep him alive for over two months, it might also serve to bring him back. If what I intend to do does not work out – which is indeed possible, even likely – then I will at the very least have to face consequences for intruding into the hospital like I did. Which is the main reason why I didn't tell you anything about what I was planning to do.

I don't know when you will find this letter, but it is of utmost importance that you do not alarm anybody to what I am doing. Either it will work, or it will not work. But given just the slight chance that this is indeed a possibility to bring Sirius back, I cannot risk any interruption.

I'm sorry that I could not tell you about it personally, but there simply was not enough time. As soon as I am able to give word, you will be the first to know of what happened. Just wait in the kitchen for news, if you are able to do so without arousing suspicion.

I promised you I'd do anything to bring him back, rest assured that I take this promise seriously. I hope you forgive me for not informing you earlier.

Remus

When Harry had finished reading the letter, he let it sink down and looked at Ron. Ron was looking back with an unbelieving gaze.

"What is he doing?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't know. He says something about using the blood bond, but I really don't know what exactly it is that he's doing."

He folded the letter, put it back into the envelope and placed it back under the pillow. Then he got up from the bed and walked over towards the door.

"Where are you going?", Ron asked.

"Into the kitchen, waiting for Remus' call", Harry said, then he vanished. Ron sighed, then he got up from the bed and followed Harry downstairs.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Remus had lost all sense of space and time. He didn't know when it had started. At one moment, he had been aware of his position on Sirius' bed, pressing the bleeding cuts on their hands together, the next there had been a tingling sensation in his right arm, quickly spreading up into his shoulder, chest, neck and head. And from that moment on, the normal rules had no longer had any value.

He couldn't even describe where he was, or if there was any where. Of course, he was sitting on Sirius' bed, in the hospital ward at St. Mungo's. Only, he wasn't sitting on the bed. He wasn't anywhere, no space, no time, nothing. Just emptiness. Empty like the shell of Sirius' body that lay under his hands.

A small, sickly feeling was forming in the pit of his stomach. This could not be, he could not have been so wrong. The blood bond must be the way to bring Sirius back, there simply was no other alternative. What if Sirius was gone for good, what if this was just how it was supposed to be? What if there was nothing to save, if he was chasing an illusion? Fear took a hold on him, stronger than he had ever experienced it before. Where was the way back? Was there a way back? Where was Sirius, how was he supposed to find him? There was only nothingness around him, a giant vastness in which Remus suddenly felt small, insignificant.

Lost.

Panicked, Remus turned into one direction, then the other, stormed forward, to the left, back, to the right. But everywhere there was only darkness. Only darkness, nothing.

Lost.

He had gotten lost. He was here, alone, and he would never find Sirius. Never. He was lost.

Calm. He needed to calm himself. This would not lead anywhere if he panicked now. He needed to keep his wits, then a solution would find itself. He just needed to find Sirius. Sirius had to be somewhere. He didn't know how, but if he only focussed enough on Sirius, then their bond should take him to his friend. Shouldn't it? For all he knew, what he was about to do was absolutely useless. He didn't know anything for sure, that was his problem.

Calm down.

Easier said than done. Much easier. Even after he had fought down the initial panic, his heart was beating at twice its usual pace. Right, focus on Sirius. Focus on Sirius. On Sirius alone.

That was when the first thing shot past Remus' head. Panicked, he turned his head, his hand automatically reaching for his wand – as if he could use magic here. As if he even had a wand here. Physically, he was still sitting on Sirius' bed, and that was where his wand was. Great. And it was no curse that had shot past him. All he saw was a white shadow brushing past him, only to vanish as quickly as it had come. An icy gush of air brushed his cheek, and even as he brought up a hand and swirled around, another white shadow shot past him, and another and another. Faceless white shadows, leaving nothing but icy numbness in their wake, and though Remus could not see them clearly, he knew that they were all around him. All around him and closing in. Closing in on him.

"What are you?", Remus yelled into the darkness, but his voice was drowned out before it even reached his own ears.

"What do you want?"

Still, he received no answer. Nothing. The darkness around him swallowed up every sound that didn't come from within, the only thing Remus could hear was the frantic beating of his own heart, loud and much too fast. Else, there was nothing to hear here, nothing to see. Except from more and more shadows, all brushing past him, coming closer and closer, watching him. Lurking. Biding their time.

Remus took a few careful steps, not really knowing where he was going, if he was getting anywhere actually. But he couldn't just stay in one place and wait for something to happen. Just as he made another step forward, he saw movement in his peripheral vision and turned around abruptly. Nothing. Only darkness, all around him. He turned back and took another step. Nothing happened. Another step, then one more, and another. Still, nothing happened. His mind must have been playing ticks on him, Remus decided. And just as he had accepted that explanation, he saw it again, this time to his left. Heart beating fast in his throat, Remus turned around. There was something, a shadow which was a different colour than the surrounding darkness. As if somebody was standing there, watching him. Hesitantly, Remus made a step into the direction of the shadow.

The closer he came, the more clearly he could distinguish the shape in front of the surrounding blackness. It was the figure of a man standing there, wearing dark blue robes. He had black hair which was standing off his head in wild angles, his face was pale, and the colour of his eyes was indistinguishable behind the wire-rimmed glasses that seemed to reflect a light, light which wasn't there. Remus stopped short.

"James?"

The figure had been standing with his side turned to Remus, and upon hearing his voice he turned. It was James, and seeing him here confused Remus to no end. What did that mean?

"James?", he asked again. James smiled and raised a hand in greeting. Remus' body had a mind of its own, and without him consciously realising it, he started walking towards the image in front of him. And just as he was approaching, there was a sudden burst of green light shooting towards James, evolving him for a moment before releasing his suddenly limp form to drop to the floor.

"No!"

Remus started running as fast as he could, but it was as if some invisible force was pulling James away at the same speed. He could not reach his friend, could not get to his side. All he could do was stare down at James' broken form on the ground, a look of utter astonishment on his face, his glasses cracked, the paleness on his face now a greyish shade of death.

"James!", Remus screamed, but there was no sound coming out of his mouth. He stopped running, and suddenly James was gone. From one moment to the next, there was only darkness where his friend's body had been lying. Still not knowing what exactly it was that was happening here, Remus turned. He was panting, sweat was trickling off his forehead, ad yet he was feeling chilled, as if there was a cold wind blowing towards him. Why had he seen James here, why had he seen James die? What did his long-deceased friend have to do with all this?

Remus no longer knew where he had begun his journey into Sirius' mind, and he no longer thought it mattered. He took a step into the direction he was facing and tried to clear his mind. Seeing James like that had disturbed him, but as cruel as that sounded, he needed to focus on Sirius now. Nothing else mattered, just finding Sirius.

But it was as if some cruel deity was playing director in a theatre-piece of her own making, switching on light-switches and presenting Remus with images he could not ignore, no matter how hard he tried. James had only been the beginning. The slow beginning.

From out of nowhere, suddenly Remus found himself standing face to face with Regulus. Of course he had known Sirius' little brother, Regulus had been two years younger than Sirius and there had been five years at Hogwarts during which their paths had crossed nearly daily during mealtimes or in the corridors. Yet after his death so many years ago, Remus had not found himself thinking very often about him. And suddenly he was standing here, right in front of him, far closer than James had stood. Remus stopped short, gasping, not knowing what to say or do. But Regulus only smiled, a smile which made cold shivers run down Remus' spine, and he slowly raised his left arm, pulling back the sleeve of his robe.

The dark mark stood out clearly against Regulus' pale skin, the dark skull stretched across the arm so that it seemingly grinned at Remus, mocked him for something Remus didn't know or understand. And Regulus was still smiling that strange, silent smile, as the mark began pulsing, a heartbeat of its own, a sound that threatened to deafen Remus with its horrible beat. Regulus' form was just a blurred image in front of Remus' eyes, and suddenly he was gone. Somewhere in the distance, a pale body was lying on the ground, covered up to his waist by a green paper sheet the likes of which hospitals used. His upper body was bare, and Remus could clearly see the Dark Mark, the same Dark Mark which had just been pulsing, on the deathly waxen skin of the left forearm.

In the distance, a woman was screaming. Lily. Then silence. A baby wailing, somewhere to his left. And then there was Remus himself, surrounded by a group of hooded men in dark robes, looking into the wands of the Death Eaters who had him cornered.

A flash of green light, and Harry was lying on the ground, arms and legs held at an unnatural angle, his glasses askew and a thin line of blood running from the scar on his forehead. Somewhere in the background, Remus' own voice was yelling that this was all Sirius' fault, that he had caused all this, that he had betrayed them all so badly. Harry's eyes were open, unseeing and dead, directed into the darkness above him. Lily was crying, and now James was screaming, accusing somebody of being his murderer. Peter was laughing, squeaking like a rat.

It was all too much, Remus sank down to his knees and pressed his hands to his ears. It did nothing to drown out the sounds, the voices, and no matter that he closed his eyes, the images remained. Regulus. James. Lily. Remus himself. Peter. Harry.

Harry. Something about the way Harry was lying there. The way his dead eyes were staring to the ceiling, it looked so horribly similar to the way Sirius was staring sightlessly ahead in his hospital bed.

Sirius.

Suddenly Remus understood what this was. Those shadows. The dead loved ones. The fears. Why they wouldn't go away, why they wouldn't leave him alone. Wouldn't leave Sirius alone. Dementors had the power to conjure up the worst memories in a person. Dementors came from the void. The void could do something like that to a person.

Breathing heavily, Remus realised that he still had his hands pressed flat against his ears. He let them sink down, then got to his feet again.

"Leave me alone!", he yelled into the darkness, but to no avail. Those things, were they his own creations, or were they haunting Sirius? Did it matter? Sirius was hiding from them, they had to be the reason why he didn't return. They kept him from returning. He needed to find Sirius, and he needed to bring him back.

"Leave me alone", he said again, more lowly this time, and then he turned his eyes to the floor and looked at nothing except from the ground on which he placed his feet. His mind was racing, he could have curled up somewhere to cry, but he forced himself to think only of one thing – Sirius.

Those things were still there, they were still brushing past him. He could still hear the voices of his friends – of Sirius' friends, could still hear the screams and the crying. They were trying to distract him, they were trying to keep him from reaching Sirius. Sirius was out of the void, but his mind had not yet realised that. He was still allowing those things to haunt him, he needed somebody else to chase them away and bring him back.

The shadows were closing in more and more, threatening Remus, tearing at him, drawing from him. But he pushed them away as good as he could, tried to ignore the cold and the numbness, the screams, the pain and the exhaustion.

Sirius. That was all that counted. Somehow, he'd have to find Sirius.

How?

Focus, Remus. Focus. Sirius had withdrawn into himself, and that meant he had to be here somewhere. Unless he had become one of those shapeless shadows which were all around Remus, spreading cold and numbness. But that could not be, could it? Remus positively hated knowing so little about a situation into which he had manoeuvred himself, especially since it was so important that he succeeded. Important to him, but most of all important to Harry. Harry needed Sirius back, so Remus had to succeed. For Harry.

It was like trying to swim in a lake of treacle in the middle of the night. Remus couldn't see anything, he didn't hear anything. Everything was dark, only interrupted by the occasional bright flash of one of those things brushing past Remus, but despite their presence Remus felt utterly alone. If this was what the void had been like, Remus was not at all surprised that Sirius had retreated this far into himself. He didn't know right now for how much longer he could stand the tension, the feeling of being watched by those things, not knowing whether watching was all they were doing or whether they were only waiting for something to happen. For the moment to strike.

Remus chased those thoughts away and tried to calm the beating of his heart and his rapid breathing.

Sirius. Nothing else counted at the moment. Just Sirius.

"Sirius?"

Just why he had suddenly felt the urge to call out for his friend, Remus didn't know. But it had felt like the right thing to do. There was no answer, but Remus knew that Sirius was there. He felt it.

"Sirius? Are you there?"

Still no answer. But then he saw it. A dark, blurred shape, just ahead, drawn in on itself. Shouldn't it be impossible to see a dark shape in the darkness? Yet suddenly he saw it clearly, without any doubt or mistaking it. A dark shape. But not Sirius. Too small to be Sirius. Too much fur, too many legs.

Padfoot. He was lying curled up in himself, head burrowed between his front paws, whining lowly. Slowly, Remus got to his knees in front of him.

"Padfoot? Padfoot, it's me."

There was no reaction. Somehow, Remus wasn't surprised that upon withdrawing into himself, Sirius had also resorted to withdrawing into his canine alter ego. Padfoot had been what had protected him from the worst of the torture in Azkaban, and even afterwards had been his form of retreat when it all became too much for him. Padfoot's emotions were different from Sirius', the dog could deal far better with situations of extreme stress than Sirius could. Maybe because a canine's emotions were simpler than a human's, different in nature.

"Padfoot, it's Moony. Can you change back please? I will take you home, but for that I need you to change back."

Upon hearing Remus' nickname, Padfoot slowly raised his head. Remus actually flinched as he saw the expression in the icy-blue eyes which were the same icy blue as Sirius'. He had never seen either Sirius or Padfoot express such a degree of fear. Slowly, so as not to startle his friend, Remus stretched out a hand and brought it towards Padfoot's nose.

"It's me. Moony. Please change back."
Padfoot only whined and buried his nose under his paws again.

"I promise I'll take you home, but I need you to change back for that."

No reaction.

"Padfoot, we need to get back. This is the only chance we'll get. I promise I'll be with you the entire time, but you need to change back. You need to come with me."

For another moment, nothing happened. Then Padfoot's shape began to blur, and Sirius appeared in front of Remus' eyes. A smile crept on Remus' face, but it quickly faded as Sirius pulled up his knees to his chest and hid his face between his legs and his arms.

"Sirius, we need to leave."

"No", was the only answer, Sirius' voice rough.

"Yes, we need to. Quickly. I'll take you home."

"I can't. I…I just can't."

"Those things out there won't hurt you. You're no longer anywhere where they can do you harm. It's not comfortable, but they can't hurt you. I'll see to it that they don't."

"I can't."

"Please Sirius. I need you to do this."

Sirius looked up, staring at Remus with the same scared expression that Padfoot had shown earlier.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I need you to come back entirely. We all do. But mostly, Harry does."

At the mention of his godson's name, something like doubt crept on Sirius' face, and Remus saw that he was fighting an immense struggle against his fears now.

"Harry risked a lot to bring you back. He risked his life, did about a hundred things that were illegal, just to have you back. He needs you. Desperately so. Can you try, for Harry?"

Sirius breathed harshly for a long moment, then he looked up again with something akin to determination in his eyes. Hesitating just for one moment, he took Remus' outstretched hand. Remus pulled him to his feet and attempted a smile.

"We'll get you back, Padfoot. Just hold on to me."

Euphoria filled Remus' chest as he held on tightly to Sirius' hand and started to move backwards. He didn't quite know yet how he was supposed to get both of them back, this whole endeavour had been feel-along all the way, but somehow he'd manage. He'd have to manage. But just as he had taken the first few tentative steps, he stumbled and fell backwards. Something was pulling him, pulling him backwards. He was falling, falling backwards, downwards, he didn't know. Sirius' hand was no longer in his own as he was falling freely, he looked around wildly in search of Sirius, but there was only darkness. He was falling through the darkness, downwards, backwards, falling, and a moment later his head impacted with something hard and everything went dark around him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Harry was restlessly pacing up and down in front of the fireplace in the basement kitchen at Grimmauld Place. He had been pacing for the past thirty minutes now, but at least it served a little bit in getting rid of the tension. He didn't know when Remus had begun with whatever it was he was doing, but slowly he was getting restless. Ron was sitting at the kitchen table, an untouched cup of tea standing in front of him, watching Harry pace up and down.

"He'll let us know as soon as he can", he said for what had to be the tenth or fifteenth time. Harry only nodded distractedly and continued to pace up and down. Ever since he and Ron had come back down, the kitchen had remained empty. Fortunately. At least that way they didn't have to come up with an explanation why they were sitting here as if they were waiting for something.

Harry checked his wristwatch again, cast his eyes towards the still and empty fireplace, then he resumed his pacing again. Ron watched him for a few moments, picked up his cup and drank a gulp of cold tea. Grimacing, he put the cup back down onto the table and settled for the wait.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Voices, that was the first thing Remus became aware of. Loud, hectic voices, all talking at once, too fast for him to make out the words. They were hurting his head, but Remus couldn't do anything to make the voices go away. Nothing. And suddenly he became aware of hands touching him, pulling him this way and that. His right hand was aching something fierce, and somebody was doing something to it. What, Remus could not tell, but if that was the reason for the pain he wanted it to stop. If only he could tell whoever it was to stop, but his voice was not following his brain's command for it to start speaking. Somebody else was slapping his cheeks, not enough to hurt, but strong enough to be noticed as unpleasant.

There was a low, pained groan, and only after a moment Remus realised that it had been he who had uttered the sound. The voices stopped, the pain in his hand did not.

"Remus?"
Remus knew the voice, just couldn't place it at the moment. He wanted to answer, but all that came out was another low moan.

"Remus, can you hear me?"
Authoritarian voice. Male. From somewhere, Remus knew it. Instead of answering, Remus opened his eyes. He found Kingsley kneeling next to him, his dark face morphing from a blurred shape into a clear image with an expression of worry clearly discernibly. Looking around, Remus found that his hand was no longer bleeding, and he was obviously lying on the floor. How he had gotten here, Remus didn't quite know. More people were standing at his feet, but they were turned towards Sirius' bed.

Sirius!

Without paying any mind to Kingsley, Remus got to his feet as fast as he could, holding himself steady at the foot end of Sirius' bed to stop from swaying, and tried to get a look at his friend.

Merlin, please make that this has worked. Please. He now remembered clearly what had happened, his desperate attempt to bring Sirius back. But he didn't know if he had managed to bring Sirius back. All he remembered was falling, then nothing.

The healers were crowding around Sirius, monitoring his vitals, treating the wound on his hand which was still bleeding, attempting to shine lights into Sirius' closed eyes. And then something happened that made Remus' heart stop short for a moment. As one healer attempted to pry one of Sirius' eyelids open and shine a light into it, Sirius groaned and turned his head away.

The healers around his bed stopped short with whatever it was they were doing, and Remus seized that moment to push through them and step up to Sirius' side. As he stretched out his hand to reach for Sirius, he for the first time noticed the smears of blood on the back of his hand. He hadn't noticed them before, after cutting himself he had expected his hand to be bleeding. But on the back of his hand there were bloody smears that looked like fingerprints. When Remus had intertwined their hands, Sirius' fingers had been limp, but this looked as if at some point, he had been holding tightly onto Remus' hand. Heart beating fast in his chest, Remus bent over his friend.

"Sirius, can you hear me?"

Sirius gave another groan and tried to move away from the voice, but Remus wouldn't let him. He reached for Sirius' shoulders and shook him slightly.

"Padfoot, can you hear me? Talk to me, come on."

"Let me sleep."

It was low, it sounded grumpy, and it promised horrible retribution to those who didn't follow the command, but it were the sweetest words Remus had heard in a long time. He didn't even notice that there were tears running down his cheeks as he pressed his uninjured palm against Sirius' stubbly cheek and turned his face into his direction.

"No, you've slept for long enough Padfoot, it's time to wake up now."

Slowly, ever so slowly, one blue eye blinked open, followed by another. Sirius stared unfocusedly ahead for a moment, taking in the many shapes bent over him, drifting to and fro between them. Finally his eyes settled on Remus and he frowned.

"Let me sleep, Remus."

Remus laughed, though he was still crying. "No, I bloody well won't let you sleep now. Not for quite a while."

Sirius frowned again, then slowly focussed his eyes on his friend. As his gaze cleared, his expression grew even more confused. "You're crying."

Remus wiped the back of his left hand over his cheeks, but he couldn't care less about whether or not he was crying. He smiled down at Sirius and shook his head.

"Sirius, if you ever do something as nerve-wracking as this again, I don't know what I'll do. I couldn't stand this one more time."

More confusion. "What happened?"

"It's a long story. A very long story."

Sirius frowned again, his eyes straying over all the healers' faces.

"Who are they? Where am I? Where's Harry? What happened?"

"You're at St. Mungo's. Don't ask how you ended here, that's part of the long story. Harry is safe, I'll call him while the healers have a look at you. He'll probably be here faster than you can say Quidditch."

Remus drew a deep, shuddering breath, which only served to heighten Sirius' confusion further, then he bent down and hugged his friend tightly, never minding that one of the healers was still fretting around Sirius, treating the wound on his hand. Sirius hugged back, but it was obvious that he didn't understand.

"What in Merlin's name happened, Remus?"
"The worst thing that could. You died. Now, let those healers have a look at you, I need to call your godson. I'll be back in five minutes."

Sirius stared after Remus as he hurried out of the room, nearly running. Then he slowly turned his face into the direction of the healer who was treating to his hand, but the man's expression showed clearly that he would not be getting any satisfying information anytime soon. At least not from this man. Probably it was best to let those people treat him and wait until Remus returned. Difficult to contain his confusion and curiosity, yet there was nothing else he could do now.