Disclaimer: Not mine. You REALLY think I'd be here if they were? No, I'd be off killing little kids! BWAHAHA…
Summary: Hermione and Severus have been set up one too many times. So, they plan on getting their revenge on the Hogwarts staff, but is that how fate will see it?
Warnings: Rated for a reason people! If you shouldn't, or don't want to be reading this, press the back button. Right. NOW.
Authors note: Hello my pretties! How are we all? All good I hope. Now, I like totally stole this idea from another fanfic, you should read it. But you'll have to find it for yourself, I forgot the name and author. Doop dee doo. So, basic plot is someone else's (curse them and their brilliant plot bunnies! All mine does is hump my leg!) but I changed the story line, so don't YELL at me. Okay, you can yell at me, but not too loud, I'm meant to be something called 'studying'. Peh. Studying.
Hermione, Severus and most other characters are very OOC. Don't blame me, they fit better that way.
So sit back and read the totally-not-mine-but-kinda-is-don't-yell-at-me-story. Hope you like.
(Now can someone PLEASE help me get this plot bunny off my leg!)
Chapter 9
AUDITIONS: (verb) Perform in order to get a role.
Five days later, it was the 17th of December. The auditions were being held at 11 o'clock. Normally this wouldn't have bothered her, but today was the day she and Severus would audition. Together.
She also had to sing her solo, and on top of this, she had been asked to be a judge for the auditions. Along with Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick and Sev-Snape.
She and Snape had been unusually frosty whilst alone, but had kept up the act of being in love well when they were around others.
She and him had worked out their song easily, and had rehearsed it many times, so there were no problems in that department.
She heaved out of bed at 10:30 and cursed. Quickly, she threw on some jeans, a weaved belt and a simple white singlet before brushing her hair and running out the door.
When she arrived, several students were waiting outside the door, and once she had gone inside, she saw she was the last professor to arrive.
'Sorry I'm late.' She said quickly, before taking her place along the table in front of a small stage.
'Well, now that everyone's here, shall we start?' Dumbledore smiled warmly at her. One day, that twinkle was just going to-
Her thoughts (however murderous) were interrupted by a 4th year Slytherin walking across the room.
'Please state your name, year, house and the name of your act.' McGonagall said kindly.
'Kenneth Bradby, 4th year, Slytherin, Moonwalk.' He said loudly and clearly.
Hermione was surprised. She would have been much more scared, had she been in this position.
She quickly wrote down his details on the slip of paper before her, and waited.
He walked to the side of the stage and signalled to his friend, who pressed play on the stereo he had brought.
Suddenly 'The way you make me feel' by Michael Jackson started to play, and he rode out on a black motorbike.
He rode to left stage centre and turned off the bike, did an impressive flip off it and landed, skidding to his knees to the front of the stage diagonally, so that he ended up at the front of the stage in the centre.
There was a collective gasp from the room, and a smattering of applause from the students who were watching.
Kenneth continued to amaze everyone present with a series of Michael Jackson style moves, including a faultless moonwalk.
During one impressive spin, He magiced himself into Michael Jackson style clothes; 7/8 black pants, shimmer jacket with straight shoulders and one white glove.
His hair had also changed, from light brown to black.
At the end of his act, he jumped off the stage and changed back into his former self, panting.
'Sorry about the whole changing clothes thing, I know we weren't really meant to have magic…' he apologised.
'That's fine. You were merely adding to an already brilliant act.'
Kenneth grinned broadly, and walked out of the room, his friend with the stereo clapping him on the back.
'Next, please.' Called Flitwick in his squeaky voice.
In walked a group of seventh year Gryffindor boys.
The gave their names and other information, and their act was a band performance of the song 'Other side' by the muggle band Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
It seemed that the wizarding world seemed not to really create much of their own music, more listen to the muggles'.
They quickly magiced their instruments (several electric guitars, drum kit and microphones) onto the stage and ambled up.
After a moment of getting organised, they started.
A simple cord pattern was played by one of the guitarists, and the lead singer started singing.
'How long, how long will I slide?' he continued on, the rest of the band joining in to what turned out to be a terrific rock performance.
Hermione circled 'yes' on her slip and put it in the box, just as she had done for the previous act.
The next few acts were a bit dodgy, but after a while, a group of sixth and seventh year Ravenclaws entered.
They gave the usual information, and Hermione sat up a bit when they said their item; 'Lady Marmalade'.
Well, this should be interesting! It turned out none of the other teachers knew about the song, but they got the basic idea when the girls pulled off their robes to reveal costumes made up of corsets, high heels, garters and stockings, a different colour for each girl. One of the girls, though, was wearing a man's suit, including top hat and tails.
Hermione grinned, and not just at the faces of her colleagues.
They climbed on stage, the four girls facing the back, the one in the suit facing the front, head down, clicking her fingers.
'Where's all my soul sisters? Lemme here y'all flow sisters!' she said, sounding incredible like Missy Elliot had when she sang it.
The four at the back turned around and slowly started to sashay to the front, their heads still down.
'Hey sister go sister, soul sister, flow sister!' they started to sing, and the 'Missy Elliot' girl walked to the side of the stage.
Hermione remembered the song and it's film clip and quickly worked out who was supposed to be who; The girl in purple with purposely frizzy blonde hair was Christina Agruilera; The girl in Green was Lil Kim, blue was Mya and Pink was- well, P!NK.
'Mya' started to sing first, sounding a lot like her counterpart.
'He met marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge, strutting her stuff on the street! She said, hello hey Joe, ya wanna give it a go! Ooh! Ah ah!' she continued, til they got to the chorus, where they all started to sing the French.
She started laughing to herself, and the staff gave her funny looks: obviously they didn't know French. OBVIOUSLY they didn't know the girls were singing 'will you sleep with me tonight?'
This made Hermione laugh more.
'P!NK' made her entrance, singing about the man sitting in the prostitutes house. She too sounded a lot like who she was imitating.
She had to hand it to these girls: They knew how to sing.
Soon the girl in green, 'Lil Kim', started to rap.
'… some people mistake us for whores, but why spend mine, when I can spend yours?… Wearing high heeled shoes getting love and the groove, we bad assed chicks from the Moulin Rouge! Hey sister, go sister, better get that dough sister!..'
The girl in purple with the blonde hair came to the front to give her solo, and Hermione had to admit, she was definitely the best.
They DEFINITELY knew how to sing!
The song finished when the 'Missy Elliot' girl came back on to stage to finish it off, and then the girls stood and faced the staff, all holding hands.
'I uh…' said Dumbledore, for once at a loss for words.
McGonagall, Flitwick and even Snape followed suit, so Hermione finished for him
'That was brilliant! You girls have brilliant voices, you should think about going professionally!' she praised, and the girls visibly relaxed. 'It's a yes from me, what do you say?' she looked at the others.
Still in shock, they nodded.
'Brilliant! Well then, I think we'll see you at the concert! But you'll have to wait for tomorrow to be certain.' She smiled encouragingly, and the girls climbed off the stage, squealing.
They steadily went through the next performers, several of them merited 'yes' on their slips, but the majority not as good.
'Well, if that's all for the students, I think we can move on to the staff auditions!' he called to the rest of the room, and grinned down at his colleagues.
Several other teachers, not on the judges panel, had arrived, ready for their own (however forced) audition.
'So, first, we have… Hermione Granger, with the song 'Pieces of me'.' Dumbledore read off his paper, and started to applaud. Everyone followed his lead, and by the time Hermione had gotten on stage, the entire room was clapping.
Hermione took a deep breathe and nodded to Flitwick, who switched to 'play' on her stereo.
Haha, evil I know, but it's probably the first cliffie I've left you with, so be happy!
Besides, I really want to write the next chapter, so you might even have it by today, if not tomorrow! Woot!
(I'm annoyed at myself. Now I can't get 'Pieces of me' out of my head. URGH!)