Disclaimer: Don't own the Dwarfers and yada yada yada.

Ok well here it is hope you enjoy this chapter, i've certianly succeeded in shocking Lar - What with my speedyness and all.

Would You Like Any Toast?

Kryten clicked shut a panel on the toaster and ran the Psi-Scan in front of Talkie, processing the data in nano second time.

Kira and Cat walked in through the door, Cat carrying Dani wrapped in a pile of material and sat on a large sewing basket, Kira carrying a load of electrical components, an axe from one of the fire cupboards and a manual on electronics.

"Sir. Ma'am. May I take this opportunity to restate how utterly repulsive this is?"

"Well you just did, so sorry if I seem thicker than two short plants crossed with a Barbie doll, but where was the question?" Cat asked as he spread the material out delicately on a work bench, reaching for a pair of fabric scissors and a pencil once he was sure his subject was crease and winkle free.

"Oh Kryten, it's ok, these machines don't have the power of independent thought, they are just scrap components put together and run by a man made controller. They aren't like you – They aren't even like Talkie." Kira argued softly trying to get Kryten to understand.

Kryten just attempted a snort in response and flicked Talkie's "On" switch.

"Howdily doodily do, the name's Talkie – Talkie Toaster – Can I brandish you with any toast?"

"Not right now." Kira soothed, opening the manual and scraping a stool over to the bench to sit on.
"Love, I'm a toaster. If you don't want toast has the psychopath come back for round 2?"

"What? No! I'm sure it was an accident."

"That wasn't an accident! That was 1st degree toasticide!"

"Look, we want you to referee a competition for us – Please?" Kira explained and asked, smiling at the toaster warmly.

"Will you eat toast?" Kira's warm smile turned icy cold.

"You're blackmailing us to eat toast?"

"Why not?"

"As must as they deserve this torture in return for their terrible actions, I must order that you will not off any member of the crew toast for the duration of this fiendish event. – Understand?" Kryten commanded waving his finger at Talkie as if scolding a disobedient child.

"Yeah, yeah. So gorgeous, you wanna go out somewhere for pancakes?" Kira raised her eyebrows as Kryten jumped back and Cat scowled.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Pancakes aren't toast."

"Do NOT offer anyone any grilled bread products or…or…or we'll set Mister Lister on you!" Talkie thought for a moment about Kryten's threat before replying.

"What happened to you all that was so horrific you've all turned into toastaphobes?"

"You bread brain." Cat muttered as he drew out a template design for his team shirts.

"This is cruel – Bullying me for what I am!"

"Will you do the smegging job or not?" Kira hissed, hoping not to wake Dani up.

"Ok, ok. It might be a laugh – Should make a change from heating bread." Kira and Kryten exchanged shocked and annoyed glances as Cat continued with his design project muttering unspeakable things about Talkie under his breath.