Disclaimer: Wish they were but sadly they ain't!
Spoilers: If only ….. Entirely AU! From the sordid mind of Sekhmet!
A/N : Thanks for your patience. I know it's been a while but have been on a roll with the other one and got sidetracked.
A matter of time!
Three days later, Major Carter arrived early to work in her lab, her downtime over. Fortunately, enough time had passed that some other poor shmuck was the focus of the base grapevine's gossip and everything in her scientific domain was exactly as she had left it.
In the end she had slept almost ninety per cent of the thirty-six hours of her 'timeout', and the colonel had, wisely in her opinion, kept away.
He had in fact visited a total of three times and had found her dead to the world each time. He had even sat in her room for an hour or so, after replacing the light bulb and sending away the SF guarding the door, waiting for her to awaken just so he could talk to her. Sam had stubbornly remained asleep, her body recognising what her mind had ignored; she was dog-tired.
So, it was unaware of these olive branches proffered that she had awakened to find a note in her room, under the soft light of the newly restored bedside lamp instructing her to report to the colonel's office at her earliest convenience.
It was when she reported to him promptly, as ordered but in her class A uniform, the very model of a contrite and abashed air force officer that he realised he was in trouble. When she apologised for her earlier insubordination and then proceeded to thank him profusely for not busting her back down to captain that he knew he was going to die. Horribly.
So he waited, for three days, which was the remainder of General Hammond's leave during which time he was the acting commander, for the other to shoe to drop. With a hunted expression in his eyes carefully checked every chair he sat down on, every door he passed through that was slightly ajar; checking and double-checking everything he signed just in case it was a requisition for rubber chickens.
He had received no sympathy from Daniel who had pronounced himself disgusted with Jack's treatment of his 2IC, and refused to entertain the idea that it had been quite funny. Daniel had immediately demanded to be allowed to visit 'the prisoner' and had stomped back to his office in high dudgeon after his request was summarily denied.
Teal'c had simply informed him that 'on Chulak any warrior treated with such disrespect would have the right to challenge the protagonist to a fight to the death' and that he was lucky Major Carter was of the Tau'ri. With that mammoth statement said and wearing an expression akin to having consumed a 100-year-old egg recently, he had retired to perform Kelnoreem.
He had expected her to return to work before her downtime was officially finished but she hadn't, and now she was behaving as though nothing had happened. It was like a timeloop where nothing looped except Carter. It made him uneasy; it wasn't in the natural order of things. He shared his thoughts over coffee; having sought out the one person he thought would truly appreciate his concerns.
"Maybe she just has a sweet and forgiving nature, Ferretti."
His former teammate shook his head in amazement at his former commander's obvious state of denial.
"Jack she's a woman." He stated, as if this fact alone explained all the mysteries of the universe. (Maybe we are the fifth race, after all I thought)
"True." He continued to shake his head but this time wearing the expression one gives the condemned man who has finished his last meal and know s what comes next.
"She is going to kick your ass, it is simply a matter of time!"
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Back in her lab, Major Carter chuckled as she worked on a project which had lain dormant in her basement; moved from house to house since her academy days.
She carefully mixed together specific quantities of specific materials to make her special compound. Finally she set the beaker to boil and condense into a smaller container for the first of three runs that would steadily refine it into a stronger solution.
Sam removed her protective goggles and in a carefully designed box she began to set up her experiment. She produced several items from a bag and proceeded to unscrew the hinge joint on an old-fashioned embroidery frame. Next she stretched an innocuous piece of olive green fabric across it and tightened it up until it was secure. With a teat pipette she dripped a single line of the mystery compound and placed the frame in a crocodile clip with extended on a steel rod from the base of the box.
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Two days later, seated at his usual place in the commissary, Colonel O'Neill scanned the room, his eyes returning to the doorway everytime someone new entered. He was distracted, unable to concentrate.. Even less than usual. A nerve thrummed in his temple and he groaned quietly, as it heralded the beginning of another tension headache.
"Jack, you ok?" Daniel's enquiry startled him from his state of distracted muttering.
"Peachy," he lied, silently cursing the stray thoughts that had allowed the young archaeologist to sneak up on him.
"Erm, mind if we join you?" Daniel hovered momentarily then without waiting for a reply he sat down opposite his friend,
"Yeah, er we?" Jack probed nervously attempting to subtly glance over the archaeologists shoulder.
Daniel grinned wolfishly, "Oh, Sam's coming to meet us in a minute, just seeing to some experiment." Jack grimaced internally and wondered how he could escape before she arrived.
"Sam!" Daniel called, waving to the blonde Major. 'Too late' the colonel thought as she walked over; placing her tray on the table she gave him her brightest smile and slid into the seat opposite him. Astonishingly she had a huge piece of rich chocolate fudge cake instead of her usual blue jello.
She teased a tiny bit of the thin end of the wedge on her plate and lifted it deliberately to her mouth. Slowly, she parted her lips and gently pushed the fork in past her perfect white teeth. Sam closed her mouth around the implement and slowly withdrew it, her eyes fluttering closed in ecstasy as the rich cake tantalised her taste buds. With a breathy sigh she allowed her lips to part slightly and poked out her moist pink tongue to glide sensuously over her lips gathering up a couple of stray crumbs. Then with a feral smile began the process again.
By the third repetition of the hypnotic process, Jack thought he was either going to die or burst into flames on the spot. He didn't want to look realising how inappropriate it was to be gazing at your 2IC whilst she is ravishing a piece of cake but then again. He found himself unable to take his eyes off her; his blood pressure was skyrocketting along with other more obvious things. She was killing him, and he suspected she knew it but as it was a well-known fact that she loved chocolate; he couldn't be sure.
"Yeeeowwch!" The colonel's grip on the handle of his coffee mug finally failed as his mind was focussed elsewhere and he sloshed some of the boiling liquid down his pants. He leapt to his feet, responding to the natural reflex to his accident, before realising he had inadvertently exposed his lower body to the entire room, his cry loud enough to command their attention. The wet spreading stain across his crotch looking suspiciously like another type of accident entirely. Brave personnel immediately began to call out sassy remarks about making it to the men's room and pull up pants.
"Careful, Sir," Major Carter softly admonished him, "You could do yourself an injury."
He glowered at them all and beat a hurried retreat to the locker room and some dry clothing.
Daniel looked out of the side of his eye at the woman sitting next to him and wondered if she was an alien replica. He opened his mouth and closed it several times almost on the verge of making a sound. Eventually she rose and gathering up her belongings smiled brightly as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred and said, "See you in the gateroom Daniel at precisely fourteen hundred hours don't be late."
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Major Carter, jogged into the gateroom in full gear, ready to go out on SG-1's mission to PX-354 649; an uninhabited planet they intend to reconnoitre and take samples from. Seeing the Colonel's scowl as she entered she frowned and looked tentatively at her wristwatch.
"Sir?" She enquired carefully, "Everything ok?"
"Yes Major, everything is fine now." He replied in a biting tone pausing to deliver a scathing look in Daniel's direction. The younger man was smirking obviously and seemed to be on the verge of losing his composure completely. Sam looked at him sideways in silent enquiry.
"Jack had to cha…." Daniel began only to dissolve into hysterics, tears rolling down his face. Sam looked back to the Colonel with a small mystified smile, which died immediately when confronted by the look of fury on his face. She paled and looked contritely at the floor.
"Sorry Sir." She said in a tiny voice as the Colonel turned to Daniel in disgust.
"See, Major Carter knows it isn't polite to laugh at another's misfortune." He ground out glaring over his shoulder at her.
"O'Neill it was not Major Carter's fault that your uniform disintegrated in the armoury." Teal'c reprimanded, seeing the younger woman's growing humiliation.
"Teal'c!" The Colonel hissed colouring himself now.
Daniel Jackson began to howl with laughter and hold his sides.
"Oh you had to be there Sam, SG-3 were just handing in their weapons and Jack went to adjust his bootlace and his pants split right up both side seams, on both pant legs. He looked just like a Chippendale." The young archaeologist dissolved into guffaws and then wiping his sleeve across his eye he continued.
"He had Simpson's shorts on, Sam. Bart Simpson!" A small smile broke on the Major's lips.
"Indeed," echoed the tall Jaffa, "The marines obviously share the Colonel's opinion of their humour."
"Is the gate gonna be dialled today?" The Colonel yelled up at the control room window.
"Er Colonel?" The General's voice floated down over the public address.
"Eat my shorts, Son!"
A/N: Brace yourself people there will be more! Now review or I may forget where I left my laptop! MWHAHAHAHAH!