A/N: I'm sorry about the long wait for the update. I was very busy before the holidays and very sick after them. Then I just got lazy. I did learn two valuable lessons – 1) I cannot write and get my Christmas shopping/wrapping/baking done at the same time and 2) I cannot write when I have pneumonia. As neither of these circumstances is likely to occur in the near future (and #2 will hopefully never occur EVER again), the story should be back on track. I'm sorry if the chapter is stilted or forced – I think I might be a little out of practice.

Walking into the squad room after returning from his fruitless interview with Lois Carpenter, Elliot felt none of the relief he usually experienced returning to his familiar milieu. It was quieter than usual; voices were subdued, even the phones seemed muted. The evidence board held only questions, no connections and no answers. He felt upset and thoroughly frustrated. Nothing they did seemed to be bringing them any closer to Paige and his remaining victims. Their only new link, the note that had called them back, was conspicuously absent. He rubbed his fists hard against his eyes, attempting to clear the exhaustion and defeat that were threatening to overtake him.

His mood darkened as he sat down at his desk and glimpsed his family photos. He checked his watch perfunctorily, already knowing that three hours had passed since he had left his message at home. This neglect had been happening more often lately, and he could see no way to make it better. If he called again, Kathy would accuse him of keeping tabs on them or being paranoid; if he waited for them to call, he might have to wait for hours. He wondered when the distance between himself and his family had grown nearly insurmountable. It was as if he had walked into dinner one night and encountered a group of strangers, people who would go on with their lives regardless of his presence or absence. He sighed and unwrapped the burger he had picked up for lunch. Turning to Munch, he pointed at the board and said, "I thought there was a new note."

"It's at the crime lab. They should be faxing a copy over to us sometime soon."

Elliot didn't particularly like the scowl that followed the remark, and asked sarcastically, "Why didn't you just open it here and make a copy?"

He ignored Munch's equally sarcastic reply and turned back to his food. As his gaze swept over his desk, his attention became fixed on his photos once again. He suddenly realized that they were at least three years out of date. Tearing his eyes away from the faces he knew so well, yet barely knew at all, he was confronted with another face he hadn't felt very close to in the past day.

Olivia was sitting at her desk, eating with Eckerson. She seemed calm, but even now there was something about her demeanor that worried Elliot. He hadn't paid much attention to her at the previous day's crime scene, but he'd seen the way she'd acted around the body. She'd been openly nervous, troubled. He could only imagine the inner torture she was putting herself through. He didn't want to see her that upset again. Even if there were no way for him fill the void missing his family was creating, he could certainly do something to make his partner's life a little easier.

Making a decision, he abruptly stood and walked into Cragen's office, shutting the door carefully behind him. "You got a minute, Cap'n?"

"Yeah, sure." Cragen motioned to the chair in front of his desk. Elliot sat, but found that he hadn't quite decided how he wanted to proceed. "Is there something you wanna talk about?" Cragen prompted.

Elliot blinked hard before saying, "I don't think you should send Olivia to the scene when we find out what the note says."

"Why not?" Cragen was incredulous, as if he expected a joke to be forthcoming.

Elliot plowed onward, wondering what had pushed him to such a spontaneous admission. "Cap, you didn't see her when we found the last body. She was pretty upset. I mean, she covered it well, you know Liv, but…it was there. I'm worried about her."

"Has she said something to you?"

"No. But I know her, and I just think that she…I don't think it'd be good for her to see another body so soon. You know how personally she's taking this case…" He trailed off as he heard the emotion creeping into his voice.

"Elliot, I know you're worried about Olivia. I'm worried too, about both of you, in fact. But you should know that I can't take her off this case unless she asks me to or she does something stupid. Do you really think either of those things are gonna happen?"

Elliot looked down, picking at the wood of Cragen's desk. "No. I just…I don't want her to get hurt. I want her to be safe."

Cragen's eyes got wider for a moment. "So that's what this is really about."

"What?"

"Eckerson."

"I'm not jealous of him," Elliot responded defensively. He knew it was only a half-truth. Of course he was jealous; Eckerson was taking his place and maybe more. He would like nothing better than to see the Marshal's back as he walked out of the precinct forever, but none of that had anything to do with his present concern for Olivia. He had come to Cragen to ask him to protect his partner where he, Elliot, could not. "I don't care about Eckerson. Let them both stay at the station. Just please don't send Olivia out there to find another dead body that she thinks is her fault!"

Cragen didn't seem to sense Elliot's selfless motivation. "Look, we'll catch Paige and Eckerson'll be gone. Things will go back to normal soon enough. Just bear with it for a couple more days."

"This isn't about me and Eckerson. It's about Olivia." Elliot struggled to keep the desperation from his tone. He suddenly felt as if he were letting down all the people he loved.

"I can't pull her off this case. I need all of you out there to catch Paige. "

"Do you even care what this is doing to her?"

Elliot knew he'd gone too far as Cragen stiffened, altering his tone from conversational to authoritarian. "Det. Benson hasn't given me any indication that she isn't fully capable of dealing with this case. In fact, the only person I'd consider pulling right now is you, Detective."

"Captain, that's not…"

"You're damn right it's fair. Have I ever given any of you a reason to think I don't put your safety and welfare first?" Elliot suddenly felt very small. Cragen softened slightly. "Elliot, this isn't like you. I know you're not gonna like this, but maybe you should consider talking to someone."

He chose not to understand Cragen's meaning. "I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

"You know what I mean."

"A trip to the department shrink?"

The fax machine beeped, causing Cragen to turn away before replying. His back was still to Elliot when he began speaking. "I just think this case may be getting to you as much as you think it's getting to Olivia. What's the doc call that, projection? Whatever. If you don't want to talk to someone, I can only ask you to leave everything you just said in here." He changed tack before Elliot could reply. "Looks like we've got Paige's note back."

An hour later, Elliot found himself sitting alone in the squad room, flipping through a pile of reports from the tip line that didn't really say anything. He felt betrayed. Cragen had sidelined him. True, he hadn't exactly kept his temper during the meeting, hadn't left it all in the office as the captain had requested, but it was still no reason to keep him out of the field.

The ringing of the phone on his desk made him feel that the bell was sounding the end of detention. He had the brief premonition that it would be Olivia asking him to come to the scene and help them do interviews. He answered, "Stabler."

"Sounds like I don't need to ask how your day is going." He found his wife's sarcastic reply less than comforting.

"Kathy…sorry, I didn't sleep that great and I…it's good to talk to you…" He trailed off lamely, fighting to keep the disappointment and fatigue from his voice.

She seemed to sense his discomfort. They'd been having moments like this a lot lately, moments of awkward distance when they were left with nothing to say to each other. At least that was how Elliot felt; he couldn't ask Kathy if she felt the same. With all the time they spent apart, he felt as if he didn't even have the right to ask, marriage vows be damned.

"I would have called sooner, but we went to my mother's. The twins wanted to sled on the hill in her backyard."

"Well, I'm glad they had fun. Can I, uh, talk to the kids?" He felt as if he were asking a favor, a favor that relied on his wife's benevolence. As he spoke to each of his children, he realized that it had been over 24 hours since he'd had any contact with them. He was hit with the fact that they could have filed a Missing Persons report on him. It was nice just to talk with them for a few minutes, though. It provided a bright spot in a day full of frustration. He concluded the conversation with his son, "Okay, Dickie, I love you too. Can you put Mom back on?"

"So when are we gonna see you again?" Her tone wasn't accusatory, but he felt a fight looming.

He tried to answer neutrally. "I don't know. Soon, I hope."

"Well, I'm sure Olivia is taking good care of you."

And there it was. He had just started to feel better after having talked to the kids, and she had to throw that into the ring. "Jesus, Kathy, I'd be home right now if I could, but I can't because there's a psycho on the loose raping and killing girls."

"When will there NOT be a psycho killing and raping girls?" There was a pause as the question sunk in. She was right of course. There was always another case, another pervert, another night spent in the crib. Just as he felt himself falling, Kathy unexpectedly caught him by being the first to speak, the first to apologize. "I'm sorry, Elliot. I just wish you were here."

He sighed, relieved that the brief argument was over. "Yeah, me too."

"Come home soon. I love you."

"I love you, too. And I'll be home as soon as I possibly can. Bye." He hung up, feeing slightly better than he had before the call. He smiled to himself as he looked at his family photos this time, making a mental note to get some more recent pictures for his desk.

"Feeling a little better?" Cragen was sitting across from him, behind Olivia's desk.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about earlier, Cap. I was outta line."

"Yeah, you were, but don't worry about it." As he paused, Elliot looked at him expectantly. Cragen seemed to get his hint. "You know, I didn't keep you back to punish you. I just thought you might need some time to cool off. You were still pretty amped when we were talking about that note."

Elliot couldn't resist a slight dig. "Well, threatening me with the shrink tends to do that."

"I still say it wouldn't hurt, but I'm not ordering you." They both glanced at the phone on Elliot's desk as it began to ring. "And I'm still here if you need to blow off some more stream."

"Thanks, Cap." Cragen smiled and began reexamining the evidence board as Elliot picked up the phone. "Stabler."

The caller sounded flustered. "Det. Stabler? Wow, I've been trying to reach you for, like, an hour. My mother gave me the wrong number, surprise, surprise, and I had to call directory assistance and then the NYPD main switchboard to get a hold of you."

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. This is Melissa Carpenter. You spoke to my mother this morning."

"Melissa Carpenter?" Elliot beckoned Cragen, who had turned at the sound of one of their potential victims' names. "Are you aware that you've been reported missing since Monday?"

She sighed deeply. "Am I in trouble?"

"With us? No. With your mother? Well, that's between you two. We would like an explanation, though."

"Well, since you really were looking for me, I guess I owe you that much…"

Fifteen minutes later, Elliot sat down in Cragen's office, where the captain had retreated after cheerfully removing Melissa Carpenter's picture from the board. "So tell me the good news."

Elliot couldn't help but smile. "She moved to Massachusetts to establish residency. Turns out that she and Les want to get married in a few months."

"She wants to elope in Massachusetts? I don't get it. Is that where her boyfriend's family is from?"

"Well, as it turns out, Les is not Lester but Leslie."

Cragen caught on and filled in the rest. "And barring any constitutional finagling, gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts as of May. Well, I'm just glad she's safe."

"Yeah."

"I almost feel like we got a freebie on this one."

"Uh-huh."

"Something still bothering you?"

"It's just…her mom had no idea. Melissa had this whole life that her mother didn't know anything about. And it wasn't even something like drugs or gambling that she was hiding. It just makes you think, y'know?"

"I'll send you home tonight if that's what you want, Elliot."

He looked up, surprised that Cragen had nailed his source of discontent so easily. "We're in the middle of a case. I can't just leave. I won't." He didn't add that he really wanted to.

"Consider it in lieu of being shrunk. Go home, spend some time with your family, get some sleep, come in fresh tomorrow."

"I don't feel right about it."

"No one is gonna fault you for this. It's my order anyway." Elliot stood resignedly, "And Elliot? There'll be a squad car parked outside your house while you're there. An unmarked one so Kathy and the kids don't worry. You're not the only concerned dad here."

Elliot didn't argue any more, too thankful for the respite to risk losing it. "I'll give Olivia a call to tell her the good news, then I'll head out."

"See you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Cap'n." Elliot tried to let his relief overwhelm the feeling that he was deserting his friends. He was only partially successful.

A/N pt. 2 – Just to remind everyone, the timeline of this story is Feb. 2004. So no worries, Massachusetts did indeed begin allowing gay marriage in May 2004.