Jack felt like a complete and total idiot in response to that comment and certainly wasn't going contradict her and confirm his cluelessness. "I knew that and you can count on my discretion."
"I've been thinking a lot about the idea we discussed of getting them up to your cabin with us and then somehow abandoning them so they're trapped together and have to work things out." She twisted her hands and Jack thought, with surprise, Sam does that too. "I'm just not comfortable with that. Daniel and I have been totally honest with each other. It was out of character for me to have eavesdropped on them when they thought I was unconscious and it's bothering the hell out me. I don't want to compound it by more plotting. Thanks though for working with me on the problem." He contented himself with a nod as she got out of the car.
He sat for awhile, watching her go on into the yawning cave opening that held the entrance to the Mountain, thinking about the open questions in his mind about Sam. He came to two decisions. He was going ahead with the cabin. He was sure Rain wouldn't rat him out. He couldn't believe she would be SO over the top honest that she would ever tell Daniel that she had discussed him with Jack the way she had or that she had initially been part of the plot. Secondly, if Sam was going to be running around kissing Daniel, he had every right to at least see Sara.
Before heading for his airplane back to DC, he took out his cell and called Daniel about the cabin.
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Daniel was sitting in his allotted guest quarters. He was trying to focus on the book open in front of him, but he was distracted. How old are you, Daniel Jackson? He chastised himself. No woman has even preoccupied you to this extent. He thought about the classic profile of the early 40ish male making a fool of himself over a young woman. I'm not wearing gold chains and haven't bought a sports car. There's no toupee or hair implants, he reassured himself. Of course, he knew, with his healthy head of hair, he didn't really deserve any credit for the last one. Suddenly he had a panicked image of himself in just a few years, his waist line thickening, his hair, however much was left, going grey, crows feet sprouting at the corners of his eyes, and Rain, in her early thirties, going after some young Marine. Jack, you dog, how do you do it? he wondered.
As if summoned by his thought, the phone rang and Jack was on the other end. He was feeling so guilty about having kissed Jack's girl friend that he almost hung up as soon as he heard Jack's voice. Instead, Daniel swallowed and responded to his greeting.
"Listen, Daniel, this media storm is really annoying. I think we all need to get away. Sam and I are going up to my cabin for the weekend, weekend after next, and I want you and Teal'c to come and, of course, Rain, since you two are joined at the hip. Do you think it would be a good idea to include Mitchell?"
"Whoa, Jack. I'm not sure it's a good idea to include Rain and me at this point."
"I already talked to her, Daniel. She was all for it."
"Your cabin isn't that big, Jack. She… she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. We're not sleeping together. Where are you going to put everyone?"
"I really didn't need that insight into your sex life. There are three bedrooms, Daniel. The biggest one will work for you, Teal'c, and even Mitchell – I'll leave that invite for you to decide -- without you even having to share a bed. Sam's flying a light plane up there. She needs to log some hours. Talk with her about the flight arrangements."
"Jack, I -."
"You don't have to thank me, Daniel. I'm glad to do it." There was a click and Daniel was left holding the phone.
There was a knock at the door. He thought it was probably Mitchell. Cam had talked about dropping by before he went home for the evening. He opened the door and was delighted to find Rain. He smiled and pulled her inside, closing the door behind her. Then the thought struck him. "Didn't Jack say this was against the rules?" he asked, his initial delight in seeing her replaced by concern.
"I think that depends on what we do in here," she said.
His expression grew rueful. "Then there may be issues. I haven't really been alone with you for over three weeks, since we each went on our missions. I don't know if I can keep my hands off you." He smiled ruefully, "Or, at any rate, my one working hand."
She moved closer until she was just a few inches away. "I've missed you too.
Daniel grimaced and moved away from her. He wanted desperately to know if she'd resolved the question about their future she'd posed before she left, but he was afraid. "So, how'd it go with your dad?"
"I have some things to think over. I want to talk to you about them – just not right now."
"Was it weird hanging out with Jack? His being an uber-general and all?"
"He's a great guy and a good listener. Daniel, I did talk to him a little about us. I needed advice from someone who knows you well. You don't mind, do you?"
Daniel raised an eyebrow. He could imagine some unfortunate turns that conversation could have taken and, in a cowardly fashion, he decided he didn't want to know, not now anyway. "Depends on whether you made me look good or not– just kidding. We've got nothing to be ashamed of." That last part came out sounding a little annoyed and he winced. There was truly, lamentably, nothing, but he understood and supported Rain's ideas about sex. It was just making him crazy.
Suddenly, he couldn't stand it any longer; he had to know. He blurted out, "Before you left, you said I was crowding you and that we needed time apart to be sure. I'm probably forcing things, but I have to know. What do you think now?"
"Are you asking because you've had second thoughts? Maybe you're thinking that you can work it out with Colonel Carter, with Sam, after all?"
He cupped her cheek in his good hand. "You heard us talking in the hospital didn't you?"
"I need to tell you that I didn't let on all the time when I was awake. I didn't really plot it. It's just that I came to and you two were talking about stuff." Her voice trailed away.
Daniel felt sick. He didn't blame her for eavesdropping. He doubted if there were many people alive who could have resisted the temptation. He leaned his forehead against hers. "I will never be unfaithful to you again as long as we're together, I promise."
"She initiated it, right, the kiss?"
"Yes, she did. She thought she was making a point, reminding me that she was the one I really cared about. In all fairness, Rain, she didn't know you were her niece. She thought you were a liar and she was trying to prevent me from some unfortunate transference of emotions because of the resemblance. It made me mad though that she thought I was confused when I think she's a mess herself. So then I kissed her to show her that maybe she has feelings for me she hasn't admitted. That's what makes me feel unfaithful. Do you forgive me?"
Rain gasped. Daniel felt guilty, but he was sure they needed the truth. "Does she? Does she have feelings for you?" Rain asked a little unsteadily.
"I don't know, but it doesn't matter. I've made my choice." He pulled back and ran his thumb over her cheek. He asked again, in a husky voice, "Do you forgive me?"
She nodded. He tried to kiss her, but she stopped him. "There's one other question."
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Jack's little voice was at him again. I'm turning into Joan of Arc, or something, he thought, hearing voices. The little voice said, No, Jack. You're just doing things you aren't proud of. Jack shut up the little voice again as ruthlessly as he had shut Daniel up on more than one mission.
As he was getting into his car at the airport, his cell rang. He was tired of his own thoughts and decided to answer it even though it was an unknown caller. "Hello, Mr. O'Neill," a cheery voice said. "I'm Sister Michael Jacobs. I've been trying to reach you for days. I work for the Archdiocese of Boston and I'd be very grateful for a few moments of your time."
"I really not interested in making a donation," Jack said and started to hang up.
"Mr. O'Neill, please. This has to do with annulment proceedings, not fund raising."
"Excuse me?" Jack said. His mind was whirling. If Sam had done an end-run around him to get his annulment going, it wouldn't be the folks in Boston handling it. The nun was calling him Mr. O'Neill. Maybe it was mistaken identity. "Frankly, I don't understand," Jack said. He had plenty of practice being deliberately obtuse and he was irritated enough by life in general at the moment to deploy it full force.
"You wife, Sara Churchill O'Neill Kennedy has started an annulment proceedings through our Archdiocese. I would just like to ask you some preliminary questions to assist with the required investigation."
"Kennedy?" Jack said. "How could she have added another last name if she was still married to me?"
"She obtained a civil divorce and remarried and that's the name she is using legally."
"She and her current husband want to get their marriage blessed?" Jack said, his voice rising a little.
"Actually, Sara is a widow. She has become very active in her parish and is bothered by having been married outside the church. I believe she just is seeking to tidy up spiritual loose ends. Sara has been so helpful with a number of our ministries and I'm hoping we can do this as painlessly as possible for everyone."
"Spiritually, she and I are still one flesh," Jack said, being a complete hypocrite. "You're talking about an amputation. There's no way that can be painless. I want to talk with her before this goes any further. I'll call you back." He hung up abruptly which started the little voice off again. He had not been raised to be rude to nuns.
Jack was seething. Never mind that he had been contemplating a possible annulment on his part if Sam demanded it and he couldn't hold out. Somehow he had always envisioned Sara in the wings, just waiting for him to be ready to seek her out again. He laughed derisively at himself. When did you turn into such an egomaniac? he chastised himself. Despite that he couldn't stop himself from thinking, It's a good thing this Kennedy bozo is dead because I have a good mind to kill him, again.
He decided he was going to Boston to talk with Sara face to face. He knew exactly where she lived, having used the considerable resources at his disposal to find that out weeks before.
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"Are you still okay with our not sleeping together? Do you think I'm a tease because we make out, but I always stop you?" Rain asked Daniel.
"I want you so badly I ache, but I don't think you're a tease. I do think we need to start thinking about getting married damn fast. I know you're skittish about kids and we've got a mismatch there, but if I have to choose between some kids I've never met and you, I take you. I'm going crazy with thinking about being inside you. If we can't get a resolution to this soon, I'm going to ask for months off world because I'm afraid that I might do something we'd both regret if I'm with you."
She was staring at him with her eyes as wide as saucers. "You want to marry me?"
"There's no one else in the room," he said. He was trying to joke, but he could feel a big stamp marked REJECT coming down on his forehead.
"I'm… not… Sam."
"Thank God for that," he said. "Yes or no or," he hesitated, "maybe you need more time?"
"You honestly wouldn't resent my not having kids for a few years?"
"How do you feel about adoption," he asked, an edge of desperation in his voice.
"You want your own kids."
"Actually, that doesn't really matter. I was in the foster care system long enough to know that biology isn't the answer one way or another. I just want, I guess, the word is belonging."
"You'd be content to be the primary caregiver?" He could tell she thought she was really pushing the envelope, that she was sure what his answer would be. She was definitely a casualty of spending all her time with military men.
"Honey, there'd be plenty for me to do without going off world. Some of it could be done at home and there is good day care out there. Like I said, if it was you and no kids, I'd pick that over no you, but if we can find a way with kids in it, I would really like to." He looked at her intently. "Are you trying to put up all the barriers you can think of to hold me off?"
"No, dear Lord no. I just want to know now. I don't want to let myself be happy and then have the rug pulled out from under me."
"We're a real tribute to the foster care system of America, aren't we?" he asked her tenderly.
Tears were flowing freely down her face. "Would you marry me in the Catholic church?"
"I'd marry you naked in the middle of Times Square if that's what it took."
Her face was a kaleidoscope. He didn't think he had ever seen that many emotions chase themselves on one person's face over a short period of time. She was thrilled, worried, loving, scared, happy, but, finally, the last emotion to take hold was naked lust. She closed the remaining inches between them and quite literally attacked him. She kissed him greedily and hard while pulling his shirt open. The sling holding his injured arm was an impediment to removing the shirt and she left it in place but pushed it away from his chest. She ran her hands over his bare skin and kept kissing him, turned to one side to spare his arm. He didn't know what to do. She had never acted quite like this before. He kissed her back but kept his free hand in neutral territory. One of her hands slid down to his waist and started fumbling with his belt buckle. He caught it in his own and pushed it away. "What are you doing?"
"I am tired of following rules. I want you and I don't want to lose you to some other woman who's more available than I am.
"Rain, you're going to destroy us, if you're not careful, with this insecurity about Sam. I've told you that you're the one I want."
She freed her hand and went after his belt again. He let it go for a little bit. He knew he would have to stop her soon, that her religious beliefs and her feelings about being a hooker's daughter would make her miserable after the fact if he let her give herself to him. In the meantime, he cupped her sweet backside. He didn't stop her from unbuckling his belt and starting on his zipper, but when she touched him intimately, he knew it was now or never and he pushed her away.
"No, Rain. I love you too much to let you do something you don't want to do, not deep down. I am not going to leave you for Sam. What we have is much more than sex. If you'll think about it, you know that."
She looked at him stunned and then became very embarrassed. She averted her eyes as he put his pants back together and pulled a clean t-shirt out of a drawer to replace his ruined shirt. He walked back to her when he was fully respectable and said, "Now, honey, do you see why we need to think about a marriage in the very near future?"
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The next evening he boarded the 6:00 shuttle, planning to see her, and be back in DC early the next evening. A short time later, he was standing on the front doorstep of a pleasant, rambling house in an older neighborhood. The door was yanked open immediately after he hit the buzzer by a gangly teenaged boy whose face immediately fell when he saw Jack. "Oh, hi," he said.
"Hello. I'm thinking I might be at the wrong house. I'm looking for Sara. Sara…Kennedy." That last hurt.
"I'll get her." The boy immediately disappeared back into the house, yelling, "Mom, door." Jack thought, Great. I'm going to have to explain to some strange woman that I have the wrong Sara Kennedy.
But then he heard a familiar voice return the shouted hail, "All right all ready, Charlie, I'm on my way." His blood froze and he seriously considered whether he'd seen any signs that he had veered into the Twilight Zone.Sara did a double take when she saw Jack, but she recovered quickly. She pulled him into the house and said, "I can't say that I'm really surprised. You were contacted about the annulment, I guess?"
They went into her pleasant living room and she steered him to one end of the couch. She sat facing him and pulled a beautifully worked embroidered pillow into her lap and hugged it. "How could you name your kid, Charlie?" Jack demanded.
"Think, Jack," Sara said. "Charlie's 15. He's my stepson. His mother and my late husband named him Charles."
A little girl about five came pelting into the room and stopped abruptly when she saw Jack. She smiled shyly at him and went to Sara's side. "Mama, I want to have my snack. Can we do my blood?"
Sara called, "Alexa, honey, can you come help your sister with her numbers?"
A blonde girl in her early teens, pretty now with the promise of great future beauty, came quickly into the room. "Sure, Mom," she said willingly and took the little girl's hand.
"Jack, this is my daughter, Alexa, and my daughter, Melissa. Girls, this is my first husband, Jack O'Neill."
Both girls looked at him with great interest out of big blue eyes. Sara said,laughing, "Go on, girls. You need to go do Melissa's numbers."
After they left, Jack looked a question at Sara. "Alexa is also my stepdaughter. She's such a helpful kid which is really important because Melissa is diabetic. Technically, Melissa's a foster child, but she's been with me since she was a month old. We need to do blood tests on her to see her blood sugar level and adjust what she eats accordingly."
Jack was overwhelmed. He just stared at her. He was allergic to children and she had sought them out, not just children, but children with problems that could mean they would die on her. Finally he got out, "Why the annulment after all this time?"
"I've gone back to the church and am very active in my parish. Most of the men I meet are practicing Catholics. It's just a matter of time before I connect with one of them and want to get married again." She threw the pillow at him then and said, "I want to hear all about what you're doing."
They talked for a solid three hours with short breaks for Sara to put Melissa in bed and to make sure the other two were doing homework. Sara talked about her third career, computer programming, her involvement with the parish, how she had taken up hot air ballooning, and the litter of kittens she was trying to give away. She was all over the place, full of passions and interests. Jack talked more than he normally did, but it was still short hand information.
Meanwhile, Jack inched his way closer to her over time and finally, sitting close to her, he tried to kiss her. She disengaged and got up to face him, hands on hips. "Jack, what the hell are you doing here? You're involved with that nice Dr. Carter?" He was astounded. She answered his unspoken question, "I'm still in touch with several of the other wives. Our friends have done well and several are part of the upper echelon in DC just like you are. The rumors about you and your young lover are well circulated."
"Sam and I are… well we're having some problems." Sara just looked at him. "She wants kids." Sara was still looking at him. She had gotten more information out of him with that look when they were together. "We're not that physically compatible." He got the rest of it out in a rush, "I thought maybe there was still something with you and me."
"Oh Jack," she half laughed but there wasn't much mirth in it. "I'll tell you what I think the situation is. I divorced you because I wanted to live and you were dead and buried. It was either climb down in the grave with you and Charlie or leave you. You're still dead. You haven't really smiled, not a smile devoid of a sarcastic edge, since you got here. You won't let yourself feel anything so you objectify this poor woman, confine your relationship to sex, and then evaluate her on her performance, ignoring your general piss poor performance as a lover – being good in bed doesn't compensate for being a lousy lover in every other respect.
He had stood up, furious, but was strangely unable to walk away. Maybe it was the tears welling up in her eyes. He thought she was saying what she was saying because she cared. She came closer, laid a hand on his arm, and looked earnestly into his face.
"Life holds joy and laughter and vivid colors and new experiences all mingled in with the pain that makes you appreciate those things. I want to live right up until the day I die. Jack, either find a way to be reborn into life or stay away from the living. Necrophilia just doesn't work for anyone in the long run." She didn't bother to define the ten-dollar word for him. She knew how smart he really was and that he understood that she was referring to sex with the dead.
He said, "I think this has worked out really well." He walked toward the door, pausing to turn back to her, his hand on the doorknob. "I'll sign the papers, Sara."
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Sam was drinking coffee and eating a piece of cardboard masquerading as a Danish when Rain and Daniel came into the cafeteria seating area holding trays. They must have been behind her in line. She paused, the pastry half way to her mouth, waiting to see what they would do. She thought there had been some peace made between her and Daniel over the whole kiss debacle while Rain was lying in her hospital bed. Rain had seemed willing, as well, to make peace. Now the artificial circumstances of life threatening illness were gone. Would they avoid her?
Daniel wasn't looking at her which took some doing since she was directly in front of him, but Rain met her eyes and when Sam smiled welcomingly, Rain smiled back. Rain started toward Sam and Daniel had no option but to trail behind. "Good morning, you two," Sam said brightly. The "you two" cut inside, but it was the reality of things.
"Good morning, Colonel," Rain said, a little uncertain on the Colonel. "We're on duty right?" she added by explanation.
"Of course."
"Morning, Sam," Daniel said.
"I'd love to have you join me," Sam invited. There then ensued a really strange conversation over the next ten minutes or so. Sam said relatively little. Her brain was so busy, she didn't want to spare the cycles. She would watch the sweet gestures Daniel made toward Rain, the way he looked at her, the way he complemented her, the way he jumped up to get her more sugar, and think, Aw, I wish Jack would do that. The next minute, she'd think, You know Daniel smiles easily but he practically never says anything funny and Jack is a hoot. Then she'd think, Isn't it great to be having such an intellectually challenging conversation, only to think seconds later, Jack never dithers over anything quite like this. It was exhausting. Finally, she pushed it all to the back of her brain and decided to aggressively rejoin the conversation.
"I talked with my brother, Rain. He seemed hopeful. He said you were very fair when he saw you the day before yesterday."
Rain shrugged. "People are seldom the monsters you make them out to be when you don't actually have to deal with them."
"Jack thought you were pretty upset though," Sam added.
"Jack? When did you talk with him?" Her tone seemed strangely sharp.
"It was kind of weird. He's given to calling me in the middle of the night. For some reason, he finds it a lot easier to tell me he loves me or say anything at all mushy over the phone when I'm groggy than he does in person. But last night, I couldn't really figure out what was going on with him." She saw Rain's befuddled look and said, lowering her voice slightly, "You did know that Jack and I are," she hesitated and Daniel helpfully supplied, "Lovers?"
Rain's hand flew to her mouth and she said, "Oh my God."
Sam felt her hackles rise. "Look, the age difference isn't much more than you and Daniel. I guess the women in our family prefer older men." That didn't come out too well and she saw Daniel look a little annoyed.
"No, no," Rain said, "that's not it." She looked around. All the tables were full of people grabbing breakfast. "How about we take a little walk?"
Sam and Daniel exchanged looks and the three rose and strolled to the elevator. "Here's the thing," Rain said. "I had no idea. It never crossed my mind. I thought you were interested in Daniel if you were interested in anyone. I really needed to talk to someone I could trust who was close to Daniel. I told Jack about The Kiss."
"The Kiss," Sam echoed, capitalizing it with her voice just as Rain had done. "How did you know?"
Daniel said, "She was awake when we didn't realize it in the infirmary and heard us."
Sam winced. "That was stupid of us. How did he react?"
"He was indignant. He made it seem like it was the regulations thing, you being on the same team."
"Curious," Sam said. "Anger is what I would have expected too but when he called me there was none of that."
Daniel shook his head, "The weekend after next at his cabin is going to be interesting."
Rain looked at him askance. "What weekend?"
"He told me you were on board with the idea," Daniel said, puzzled now himself.
Rain shook her head and blew out a long breath. "That rascal. I told him I didn't want to be part of-" She bit off her words.
Sam's eyes widened. She knew Jack O'Neill and she immediately figured it out. "He's half convinced I'm cheating on him with Daniel and he has some plan that he's going to get Daniel and me up there and find out the truth." She looked at Rain's face and quickly said, "You know there's nothing going on, don't you? The Kiss was stupid. I didn't trust you and I thought I understood what was going on with Daniel. I was trying to protect him and I was way out of bounds." She knew damn well that wasn't the whole truth, but it was her story and she was sticking to it. If she did have feelings for Daniel that she had denied all these years, she had no choice but to continue to deny them. He wasn't interested. Her neice would be devastated. Then there was Jack, whom, in spite of everything, she still loved.
Rain nodded. "That's what Daniel keeps telling me. Still, I am SO sorry for being the cause of all these problems with Jack."
Sam laughed, surprising them all. "This is so Jack. This is a like a really dumb plot some little kid would come up with. You know, most of his plans were like that when he was leading SG-1, but it was amazing. Half the time they worked."
Daniel looked at Sam and said, "Maybe it's time he has something backfire on him."
Sam looked thoughtful and said, "Ya think?"