1Disclaimer: Oh you know it's not mine by now, do you have to rub it in? The chapter title is not mine either, it's the title of a song by The Birthday Massacre
Author's Note: So two chapters in one day, I'm on a role. I have a few ideas bouncing around for the rest of the story, so I may ask opinions on them later. Now to end the cliffhanger:
He once again found himself in his dark room, trying to forget the girl that was not the one he was currently with. Red hair replaced the previously blonde hair, and for a brief while, he didn't have to pretend she was someone else. He was trying to allow himself to escape his thoughts, trying desperately to lose himself in this girl on top of him. But he couldn't, he felt guilty, almost dirty. Not only was he using Joanna, he was betraying Rory. As his inner chaos was raging on, he did not hear the knock on the door. He didn't hear Colin and Finn carrying on a conversation outside his door. In fact, he was completely oblivious as to what was about to happen to him.
Meanwhile, outside his door, Rory stood conversing with his so-called friends. "So Miss Gilmore, tell us, was our dodgy little Huntzbeger in your company last night," Finn asked her.
"Why Finn, I do think you are trying to get me to divulge your own best friends whereabouts. How very sneaky of you," Rory teased.
"Well, if he won't tell us, we must find someone who will?" Colin demanded in a playful voice.
"I guess you'll just have to stalk him then boys, because a true lady never tells. Now where is this Huntzberger of which we speak?" she asked, also oblivious as to what was about to happen.
"You could try his room, I suppose, if you are so tired of our company," Finn sighed.
"Oh poor Finn, I'm sure you are..." her sentence was stopped short by the scene in front of her. There was Logan, lying on the bed, shirtless, with a girl on top of him. She didn't know what to do, what to say.
Logan however, noticed the sudden intrusion of light into his dark room. He pushed Joanna aside, ready to berate either Colin or Finn for not knocking first. But instead he was met with the worst site he could ever see. Rory Gilmore was before him, tears threatening to spill from her gorgeous blue eyes. She looked betrayed, just as he feared she would. The site of her like that was heartbreaking. He wanted to rip his own heart out just to stop the pain it was causing him to see her like that. He tried to utter a sentence. He tried to say something, anything, to get her to not turn and run. But he couldn't get one out, he just sat there looking as guilty as he felt. So she whirled around, her long brown hair fanning out around her, and ran for the door. Not a word of anger, not a word of betrayal, just that look of utter and complete shock. Logan couldn't get it out of his head.
"Well what was that all about?" Joanna asked, it being her turn to be oblivious. She looked more annoyed by the interruption than anything.
Logan tried to say something to her too. He seemed to have lost all will or ability to speak. Just then though, Finn appeared in the doorway. Finally realizing the true magnitude of the situation, he did what any best friend would do.
"Lovely Joanna, I think it's time for your little play date with our friend Logan over here to come to a close. I would, however, be entirely willing to accompany you for the evening," Finn informed her. What could he do? He was a sucker for read heads.
"Thanks Finn but I guess I'll just be going now. Later Logan." And with that she got up and left. Logan had still not moved from his place on the bed. He felt like he was going to be sick. How could he do that to her? He knew what she was like, he knew that she couldn't handle the no strings type of relationship. For the first time in many years, Logan Huntzberger felt tears sting his eyes.
Finn just stood there for a while, looking at him sadly, before he too left him. He grabbed his shirt and made for the door. He had to find her. He had to do something. If he didn't, he had a feeling she would walk out of his life forever.
He walked straight through the living room, completely ignoring any comments Colin or Finn could have made. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He just had to see her. It all came crashing down on him as he almost ran toward her dorm. Who was he kidding? He was completely head over heels, ass backwards, can't live without you in love with her. He had been since the moment she first kissed him, a stunning image of androgyny. Every kiss they'd shared, every tender moment, played before him like some kind of movie montage. What had he done?
He found himself out her door, and he knocked before he could give it a second thought. There was no turning back now. But instead of being met by her tear stained face, he was instead met with Paris's stern, unflinching one.
"Go away Huntzberger, you've done enough damage for one day," she told him, slamming the door in his face before he had a chance to speak. He walked away in a stupor. There had to be a way to get to her. He walked around to her window, a moment of pure nostalgia hit him as he remembered that first night they had together when he climbed through this very window.
He knocked on the window, thinking of what to say. He had to beg her to forgive him, plead with her, apologize, do something. He had to gravel at her feet, show her the pain he felt for doing that to her. When her window cracked open, she simply stepped aside, letting him in. It was her silent sign of giving him a chance. He climbed in, preparing what to say.
But as he stood before her, looked at her, the pure hurt on her face rendered him speechless. What could he possibly say that would take that away? He crashed to his knees before her, a symbol of his submission. He hugged her legs, and for the first time since he could remember, he let go. He just cried. Soon, she was on the floor next to him. She tipped his head up to hers and kissed him. It physically hurt it was such a painful kiss. He had to do it again, he had to punish himself for doing this to her.
The world around them grew dim as they fell to the floor together. This time it wasn't about pleasure, about happiness, or fun. Every movement was one of sorrow and regret. It was his body silently begging for forgiveness from hers. Tears fell freely from both their faces as they moved together on her bedroom floor.
He woke up hours later to find himself still on her floor. She was looking down at him, propped up on one elbow. Her face was calm, reserved to the fate she had accepted for herself. He still tried to think of something to say. Not once had they uttered a word to each other since he climbed through that window. A million thoughts crashed around in his head. What did this mean? Were they together? Did she forgive him? If only he could find his voice, he'd swear off all women besides her forever. He'd give her the world just so she'd smile one more time.
"Logan..." she started, not knowing how to say what was about to come next.
"Rory... I..." he tried to speak but she cut him off by placing her finger over his lips.
"I know," she nodded as she told him. The sadness returned to her eyes, and fear rose in his chest.
"No... please... no" he shook his head, pleading, feeling fear rise now like bile in his throat.
"Logan, I have to. I tried to make you someone you weren't. It wasn't fair. But I looked at you that night at my grandparent's wedding, and I knew that I had to have you. I just wanted to be yours. You looked like everything I ever wanted sitting so casually at that table. I knew, even then, what I was getting myself into. And in one of the few times in my life, I went into something with my heart instead of my head. I love you Logan, but this can never work. You can't be who I need you to be, and it just hurts more to tease myself with the thought of having you. I will never have you completely, I know that now. I'm sorry," she told him, and she kissed him slowly.
"But then... what was this? Why?" he asked, struggling to come to grips with everything. He had to convince her he could be that guy. But as he was thinking all of this, she was getting herself dressed.
As she stood at her door, she looked back at him. "It was goodbye," she whispered before quietly walking out the door.