Disclaimer: Not mine. You REALLY think I'd be here if they were? No, I'd be off killing little kids! BWAHAHA…

Summary: Hermione and Severus have been set up one too many times. So, they plan on getting their revenge on the Hogwarts staff, but is that how fate will see it?

Warnings: Rated for a reason people! If you shouldn't, or don't want to be reading this, press the back button. Right. NOW.

Authors note: Hello my pretties! How are we all? All good I hope. Now, I like totally stole this idea from another fanfic, 'A Snape is for life, not just christmas' by Shiv (curse her and her brilliant plot bunnies! All mine does is hump my leg!) but I changed the story line, so don't YELL at me. Okay, you can yell at me, but not too loud, I'm meant to be something called 'studying'. Peh. Studying. (full details can be found on the authors note after chapter 10. Please read it).

Hermione, Severus and most other characters are very OOC. Don't blame me, they fit better that way.

So sit back and read the totally-not-mine-but-kinda-is-don't-yell-at-me-story. Hope you like.

(Now can someone PLEASE help me get this plot bunny off my leg!)

Chapter 17

HELP: (noun) The activity of contributing to the fulfilment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose, Improve; change for the better.

Hermione stormed down the hall, wrapping his coat that she had borrowed around her. Damn him! Why is he always right? He was just standing there! She had though she had made an impressive exit, but NOOO, she just HAD to walk outside without her top on. Brilliant. Juuust brilliant.

She arrived at her room and opened the door, hurrying in- It was still cold out, and all she was wearing on top was a jacket hanging half open.

Once inside, she slammed the door again, venting her frustration on the unsuspecting piece of wood.

'DAMMIT!'

Severus sighed and walked over to his desk, where he got out his quill, ink and a fresh piece of parchment. He started to write:

Hermione,

Please don't take offence to whatever I have said to offend you. I was trying to tell you how I felt, but instead started another argument between us. When I got angry, I wasn't frustrated with you or the baby, or even Sean. I was frustrated at myself. I hope you can forgive me. If you can, please meet me in the Great Hall before dinner.

Love, Severus.

P.S. I haven't left you. You know that.

Severus realised that this was the first letter he had ever written signed with love. Too late now, he thought and rolled up the letter, coaxed his owl down from atop his bookcase and sent her away with it. Normally, he would have used this as a good opportunity to assist the plan, but he felt this was strictly between him and her, no games included. Besides, he didn't even know whether the plan was still going ahead, with the baby and all. And the emotions. Severus would never admit it, but he had developed emotions for Hermione. Hell had frozen over.

'Lavendar?' Hermione searched for the one person she had thought she would never go to for advice- Lavendar Brown. But she GOT men, worked out how they worked, thought about the way they think.

'Oh, sorry dear, she's gone to Hogsmeade with Minerva, Flitwick and Dumbledore. Shan't be back for hours.' Nearly headless Nick drifted past her.

Cursing, she thought about who else she could talk to. Not Mrs Weasley, even if she DID approve of her and Severus, she couldn't very well tell her about everything else. She wouldn't feel comfortable telling any guys, Minerva and Lavendar were away.

'GINNY!' she said excitedly, and she ran up to go and floo over to Ginny's

'Ginny? Dean?' she called through their empty looking house. 'Anyone home?'

'In here!' she heard Ginny's voice softly call from her bedroom, and walked in to find Ginny lying in bed with a baby stuck firmly to her chest, and Dean on a chair next to her, nursing another baby to sleep.

'Hi guys.' She said, but was shushed by both parents, who indicated to their charges. 'Oh sorry…' whispered Hermione, sitting on the bed near Ginny.

'It's okay, but we just got Arwen down, and we really don't need to wake her.' She laughed quietly.

'Oh, okay. And Eowyn is going fine?' she asked, indicating the other baby that sat with Ginny, having now finished it's drink.

'Fine. So, why did you come here?' she asked.

'What, I'm not allowed to visit two of my best friends anymore?' Hermione asked indignantly.

'It's not that, of course we love you coming over, but I've known you for eleven years now, Hermione. You didn't come just for small talk.' Ginny said knowingly.

'Yeah, you're right. Look, could we talk in the living room…?' she asked.

'Sure. Dean, can You take care of both?' she asked, not waiting for an answer but placing Eowyn down on his lap. He held her there, now holding two sleeping babies.

Hermione and Ginny walked into the living room, Ginny readjusting her top as she went. Hermione didn't care, or even noticed; she'd been used to this ever since Ginny was heavily pregnant at the start of the year. She would walk around in just her underwear, her stomach bulging.

'So, what is it?' she asked, both of them sitting down on either side of the coffee table. As Hermione settled into the plush sofa, she began her talk.

'Ginny, I need to start from the beginning. It's a long story.' She took a deep breathe and continued. 'Okay, well, ever since I arrived back at Hogwarts to teach, the other professors have been trying to set us up. This man, he's really nice, but I used to hate him. Anyway, we were getting really sick of it, so we thought of a plan. We were going to pretend to have gotten together, then he would ask me to marry him, and we would then break up just before the wedding. That way, it would get everyone off our backs about getting together. But I'm afraid I may have developed feelings for him, and I think he has to.'

'Okay, before you go any further, I need to know; who IS this guy?' she asked, listening intently for Hermione's answer.

'Promise you won't laugh, or get mad, or faint, or try to kill me?' Ginny nodded, so she continued. 'Severus.'

'Severus?' asked Ginny, puzzled.

'SNAPE!' shouted Hermione, frustrated.

'Snape!' asked Ginny incredulously. Hermione nodded. 'You fell in love with SNAPE?'

'Yes. But that's not the worst part…' she said quietly.

'Oh god? What is it?' breathed Ginny, but she held Hermione's hand over the table supportively.

'Well, one night we… slept together…' Ginny made a sudden intake of breath, but continued to hold her hand. 'And now I'm pregnant.' She finished in a rush.

'Pregnant!' she almost screamed. 'Oh my GOD! That's so cool!'

Hermione laughed in relief. 'But, Ginny, aren't you forgetting who the father is?' she asked uncertainly.

'Peh, no! Besides, if you really like him, then it shouldn't matter who it is. But, just a question: How old is he?' she asked, moving round to sit next to Hermione.

'40. But I'm 22, and I don't care, I think I love him.' She said, tears starting to fall.

'You THINK?' asked Ginny sceptically.

'Well, I do, and I told him, but now we are fighting… And I just don't know what to do? I'm beginning to think it was all a mistake…' she sobbed into Ginny's shoulder.

Ginny made up her mind- Nobody hurt her best friend and went away safely, ESPECIALLY Snape.

'Uh… Hermione? I really need to get dinner under way, but I think we might get take out. Stay for dinner, I'll go get it, and while I'm gone you can catch up with Dean. Sound good?' she asked, and Hermione nodded, wiping her face.

Ginny concentrated and with a loud POP she was gone.

Severus sat at his desk, wondering whether Hermione had gotten his letter yet.

Suddenly, his door flung open and a dangerously angry looking Ginny Weasley thundered into his office.

'Snape.' She said threateningly.

'Miss Weasley.' He replied.

'Don't 'Miss Weasley' me, Snape! I know what you did to Hermione! You made a plan with her, knocked her up and left! You bastard! You absolute bastard!' she howled.

'Is that what Hermione has been telling you?' asked Severus quietly. Is that really what she had felt he had done?

'Well, no, but she told me the basics and I gathered the rest.' Said Ginny defensively.

'If you must know, GINNY, We did make a plan, and I did get her pregnant, but I haven't left her.' He explained.

'You- You haven't?' she asked, stunned.

'No. I haven't. I just wrote a letter to her regarding these matters, but I don't know if she has received it yet.' He replied.

'So- So you're not leaving her?' she asked uncertainly. She didn't want Snape messing with her.

'Yes.' Severus emphasised.

'Okay then. Good. I'll be going then.' And she left.

Hermione was sitting with Dean, holding Arwen and talking about being back at Hogwarts, when an owl flew in through the window and dropped a letter on her lap. It scrawked before it left, which made both Eowyn and Arwen start to cry. She groaned, comforted Arwen and opened the letter. It was from Severus. She read it through, and as she read the Post Script, she started to cry, she Eowyn and Arwyn all crying.

'Oh god. Three crying girls.' Sighed Dean.

Hehe, funkeh, aiy?

Okay, that got a lil mushy towards the end, but it HAD to happen, just had to.

So, review, tell me what you think!

Toodles my fellow sick-minded homo-sapiens.

fReD. (A chick. Just.)