Disclaimer: see part 1
Aoi
Part 4
On the Razor's Edge
By Random1377
((ring))
((click))
"Yes?"
"Commander, the preparations for Unit 03's arrival have been finished, and per your instructions, the Dummy Plug system has been pushed through to completion."
"Very well. Prepare the one I specified to be the Fifth."
"Sir, I… are you sure that's wise? Considering what we-"
"You're questioning my decision?"
"N-no… no, sir… I just-"
"It will serve as a lesson to those that sent her."
"What do you mean? Is something going to hap-"
"Prepare her as any other pilot, Doctor."
((click))
"I… ok…"
**
The Evangelion cages were dark, forcing Misato to squint as she looked around. "Rei?" she whisper-called, "Rei, are you in here?"
The Major grimaced, putting a hand on her side as she made her way further into the darkened space. Why do I have to go find her? she thought spitefully. I mean, I know Ritsuko doesn't like her – fuck, she's not subtle about it – but it IS her job! I'm not Rei's babysitter!
Another battery of sync tests had been ordered, requiring all three Children to participate, and with the loss of the second branch and the impending arrival of Evangelion Unit 03, time was not something they had a lot of.
"Damn it!" Misato hissed, her face screwing up in pain as her hip found the sharp edge of one of the large monitoring computers. "This sucks!"
She took a deep breath, pressing her hand to her side.
"It's never going to heal if you don't take it easy!" She could hear the voice of NERV's head physician, resonating with exasperation in her mind. "Just as I thought – it's infected! Here, take two of these every 8 hours – and for god's sake, take a day off!!"
"Damn quack," Misato muttered under her breath, "like I have time to take a day off! This whole place would fucking fall apart."
She froze as a glint of red caught her eye.
"Rei…?"
Misato shivered as she picked out the First Child's shape. Now that's just… wrong.
Rei was sitting with her back against the guardrail in front of Unit 00. Shinji's SDAT was sitting in her lap, its earphones pressed tightly into the girl's ears, rendering her oblivious to the outside world… but what disturbed Misato the most was her eyes.
The pilot's dark, blood red eyes were open and staring, giving a horribly convincing illusion of death, an image ruined only by the slow, but steady, rise and fall of her chest.
Misato crouched in front of her, wincing from the pain this movement caused in her chest. "Hey," she said softly, snapping her fingers in front of Rei's eyes, "hey, snap out of it!"
She swallowed as the eyes in question slowly turned her way, exhibiting no sign of recognition. "Hello, Major."
Misato gritted her teeth. "Take those off," she hissed, glancing down at the SDAT as it quietly clicked from track 25 to 26. "What are you doing down here?" she demanded, shrugging off a sudden, gruesome mental picture of Rei hanging by the neck from an overhead beam. "We've been looking all over for you."
"I did not mean to be an inconvenience," Rei said slowly, pulling the earphones out. "I was not aware that it was so late. I will go change."
Misato grabbed her arm as she tried to stand, keeping her on the floor and staring the SDAT with a look of almost sick curiosity. "What are you listening to?"
Rei pushed STOP. "It is a compilation," she said softly, "I do not know the names of the songs."
Rubbing her forehead, Misato nodded. "Oh."
Finding that her arm was still held firmly in place, Rei waited for the Major to speak again.
She does not look well, she observed silently, I do not recall there being that much gray in her hair before Ikari's death. Perhaps she-
"Let me listen to it."
Rei nodded, handing the woman one of the earbuds. "Here."
Misato put the listening device in her ear with a shaking hand, closing her eyes and nodding as Rei stared impassively at her. "Ok," she said quietly, "I'm ready."
She was not.
Rei averted her eyes as the purple-haired woman's shoulders hunched, a soft sob escaping her as the first strains of the sad, slow, classical piece drifted through the air.
This was Ikari's favorite, she thought, closing her eyes as her superior began to cry, very quietly, I remember pilot Souryu commenting once that he was always listening to the same two songs on his player... and this is one of them. She kept her eyes closed as a shaking hand grasped the front of her shirt, jerking her closer to the other woman as a second hand circled her shoulders. There is still so much I do not understand, she thought, feeling the Major shaking against her, I wish you were here to help me learn, Shinji…
With a soft sigh, Rei reached down and grasped the other earphone, silently slipping it into her ear as Misato buried her face in her shirt and wept.
**
"Man," Touji sighed, stretching as he made his way towards the elevator banks, "what a long ass day!"
The sync tests had been interminable. Asuka had been bitching at him all day about what a loser he was. And Hikari had told him that she wasn't going to be able to make it to the movies that weekend.
"At least Miss Ibuki was hot today," he told himself, pushing the button for the elevator. "Man… a little lipstick really goes a long way."
He closed his eyes, trying to picture how the technician had looked. She was smiling, too, he told himself happily, too bad she's so much older – I would totally-
"Hi Touji."
Touji's eyes flew open and he gasped, finding the object of his thoughts standing next to him by the elevators… and smiling softly.
"M-miss Ibuki," he stammered, quickly regaining his composure, "you look very nice today."
Maya colored slightly. "Th-thank you," she said awkwardly, "you… also look very nice – is that a new shirt? It looks great."
Touji nodded quickly. "Yeah, I got it-" he cut himself off before he could say 'because my girlfriend said it would look good,' and said, "yesterday."
"Mmm," Maya hummed, glancing at him from the corner of her eye, "well, you should buy about ten more."
Touji laughed nervously. "I'll see what I can do."
Wow, he thought suddenly, we've never been alone like this before… he inhaled. Damn she smells good.
The ding of the elevator arriving surprised them both, and they jumped, laughing as they stepped into the car. "Level seven for me," Maya said lightly, "I've still got work to do." She bit her lip for a minute, then asked, "So are you… doing anything fun on the weekend?"
"Well I was supposed to," Touji grumbled, "but I guess I'm not exactly 'top priority.' You?"
"Work, work, work," Maya laughed nervously, "but, you know… I do like to do fun stuff."
"L-like what?" Touji managed, swallowing as Maya took a sideways step towards him.
"Oh, the usual," Maya said casually, trying to keep her voice level, "you know – movies, dinner, hanging, just… stuff."
"Ahh," Touji nodded, feeling a little too warm. "Yeah, I like those things too."
"Yeah?" Maya asked innocently, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small piece of paper, toying with it absently as the floors went by.
"Yeah."
"Well," Maya said slowly, "we should… do something sometime, then – me and you."
"Yeah?" Touji said as casually as he could, trying to ignore his hammering heartbeat.
"Yeah."
Five floors ticked by before Maya had the courage to take another step closer to the young man.
"I'm off on Tuesday and Saturday," she whispered, slipping the piece of paper into his pocket, "maybe you could… stop by some time. We'll do something."
Touji looked into her eyes, trying to formulate some smooth, witty reply, but with her standing so close – and still having her hand in his pocket – he found coherent speech impossible. Finally, his addled brain managed to produce, "Maybe I will."
Both were blushing furiously, but neither seemed willing to back down, and Touji hoped that she did not notice how many times he had wiped his sweaty palms on his pants so far.
I think I'm wearing out the fabric, he thought faintly, swallowing with some difficulty as he looked into her eyes, God damn – this has to be a dream… has to!!
Unconsciously, Maya wet her lips. "I know you live across town," she said softly, her eyes fixing on his mouth, "so… I'll try to make it worth the trip." Touji held his breath as the woman leaned closer, nearly closing the distance between them before shaking herself and pulling away. "D-don't lose that," she managed, running a hand through her hair and staring at the wall as the elevator slowed and finally stopped. "See you tomorrow, Touji."
The young man nodded emphatically as the tech stepped out of the elevator, giving him one last smile before heading off down the hallway. "See you later… M-Maya."
Maya, he thought, slumping back against the elevator wall and sliding his hand into his pocket to wrap it protectively around the tiny scrap of paper, not 'Miss Ibuki…' Maya.
Maya could not keep herself from laughing out loud as a triumphant shout echoed in the elevator behind her.
**
"You still haven't let him get to second base!" Mana exclaimed, her eyes wide and innocent. "Hikari! How long are you gonna keep the guy waiting!?"
Hikari blushed, picking at a loose thread on her friend's bedspread. "Well," she hemmed, "I don't want to go too fast, you know? I mean, I love being with him… but I want to make sure he's the one before I… you know…"
"Fuck him?" Mana asked, laughing out loud at her friend's look of shock. "J-just kidding!" she giggled. "Man, you look like a tomato!"
"You're so mean!" Hikari groaned. "I come all the way over here to pour my heart out to you here, and you just-"
"Ok, ok!" Mana said quickly, still snickering, "I won't swear anymore, ok miss prim?"
"You're so bad," Hikari complained, "I just… I want it to be right – I don't think that's such a bad thing! And Touji's ok with it to, I mean…" she blushed even deeper, "I mean, he wants more – I know he does – but he never tries to like, make me do more, you know? And he said we could take our time…"
Mana raised her hands defensively. "Hey, don't bite my head off!" she said jokingly, "I'm just saying that after all this time, I think you're ok with a little feel."
Hikari sighed. "I'll bet you'd have already slept with him."
"Hey!!" Mana protested, "What's that supposed to mean!!"
"Sorry!" Hikari said quickly, "That was… God, that was so mean! I'm sorry."
"You should be," Mana sniffed. "I'm not that kind of girl! Sure I like to joke, but I'm actually…" she blushed faintly, "I'm actually worse than you."
"What do you mean?"
Mana wet her lips. Don't get TOO into your job, now, she told herself, leaning forward, just… just take it easy.
"I've never kissed anyone."
Hikari's jaw dropped open. "N-not even like, for practice or anything?" she whistled as Mana shook her head. "Man," she observed, "me and my best friend tried it a couple times – but it's not like it was serious, ya know, just to be ready for boys."
Right, Mana thought, trying not to roll her eyes, I'll bet your 'friend' wanted a little more… otherwise it would have only been once. She felt a shiver of excitement. Or maybe… YOU wanted more?
"Wow," Hikari whispered, "that's… man – never??"
Mana nodded, leaning a little closer on the bed. "What's it like?"
Can you be more obvious? She scolded herself severely.
She bit her lip as Hikari laughed. "You gotta know how to do it before you get kissed for real! Man, when my friend Yuki got her first kiss she nearly cut the poor guy's lip off on her braces!" She shrugged. "I guess I could show you, if you want."
"Yeah!" Mana said, coughing as Hikari frowned slightly. "I mean, you know – if you want to."
Smooth… real smooth.
"Alright, sit on the edge of the bed," Hikari instructed.
YES!!
Fighting to contain her excitement, Mana did as she was told, wetting her lips and wiping her hands on her jeans. "Just… just sit here?" she asked nervously. "Should I close my eyes or anything?"
"If you want," Hikari laughed, "it's not a big deal, Mana – really. It's just practice."
"Right!" Mana laughed, trying to sound casual.
It's not like I'm lying to her, she told herself as Hikari slid off the bed and stood in front of her, I really haven't ever been kissed. She kept her eyes open as Hikari put her hands on her shoulders. Ooo she's so damn cute!!
"Ready?"
"U-uh huh!"
Making herself sit still, Mana leaned forward… directly into Heaven.
God… damn! She thought dizzily, tilting her head a bit as Hikari's lips brushed hers. Don't freak her out! Her mind warned, Just… just take it easy – and for God's sake, do NOT slip her the tongue!
"Mmm," Mana hummed as Hikari broke away, trying to hide her rapid breathing, "so that's a kiss, huh?"
"Well, not a great one," Hikari said, scratching the back of her neck, "I was… ya know, I was kinda holding back, since it was your first one and all."
"But I thought you said it was practice?" Mana reminded her, keeping her tone conversational, "come on, show me a real one!"
Hikari shrugged. "Yes ma'am!" she laughed.
Mana's heart jumped into her throat as her friend leaned forward and showed her a real kiss. Un… fair… she thought weakly, this is so fucking good – and she's just practicing!! God I want her…
"M-Mana!"
Mana blinked her eyes open (When did I close them?) and frowned. "What's wrong?"
Hikari was bright red. "Look down," she whispered through gritted teeth.
"Oh!!" Mana gasped.
Her hand had somehow found its way to Hikari's right breast.
"Well, umm," she stammered, thinking quickly, "I, you know – I just thought it wasn't fair that I should be the only one that got to try something new."
Hikari considered this for a moment, frowning down at the other girl's hand until it was pulled away. "Pervert."
Mana flinched. "N-no! I… I was just…"
Nothing could describe the feeling of relief that flooded her as Hikari giggled. "You're such a pervert!" she laughed. "Man – I was like, 'Hello!!'"
Joining in her laughter, Mana fell back on the bed. Thank God, she thought happily, thank God I didn't screw it up!
After several minutes of playful teasing, Hikari announced that she really had to get going – prompting Mana to (almost jokingly) quip, 'without a goodnight kiss?' producing more gales of laughter. Once Hikari had been escorted to the door, Mana raced back to her bed and screamed.
She laughed, completely intoxicated with life. Someday, she told herself dreamily, someday we'll do that for real!
Closing her eyes, she imagined the look on Touji's face if he had been there.
"Stupid jock," she laughed, "I can just…" she trailed off, quickly sliding off of her bed and sitting at her desk. Grinning wolfishly, she picked up a pen and opened her notebook. Oh yeah, she thought, nearly laughing out loud as she wrote, This is gonna be great!
She was just coming back from the mailbox when the phone rang.
**
Gendou frowned as he made his way through the empty graveyard, the wind whipping around him as the VTOL idled, waiting for him to complete his task.
It would not be a long visit.
Not much longer now, he thought tiredly, less than a handful of angels remain… then we shall experience the joy of rebirth. He rubbed his eyes under his glassed. "Soon, Yui," he whispered, "soon."
He walked through the narrow rows, never once looking at the names on the countless crosses he passed. They meant nothing to him. Only one name mattered.
As he reached her row, however, Gendou came to a halt, frowning deeply as he spied a familiar figure kneeling by his wife's grave.
"Souryu."
Asuka kept her head bowed. "I… talked to Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki," she said slowly, "he told me that you come here twice a year – like clockwork. Once on her birthday, which is today… and once on the anniversary of the day she died."
Gendou said nothing, frowning down at the redhead as if the darkness of his glare could make her leave.
"I want to talk about Shinji," Asuka said flatly.
"No."
Asuka nodded to herself, as if she had anticipated exactly this response… and countered. "My mother told me once," she said carefully, "that memories are like money. You share them when you can… keep them when no one else will benefit from them… and bring them out to admire when you have nothing else to hold on to." She raised her head, meeting the man's eyes through his heavily tinted lenses. "I don't like that analogy," she said bluntly, "it's cheap and it degrades the importance of memories – but for you it fits."
"And why is that?" Gendou asked, allowing himself to be led into the obvious trap in the hopes that the girl would give up and leave.
Asuka looked back to the grave. "You're like a miser," she said softly, "hoarding Shinji's memory like a stack of money, but you know what?" She took a deep breath and rose to her feet, turning to face him head on. "I have memories of him that you'll never touch – sides of him that only I have ever seen, and if you don't share your memories… I won't share mine."
"And you believe this to be a threat?" Gendou asked dryly. "How amus-"
"When you told him he had done a good job in beating the tenth angel," the redhead interrupted, "he smiled. Did you know that? His entire face lit up – like he had just been told that Christmas would be coming early this year, and Santa had heard he was a good boy."
Gendou stopped, blinking at the intensity of the young girl's expression.
"It's… nice, isn't it?" Asuka said after a moment of quiet, "it's nice to hear about him being happy." She averted her eyes, wiping them discretely before whispering, "I propose an exchange – yours and mine… memory for memory… Shinji for Shinji."
Gendou pursed his lips, frowning deeply as he considered the offer. Finally, he turned away, starting back towards the waiting VTOL.
"No."
"Wait."
He came up short at the cool command in the young woman's voice.
"You owe me at least one," Asuka said quietly. "I gave y-"
"I owe you nothing," Gendou said flatly, "Good day, pilot."
"Wait!" Asuka cried, her voice taking on a desperate edge.
"What?"
There was a long, painful silence.
"Please…?"
Gendou lifted his head, glancing up to where Rei's face could be seen through the small porthole on the side of the VTOL… watching him curiously.
"He was…"
Asuka swallowed, leaning closer as the man cleared his throat. "Yeah?"
Gendou averted his eyes from the piercing red gaze of the First Child.
"He was sick when he was three," he said gruffly, "and he threw up all over my shirt." He shook his head slowly and started for the VTOL once more. "You asked for a memory, Souryu – that is what I remember the most. His stomach was always weak, and when he was sick he couldn't hold his food down," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "he was always too weak."
"Were you holding him?"
Gendou froze. "What?"
Asuka took a step closer. "Were you holding him, Commander?"
Gendou closed his eyes, shaking his head to clear it of the painful, suddenly too-clear image of a small child with dark blue eyes, snuffling miserably in his arms and hitching 'g-gomen… gomen, otosan,' over and over into his ruined shirt.
"Good day, pilot."
Asuka watched as the man walked to the transport, never once looking back. Weak, she thought dismally, so weak that he needed someone to protect him… she blinked, averting her eyes as the VTOL slowly lifted off, so weak that when he needed it the most… everyone failed. She looked up, narrowing her eyes as she found Rei peering calmly down at her.
"Especially you."
She held the other girl's gaze as long as she could, whispering, 'kill you, kill you,' under her breath until the transport disappeared high into the sky, leaving her alone.
**
"Four hours late!" Misato gowled, pacing back and forth on the tarmac.
"Not used to waiting for guys, are you Misato?" Ritsuko muttered, trying to keep up the crumbling façade of friendship.
Shinji's death had taken a very large toll on the relationship between the old college mates, stressing it to the breaking point as blame and guilt warred between them. Both shouldered some of the blame for the young man's death, and – though they never admitted it – each secretly held the other accountable for the balance of the blame they did not internalize.
Theirs was an association on the verge of collapse, barely held together by shared responsibilities and force of habit.
"Fuck you, Akagi."
Barely.
"I'll see if I can pencil you in," Ritsuko returned coolly, "you know I have a very busy schedule."
Misato's reply was lost in a sudden fit of coughing.
Ritsuko looked down from where she had been watching the sky, a light frown gracing her pretty features as she considered her friend. "Hey," she said softly, "you doing ok?"
Misato wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, grimacing slightly and reaching into her pocket with her other hand to pull out a small wad of napkins. "I'm wonderful," she said quietly, turning subtly away from the other woman and wiping her hand with the napkins, "just a little cold, that's all."
There was a moment of silence.
"Liar."
Misato glared at the blonde, putting her hand on her chest and rubbing absently at the warm spot under her shirt. "Butt out," she snapped, "I'm just a little sick, that's it, alright? And it's not like I can just skip this, is it?"
"Misato, look," Ritsuko began earnestly, "we've been friends a long time, right? I don't think I'm out of line in suggesting that you take it easy for a few days after the activ-"
She was cut off as the operations director was seized with another coughing fit, bracing her hand on the side of the waiting transport truck for support as her body was wracked with spasms.
"If you say… I don't look so good…" Misato managed, pulling the napkins out once more and wiping her mouth, "I'll fucking shoot you."
Ritsuko raised her hands, pursing her lips as she studied her old friend. "You do what you have to do," she said slowly, "but remember that I will too." She nodded as Misato scowled at her. "You've got your duties," she said coolly, "and I've got mine, and if I feel that you're not up to the job… I'll ask to have you replaced."
Misato stared at her long-time friend for a moment, then smiled coldly. "Yeah, good luck with that," she said sarcastically. "I'll just-"
"Shh!"
Ritsuko frowned, closing her eyes for a moment and concentrating.
"It's here."
Misato raised her eyes to the heavens, her mouth compressing to a thin line as she spotted a tiny black speck in the distance.
"Neopath 983, copy," the radio in the truck crackled to life, "had a few bumps, but the package is a-ok. Over."
Ritsuko leaned into the cab and grabbed the CB. "Neopath, that's a roger," she said, her tone brisk and professional, "deliver the package ASAP and report to central for debriefing, over."
There was a groan. "Neopath copies," came the reluctant reply, "debriefing… super. Out."
"Sorry boys," Ritsuko sighed, "I'm sure you were looking forward to a little r and r, but hey – business before pleasure, right? Out."
She hung the CB on its hook and stretched, glancing at Misato for a moment. I should try to straighten this out, she thought reluctantly, if we just leave it like this, it'll only go downhill. We're all walking the edge – if this keeps up, someone's going to fall.
As she opened her mouth to offer a round of drinks to celebrate after the activation, Misato spoke. "Do you know," she said quietly, keeping her eyes on the approaching EVA carrier, "after the fourth angel, Shinji told me that he thought he was going to die? I came to see him in his room, to tell him what a good job he'd done, and he was just looking at his hands."
"His hands?" Ritsuko prompted softly as the other woman trailed off.
Misato nodded, holding her own hands out in front of her. "He looked up at me when I asked if everything was ok, and he said, 'Did I do ok, Miss Katsuragi?' Well, I nodded and told him he'd done great, and saved our lives, you know – trying to remind him how important he was." She drew a deep breath, covering her side as a stitch of pain ran through it. "Then he said, 'I'm going to die if I have to do it again, Miss Katsuragi… I know I will – please don't make me do it again.'"
"No one made him do it again," Ritsuko said slowly, "he chose to come back and fight, right? That's what you told me."
The purple-haired woman nodded. "Yeah that's right," she said, turning to face the blonde, her nostrils flaring with sudden, red-hot rage. "And he died, just like he said he would. He knew, every time he got into an EVA, that it could kill him – and it finally did – but he did it anyway because he knew that everyone else relied on him to protect them!" She stalked over to where Ritsuko was standing, getting right in her face. "So don't you ever tell me that I need to back off," she hissed through her teeth, "I will give everything I have until the very fucking second I die, and I will not let up, I will not back down, and I will not 'take it easy' just because I'm a little sick."
Ritsuko averted her eyes, feeling herself color slightly as the other woman's eyes raked over her. "I… I get it," she said unevenly, "I get it, Misato."
"Good."
Silence returned as the two women turned their attention to the sky.
There would be no drinks that night.
Continued…
Author's notes: yes, yes, I know this chapter took a long time to get out… I'll try to move faster with 5. I've already got some good ideas, so HOPEFULLY it won't be TOO long. _ And what's up with Misato's coughing? …oh you'll see. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!
Pre-read on this chapter was by Ryoma. Heh… you thought you were free of it, didn't you? :P Also lending a hand on pre-reading was Planes-Walker. Muchos Gracias!!
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com