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Two or Three days passed, you were never quiet certain, because you rarely even left the house and that was only when you had to ...

However, this time was different, because you werent sent on any kind of jobs... probably because noone trusted you to control yourself anymore.

You doubted they, meaning the Death Eaters, would ever let you out of their sight again, with the little stunt you pulled a few days ago in Diagon Alley. After Wormtail had been sufficently beaten, even though it was supposed to be you who was getting punished, you settled into your room and only left for a shower or to eat. After being holed up in your room for hours on end, you were trying to think of the reason Malfoy had taken you up and brought you back to this retched place. No doubt he had been off looking for school supplies, as the new Hogwarts school year would be starting up in just a few short weeks... but why had he pulled you off him? He surely hated Harry Potter as much as you if not more... This thought had caused you to be tossing and turning until you finally came upon a conclusion. Malfoy knew of your new mission, most likely from his father whom the Dark Lord relayed upon him, and Draco had shown up to spy on you to hope you would fail, as then he would be the favorite child of the Death Eaters. He probably saw you wander into the bookstore, knowing full and well that you werent supposed to be in there and watched the whole commotion take place. When he realized this could not only be putting everyone including his father in danger, but also, if he stopped these activities (meaning you beating Harry to a pulp), he would be praised for protecting further dark activities, and also protecting the Dark Lord himself. So, in a sense, Malfoy was trying to get in with the Dark Lord and watch you fail at the same time, no wonder he had been walking around the mansion with such a smug smile on his face all the time. But then again, that was what he always looked like.

You hadn't heard any activities going on since the 'adventure'. Not even a word from the Dark Lord who for all you knew, was still holed up in his room, thinking. Thinking.. but about what? You thought, deliberated, and mulled over the situation.. he had said he had a plan for you... as long as you didn't screw it up.. but what could have caused him to think of this supposed plan, and why did it involve you. This not only had your head hurting from thinking about the same thing for hours, but also had you worried and you felt little butterflies, or maybe small birds, in your stomach at the mere thought of it. Whatever 'The plan' was, it was probably going to be either physically or mentally scarring... as this was with most of his plans.

In fact, he had been a little too quiet; and sinister people, full of dark magic, didn't stay quiet for long. Now that you thought about it, the only time the people on the Dark Lord's side were quiet, was when they were either plotting, or in Azkaban and now that the Dementors were on his side, fewer death eaters were being put there, so it was usually plotting that made them quiet.

You were so bored, but afraid to venture out of your room, in fear of getting wound up in the dark lord's plan, afraid of being talked to, controlled, sent out to do everyone's bidding. You wished you could remember your real family, full of color, life, happiness... That was what you envisioned anyway, there was no way of knowing what they were actually like. Was is so bad here that you were no longer happy? Yes... but why? There was noone here your age, save Draco, and occasionally Crabbe, Goyle, and that Pansy girl. There were a few more but those were the ones you saw most of the time. Draco was never easy to get along with, not when he always thought himself superior, it was one thing to think you were better than the Mudbloods, but to think he was better than yourself? Sorry, I think not.

You decided to look through some of your old diary entries, back when you were couped up like you are now, like an animal, or a person with a terminal disease... or perhaps a criminal. You pulled out the diary that was located in a box, that was inside another box, which was inside yet another box, which was in the secret drawer in your bedside table. You had to go around picking up different keys cleverly hidden around your room, to open each seperate box because you wouldn't, no couldn't let anyone find out what was inside. After all, everyone has their secrets... some more than others. The book was so tiny it could fit on your finger tip, magically downsized so it could fit inside all of the small boxes.

"Engorgio" you whispered and the book became larger, hand sized. You snuggled under your blanket and opened to a random page.

June 27th

Why are mudbloods worse than purebloods? Does it have something to do with how strong they are? Are they weak? Am I weak for asking?

June 28th

No, I dont think I am.

July 2nd

Maybe it's because they are less intelligent, less physically attractive, physically inclined to do nothing weak, weak-minded...

July 3rd

Have I been fed lies? Am I a lie? Am I lying to myself right now? How about now..? So confused... must find Betty.

July 16th

Am I playing a role...the role that I've been playing my whole life? Since I got here...? So many questions left unanswered, where to even begin...What role am I playing, if in fact I am playing one.. why am I playing it in the first place? If this is how I am when I'm playing a role.. how am I really like? Do I want to know? Let me think it over.

July 20th

I think I've come to a conclusion. If we didnt play roles we would not exist. The situations we are put in make us, we dont make them... we change with what happens to us, and we put on a different face, a mask, underneath we are nothing but a blank sheet, nothing; And whilst everything around us is changing, thats why we are never nothing, because we constantly change, because change is constant.

July 21st

That still didn't answer my question. What role am I playing right now? And what's for dinner...now theres a question...

You kept reading; it was like you just wrote this yesterday, it was so fresh in your mind...

July 29th

I killed another today. If people weren't so incompetant, they would learn to just accept their fate and join us. Why would someone choose death over living? Is it possible that there are things worse than death? No. I refuse to beleive it. I have to go wash all this blood off my hands.

August 4th

Maybe there are things worse than death.. Would I rather die.. or be subjected to torture for long periods of time.. would I rather die or listen to that retched music Draco listens to, for eternity... Maybe death isn't so bad. Maybe I'm just putting people out of their misery so they wont have to make the retched choice of choosing between death and becoming a Death Eater. Then again, I was the one who put them in the situation to chose in the first place...hmm. Oh yes, and Lucius beat me up. Bastard.

August 7th

That's ironic, becoming a death eater makes you kill people, and that was what I was doing if they wouldnt join. Why would the Dark Lord want to kill for a living anyway? And why Muggles and Mudbloods... why am I any better! I could be a Mudblood for all I know.. oh no, now I feel sick.. ahhh...

August 11th

I am now almost positive that there are things worse than death, so if the Dark Lord likes seeing people suffer so much, why cant he realize this? Why do I even care. I am also still questioning why purebloods are better than muggleborns. Did I just write muggleborns? I meant Mudbloods.

And here you were now, that was the last entry you had written, it was now August 15th. You wondered why you hadnt written whilst you had been locked up here for so long. And so, you begin to write.

August 15th

So I ran into Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and that stupid Ron Weasley a couple days ago. No, I'm not kidding. I tried to beat him up and hex him into oblivion but Draco pulled me off him and brought me back to this hell hole. The Dark Lord is plotting, and here I am writing in this diary. Am I that pathetic? Yes, yes I am. Oh yea, and I beat up Pettigrew... hahahahaha.

That seemed good enough, you didn' t want to go into too much detail, after all, if you started reading it later on you might rip it to shreds and burn it, hoping to completely forget what happened there. You shrank the diary, put it in each seperate box, befor locking the previous box. You placed it back in the secret drawer and went around the room hiding each key. You were just on the last key when the door opened revealing...

"Pansy!" You screeched at her. She smirked and came in and sat on your bed.

"Hey, just thought I'd come in for a visit, father is out there talking to Lucius and Coran. Something about activities in Bangkok... So.. why are you sitting in your room on such a nice day? Oh.. sorry. " she stated, looking down as if ashamed. You knew she was't ashamed though, she had been brought up without the word ashamed in her vocabulary. It was nice that she was trying though... you supposed.

"Right, anyways. So why are YOU here if your parents are the ones doing business?" You asked her, though you already knew the answer.

"Just here to see Draco, his birthday was a week ago, and I was with my mother on ... business. So I came by to give my hunny bunny his present."

"What did you give him?" You inquired, thankful that you could talk to someone, Pansy wasnt that bad, not bad at all compared to all the other goons that trekked through this house.

"Me!" she stated happily. You groaned inwardly, trying to hide your disgust.

Pansy eventually left and you were just laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling when your stomach growled loudly. You hadnt eaten since breakfast and it was nearing 6 o clock. You hadn't been moving much since you had been in there and your metabolism must have just completely stopped moving or something, because you forgot completely about food, but here you were being reminded... rather loudly, by your empty stomach.

You got up and made your way to the dining room, where to your surprise, noone was seated, even Betty was nowhere in sight. You ate slowly, things were still on the table from where the others had eaten earlier. You started wondering where everyone was... after all, this was usually the time when everyone was bustling about. Their absense seemed strangly sinister to you.

When you were finished you were making your back to your room when Wormtail ran up to you, seemingly from nowhere and announced that you were wanted in the Dark Lord's room. You hadnt been in that forsaken room so much since ... ever. It amused you that half of his face had a purple tinge to it ad knowing that you had caused it made you shudder with glee. You made your way towards his room, all the while in deep thought. You had been wishing, hoping that they would tell you that you had to go and get another person to join them or kill them if they refused, you associated death with happiness because every time you were out of the house you were happy, but when you were out of the house, it meant you would have to possibly kill. Death was not supposed to mean happiness was it? Sure it was, everyone around here thought so, so you were certain that most people in the world did too.. right?

You grasped the silver serpent ad pushed your way into the room. You were greeted only by the crackling fire that never seemed to be out. The Dark Lord was sitting next to it with a thin blanket over him that bared the Dark Mark. You remembered him asking about you getting the Dark Mark. You had refused but you had to come up with a good reason as to why you didnt want it burned, nay, branded into your forearm. You told him that since noone knew of your existance in the first place, you could do jobs later on in complete secrecy without the danger of being found as a deatheater by the symbol sketched in your forearm. He seemed skeptical but he allowed it...for the time being. You were pulled out of your thought quite abrubtly when the Dark Lord said something you never thought it would say.

"Raine, you're going to Hogwarts"

"IM WHAT! NO!"

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