Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one and I earn no dosh! Boo Hoo!
Spoilers : nada ….zip……you get it the picture eh ?
A/N : Firstly thanks as ever to the beta slave ! You rock stargatefan ! Secondly So sorry it took so long between injured limbs and the class from hell this year life took a turn for stressville! Will carry on with the worst case soon watch out but this is it the end of Timeout enjoy and review or I'll sulk and refuse to write more and I've got such plans …….
Out of Time !
She slid soundlessly out through the bedroom doorway, pausing only to cast a glance over her shoulder at his recumbent form gently but resonantly snoring, one arm casually flung over his head.
Creeping gently down the hallway, she stifled a violent yawn, peered at her wristwatch now displaying 'oh three hundred hours' and smiled a feral smile.
'Revenge is a dish best served,' Sam halted in the shadows at the bottom of the stairs, as her highly tuned hearing registered a faint noise. She surveyed the living room for the source and waited to see if it would occur again.
Having assured herself that her hyperactive mind was playing tricks on her she was about to traverse the darkened floor when a dark shadow unbent itself in her peripheral vision and loomed ominously, silhouetted in stark relief against the pale moonlight entering the window in silvery beams.
Sam jolted in fright, her heart in her throat and braced herself to tackle the unknown intruder.
"I have no wish to startle you, Samantha Carter."
The deep rumble of her teammates voice was recognisable even before he stepped forward into the shaft of light nearer the tall French windows. The major exhaled the breath she had been holding, and a betraying flush stole over her features as she anxiously contemplated how she was going to escape the colonel's house now she had been caught in the middle of trying to leave.
"Teal'c! You scared me," she said automatically.
"Indeed," he said and even though she couldn't make out his features she imagined he was raising an eyebrow.
"Erm, I was just going to take off home…" She began, tailing off lamely as the silence emanating from the tall jaffa seemed to grow and fill the room.
"You intend take your vehicle," it was less a question than a statement. Sam, realising she had appeared to be inebriated, less than an hour before, was at a loss to explain her seemingly irresponsible behaviour to her friend without losing his approbation and respect.
"Er…."
"I noted you only actually consumed two bottles of beer this evening, so the effects will have almost entirely dissipated by this hour."
Teal'c's voice was almost expressionless on a good day but having spent many years in his company Sam could detect the mere hint of humour in his matter of fact tone.
She sat down with a groan on the edge of the armchair closest to her and buried her face in her hands.
"Will you tell them?" she asked through the safety of her fingers.
"I see no need to disclose the quantity of beverages you have consumed, Major Carter." She could almost swear he was laughing at her but she didn't want to make the wrong call.
"Thanks Teal'c," she said hesitantly rising to her feet and was about to bid him goodnight when he casually enquired.
"Has the colonel managed to retire for the night?"
"Erm," she hesitated momentarily before continuing brightly, "Yes he did, out like a light; snoring in fact,"
"I see." Her teammate replied and an awkward silence stretched between them until Sam turned and gestured towards the door.
"Well, I best be off now, Teal'c," she turned, reached for the door and then realised that the tall jaffa had silently crossed the room to stand behind her.
"Samantha Carter," he began earnestly as she turned to face him, "I, as a proud member of the Jaffa race, understand more than another would that the pursuit of appropriate revenge is one that is not to be taken lightly. I would not intercede on behalf of O'Neill to dissuade you, only I ask your assurance that you have not in any way brought harm to his person."
A slow smile spread across her beautiful face illuminating her features even in the half-light.
"I give you my word, Teal'c, I have not hurt him in any way," she stated.
"Then it will be as if we did not meet this night." He turned and walked silently back up the hallway and entered the guest room without so much as looking back and before he returned to his Kelnoreem he heard a car start up and move off down the street.
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The downtime they had planned for the next two days deteriorated as SG-9 were captured on an alien planet by a tribe of primitive natives and SG-1 and SG-3 were called in to prepare a rescue party.
"Colonel," General Hammond began with authority your team accompanied by the marines will go to the target village subdue any resistance and get our people the hell out!"
"Yes sir!" The colonel saluted precisely and left the General's office at a jog to gather his team and brief Major Griff.
The mission was achieved with little resistance bearing in mind all the enemy were armed with was spears. The missing team were rescued none the worse for wear having been fed suspiciously well, and although Daniel kept mumbling about the cultural significance of the oversized crock pots in the village centre, it was always going to be seen as a success.
The colonel buoyed by the safe return of his airmen smiled broadly as they stepped one by one through the gate before him until all that were left were his own team.
"Let's go home kids! Kansas awaits us!"
He gestured towards the shimmering circle of light and smirked at Carter who was scanning the horizon behind them for signs of pursuit.
"Ok, Carter. Lets go move out."
"Yes, sir. I'm on my way." She replied glancing at him uneasily.
"Everything ok," the colonel asked carefully, picking up on her disquiet.
"Yes fine Sir," she replied a little too quickly and disappeared into the event horizon.
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The gateroom was clear of returning personnel when he exited the wormhole. He caught sight of the rear of his 2IC retreating round the corner as he strode down the ramp towards the waiting commander.
"Colonel," he saluted.
"General," he smirked, "All present and correct."
"A successful mission, Son, we'll debrief in 1 hour. Dismissed."
The colonel headed out towards the infirmary and his post mission check, hurrying to catch up with the other members of his team. Dr Frasier was there to meet him at the door.
"This is your lucky day, Colonel O'Neill. As the last man in you receive the pleasure of my company."
He groaned heavily, rolled his eyes in mock protest and muttered something about power mongers under his breath as he slouched down to the free cubicle she pointed out.
"I heard that mister, it's the alpha needle for you today," she barked at his retreating form.
"Awww Jan," he whined dragging his feet, "Just cos you're hung over, ya don't need to take it out on me! Now do ya?"
"Ok, you're looking a bit peaky, Colonel. So I think a couple of vitamin boosters will perk you right up." She swept the curtain closed with a flourish carrying a dish with a number of vials and hypodermic needles.
Jack rolled his eyes and groaned again.
"Yes Ma'am"
"Hey Jack, did you get the doc?" The jovial voice of Major Griff floated across the infirmary.
"Yep!" he answered carefully whilst the lady in question performed the post mission exam.
"We know how you love seeing the Doc an all so I made sure to tell her how sick ya been looking," the marine called as he left the ward, "See ya in the briefing I'll bring ya a cushion."
That comment provoked a general round of laughter.
"Oh Ha ha. Very amusing." The colonel groaned looking pitifully at the diminutive doctor.
"Oh the doe eyes don't work on me sir," she grinned evilly. "Turn over and loosen your belt."
Bent over the bed leaning on his elbows Jack wondered if Janet enjoyed the sight of muscular men's butts, but he didn't dare ask since she was wielding a sharp pointy weapon in the vicinity of his exposed rear end. He was slightly worried when he thought she stifled a giggle.
"Doc?" He enquired.
"Hold still now sir," she said whilst using the weapon to produce a strangled yelp from the battle hardened soldier.
"Ok, you're done!" She stated and disappeared out of the cubicle, the sound of smothered laugher retreating with the sound of her footsteps.
"Hmmm" The colonel mused.
The briefing was short. The colonel reported in his succinct style, anxious to hit the showers then leave. General Hammond used to this rapid-fire delivery asked questions and teased much further detail out of his second in command.
"You said they had big casserole dishes. What were they doing with them?" He enquired.
"If I may, Colonel," Daniel interjected producing a moan from him and a sharp look from the general.
"I believe the indigenous population were involved in a cult of anthropophagy and therefore their intentions were not necessarily hostile."
"I think that trying to eat someone could only been seen as a hostile act, Daniel," Sam smirked.
"Eh?" O'Neill looked between the two members of his team in a bewildered fashion until his gaze rested upon Carter and he waited for an explanation.
"They were cannibals, Sir." The major reported.
"Ewwwhh!" Jack wrinkled his nose in disgust and Teal'c pulled a appropriately perturbed expression.
"Sounds like a lucky escape. I will have it locked out of the dialling computer." The general said rising to his feet to signify the end of the briefing.
"Dismissed."
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Steam rose in a thick curtain in the locker room. The marines had already made their way in to the showers and were laughing and joking in the water when the colonel arrived. He sat down heavily on the bench; tiredness suddenly creeping up on him now the adrenaline rush had finally dissipated. He undressed in silence and made his way into the shower and settling under the warm spray with a sigh.
Opening his eyes he looked at the other men laughing and jostling on the other side of the room and wondered how long he could go on in the field. 'Old age is creeping up on me,' he thought and squeezing some shampoo onto his hand he rubbed it into his short, greying hair and turned away. With his head under the water he barely heard the shriek of delight that Daniel emitted until he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Eh?" He enquired squinting at his friend as soap filled his eyes. He returned under the water to rinse and then smiled a little bemusedly as several marines collapsed to the floor laughing holding their sides.
"What?" He asked wondering what the joke was. He even began to laugh a little unsure what was funny but realising that it was probably him.
"Don't you know?" Daniel asked in obvious shock.
"Know what?"
"You don't."
"Know what?"
"I'M not going to tell him." Daniel giggled and backed away.
"Tell me what?" growled the colonel his expression darkening in annoyance.
"Oh, Jack you've been had!" Griff choked out and disappeared around the corner into the locker room where the sounds of continuing hilarity were building.
"What?" yelled Jack losing what little patience he ever had owned.
"You have been marked O'Neill."
The colonel frowned and then watched as his teammate peered over his shoulder and seemed to be attempting to look at his behind.
"Hey! Stop that." He snarled and then caught a glimpse of blue on his rear.
He twisted round like a dog trying to chase his own tail, unsuccessfully trying to see what was written because the blue was most definitely writing; that much he could make out. It resulted in a ridiculous display of almost dance like movements that only increased the colonel's anger and succeeded in drawing a smile from the stoic warrior.
"I could read the script for you if would remain motionless." Teal's offered.
Jack's only reply was to spin around and place his hands on the wall like a Miami vice suspect about to be arrested.
" Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," the tall jaffa read solemnly.
The colonel twirled slowly and snatching a towel around him marched through the gauntlet of catcalls in the locker room and strode to the door. He snatched it open ans bellowed down the hall.
"CARTER…..!"
In the eerie silence that followed his appearance half naked and dripping in the hallway, the only sound that was heard was the musical lilt of a woman's laughter truncated only by the closing of the elevator doors.
The end
A/N : It made me laugh ! So if ya liked it tell me! Please don't let me beg it's pitiful!