Fan Mail Chapter 2
Vic: Ok as she said the last time, absolutely pointless, no point, nada, zero, zip. She doesn't own us, some other guys do. Don't know what any of that meant. But in a couple of days you'll be getting some a… Oh here it is, Fan Mail. What you do is read it, gotta keep talking, say pointless stuff, and a… you know do stuff.
Tucker: O…K… with all that chitchat aside, why the hell are we getting Fan Mail?
Vic: Because… Master Chief and the other Halo Characters did it. Now its our turn.
Tucker: So if the whole (quotes with fingers) Halo (stops quote) cast were to jump out an airlock into the vacuum of deep space, then do we have to do that too?
Vic: Master Chief already did that, Private Caboose volunteered. Said that space really hurt after jumping off a cliff instead.
Tucker: Yeah, that sounds like Caboose. Send Church next. But I'm not doing this.
Vic: Why not? Space is a lot of fun. No gravity. Kinda make you want to puke.
Tucker: Didn't need to know that.
Vic: Stomach churning stuff.
Tucker: Ok.
Vic: kinda makes ya dizzy.
Tucker: All right! shut up! and get to the point!
Vic: … … … … … …
Tucker: Uh, Vic? You still there?
Vic: You told me to shut up.
Tucker: Yeah and I told you to get to the point, too.
Vic: Oh yeah, right. What was that again?
Tucker: (Growls in irritation) You were talking about Fan Mail.
Vic: The author got too many reviews. Bunch of nice people. Wanted more. Boy are they going to be disappointed.
Tucker: I don't want to read. I did all that shit back in high school. Tell that stupid author cockbite to go to hell.
Vic: Sure thing. I'll be sure to tell her that.
Tucker: Her! You mean the authors a chick!
Vic: Yeah, I mentioned that in the beginning. You're apparently the favorite.
Tucker: (gets happy) Really?
Vic: Sure that's why I'm talking to you. Oh no, wait. Church is the favorite, your… your third favorite.
Tucker: WHAT! Damn! Then whose second?
Vic: Private Caboose.
Church walks up to Tucker: So what is command sending Tucker?
Tucker: Aw nothing. Just a bunch of Fan mail and stuff. (mumbles) Stupid btch make me third.
Church: What? Fan Mail? (laughs) You just found out you're the forth favorite!
Tucker: Forth? Alright that's it where's that cockbite! (readies assault riffle.)
Church: So when's it coming?
Tucker: How the hell should I know?
Church: Dude, your on the line with Command! And if you haven't noticed you're the only one with head set that can hack into other peoples transmissions!
Tucker: I don't get it. Why am I the one talking to command? Isn't that your job.
Church: You know what Tucker… I'm getting really tired of your attitude, (pulls out a rocket launcher) get all the details or I pull.
Tucker: Pull what?
Church: Fine, squeezing the trigger!
Tucker: Not again… (sighs) fine. Ok Vic. When is the Mail coming in?
Vic: Your mail or the fan mail?
Tucker: (turns to Church) I hate you.
Vic: Gee, well maybe I don't like you either.
Tucker: No, not you.
Church: You don't hate me?
Tucker: No, I really hate you.
Vic: So you do hate me. Well then you suck!
Church: Well that's good to know.
Tucker: AH! (yelling) Will the both of you please just shut up for one second!
Church: Think the authoress got our characters confused?
Vic: Yeah it seems like she messed up big time.
Tucker: OK. (pulls out a rocket launcher and shoots Church with it. Peace and quiet at last) That's for shooting me at the end of season two you butt-munch!
Church: (Lying on the ground) Butt… Munch? What have… you been reading? Hrrrr-Blah!
Tucker: Finally. Vic, when are we getting the Fan Mail in?
Vic: (blinks) Dude… you just shot you own guy.
Tucker: (shrugs) Yeah. I know. Fan Mail?
Vic: Oh! On the next drop.
Tucker: That'll be?
Vic: Oh hey! It's there now! Well have fun and please quit killing your teammates. Hate to have to send Wyoming.
Tucker: Ok Thanks.
Church's Ghost: What the Hell is that?
Everyone looks up at a Longsword flyby and watch it land in the middle of the box canyon.
Church's Ghost: Hey Tucker, did you get an idea on who would be dropping this stuff off like Red or Blue command?
Tucker: Nope.
Church's Ghost: (turns to his body) You know I'm going to get even eventually, right?
Tucker: That's if you can get another body.
Church's Ghost: Oy. Lets go.
Down in the middle of Blood Gulch.
Sarge: Great Caesar's Toast! What in Grif's corpse is that!
Grif: Hey, I'm still alive!
Sarge: Oh right. What in Church's corpse is that!
Donut: Looks like a big scary dragon ready to devour and eat the Princess.
Grif: Isn't Devour and Eat the same thing?
Simmons: Yeah and what Princess?
Donut: the Princess living in the sky!
Caboose: No… looks more like that thing that bit me in the pond.
Tex: Is it me or is this fic getting completely off the subject?
Long sword finally lands.
Church's Ghost: Great! We have no idea on who is delivering.
Doc: Why should it matter? I think we should accept this new comer with open arms. /O'mally: …And see if his head pops off! Mwhahahahahaaa. (cough)
Everyone is staring at Doc.
Caboose: I wanna give him a hug first.
Lopez: Yo quero taco bell.
Sheila: Can I shoot him?
Church: No Sheila!
The Longsword door opens and smoke comes out and a lone Spartan figure is standing in the middle.
Tex: Whoa! No way!
Church's Ghost: Tex is impressed? That can't be good.
Figure slowly walks down becoming more visible.
Tex: Master chief.
MC: Sorry it took so long. (turns to Church) What happened to you?
Church's Ghost: (looks down at him self) Oh that. Um, yeah, I decided to lose a few pounds and get rid of my body in the process. WHAT THE FCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENED? GOT KILLED BY MY OWN TEAMMATES!
Everyone turns to Caboose.
MC: Try a continue?
Everyone turns to Church's Ghost. Church's Ghost looks down at the ground.
Church's Ghost: No. (looks back up) Think I'll try it now.
Beep beep boop.
Church: Hey Tucker.
Tucker: AW CRAP!
Tuckers blown away by the Rocket launcher.
MC: (shakes his head at the sight) Well anyway I brought your Fan Mail and a few guests from season three.
Red Zealot: (Walks out of the ship) Finally a new level! (kneels) Oh flag I will not fail you again!
MC: Move it!
Red Zealot: Yes master! (runs off next to Sarge)
Wyoming is next off.
Tucker: AH! (hides behind Tex)
Church: how the Hell did you get back so quick?
Tucker: The continue.
Wyoming: Oh don't wurry Tucker. I'm nut going to kill you. Just torture you for a while.
Tucker: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Wyoming gets off the ship and Captain Flowers appears.
Capt. Flowers: It's good to see all your nice smiling happy faces again. (Chuckles)
MC: Sir?
Cappie: Yes?
MC: Off the ship.
Cappie: Oh right. (runs off next to Tucker wearing the same color armor.) Tucker when did your armor color change?
Tucker: Uh…
Church: Some time after your death he ripped off your armor and took it.
Cappie: It's nice to see my armor didn't go to waste.
Church: WHAT? YOUR NOT GUNNA- (Church's body fell)
Sarge: Good one! That'll keep'em quite for a while.
MC: (holding a smoking sniper rifle) also brought a stress kit for both sides.
Church: (runs up) Ok that wasn't funny.
MC: I'll do it again and make it funny.
Donut: (whining) Where are our letters?
MC: Still on the ship. I'll get them down after all of them get off.
Gary: (the whole computer station rolls out on wheels) How are you? I'm back you shiznos hahaha.
Andy: (from inside the ship) Little help here, or I'll explode.
Caboose: Andy! (runs inside getting Andy off the Ship.) It's nice to see you again.
Andy: Hi Caboose. Could you put me down?
Caboose dropped Andy.
MC: Question. Did you just use up this whole Chapter preparing for the fan mail?
Simmons: They did. We hardly got a part in this.
Church: Uh, yeah then. I guess we did.
!#$&()
Vic: That was me. I did the Disclaimer so uh, please don't sue.
Me: Ok shut up Vic. I didn't really like the ending to this Chapter so if anybody would like to review, and give a better idea for the ending, and on who would write these guys, it would be greatly appreciated. My grammar sucks.
Tucker: (with fuel rod cannon) There you are cockbite!
Me: Uh-oh!