A/N: Wow! I'm updating! Isn't it incredible?!?!? Tcha, this chap is gonna be really weird!!!! Beware… be very very ware.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked down to Christmas Lunch together, Hermione thankfully recovered from her "Buddhist phase." They chose seats at the Gryffindor table in the empty hall and looked up expectantly at the Headmaster.
When everyone was assembled, Albus Dumbledore stood up magisterially, and said, "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak, thank you," and everyone could begin to eat at once. It was one of the reasons that everybody liked Dumbledore.
Ron reached across Harry for a plate of biscuits and grabbed one, offering them to Harry and Hermione. Harry gladly took one, but Hermione shook her head. "No carbs for me, thanks," she said absentmindedly, scanning the table for a carbless food. Harry and Ron's jaws dropped in shock.
"Blimy Hermione!" exclaimed Ron. "You can't suddenly do that… on Christmas! The one time of the year that we get so much food…
"More like one of the seven," interjected Hermione coolly as she pulled a plate of sausages toward her.
"C'mon Hermione, have a biscuit! Or a chocolate chip cookie from the cookie log! They're impossible to pass up!" wheedled Harry.
"No," said Hermione firmly, pushing the plate that Harry held under her nose away.
"Come and join the carb side," said a soft voice from somewhere under the table. Hermione looked around quickly to find the source of the noise, but couldn't see anything but Harry and Ron, who were also befuddled. The voice came again: "How can you refuse carbs? Try a delicious, chocolaty, cookie log cookie!" And a white figure emerged from under the table and said, "Tada!"
Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all wearing 'WTF?' expressions, said in unison, "What the bloody hell…?"
"Pillsbury Doughboy, and I'm here to… hoo-hoo!" The Doughboy shot a dirty look at Hermione, who grinned sheepishly. "Sorry… couldn't resist."
"Soooooooooooooooo… I am the Pillsbury Doughboy, and I'm here to stop you—" He pointed at Hermione— "from making a terrible mistake. Here, come and have some carbs…"
"Never!" Hermione poked the Doughboy in the stomach and ran away from the table, leaving the Doughboy doubled over, groaning, "Hoo-hoo! That was a lung…"
With a shrug at Ron, Harry took a cookie from the plate that the Doughboy was standing next to, and while chomping with one hand, flicked the Doughboy across the hall and out of one of the high windows. "I'll be back," he yelled as he flew across the room, and laughed manically (which was cut off when he landed in the grass outside with a very un-evil-genius squeak).
A/N: Now how psycho was that? I have a sick mind, don't I? I've just been getting drunk off my parents' eggnog, so that should explain it.