Abandoned Chapter Two
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all of its characters belong to Paramount.
Author's notes: Kathryn might seem a little out of character but it will all make sense later. I'm trying to take Kathryn somewhere she's never been and add a side to her that has yet to be seen.
Harry had been doing housework all afternoon and was relieved when he received a message from Tom. He was expecting the contents to be along the lines of lunch or holodeck activities. Instead, Tom's message was vague and said that he needed to speak to him as soon as possible. Tom was never one to worry and he certainly didn't take things seriously. Harry made his way to the communicator and called him. The screen went from a Starfleet gray to the living room of Tom and B'Elanna.
"Tom, I got your message. What's?"
Tom cut him off before he could finish his thought.
"Harry! You haven't talked to the Captain lately or seen her have you?" Tom's voice was horse and unsteady.
"No, I can't say I have. Why?"
"I think you had better transport over and see for yourself."
"I'll be right there."
Harry walked over to the transporter controls in his living room and entered the location of Tom's house. Within a minute he was standing in Tom's house, waiting to see what all the commotion was about.
* * *
"I don't understand why she would abandon her daughter. She didn't even feel it necessary to mention to us that she was pregnant." B'Elanna had worked up quite the fit. She was confused and tired. Those combinations in a Klingon were never welcomed.
"B'Elanna, I don't know what you want me to say. All I know is we can't just sit here waiting for an answer. Where do you think she would have gone?" Tom was just as confused as his wife.
"I don't even know where to start." She slammed her fists against the table in frustration. "Do you think that Chakotay knows about any of this?" B'Elanna was nowhere near calm.
"I highly doubt it. If he did he wouldn't have let her just leave like that. Either that or he knew about Perry but not about what the Captain had planned."
"The best way to find out is to talk to him."
As B'Elanna finished her sentence, Harry materialized. He walked over to where they were talking and spotted Perry. He didn't think much of her presence.
"Tom, what's going on?"
"Harry, I'd like you to meet Perry Janeway"
"That's wonderful Tom but what does that have to do with any...wait did you say Janeway?" Harry's face went from confused to a shocked almost dumbfounded white.
"Yep"
"What?"
Tom went on to tell Harry about the nights happenings. B'Elanna again suggested contacting Chakotay, thinking he might know more than they did. She could only hope he did.
***
The rain had seized to fall but the air still smelled of moister accompanied by a rigid cold. None of the elements phased Kathryn. She sat on a park bench in complete silence. The sky was still black and unforgiving. She sat like that for almost two hours before making a decision on whether to go or to stay. Staying was never an option but she refused to forsake the possibility. Something nameless but forever agonizing gnawed at her chest. Ripping at the uttermost regions of her heart. Going seemed more than easy but in so many ways childish -an unconquerable fear. 'Kathryn, time will not heal this one'. A whispered voice that only she heard sung this repeatedly. Unable to sit any longer she began to run. She ran with all the power her body would give her. Her feet hit the pavement with fierce strength. Miles and miles passed but the voice was relentless. The distance felt like years; all of her problems smoldered into one merciless echo.
She screamed, this time aloud for all the world to hear.
*** . The night had been long and draining, but all had managed to get some rest. Perry was still peacefully laying in her basinet when Tom awoke. He took a moment and realized how much this little girl resembled her mother.
"I'll find her," whispered his hearts promise to the infant.
B'Elanna was already awake and replicating breakfast. Her gut told her that the circumstances were about to get even more complicated and that Chakotay had just as many questions as she did. Apparently seven years spent in solitude with people she had come to respect enough to call family, wasn't enough to get her the answers she deserved. Tom entered the kitchen in his bathrobe; the dark circles under his eyes showed his fatigue.
"Good Morning."
"Under any other circumstances it would be. I'm going to talk to Chakotay this morning; he needs to know what's happening. He knew the Captain better than any of us and he might know where she went." B'Elanna turned her back to him and walked to the window.
Tom went to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder reassuring her that he would do all he could to help. Harry had stayed the night and was still sleeping in the guest room. He wouldn't be up for hours.
"Tom." B'Elanna's voice was quieter than before.
"What is it B'Elanna?"
"What could have driven her to this point"
"I don't know B'Elanna. I don't know." ***
Kathryn had tried to return to her apartment the night before but instead found herself in a motel in Indiana. Indiana had always been her haven; the one place she knew enough to feel safe in. It had cradled her as a child, and now was doing the same for her as an adult.
If they could see her now... No one would recognize her. She was barely, if at all, the women they had come to know her as. Leaving had taken all of her strength and now she was left but a frail woman. For no reason at all, she picked up a pad of paper and a pen and began to write a letter. It was addressed to no one.
Dear ,
I can't keep the truth to myself forever. I have to tell Chakotay about Perry. It took me almost the entire pregnancy to even admit to myself who that little girl could belong to. Despite my fears of the truth, I need to confront the events of that night.
I dreamed of having a child, every night on Voyager. At night I saw what I longed for ...the perfect creation of love and life. An infant that held all my accomplishments in its delicate sight. Now all my dreams are filled with guilt and hatred. Guilt for what I've done. Hatred for myself. That's not the kind of person Perry needs or deserves. She needs more than me.
I can't even look in the mirror. The woman that stares back at me is all I promised myself I would never become. She's weak and confused; but most of all she has lost every moral that she has ever known. There is nothing I can do to fix the damage I have caused. I need to be the 'Captain' again. I need her strength and cunning. There is so much that I am today that I knew yesterday I would never become.
Kathryn
She laid the pen on the table and left the room.
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all of its characters belong to Paramount.
Author's notes: Kathryn might seem a little out of character but it will all make sense later. I'm trying to take Kathryn somewhere she's never been and add a side to her that has yet to be seen.
Harry had been doing housework all afternoon and was relieved when he received a message from Tom. He was expecting the contents to be along the lines of lunch or holodeck activities. Instead, Tom's message was vague and said that he needed to speak to him as soon as possible. Tom was never one to worry and he certainly didn't take things seriously. Harry made his way to the communicator and called him. The screen went from a Starfleet gray to the living room of Tom and B'Elanna.
"Tom, I got your message. What's?"
Tom cut him off before he could finish his thought.
"Harry! You haven't talked to the Captain lately or seen her have you?" Tom's voice was horse and unsteady.
"No, I can't say I have. Why?"
"I think you had better transport over and see for yourself."
"I'll be right there."
Harry walked over to the transporter controls in his living room and entered the location of Tom's house. Within a minute he was standing in Tom's house, waiting to see what all the commotion was about.
* * *
"I don't understand why she would abandon her daughter. She didn't even feel it necessary to mention to us that she was pregnant." B'Elanna had worked up quite the fit. She was confused and tired. Those combinations in a Klingon were never welcomed.
"B'Elanna, I don't know what you want me to say. All I know is we can't just sit here waiting for an answer. Where do you think she would have gone?" Tom was just as confused as his wife.
"I don't even know where to start." She slammed her fists against the table in frustration. "Do you think that Chakotay knows about any of this?" B'Elanna was nowhere near calm.
"I highly doubt it. If he did he wouldn't have let her just leave like that. Either that or he knew about Perry but not about what the Captain had planned."
"The best way to find out is to talk to him."
As B'Elanna finished her sentence, Harry materialized. He walked over to where they were talking and spotted Perry. He didn't think much of her presence.
"Tom, what's going on?"
"Harry, I'd like you to meet Perry Janeway"
"That's wonderful Tom but what does that have to do with any...wait did you say Janeway?" Harry's face went from confused to a shocked almost dumbfounded white.
"Yep"
"What?"
Tom went on to tell Harry about the nights happenings. B'Elanna again suggested contacting Chakotay, thinking he might know more than they did. She could only hope he did.
***
The rain had seized to fall but the air still smelled of moister accompanied by a rigid cold. None of the elements phased Kathryn. She sat on a park bench in complete silence. The sky was still black and unforgiving. She sat like that for almost two hours before making a decision on whether to go or to stay. Staying was never an option but she refused to forsake the possibility. Something nameless but forever agonizing gnawed at her chest. Ripping at the uttermost regions of her heart. Going seemed more than easy but in so many ways childish -an unconquerable fear. 'Kathryn, time will not heal this one'. A whispered voice that only she heard sung this repeatedly. Unable to sit any longer she began to run. She ran with all the power her body would give her. Her feet hit the pavement with fierce strength. Miles and miles passed but the voice was relentless. The distance felt like years; all of her problems smoldered into one merciless echo.
She screamed, this time aloud for all the world to hear.
*** . The night had been long and draining, but all had managed to get some rest. Perry was still peacefully laying in her basinet when Tom awoke. He took a moment and realized how much this little girl resembled her mother.
"I'll find her," whispered his hearts promise to the infant.
B'Elanna was already awake and replicating breakfast. Her gut told her that the circumstances were about to get even more complicated and that Chakotay had just as many questions as she did. Apparently seven years spent in solitude with people she had come to respect enough to call family, wasn't enough to get her the answers she deserved. Tom entered the kitchen in his bathrobe; the dark circles under his eyes showed his fatigue.
"Good Morning."
"Under any other circumstances it would be. I'm going to talk to Chakotay this morning; he needs to know what's happening. He knew the Captain better than any of us and he might know where she went." B'Elanna turned her back to him and walked to the window.
Tom went to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder reassuring her that he would do all he could to help. Harry had stayed the night and was still sleeping in the guest room. He wouldn't be up for hours.
"Tom." B'Elanna's voice was quieter than before.
"What is it B'Elanna?"
"What could have driven her to this point"
"I don't know B'Elanna. I don't know." ***
Kathryn had tried to return to her apartment the night before but instead found herself in a motel in Indiana. Indiana had always been her haven; the one place she knew enough to feel safe in. It had cradled her as a child, and now was doing the same for her as an adult.
If they could see her now... No one would recognize her. She was barely, if at all, the women they had come to know her as. Leaving had taken all of her strength and now she was left but a frail woman. For no reason at all, she picked up a pad of paper and a pen and began to write a letter. It was addressed to no one.
Dear ,
I can't keep the truth to myself forever. I have to tell Chakotay about Perry. It took me almost the entire pregnancy to even admit to myself who that little girl could belong to. Despite my fears of the truth, I need to confront the events of that night.
I dreamed of having a child, every night on Voyager. At night I saw what I longed for ...the perfect creation of love and life. An infant that held all my accomplishments in its delicate sight. Now all my dreams are filled with guilt and hatred. Guilt for what I've done. Hatred for myself. That's not the kind of person Perry needs or deserves. She needs more than me.
I can't even look in the mirror. The woman that stares back at me is all I promised myself I would never become. She's weak and confused; but most of all she has lost every moral that she has ever known. There is nothing I can do to fix the damage I have caused. I need to be the 'Captain' again. I need her strength and cunning. There is so much that I am today that I knew yesterday I would never become.
Kathryn
She laid the pen on the table and left the room.