Daniel took a step forward and said with a heavy Greek accent, "My wife she no speak English good like me."
The robber said, "Shut her the fk up or I'll have to."
Daniel said, in Greek, "That's too risky."
Rain said, still in Greek, "If I fall on my knees, I might be able to come up under his arm, depending on the angle he's holding the gun."
The robber said, sounding increasingly agitated, "I TOLD you to shut her the fk up."
"Please. She is stupid woman. Be patient," Daniel pleaded.
Rain fell to her knees, her hands clasped together and raised as if in prayer. She was sobbing silently and real tears were running down her face. The robber appeared indecisive about where to point the gun.
"All the time she is praying. I should leave her in Greece," Daniel said, trying to sound put upon.
The robber's attention was now directed at Daniel, his gun wavering between the two of them. The sobbing woman groveling in front of him must have looked less and less a threat. Rain exploded upwards while Daniel hit the floor. The gun flew out of the robber's hand, arched across the store, hit the floor, and fired a shot that went into the ceiling. Before Rain could get a hold on the bandit, he had drawn a knife. She rolled away from him and in the next moment Daniel kicked the knife out of his hand and delivered a blow that knocked him down. The clerk emerged from the counter, ashen faced and trembling. "Hot damn," he said and immediately called 911. Daniel flipped the robber over on his stomach and subdued him with his arm behind his back while he twisted ineffectually.
Rain foraged through the store's shelves and returned with two extension chords. She sat down on the robber's legs next to Daniel and handed him an extension chord. Daniel tied up his hands and Rain his feet. Daniel then experienced the kiss that would allow him to win at the party game, "What's the most unusual place you ever kissed a woman?" Surely, "sitting next to her on a robber's ass" had to win hands down.
"Stupid woman?" she asked, teasingly.
"I also said you were my wife. Clearly it was all a pack of lies," he defended himself. "You were incredible."
"So were you." Two police officers came running into the store to find them kissing once again, still sitting on the robber. One cleared his throat and then they both cleared their throats. Daniel and Rain broke apart. The robber snarled, "Get them off me. I got the right not to have nobody sitting on me."
Daniel ignored him and said, "I suppose you want us to get off the suspect?"
One of the cops suppressed a chuckle. He offered Daniel a hand and then took his statement. The other cop helped Rain up and got hers. Daniel was devoutly grateful for the separate interrogations, since he had to give his last name. He realized that he had to correct the mistake Rain had made about who he was before she heard it from someone else.
Rain was giggling on the way back to the car. "That cop was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He had the hardest time understanding that I really wasn't your wife."
When she put the key in the ignition, he put his hand over hers. "Wait a minute, Rain. There's something I need to clear up. Last night, I wasn't wearing my own jacket. I was upset when I left the Mountain and walked off with someone else's without noticing. I'm not Colonel Dalton."
She looked at him in mock horror. "Just tell me the someone you really are, considering the rules about fraternization, isn't an enlisted man?"
"No."
"Your name really isn't Landry."
"Nothing like that."
She widened her eyes even further, her fake horror now at a comic apex, "Oh God, are you in another branch of the service? Please tell me you're not a … Marine!"
He was laughing now. "No."
"Then I can't see how it would matter. So who are you, oh rose who would smell as sweet by any other name?"
"My last name is Jackson."
"That would make you Daniel Jackson." A look of dawning comprehension cross her face, "Dr. Daniel Jackson? The Dr. Daniel Jackson?"
He said, slightly embarrassed, "Yes."
Her mouth fell open and he said, "I never thought a fish could look hot before." He leaned over and captured her mouth and kissed her.
That led to another kiss, when there was a rapping on the window. They separated and Rain put the window part way down. One of the cops from the convenience store said, "You two are genuine heroes, but you still shouldn't be making out parked here in broad daylight."
"Thank you, officer. We'll remember that," Rain said meekly.
He looked at Daniel in admiration. "I bet you're a damn Energizer bunny," and then stepped back, shaking his head and watching them, hands on his hips.
Daniel gasped, "Please get me out of here," and Rain immediately started the car. Daniel lasted about half a block before he exploded with laughter. Rain started laughing and quickly pulled over. She collapsed across the steering wheel, laughing harder and harder.
"Are you?" she got out.
"Am I what?"
"An Energizer Bunny?"
He waggled his eyebrows at her. "I'll have to let you be the judge."
They finally got to the bar and Daniel discovered that he didn't have his glasses. She seemed to find that really endearing and drove him back to his place to get them without complaint. There was one unpleasant moment when he got back into the car at his condo with his glasses. She said, quite troubled, "In the bar last night, you were talking about how you should have made a move on me before. Who did you think you were talking to?"
He sighed. "You know. You're just looking for confirmation."
"You caught me. Since I came to the Mountain, at least five people have told me I look a lot like Colonel Carter. I had heard it before at the Academy. I think the last name being the same adds to people seeing the resemblance. When we've kissed, have you been pretending I was her?"
He slipped a hand under her chin and gently lifted her face so she was looking into his eyes. "You look less like her to me by the minute. The only commonality other than the physical one is that you're probably as brilliant as she is. It stops there. You know how sometimes you tell a father that his kids look alike and he'll be surprised because to him, knowing them like he does, they look quite different?" She nodded. "It's like that."
At last they arrived at the bar parking lot for the second time. Daniel reluctantly got out of her warm car and reclaimed his own to follow her to her apartment in his. It was early evening and they decided to go get some Egyptian food for dinner. He was definitely in withdrawal, alone in his car. It was as if some angel had dropped down from heaven and allowed him to design his own Sam without several of the things that hadn't worked out to well for him about the old one.
When he pulled up next to her in the apartment complex, she asked, "You want to come up and see my place?"
He followed her up the stairs, watching her cute little backside in the soft jeans, molded through long use to her athletic form, and thought, Take this slow, Daniel. This is just too good to be true. He took the glasses off again. The look was working for him with her and he was afraid of jinxing anything about this amazing day.
Her apartment was a wonderful eclectic hodgepodge. There were books everywhere on a wide variety of topics. There was a huge ant farm and an aquarium and in between them, a bookshelf with a collection of Star Trek books, DVDs, and memorabilia. She came to stand beside him as he was leaning close to the ant farm. The lack of glasses was making it difficult to follow their movements. She slipped a hand into the back pocket of his jeans.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to put your hand on a man's ass unless you were ready for what might happen?" he said huskily. He turned toward her and slid his hands down her back to rest on her sweet backside. He pulled her against him and kissed her slowly and expertly while working his hands.
She moaned, planted her hands on his chest, and pushed away slightly. "I shouldn't have done that. It's just, well, has anyone ever told you how wonderful you look leaning over? Damn I'd better tell you this fast before I do anything else stupid. I should have told you before now. God I am such an idiot."
"You're married? You've had a sex change operation? What?" Daniel asked, impatient for her to shut up and resume kissing him.
"Nothing like that. It's just, well, I don't want to end up like my mother. The only way to be sure is to wait for marriage. I'm obviously not adverse to making out, but I don't do sex." She screwed up her face and squeezed her eyes shut like someone expecting to be punched.
He laughed and dropped kisses on her eyelids. "I'm not upset with you, really. I don't do casual sex although my standards aren't quite as high as yours. I'm fine with it. I'd like to know the boundaries, that's all."
"You are unbelievable!" she exclaimed. "Why aren't you married and totally off limits with some super jealous wife who knows that every woman out there would like some of what she's got."
"You're the best thing that's happened to my ego in years," he said softly. "I'd like to resume the kissing part now if that's all right with you."
Monday, Daniel sat at his desk, grinning like an idiot. His eyes were unfocused. Although the door was directly in his line of sight, he didn't really see it. A throat clearing intruded into his awareness. He squeezed his eyes together momentarily and opened them to see Sam.
"Daniel, are you okay?" she asked. She didn't sound concerned as much as fishing for information. Surely no one could think anyone who looked as sappy as he did was in a bad place.
"I am quite okay. Some would say I am spectacular," he said, in code to himself. Rain had told him over the weekend in so many different ways that he was wonderful that he almost believed it.
"Oookay. Look, I've just been visited by Rumor Rita."
Rumor Rita was renowned for being the one person who would tell you what people were saying about you. She would come and sit in your office, look at you sympathetically, and reluctantly tell you, for your own good, about the gossip on your private life. "Oh Sam, are they are already talking about you and Jack? That must be uncomfortable."
She looked slightly taken aback. "No." She hesitated. "This is kind of awkward actually. Maybe I should have just let Rita visit you too."
"What?"
"The rumor is about you and me."
"Huh!" Daniel said. Crap, he thought. Things are going so well with Rain and I. If she hears something about Sam and me, it could make real trouble.
"Is the thought of people linking us together THAT distasteful?" Sam asked. She sounded a little insulted.
He picked up the cooling cup of coffee next to him and took a swallow to give himself some time. "It would make trouble for you with Jack, right?" Daniel said, finally. "What's the rumor?"
He was talking another drink when she said, "Supposedly a whole bunch of people who went out to dinner together to celebrate Freddie Gardner's promotion to Captain saw you and I making out, leaning up against a car in the parking lot of that Egyptian restaurant over on 10th."
Daniel spewed coffee and knocked over the cup. She leaped back. There was a lot of clean up to do that kept them occupied for a few minutes afterwards.
"I suppose it was just two people who looked a lot like us," Sam said when they were finally able to resume their conversation. "You're not even dating anyone and certainly wouldn't be acting all passionate with somebody in a semi-public place.
"Really," he said. He was surprised that he was less hurt than annoyed by her consistent underestimation of him.
She seemed to sense that the statement had come out wrong. "I didn't mean you couldn't get a date. I just thought you were sort of past the woman chasing phase." She hadn't helped much.
"Unlike Jack who at, what, fifty-five? fifty-six? is still high on some sort of natural Viagra and probably just goes and goes, rather like the Energizer Bunny?"
"That's uncalled for," Sam said.
"I'll tell you what I'll do for you, Carter," Daniel said. "My girl friend and I will find an opportunity to make our relationship clear under circumstances where no one will think she's you."
"Did you say your girl friend?" Sam said doubtfully.
"Yup," Daniel said. "If you will excuse me, I've got some things to do before the meeting at 1100." He pulled one of the papers on his desk toward him and began reading. Sam was left with no option other than leaving.
Late that afternoon, he negotiated the level two down from his looking for the office Rain shared with three other captains. She gave him a huge smile when he walked in. The other two officers in the room exchanged meaningful looks. One stood up and said, "Hey Perez, let's go get some coffee."
Rain smiled gratefully at the two as they left. Perez winked and pulled the door almost shut behind him. "I heard you and Colonel Carter were making out at the Egyptian restaurant last night. You do get around," Rain said.
"She came to see me about it this morning."
"I guess she was concerned that she couldn't remember doing it. At her age, you do start getting forgetful," Rain said.
"Be careful, honey, I'm as old as she is," he laughed. "She really pissed me off about it, to tell you the truth. I said something stupid like I'd find a way to make sure everyone knew who my girl friend really was. Then I realized we never discussed whether to go public with this or not."
"Did you really mean what you said to Colonel Carter or were you just mouthing off? I mean do you really want to go public?
"Do you?"
The door swung open and an officer walked in with a newspaper. He looked stunned when he saw Daniel perched on Rain's desk. He looked down at the paper and back at the two of them and finally said, "You got to see this."
"What Jaworski?" Rain asked.
Jaworski stuck the paper out at them wordlessly. Daniel took it and leaned over to share it with Rain. It was the local section of the evening's newspaper. There was a large picture of Rain and Daniel kissing, seated on the robber, evidently captured by the security cameras in the convenience store. The caption said, "Heroic lovebirds." The story identified them both by name.
Rain said, "Oh my, that's one for the scrapbook." She slanted a look at Daniel to gauge his reaction.
He shook his head. "Let's hope this doesn't get picked up by the national news services. I can see the National Inquirer's spin on this now. "Loony archeologist says space aliens helped him capture robber with girl friend." Rain and Daniel stared at each other for a moment, contemplating that outcome, and then burst into laughter. Jaworski joined in, somewhat uncertainly.
When they all had calmed down, Rain asked, "Is everyone talking about this?"
He nodded. "I just came from the cafeteria. This has completely eclipsed both the upcoming visit by the Secretary of State and the improved zat weapons found on P3H79. I had to pay a sergeant $20 for the paper. They are in huge demand."
"We can avoid everyone and lay low OR…" Daniel said.
"Go face it head on immediately and show that we don't care," she finished. Rain stood up and came around her desk. "After you," she said. They headed to the cafeteria with Jaworski right behind them.
Outside the cafeteria door, Daniel stopped, looked at Rain, and asked, "Are you ready?" She nodded and they walked in.