Disclaimer: Not mine. You REALLY think I'd be here if they were? No, I'd be off killing little kids! BWAHAHA…

Summary: 'Give me my Romeo; and when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven do fine all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.'

- Juliet, 'Romeo + Juliet', Shakespeare.

Warnings: Read the ratings. Make up your mind, Don't both flaming.

Authors note: Hello my pretties! How are we all? All good I hope.

Now… the basic basic plot is Shiv's (curse her and her brilliant plot bunnies! All mine does is hump my leg!) but I changed the story line, so don't YELL at me. Okay, you can yell at me, but not too loud, I'm meant to be something called 'studying'. Peh. Studying.

Hermione, Severus and most other characters are very OOC. Don't blame me, they fit better that way. DON'T BLOODY FLAME ME FOR IT!

So sit back and read the totally-not-mine-but-kinda-is-don't-yell-at-me-story. Hope you like.

(Now can someone PLEASE help me get this plot bunny off my leg!)

Chapter 2

PLAN: (noun) A series of steps to be carried out or goals to be accomplished, (verb) Make plans for something.

'Oh no, not a REAL one, just one to get everyone of our backs. And Dumbledore's fucking twinkle out of his eye!' she said, her eyes clouding over at the thought of that DAMN TWINKLE!

'It pisses you off as well?' laughed Severus.

'Oh my god, it looks like he has cataracts or something!' she said.

Maybe they were more alike than he thought… No more thoughts like this, Severus!

Severus laughed again. 'So, I propose to you, then what?' he continued the former conversation.

'Then, we spend some time together- not really, though,' she assured him. 'Then we have a fight, probably around Christmas for maximum sympathy from onlookers. Then we break up, before the actual wedding. So, we keep the engagement gifts, take the other staff on a ride and, most importantly, get them off our back.' She finished, grinning evilly.

'I like what I hear. But how far would… WE actually have to go?' he asked. This WAS getting interesting. And fun… In a strictly torturous way, of course...?

'Well, just a few strategic looks, glances, gestures. Maybe let the house elves 'see' something- they ARE the biggest gossips Hogwarts has ever had…' she said thoughtfully. 'So, what do you say?' she asked, turning to face Severus.

'Well, I must admit, it IS a good plan…' he replied. Hermione looked at him for an answer and he gave in. 'Fine.'

'Brilliant! Well, we should start right away.' She said, pulling his hand along with her, out of the dungeons.

'Hermione, we just got here, I-' he objected, but she wouldn't hear of it.

'Look, it's a month till Christmas. I few want to break up a few days before, in between now and then we have to get together, propose AND break up. And you want to wait!' she exclaimed, pulling him up the stairs.

Severus gave in. She had a point. And she also had a nice arse… he thought. NO, STOP IT. Now, Severus.

A few minutes later, they reached the Great Hall.

'Okay, I think we should hold hands, maybe realize what we're doing halfway down the hall.' She said.

'Look, if you want rumours to start quickly, you need to get the students talking. Here's out opportunity now.' He said, indicating towards a crowd of sixth years who were getting up to exit the hall.

'What are you-' she started, but was interrupted by Severus grabbing her.

He pressed his lips against hers, just as the students exited the hall. They stopped dead in their tracks, Gasping, their mouths almost hitting the floor.

Here were two of their most respected (and, in Snape's case, feared) professors, kissing. Passionately.

Hermione was stunned by the kiss, having not expected it at ALL.

But she really didn't mind. Though her mind was screaming 'OH MY GOD' she was rather enjoying this kiss. He had a very talented tongue.

When Severus had kissed Hermione, he had expected to pash her. Nothing more, no feelings, no heat, CERTAINLY not what he felt now.

Their kiss was so fiery. Whether it was because they were faking, or whether it was because of their history, or because of- Okay, he really needed to stop thinking right now.

The students slowly backed away, still stunned. MY GOD, this was going to be the best bloody gossip EVER!

Once they had moved away, Severus let go off Hermione. Reluctantly.

'Well, I think we gave them some gossip.' Breathed Hermione.

'We should go in.' stated Severus.

He started to walk into the hall, but Hermione grabbed him.

'I still think we should go in together. Hand in hand, maybe?' she said.

'' hardly think it necessary, Granger-' he started, but she pulled him into the Great Hall anyway. Once they entered, they definitely did put on a show.

They walked together hand in hand, Hermione giggling as Severus whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Or what looked like sweet nothings. In fact, they were actually a plan.

'Okay, we have been 'together'' the words sounded strange to him. 'for about 4 months now. We got together after the concert, the one a while back. We decided to keep it private, but have decided to finally go public.' He whispered.

Hermione nodded, and giggled for show.

'Make me blush.' She said from the corner of her mouth.

'Excuse me?' he asked, taken aback.

'Make me blush. Keep up the act, Severus. Say something to make me blush.' She said.

Severus wracked his brain for something to say but could think of only one thing that could make her blush. God no. Well, if it was for the act…

He leant down to her ear and whispered 'I want you.' Passionately.

OH MY GOD thought Hermione to herself. He really WAS making her blush. The way he had said it, so rich and passionately, like he really meant it. Maybe he did, a little voice nagged her. Of course he didn't, the other voice chased away it's opponent.

The 'couple' reached the head table and to many curious and shocked glances from the students and knowing smiles from the professors.

'I see you two have become very well acquainted.' Smiled Dumbledore as she sat down on his left, Severus next to her.. Okay, one day she was just going to poke him in the eye.

'Well, we have been for some time now. About four months, isn't it love?' she asked, turning to Severus.

'Oh yes. We decided to let it lay low for a while, you know how this place gossips!' he laughed, but didn't quite smile.

'Oh yes, I totally agree. Minerva and I think it's a miracle our relationship has remained a secret so long!' agreed Dumbledore.

Both Hermione and Severus snorted into their foods, but Dumbledore didn't notice.

Oh god, bad images, thought Severus. Minerva. Albus. Argh, BAD train of thought. So disturbingly BAD.

Hermione had begun choking on her food after her initial snort and was now turning blue. Severus quickly jumped up, but didn't have time to reach his wand, let alone think of a spell to stop her.

So he did it the muggle way. The Heimlich maneuver. He stood behind her, grabbed her around the chest, just underneath her breasts, balled his fists and PUNCH, straight into her diaphragm.

A piece of chicken shot out of her mouth, straight into Dumbledore. More precisely, Dumbledore's eye.

Another short one. I think it's becoming a habit.

REVIEW please. It might distract the plot bunny that's still humping my leg. :S

BY THE WAY: sorry for the wait, i was on holidays from school. Will upload several chapters to make up for it!