Disclaimer: Not mine. You REALLY think I'd be here if they were? No, I'd be off killing little kids! BWAHAHA…

Summary: Hermione and Severus have been set up one too many times. So, they plan on getting their revenge on the Hogwarts staff, but is that how fate will see it?

Warnings: Rated for a reason people! If you shouldn't, or don't want to be reading this, press the back button. Right. NOW.

Authors note: Hello my pretties! How are we all? All good I hope. Now, I like totally stole this idea from another fanfic, you should read it. But you'll have to find it for yourself, I forgot the name and author. Doop dee doo. So, basic plot is someone else's (curse them and their brilliant plot bunnies! All mine does is hump my leg!) but I changed the story line, so don't YELL at me. Okay, you can yell at me, but not too loud, I'm meant to be something called 'studying'. Peh. Studying.

Hermione, Severus and most other characters are very OOC. Don't blame me, they fit better that way.

So sit back and read the totally-not-mine-but-kinda-is-don't-yell-at-me-story. Hope you like.

(Now can someone PLEASE help me get this plot bunny off my leg!)

Chapter 5

MORNING: (noun) the first light of day, the time period between dawn and noon.

Hermione awoke the next morning feeling pleasantly warm. It took her a moment to work out why she wasn't in her room or even her office before the events of the night before came flooding back to her. She grinned at the thought.

She got up and put her robe around her, walking out a door that she hadn't been through that led out of Severus' room. It led into a small hall, with two more doors leading off that. She tried the closest one and found it was a kitchen, complete with small table. She tried the next room and found it was a toilet.

She quickly dealt with her full bladder, washed her hands and continued into Severus' kitchen.

It was way too quiet to cook (Hermione was one of those people who HAD to have sound going on while she worked, or, for that matter, did anything) so she transfigured one of the pairs of kitchen tongs into a stereo, and a soup ladle into her favourite CD- a compilation of all her favourite songs.

She put it in the CD player and turned it up loudly, putting a silencing charm around the room so as not to wake Severus.

'Pop!ular' by Darren Hayes began to play, and Hermione began to sing along,

'Are you willing to sleep your way to the top? Do you wanna be pop…ular! I don't wanna keep my feet on the ground, I wanna be popular!' she sang, laughing at the lyrics.

Hermione heard Severus stumble down the hall to the bathroom, then the shower turning on.

She grabbed a frying pan and some eggs from the fridge, frying them up.

She went over to the fridge, 'Play my video! Get me on the radio! Dancing at the- SHIT! Why the hell don't you have any cottage cheese?' she yelled through the wall to the bathroom.

'Cottage what?' came the muffled reply.

'And apples? Don't you have anything HEALTHY in your fridge?' she called.

'Let me think…' he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 'Just transfigure something!'

Hermione sighed and transfigured an orange into some cottage cheese, a spare egg into an apple and a bottle of milk into a jug of apple juice.

'My friends are in magazines! My friends are in limousines! I just sold my… SOUL!'

She wandered back over to the frying pan, tossing it into the air and letting t land back into the pan, all with one hand.

She had dropped a bit of oil, so she danced over to the napkin holder, grabbed one and brought it back over to the fryer and wiped it up. She opened the bin from behind with her heel, aimed and shot, it hit the wall behind it and bounced in.

'She shoots… SHE SCORES! Woot woot!' she bumped the door with her bum, and it swung shut.

She twirled her way to the counter where her cottage cheese, apple and juice were waiting. She quickly spooned some cottage cheese into a plain white dish, chopped up the apple and added them to the cheese.

She poured herself a class of apple juice and set them down on the table.

She returned to the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster.

Retrieving the egg from the frying pan and turning of the fryer, she popped the toast from the toaster, catching it in mid air. She dumped the toast on the plate and topped it with the egg.

She stood for a moment, admiring her work, and said 'There's something missing… AHA!'

She opened the fridge and pulled out a tomato, quickly slicing it. She placed it on top of the egg and toast, and quickly heated them in the microwave.

'DING!' the bell signalled it was ready, and she took it out. She grabbed some salt from the cupboard and dashed some on top.

She carried both plates of food to the table, going back into the kitchen to retrieve her juice. As a second thought, she poured Severus a glass too.

By now the song changed to 'She will be loved' by Maroon 5.

She grabbed the paper from the table where the house elves dropped it off, and sat down with her breakfast.

Reading the front page, she started singing along to the song.

'I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while… And she will be loved. Yes she will be loved…' She sang softly.

'I didn't know you sang.' Came the smooth voice of Severus, his hand reaching out to tough her shoulder.

'Fuck!' she gasped, scared. 'You scared me!' she laughed.

'I didn't know you sang.' Repeated Severus, taking the seat opposite her, where his plate was.

'Oh, well, I haven't for years. Not professionally, anyway. I used to take lessons, but after Hogwarts, I just became to rapt up in my studies…' she explained, blushing slightly.

'You should start again. You're good.' He commented. 'This is brilliant. But what's that you're eating?' he indicated to the bowl in front of her.

'This? Oh, cottage cheese and apple. I've liked it since I was little.' She explained. 'By the way, this arrived this morning.' She handed him a letter.

Severus opened it with his knife, and then unfolded the letter.

He scanned it with his eyes (as opposed to his arse… Sorry, stupid moment) and groaned.

'What is it?' asked Hermione, looking up from the paper.

'Dumbledore. It's about the Talent Quest. He's asked all the professors also do an act. God help us…'

'Crud. What are we going to do?' she asked.

'We? You can do something, but I plan on fighting this announcement!' Severus declared.

'You know he'll get to you in the end. Plus, if you fight, it's exactly what Dumbledore will expect. PLUS, if we do it, it'll be a great way to broad cast our relationship.' She said.

Severus' heart sank. So this was still all an act. He knew, really. And he didn't mind. YES YOU DO! He made an effort to keep his face indifferent.

'So, what did you have in mind?' asked Severus.

'Well, I don't know. What can you do? Dance? Act? Sing?' she laughed at the thought of Snape dancing.

'I don't act and I CERTAINLY don't dance. But I used to sing, years ago.' He said. GOD NO. DON'T BLUSH. Snape does NOT blush.

'You SING?' asked Hermione incredulously.

'What's wrong with that?' asked Severus defensively.

'Nothing. Well, that makes it easy. We'll sing. But what?' asked Hermione, deep in thought.

'Nothing too mushy, romantic, or… pop!' He said, shuddering at the thought.

'Well, how a bit of soft rock? There's this great duet between a rock singer and Amy, the lead singer from a band called Evanescence. I think you'd like it.' She said. Snape didn't object so she continued. 'I'll find the music and lyrics today; we can sort it all out tonight. And, if anyone asks, tell them we are doing something, but don't tell them what. It'll be a surprise.' With that she gave him a quick peck on the lips and left, leaving Severus deep in his thoughts.

WOOT! Chappie 5 done!

So, tell me what you think, and PLEASE review.

CYA guys.

By the way, watching The 4400. Very cool.

Woot.