Its been about a week since the incident and I honestly have to say that my outlook on life has changed dramatically. I see things more clearly now and have a greater appreciation for the little things. Things that I never gave a thought to before, I see them as bright as day……the way Grissom sits peacefully in his office pouring over annuals of bugs, the way Sara meticulously grooms herself in the locker room mirror, Catherine and her struggle to be a good mother as well as a good CSI.

I went home for a week and just returned home today. By home I mean back to Texas. It'd been quite sometime since I'd seen my parents and I hated for them to see me in that box the way they did…..like an embarrassment. Every time I look at my mother I see the sadness in her eyes. I know she never wanted me to be a CSI, saying it was potentially too dangerous. I remember my response to her on that, saying that anything, given time, situation and motivation, could be dangerous. Hell, working at the Piggly Wiggly could be dangerous. I remember the supermarket incident from a couple years ago….people doing their shopping and "Bang" a hail of gunfire. Like I said, anything could be dangerous. But this has always been my passion. I've always wanted to find the clues, piece them together and solve the puzzle, and that's what I do; I'm a problem solver.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

They told me to take two weeks, but I just couldn't. I felt like I was shirking my duties. In all reality all I needed was a few days, but after I got out of hospital my parents scooped me up and dragged me home, but now I'm back…..this is my real home. My family, dysfunctional as it may be, these guys are my brothers and sisters. We've grown very close in years past and I've come to count on them for any and everything. I know if it came down to it that they would all have my back.

My only gripe is how everyone is being so nice to me. Its really not necessary, things like this happen……well, maybe not exactly like this, but you know what I mean. Crap happens. We all have our days and we all have forced moments of clarity, mine just happened to be when I was in that casket. Hindsight being 20/20, there are things I would have done differently last week. There was never a doubt in my mind that my "family" would come to my aid. I should have just lay there and waited patiently for Grissom et al to find me, but if you were in my shoes you would have freaked too.

I seriously considered it, you know. Having that gun in my hand and feeling the muzzle pressed to the underside of my chin, I can still feel the cold metal of it and my mind clears, save for one thought……to summon up the courage, or cowardice, as the case may be and my finger feeling the tension on the trigger as I tightened my grip on the trigger.

But right now that's neither here nor there. The present is where I live, not the past. Dwelling and festering accomplishes nothing and there are far better things that I can and should be doing with my time here on Earth.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxX

This is what life is about. As I kneel down and with a pair of long necked tweezers, I pick up a cigarette butt that some idiot criminal left at the scene….God, I hate litterbugs. Placing it in a bindle and stowing it in my kit after labeling it, I continue around the perimeter of the property and find something more substantive. It amazes me how stupid some people can be, whether its intentional, accidental or incidental, they're dumb. I believe it was Tommy Lee Jones that said that "A person is smart, but people are stupid." He's right, you know. When you're alone with only your thoughts to keep you company your mind is set on the task, but if there's someone with you there's the distraction and quibbling over whatever and that's when people mess things up.

Like right here……a nice big fat wad of bubble gum, an empty soda bottle and a big glob of spit on the concrete of the area surrounding the backyard pool. I know they're all fresh because the family is out of town and only the live in house keeper was there and I'm sorry, but I can't envision a middle aged, overweight Hispanic woman leaving all this behind her especially when she's the one who keeps the home clean.

It was a mess inside. I could see a bit of it as I passed by the open front door to see the blood and the complete disarray of things. A vase knocked over, a mirror smashed to a thousand pieces and the housekeeper sprawled out on the floor. It looks like she put up a fight though. Her knuckles were raw and about three feet from where she lay there were blood drops leading out of the house and down the walk…….feisty old bird.

I package up my litter and continue around the outside of the house and found Grissom at the side yard snapping photos of what seemed to be point of entry, as the window was smashed and there were very fresh tracks in the dirt outside said window. As I pass by him he turns and gives a lopsided smile and sets down his camera to ask me how I'm doing. I know he means well, but I really wish he'd stop bugging me about it. It happened, I got through it with help from everyone, but its over and done with, life goes on and we move on with it.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The day is done and as I sit at home checking my mail and listening to a basketball game on the tellie my doorbell goes off. I'm not expecting anyone, so I lean back in my chair and look through the glass beside the front door and see that its Brass. I shout that the door is open and for him to come in and he does. Out of everyone at the lab he's the one who's asked the least about the incident. He and I went through something similar a few years back, not the kidnapping but the imminent peril of things. He was the first one to help me Nigel Crane went ape-shit. He's always been there for me and this is the first real visit I've had from anyone from the lab this week.

Coming up behind me, he sets his strong hand on my shoulder and sighs deeply. I can tell that there's something he wants to get off his chest, so I get up and offer him a drink. We sit in the living room and after a long, slightly awkward silence he speaks.

"You gotta quit scaring us like this, Nick."

"Scaring you!" I ask jokingly

"Touché. So, whatcha doin'?"

Pointing to the computer, I gesture to the monitor.

"Just checking some mail and watching the game. What brings you by?" I ask

"Just passing by. Thought I'd stop by." He said, taking a swig from his beer

More silence, and for that time I wonder why he's really here. He stares blankly out the tellie and after a few moments he sets his drink on the coffee table and stands up, moving to sit beside me on the couch for a second. Again, he puts his hand on my shoulder and this time he looks me in the eye.

"If you ever want to talk, you know I'm always here, right?"

"I know, Jim. I thank you for not pestering me with questions and niceties this past week. I just want to get on with my life."

"Well, like I said, if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. That's what friends do, they look after each other."

He claps me on the back and heads for the front door and I stand up.

"Jim?"

Turning round', he smiles.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

TBC?