Elliot stood silently at the rear of the elevator, staring at the back of Olivia's head. He'd become used to the view since returning to the precinct. The thought of seeing her had carried him from the courthouse, but he was disappointed that seeing her was the only contact he was getting. She had barely acknowledged him in the squad room, facing the board during the entire meeting, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Eckerson. The damn Marshal had even helped her with her coat as they were leaving; if he, Elliot, ever tried something like that, he highly doubted she would accept the gesture. She'd probably throw in a barb about his good manners too.
Eckerson seemed to occupy a whole different sphere. After all, he'd...Elliot stopped the thought before it went any further. He closed his eyes and mentally rephrased it, organizing it into a logical progression to explain Olivia's action. Helping a woman with her coat is a boyfriend thing. Eckerson is her ex. She doesn't question him when he does boyfriend things even though they're not together any more. She expects it from him because that's the role she's accustomed to seeing him in. You're her partner. Her friend. You don't do boyfriend things because they would seem weird coming from you. The relief he felt was instantaneous. He blessed the analytical mind that he normally confined to his police work.
None of this changed the fact that she was now standing next to Eckerson, much closer than necessary in Elliot's opinion. There were only five of them in the elevator, no need for crowding. Oblivious to any impropriety, Munch and Fin continued their conversation about the social value of hanging around the library.
"So, is it, like, all old people and students in there?"
"I'll have you know that people of all ages can find something interesting at the library."
"Shit, John, you should be their PR man."
Olivia turned as the elevator doors creaked open and said softly, "They're gonna need a good spin doctor if Paige is dropping corpses on their front steps."
All of Elliot's bitterness over being ignored faded instantly when he saw her face. He'd known her long enough to realize it was never a good sign when she lost control of her eyes, allowing them to reflect what she felt rather than what she wanted other people to see. One glance told him that she was sick over the prospect of finding a new victim of Paige's, wracked by the guilt that was telling her it was her fault. Elliot wanted to reach out for her, even if just to squeeze her hand or touch her shoulder in a gesture of support, but she was already walking toward the exit with Eckerson, his hand grazing her back as he opened the door and stood aside to let her pass.
A feeling akin to jealousy welled up inside him as Elliot brushed past Munch and Fin on his way out the door, suddenly needing very much to speak with his partner. She was halfway to Eckerson's car when he overtook her, gently grasping her elbow. He was surprised to find that she'd been expecting such an action when she didn't even flinch at the unexpected contact. "Liv, we need to talk for a minute."
"So get in the car. We'll talk on the way." She sounded dismissive, uninterested. Her eyes said she was avoiding the conversation, avoiding him. She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.
He stepped closer and lowered his voice anyway, "Alone."
"Fine, I'll ride with you." She turned to Eckerson, who looked as if he wanted to stop her. "It's less than ten minutes to the library, Andy. No one's gonna try and kill us between here and there." She was using an entirely different tone with the Marshal, appeasing him, asking him not to worry.
"I'll follow you then." Elliot watched Eckerson climb into his Suburban, and found that he had never been more relieved to see anyone get into his own car. He turned to his police sedan. She was already standing at the passenger side door, waiting for him. Fin and Munch, getting into their own car in the adjoining spot, looked curiously at Elliot as he unlocked the car doors.
Munch rested his arms of the open passenger-side door of his sedan, asking, "Not to question your judgment, but didn't someone tell you two not to ride together for the duration of this case?"
"Go read a newspaper on a stick, John." He had a flashback to the previous Saturday when he'd been upset and frustrated over a case that had tanked at trial, and snapped at Kathleen for no real reason. Lizzie had abandoned the television to come over and say to him, "Dad, I think you need a hug." That hug had saved the entire weekend. He wasn't about to try the same strategy on Munch, but he wondered if it would work on Olivia. Too late to try. She was already in the car, staring straight ahead through the water-spotted windshield.
As he got behind the wheel, he heard Fin asking Munch, who had passed over making a sarcastic comeback, yet another library-related question as they climbed into their own sedan. "Do they really do that newspaper on a stick thing? Can't you just spend a coupla quarters and buy your own?"
A minute later, all three cars were moving slowly through noontime traffic. By some unspoken accord, none were employing their sirens. No one wanted to be the first to find out if Terry Paige had committed a seventh murder.
Finally alone with Olivia, Elliot found himself tongue-tied, unable to speak to the person he normally talked with most. He tried to make small talk about the case. "So, what d'you think we're gonna find here? I mean, would Paige have the balls to drag a dead body right in, or are we just gonna find another note?"
"There'll be a body. He always gave us more complex riddles when he was leading us directly to one. But you're not disobeying Cragen's order and demanding to talk to me alone because you want to chat about the case."
In his focus on reading her, he'd forgotten that she could do the exact same thing to him. Instead of launching directly into a sermon about being careful around Eckerson, he tiptoed just to the side of his intended topic with a general statement. "I'm worried about you."
He heard her exhale as if she were relieved he hadn't brought up the issue she was expecting. "We could both be in danger. I'm concerned Paige might come after you too."
He was both touched and frustrated by her sincerity. "That's not what I meant. I mean, I am worried about that, but I'm more worried about you."
"What, is this a contest over which partner can be more anxious over the other's safety?" They both laughed weakly.
He changed his tone to communicate his seriousness. "I know you feel guilty about this whole situation, even though you shouldn't, and I'm afraid you might, well, that you might do something you regret."
"Like what?"
He could tell she wasn't about to give any ground. He was forced to come to the heart of his perturbation. "Like this morning. On the sidewalk outside the precinct. With Eckerson."
She didn't return his gravity, and attempted to continue the familiar partner-banter she'd begun. "Just spit it out El. You don't like Andy and you're worried that I do. You've got partner envy." She laughed again, but he didn't join in. "You never had a problem with him before."
He told a partial truth about his new dislike for the Marshal. "He never got you taken hostage before."
"Elliot..."
He interrupted, "I just want you to be careful."
"Well, don't worry. I can handle myself."
She was defensive, exactly the reaction he had wanted to avoid. She would become entirely unresponsive to his concerns if he didn't break through quickly. He needed to confront her with facts rather than suspicions. "Find out why he's here."
"Elliot, he's a US Marshal. This is what they do, chase escaped cons."
"I mean why he's here. He came up from Virginia last time, remember? Paige escaped from Sing-Sing. Marshals from the New York field office should be handling this one." The look on her face told him that she hadn't even wondered about Eckerson's presence. He pushed a little harder. "He's here because you're here."
"What difference does it make if he is? Andy was a huge part of my life for a long time. That doesn't go away just because our relationship exists only on a professional level now."
He found her response odd. He knew she had trouble maintaining romantic relationships, but she was floundering more than he had suspected if she was considering Eckerson such an important milestone. She hadn't seemed emotionally invested in that relationship at all. He wondered what kind of feelings, if any, she had developed for the Marshal during their time together. If he were honest with himself, Elliot had to admit he was glad she had such short relationships. It meant she hadn't found someone to divert her from work. From himself. He wasn't ready to share his best friend with another man, one she would be able to talk to and love. He decided to call her on her statement. "Liv, you dated him casually for six months four or five years ago. You're really gonna define that as 'huge part of your life'?"
"Well, then maybe the three years we were together in our twenties counts for something more."
Elliot nearly rear-ended the car in front of him. "Three years? You dated him for three years before we bumped into him at O'Malley's that night when he asked you out?"
"I hadn't seen him for a while when that happened. And those six months weren't about...why am I even telling you? We're done talking about this." She resolutely turned her face to the window. Elliot was too shocked to question her further. He turned her admission over and over in his mind. Three years? People got married after shorter relationships. Hell, he had married Kathy after two. What if Olivia had gotten pregnant back then? Would Eckerson have done the honorable thing? As thousands of 'what ifs' ran through his head, he contemplated how his life would be different if his partner were Detective Olivia Eckerson.
His ruminations made the silence unbearable. Elliot turned back to the only safe topic he could think of. "Where do you think Paige left the body he's sending us to? Could he get it into the actual exhibit where this Blake stuff is?"
"I'd bet he's left us another note somewhere in the exhibit room telling us where to go next. He wouldn't risk being seen carrying it into a public building with the entire city searching for him."
"Some fucking scavenger hunt."
They were back to their normal dynamic by the time they arrived at the library, but Elliot couldn't fight the feeling the something had changed irrevocably. She had been in love with Eckerson, she had to have been. And maybe she still was. The pain of even potentially losing her was like nothing he had ever experienced.
His heart sank further as he stepped out of the car and noticed a welcoming party. Healey stood on the steps, surrounded by several uniformed patrolmen, awaiting the detectives' arrival like a poorly sculpted third lion. "Nice of you to get here, but don't bother going inside because the body is in the dumpster out back."