Disclaimer: Not mine. You REALLY think I'd be here if they were? No, I'd be off killing little kids! BWAHAHA…

Summary: 'Give me my Romeo; and when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven do fine all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.'

- Juliet, 'Romeo + Juliet', Shakespeare.

Warnings: Read the ratings. Make up your mind, Don't both flaming.

Authors note: Hello my pretties! How are we all? All good I hope.

Now… the basic basic plot is Shiv's (curse her and her brilliant plot bunnies! All mine does is hump my leg!) but I changed the story line, so don't YELL at me. Okay, you can yell at me, but not too loud, I'm meant to be something called 'studying'. Peh. Studying.

Hermione, Severus and most other characters are very OOC. Don't blame me, they fit better that way. DON'T BLOODY FLAME ME FOR IT!

So sit back and read the totally-not-mine-but-kinda-is-don't-yell-at-me-story. Hope you like.

(Now can someone PLEASE help me get this plot bunny off my leg!)

Chapter 3

FLIRT: (noun) Playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest.

'Nice shot.' Severus whispered into Hermione's ear. Then he realized he was still holding her. He let go of her as if scolded, then remembered the act. He turned her around and quietly said 'Ready?'

She nodded, not exactly sure what he was about to do.

'Cry.' He said quickly, before gripping her around the waist and pulling her close to him. Then he kissed her. AGAIN.

Wow, this is becoming a habit, isn't it? Asked a voice in Severus' head. Piss off, you know you like it! Replied the other.

Hermione realized what his plan was and forced herself to cry. It wasn't hard really. She had gotten tears in her eyes while she was choking, now she just had to let them flow.

They continued to kiss until she whispered 'Okay.' into his mouth.

They pulled away, and Severus could tell she really had been working on those tears. Wow, talk about puppy dog eyes.

'Pick me up, carry me to your room.' She said quickly.

Severus gave her a surprised look, but didn't object. Besides, it was her plan, SHE knew what was going on.

MY GOD, I have no idea what's going on, Hermione thought. Suddenly they were kissing, next thing she knew she was crying, and now Severus was picking her up.

Wow, she's really light, thought Severus. But now wasn't the time to think. Now was the time to act. Literally.

'Oh, Hermione, are you okay?' he asked in his best 'caring' voice.

'I-I think so. Take me back to bed, would you?' Hermione hiccoughed.

Wow, she's really good at this whole acting thing.

'Sure.' He grinned, carrying her down the steps. The looks the students gave them were unforgettable. Where's Colin Creevey and his camera when you need him?

Hermione quickly decided to up the ante, and gave him a passionate kiss as they left the hall. The whispering was still audible once the doors were closed behind them.

Severus broke the kiss once, but continued to hold onto Hermione.

'We should go down to your room.' Breathed Hermione.

Severus just nodded, and carried her all the way down to his private rooms.

Once there, he dropped Hermione gently by the door. He pulled out his wand (his real one, you pervert!) and cast unlocking spells on his door.

He opened it and walked inside, holding it open for Hermione to walk in.

His quarters were nothing like she had expected. They were surprisingly well lit, for being underground, and everything seemed a lot… brighter, than the dungeons outside.

The main colour theme was green, of course, but it wasn't dank and dull, like she had thought it would be.

A white marble fireplace dominated an entire wall , the mantle above it held many strange silver instruments. The walls them selves were a pale green, with a white roof and plush white carpets. There were several rich emerald couches placed around a large glass coffee table that's legs were intricately designed.

A door led off from one wall, to what Hermione supposed were Severus' sleeping quarters.

'Wow…' she sighed, taking further tentative steps into the room. 'It's… gorgeous.'

'Not too Slytherin-ish?' he laughed.

'No, it's perfect.' She said, settling herself down on one of the couches.

'Severus…' she started hesitantly. OH NO, he really didn't want to have this conversation now.

'Er, I think we should take off our clothes…' he said, then assured her startled expression. 'In the bathroom, of course. And you can borrow one of my robes, then we should, er, strategically place the items around the room. You know, for the house elves benefit.' He finished, blushing slightly.

'Great idea!' said Hermione, jumping up from the couch. Would you be able to grab me a robe, I'll change out here if you do so in your room.' She indicated towards the door and he nodded.

He entered his room and found his spare robes. THANK GOD he had washed it since he last wore it. But it still smelt a bit… Severus-ish. Oh well, she can live with it.

He returned to see she had removed her shoes and jacket.

'Here.' He muttered, embarrassed at her state of some what 'un dress'. It had been years since he had had a woman in here, let alone undressing herself.

He walked back towards his room, closing the door behind him.

'Oh my god…' he sighed, leaning against the door.

After a few moments he got up and started to undress. He had removed his robes, shirt and shoes when there was a knock at the door.

'Severus?' asked Hermione. 'Can you help me?' He didn't have time to change, so he walked out in HIS somewhat state of undress.

Hermione gasped when she saw him, but quickly hid it. He was VERY fit for a man of his age. He wasn't too muscled, but was fairly lean. And he had a SIX PACK. Woot woot.

'Um, can you please, er, help me with my zip?' she asked him quietly, dragging her eyes away from his chest.

'Certainly.' He replied. She turned around, her back now facing him, indicating to the zip at the back of her dress.

'It's a bugger, really, always has been. I usually just open it with my wand, but I seem to have left it in my other robes, sorry. But if you could j-' she stopped short, as Severus lowered the zip, revealing her bare back. He pulled it down all the way, it stopped just above her lower back. As he had lowered it, his hands had brushed against her soft skin, and it was this that had shut her up.

They were so strong, but so gentle. Hard, but also, in a strange, soothing sort of way, soft.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was a house elf, with some whisky.

GOD, they were brilliant. How did they know he NEEDED some whisky, right now!

He realized his apparel could be somewhat… interesting to the house elf, so he decided to play along.

'Hermione dear,' he called into the room. 'Do you want some whisky?'

Hermione came up behind him, rubbing her hands along his back, slowly moving them to his chest.

'Mmhmm, whatever you say, gorgeous.' She sighed, feeling his skin under her hands was MAGICAL.

The house elf's expression was priceless.

'Pixxi go g-get another galss then, sir. S-sorry for the interruption, Pixxi meant not to interrupt, sir. Pixxi punish herself, sir.' The little elf stuttered.

'There'll be no need for that, now.' Severus assured 'Pixxi'. 'I have glasses here, we'll just take the bottle.'

He reached down, taking the bottle off the elf's tray.

Hermione, who had been so captivated by Severus' chest and hadn't let go, was pulled with him when he bent over, and she was suddenly on his back, piggy-back style.

Severus noticed the sudden weight on his back and smirked.

'Now, now, Hermy. There'll be plenty of time for that later…' he said suavely.

Hermione whispered in his ear 'Don't you EVER call me that again. EVER.' Then she said, louder. Aw, Sevy, pleeease? I'll keep my shoes on if you want…' she teased.

She felt Severus stiffen underneath her, (ew, not that way you SICK PERSON!) But he replied coolly.

'Just give me a moment, you wild animal!' he pretended to laugh. 'You'll wear me out!'

Pixxi had heard a bit too much. Correction, WAAAAAAAY too much. So she ran away, metal tray clanging against the walls as she sprinted down the hall.

It would have been hilarious, had the two not been absolutely murderous with each other. As soon as Severus closed the door, Hermione began her barrage of insults and threats.

'OH MY GOD, Severus, You BASTARD! Now everyone's gonna think I'm some sort of wild sex beast! And you called me HERMY! You absolute prick of an arsehole, you KNOW how much I hate that name! I can't believe you!' she paused for breath, and Severus saw his chance.

;Well,' he started coolly. 'Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm some sort of perverted sex monster that has a fetish for keeping shoes on in bed. And if you ever call me 'Sevy' again, I will kill you with knives.'

He had said so coolly and calmly, as if merely stating facts, that she couldn't help but laugh.

'What?' he asked, slightly put off by this sudden change of tune.

She just continued to laugh at him, as she walked over to his couch. She sat down, still giggling.

'I demand you tell me what you find so hilarious.' Said Severus impatiently.

'Nothing.' gasped Hermione. Severus gave her a dark look, so she explained. 'Just the way you said it, that's all. It reminded me of the cynical professor I used to know.'

'And what's different about me from the cynical professor I used to know?' he asked suavely, sitting down next to her on the couch.

'Well, for starters, the cynical professor I used to know wouldn't have planned to fake an engagement with me. The cynical professor I used to know wouldn't kiss me in front of the entire great hall. The cynical professor I used to know wouldn't pretend to be sleeping with me to start gossip among the Hogwarts house elves.' OH MY GOD, am I flirting with Snape? Well he is hot! JUST DO IT! 'And the cynical professor I used to know definitely wouldn't let me do this…'

She climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. He looked startled, but didn't pull away. She brought her mouth close to his and whispered:

'Oh, he DEFINITELY wouldn't let me do this.' And she kissed him. And not just a peck on the lips. This was a kiss. Not, not a kiss. A PASH.

'Oh my god, I'm kissing Hermione.' Thought Severus.

'Oh my god, I'm kissing Severus.' Thought Hermione.

The kiss lasted several seconds, and the only reason they broke apart was for air. They both sat there, Hermione straddling Severus' legs, their faces inches apart. The tension was so think you could slice it (not literally, you loser).

Any spoken word could have ruined the moment. Severus lifted his hands to her back, where her zip was still undone. His strong hands touched the soft skin of her upper back. He traced pattern down her back, pulling down her dress from her shoulders as he went. Her tan skin was revealed, a brilliant contrast to her white dress. He pulled it completely off her upper body, revealing a white bra, simple, beautiful .

'W-we should… get some sleep.' Whispered Hermione, pulling away from him slightly, but still straddling him. She pulled up her dress, and it was then that she noticed that he wasn't exactly as controlled as he made out to be. There was just the case of the rather large tent in his pants.

She blushed. OH MY GOD, my former professor has an erection, because we kissed. Oh my god, oh my FUCKING god! No, oh my FUCKING Severus, taunted a voice in her head. AH! Bad images! But, truth be told, the images she was getting weren't all that bad… But even so…

She climbed off him, pulling her dress up completely.

'I er… I think we should still continue with the plan. If you, er, finish getting changed, we will place our clothes around the room.' He got up from the couch and walked back to his room.

He closed the door and leant on it, sliding down to the ground as he did so.

'Oh god…' he sighed, rubbing his eyes. After a minute or two, he got up and finished changing, putting on his robe. He opened the door a crack to check whether Hermione had finished changing.

What he saw captivated him. Hermione had her back to him, and she was completely naked. His eyes trailed down her body, from her wavy brown hair, down her tanned back, to her pale buttocks. She pulled on his spare robe, pulling it around her waist and tying it firmly, turning around. She saw Severus standing in his doorway, and she wondered how long he'd been standing there. How much he'd SEEN?

Hmm, chapter 3 done. TRA LA LA!

Review, my pretties!

(Hehe, if you're in Aus (It might be on in other places as well, I don't know) but there is an add for V energy drink, and it has cockroaches parachuting over a hand dryer in a bathroom. Hehe, sooooo funny.)

So long for now.

XOXO

There you go guys, til tomorrow...