Chapter 3

Margaret sat silently in the passenger's seat of Trappers truck. There were a million thoughts going through her head. What if she'd made the wrong decision? She hadn't even heard from Hawkeye since they'd left the 4077th, and that was over a year ago. He could be married, or have another child. She hadn't even thought of that possibility until now.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm wondering what I was thinking when I decided to do this. What do you suppose Andy's doing right now?"

"Probably wanting to kill both of us. Louise probably thinks we've run off together too. I'll bet she's already been to a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings."

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this Trapp."

"Margaret, you know I love you; you're my best-friend. I want to be here for you…..for all of you"

"All of us?"

"You, Emma and Hawkeye. You're all like family to me. I know that I haven't talked to Hawk in awhile, but he was the only thing that kept me sane during the war."

"You miss him don't you?"

"I do, but I didn't know how to reconnect with him. I didn't know how to say goodbye, so I just left. I just left him there, without so much as a note or a phone call. Now it's been three and a half years. Over three years of silence……How do you apologize for something like that?" There was such sadness in his voice that had he not been driving, Margaret would have reached over and hugged him.

"You have to try. If you don't, you'll wake up one day and it may be too late. You'll never get the chance to say all of the things that you needed to say. Life's to fragile."

After two more hours of driving, they finally arrived at their destination.

"We could probably ask for directions to Hawk's house at any of these stores, I'll bet they all know him" Trapper said as he curiously looked around the tiny town.

"Uh………Let's check into a hotel first. I'm pretty worn out after the day I've had."

"My wife is probably in the process of divorcing me. You'd better not be backing out now" he replied as he eyed her suspiciously.

"No! I'm just tired. I'll be able to think more rationally after I've had some sleep."

Not really believing her, but deciding against arguing, Trapper pulled into the first Hotel he could find. Neither one had brought extra money, so they decided to share a room. After checking in, the two stood at the doorway inspecting their tiny room.

"I hope you don't intend for me to sleep on that tiny couch" Trapper said as he eyed the couch with dismay.

"We're both adults, we'll share the bed"

Trapper was about to make a joke when she said this, but the look on her face made him hold his tongue.

"Why don't you call and explain things to Louise? Tell her not to talk to Andy though; it's my place to do that."

Margaret walked over to the bed collapsing on one side of it, while Trapper went in search of a phone. After settling things with Louise, Trapper lay down beside Margaret. She was already fast asleep. As he watched her sleep, he wondered what was in store for her. Closing his eyes, he silently prayed that Hawkeye would accept Margaret and Emma with open arms.

Upon waking up, Margaret rolled over to look at the clock. Nine o'clock! She rarely slept that late. Sitting up, Margaret felt nauseated and quickly ran to the bathroom. Woken up by her sudden movements, Trapper called out "Are you ok?"

"Just a little nervous" she shakily replied.

After taking a quick shower, she started pacing back and forth across the room. Trapper was taking a shower, so she was left all alone with her thoughts. She put her hand to her heart. It felt as if it was about to come out of her chest. She wished that she'd taken the time to pack a few things. She was wearing the same dress that she'd worn to the chapel yesterday. "He's going to hate me anyway, it's not like he'll care how I look" she muttered to herself.

"Did you say something?"

"Oh, no, I was just talking to myself. I thought you were still in the shower"

"Nope, just finished. Are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Margaret grabbed a pen and a piece of paper as they were leaving the room.

"What are you doing?"

"In case he isn't home, I'll leave a message"

Margaret started writing her letter as Trapper asked the desk clerk for directions. A small part of her hoped that he wasn't at home.

Dear Hawkeye,

I'm sorry that I missed you. Trapper and I stopped by to see how you were doing.

I really need to talk to you. I'll be at the hotel here in town for a little while. I

Hope to see you soon.

Your Friend,

Margaret

She had no pockets, so she held on to the letter as she rode to Hawkeye's home.

"I think this is it" Trapper said as he pulled into the driveway of a small house.

She held on tightly to the letter as she stood outside the truck looking around. It was smaller than she'd expected, but it had a wonderful view of the ocean. In her opinion that more than made up for the size.

"You coming?" Trapper asked as he started walking up the driveway.

Walking up the steps to the porch Margaret looked for a car. "It doesn't look like he's home, there's no cars here"

Trapper knocked on the front door. No answer.

"You know, maybe if we saw the inside of the house we'd know more about what to expect."

"Huh?" Trapper couldn't believe what she seemed to be suggesting.

"We could see if he had children, or was married or whatever……."

"Margaret Please don't tell me you're thinking of breaking into Hawkeye's House!" She really Has gone crazy he added silently to himself.

"Not breaking in exactly, just getting better prepared!"

"NO! I'm drawing the line here! I came all the way up here, against my better judgment, and now…..Now you want me to break into the man's house!"

"Please Trapper, just so I'll know what to expect. I promise that no one will ever have to know. Do you know how scary this is for me? My whole future is at stake, not to mention Emma's."

"How are we supposed to get in without breaking something?" he asked with a resigned sigh.

"Don't even act like you weren't the one who broke into my tent a million times!"

"Ok, Ok…..Give me a hairpin"

Pulling one out of her hair, she handed it to him. It only took a few minutes for Trapper to get the door open. As they cautiously walked through the door, Trapper called out "Hello? Is anyone home?"

Hearing no answer, Margaret turned around and locked the front door back.

"Ok, I guess we should split up so we can get this done faster.." Trapper felt that if they were going to do this, they were at least not going to get caught at it.

"Ok, you go upstairs, and I'll look around down here.

"Ok" Trapper said as he headed upstairs "but I want you to know; I still think this is just a little bit crazy….even for you."

Margaret decided to start her search in the living room. As she looked at the photos, she felt a sinking sensation. Many of them were of Hawkeye and a woman. The woman looked vaguely familiar to her. Margaret picked up one of the pictures to get a better look at the woman.

"That's Carlye." Margaret let out a yelp and almost dropped the picture.

"Dammit McIntyre! Why do you always sneak up on me!"

"Who is this?" he asked ignoring her question. Margaret looked at the photo that Trapper had. It was of BJ and Hawkeye clowning around. It looked recent. It hadn't been taken at the 4077th.

"That's BJ. He's Hawkeye's best friend." She realized her mistake when she saw a hint of jealously on Trapper's face.

As she turned around she saw invitations on the coffee table. It looked like wedding invitations. She was almost afraid to pick one up. As she set her note on the table, she picked up an invitation. Trapper came up behind her to see why she'd suddenly grown silent.

"Mr. and Mrs. John Breslin request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Carlye Breslin to Benjamin Franklin Pierce on Saturday the fifth of December 1954 at two o'clock" he read out loud

Margaret looked up at the calendar, "Their marriage was a week ago. They're probably on their honeymoon right now."

Dropping their invitation, Margaret headed for the front door. "We have to get out of here, it's time to go home" she was on the verge of crying and was trying desperately hard not to let Trapper see.

"Wait a minute" he said as he grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him. "We came all this way, and you aren't even going to talk to him?"

"How can I" she asked in exasperation, tears were starting to run down her face. "I have nothing! Andy's probably going to leave me. I seriously doubt that I even have a home! Hawkeye has a wife and a stable home. What if he got angry with me? He could take her away! I can't live without my daughter!"

"He wouldn't do that to you" Trapper said, hugging her tightly and trying to sooth her.

Pulling back a little, she wiped her face with her sleeve. "I don't think he would either, but it's not a chance that I'm willing to take."

"You love him." It wasn't a question, more like a statement.

"What difference does it make? It's over now. It's all over." As she said this, she began sobbing. She could no longer hold it in.

"Let's go home." Trapper said as he led her out of the house.

It was a three hour trip back to Boston. "Do you want to stay at my house tonight?"

"No thanks, I just want to go get Emma. I haven't seen her in two days"

Trapper pulled the truck up along the curb in front of Sam's apartment building. "I'll go get her, that way you won't have to explain anything tonight."

Trapper slid back into the truck, handing Emma to Margaret. Margaret cradled Emma in her arms, trying not to wake her up. She couldn't help but smile at her beautiful daughter. As Trapper pulled into Margaret's driveway, she felt fear in the pit of her stomach. Was Andy at home? Could he ever forgive her? Where would she go if he kicked her out? After giving Trapper a hug and a gentle kiss on the cheek, she slowly made her way to the front door.