Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 7

Honoring the Dead

By Random1377

Absently rubbing at the bandages on her ribcage, Misato paced back and forth in the Pribnow Box, casting dirty looks towards the door, which had thus far failed to cause it to open. "Where IS she?!" the purple-haired woman snapped finally, making Maya flinch.

"It's not…"

Misato rounded on the younger woman as she trailed off. "Not what, Lieutenant?!" she demanded archly.

Maya swallowed, opening her mouth to answer, but faltering as her eyes caught Touji's. "Not t-time yet," she managed, blushing as the young man cast her a vicious stare and turned his head abruptly away, choosing instead to study the wall next to the spot Rei was leaning against as if it was more interesting than an action movie.

Catching the woman's quickly concealed look of misery, Misato lightened her tone. "Hey," she said, dropping a hand on the tech's shoulder and dropping her voice to a whisper, "not everyone believes what Hyouga and Aoba are saying, alright?"

Her shoulders slumping, Maya barely whispered, "Thank you, ma'am… but it's more complicated than you think…"

Life for the poor technician over the past week had been nothing short of hell. Word of what Touji – and the Commander – had said on the bridge spread like wildfire, and before she could even breathe, the word that Maya Ibuki would do anything to keep her job was all over the complex.

So far, no one had said anything offensive to her face… but upon arriving at work on the third day after the battle with the angel, she had found 'pedophile' written in permanent marker on the door to her office.

Once she had managed to stop crying, she had called maintenance… but for some reason they happened to be out of the proper cleaner that day, and informed her (oh so politely) that they should have more in just a day or two.

That was on Thursday.

Today was Monday.

The graffiti was still there.

I deserve this; she thought glumly, I must, somehow. Why did I do it? It was sexy – oh yeah, it was sexy as hell! I've never had anyone be that forceful, and I- OW!

"OW!! Major, your… your hand!"

Maya tried to pull away as Misato's fingers suddenly dug into her skin, but the older woman only squeezed harder, her lip pulling back from her teeth in a vicious snarl as she stared at something on the other side of the room.

"Major – please! You're… you're hurting m-"

"Take it off. NOW!"

Mercifully, the Operations Director released Maya's shoulder, leaving the woman gasping in pain. Rubbing her bruised skin, the tech swiveled her chair around to see what had set the older woman off… and she could not suppress the gasp that rose to her lips as she found Asuka stepping calmly into the room.

Oh… God…

"Good afternoon," the Second Child said casually, acting as if nothing in the world was wrong. "Are we going to do this, or what?"

Maya, Rei, and Touji just stared… but Misato went dead pale, her hands shaking at her sides as she repeated, "Take it… off…"

"Mmm, no," Asuka said thoughtfully, putting her hands on her hips. "I'll be wearing it from now on. Get used to it."

"Y-your hair," was all Maya could think to say. "Asuka… your hair…"

Slowly, the redhead brought her right hand up, absently brushing a strand of VERY short, obviously self-cut hair over her ear, the whisper of cream-colored neoprene sounding harsh in the quiet of the room as the plugsuit – clearly marked with the number 01 – brushed against itself.

She… she even has his neural connectors…

Head to toe – with the exception of her hair color – Asuka was the spitting image of Shinji Ikari.

"I swear to GOD," Misato rasped, her voice shaking almost as badly as her hands. "I swear to God if you don't take that plugsuit off right now I'll tear it off you."

A muscle in Asuka's cheek twitched. "I would LOVE… to see you try," she whispered, letting her arms dangle loosely by her sides and staring defiantly at her commanding officer.

Sensing that far more than words were about to start flying, Maya shot to her feet and put a hand on Misato's forearm, flinching back as the woman rounded on her, her fist clenched tightly as it came halfway up. "M-Major," the tech stammered, licking her lips as the older woman's nostrils flared with rage, "please… let it-"

"Let it go?" Misato cut in coldly, forcing her hand to open as she averted her eyes. "Did he mean that little to you, Ibuki? Look at her – that little slut is… is…"

"Please," Maya whispered as the other woman fumbled for words, "this is her way of dealing with it – you can understand that, can't you? We… we all miss him just as much as you do. This is just Asuka's way of showing it."

Closing her eyes, Misato dropped into the seat next to Maya's. "Get the synch test over with," she said hollowly, "I don't care if Ritsuko's not here yet, just get it over with…"

Maya nodded, awkwardly patting the operations director on the shoulder.

"Yes, ma'am…"

- - - - -

((ring))

((click))

"Yes?"

"It's me."

"Yes, I know. What do you need?"

"I… want your permission to initiate protocol L."

"…denied."

"But… but I really think we-"

"I said no, doctor. End of discussion."

((click))

"I… ok…"

- - - - -

Kaji yawned, scratching his stomach as he made his way towards his front door. This better be damn good, he thought tiredly, checking his watch a fourth time and confirming that it WAS, in fact, nearly one in the morning. What a long goddamn day, he thought, grabbing a tee shirt off the back of the lone chair in his living room. First that crap with Asuka… then Katsuragi just leaves in the middle of her shift… and now Ibuki-

His thoughts were interrupted as the doorbell sounded once more. "Alright, alright," he grumbled, "I'm coming! Jeez, just wait a damn… minute…"

"H-hi…"

"Asuka," Kaji blinked in surprise, staring down at the last person in the world he expected to be knocking on his door at that hour of the night. "I umm, I didn't know you knew where I live."

"I… had to ask someone," Asuka admitted, wringing her hands in front of her, "but I wanted to see you."

"Ok, what-"

"Please help me," Asuka blurted, flinching at the look of shock on the man's face. "I can't-" she cut herself off, flicking her hands in front of her in distress, "I can't… stop moving." She took a deep breath, running her right hand through her short hair. "What do you do?" she whispered, clenching her eyes tightly closed, "what do you do when you realize that there's only one person – one… single person in the whole world that's meant for you, and that person is… is gone?"

Kaji was at a loss for words. "I-"

"Please… help… me…" Asuka cut in, speaking deliberately slowly, "all I can think about – all I can see in my mind when I close my eyes… is him."

Kaji drew a sharp breath. "Asuka," he said carefully, "maybe it would help if we went to see a professional…?"

Asuka shook her head, flicking her hands again and uttering a short, uneven laugh. "I'm not crazy," she said, smiling ironically, "God I wish I was – it would be so much easier. I just… I need some help, that's all, just… some help." She took a step closer, reaching out with shaking hands and sighing as she cupped Kaji's face in her palms. "Just… help me forget for awhile… please."

Kaji knew what was coming. He was not a stupid man, and Asuka was not trying in the slightest to be subtle, but he still felt himself freeze as the redhead drew his lips down to hers.

Her body was shaking and frail, and so very weak – the very definition of the prey creature in the clutches of the predator… and for a moment, Kaji fulfilled his role. He slipped his hands under her rear and boosted her carefully into the air, cradling her thin frame against him as she trembled, melting into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist.

They kissed for over a minute without stopping, Asuka trying desperately to forget the face of the boy she used to know, Kaji doing his best to be everything she needed him to be.

It was a minute of possibility and suspended conceptions, devoid of pain and sadness, and in that minute, both were free.

But it was only a minute.

"K-Kaji," Asuka gasped, blinking back tears as the kiss broke, "take me inside…"

Slowly, Kaji lowered her to the floor, making sure that her unsteady legs would hold her before letting her go. "I can't."

Asuka's face crumpled. "Please…?" she whispered, unable to formulate more compelling words.

She closed her eyes as Kaji leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I can't," he repeated gently, "not now – not like this."

"When?" Asuka countered immediately.

Slowly, Kaji reached out, caressing her face with his fingertips. "When the angels are gone," he lied soothingly, "you come back here and we'll do the rest, ok?"

Asuka kept her eyes closed as he touched her face. "Promise?" she whispered, too tired and beaten to fight anymore.

Kaji had to wait until the lump in his throat loosened before saying, "Yeah, I promise."

"Kiss me one more time?" Asuka asked hopefully, opening her eyes and looking up into his face.

With the first of her tears rolling from her cheek onto his fingertips, Kaji found that he could not say no.

- - - - -

Misato stretched her arms up over her head, letting out a long, deep sigh of satisfaction. "Mmmm that was good," she yawned, "was it good for you?"

Glancing up from her hand, which she had been staring at for some time, Rei nodded. "Yes," she agreed simply, "it was very good."

"We'll have to do this more often."

"Yes."

Quickly getting tired of the pseudo-sexual wordplay, Misato rose to her feet. "I'll take care of the dishes," she said easily, "why don't you go into the living room? We should let our food settle before I take you home."

Smiling to herself, Misato watched the First Child disappear into the other room, shaking her head at how easily the girl did what she was told. Too bad Asuka's not like that, she mused. Shinji was almost as…

The thought trailed off, the plate in her hand nearly falling to the floor as an unwelcome image of the deceased pilot flashed through her mind.

"Stop it," she hissed to herself, shoving the dishes into the already overflowing sink with nearly brutal force, "get out of my goddamned mind – you're dead, damn it… I'm not. Leave me alone and let me move on!"

Taking a breath to calm herself, Misato glanced around the messy kitchen, trying not to be overcome by how bad things looked. Shinji would never have let it get to this state, of course. He would have cleaned things WELL before the mess reached such epic proportions.

Asuka doesn't care, she thought bitterly, rage flaring white-hot in her gut before she managed to quell it, I can't believe the nerve of that little whore! Fuck what Maya says – that girl's going to pay for pissing all over his memory. She closed her eyes. Think about it later… just think about it later… just think about Rei right now…

She smiled faintly.

Dinner with Rei had been an impulsive idea, she knew, but the First had looked so… interesting that Misato had not considered her own motivations for more than a few moments before inviting the girl over for takeout. They had eaten in relative silence, with the only real sounds being the click of chopsticks and the occasional tink of Misato's wineglass as she set it back on the table.

Beer just seemed too commonplace for a nice relaxing evening.

Abruptly, she turned on her heel, grabbing her glass and striding into the living room to find Rei glancing around with a look of absent interest, her right hand flexing and unflexing at her side… just like Shinji's.

Misato sat on the couch, folding her legs under her and setting her wineglass on the small table to her right. "Sit down," she invited, gesturing to the spot next to her.

Rei nodded, crossing over and settling in next to her superior.

Neither spoke as Misato clicked on the TV, selecting a random sitcom and dropping the remote next to her on the couch. They watched for several minutes in silence – Misato taking small sips of her wine and Rei simply sitting still – until the quiet grew too much for Misato.

"Would you like a drink, Rei?" she asked lightly, polishing off her glass of wine.

"No, I am fine," Rei replied, looking from the TV to Misato's face, then back again.

"Suit yourself," Misato said, trying to sound cool as she stood up and took her glass into the kitchen for a refill.

What am I doing? She thought, filling her glass halfway… then draining it in one gulp before filling it to the top once more. What… am… I… doing…?

Rei glanced up once more as Misato came back into the room, a light flush on her cheeks as she set her half-full glass on the table and lowered herself to the couch once more. "Long day, huh?" she asked, absently running her hand over her finally-healed wound.

The First Child nodded, saying nothing as Misato turned on the couch and tentatively reached out, playing idly with Rei's hair as she reclined on the couch, resting her head on her free hand.

"Your hair is so soft," Misato mused, gently running her fingers through the girl's blue locks as the flush on her cheeks grew. "It's like silk… God, I wish my hair was like this."

Still, Rei held her tongue, not quite sure how to react to the compliments she was receiving. She did not believe herself to be pretty, and having the Major stroking her hair was an odd, but not entirely unpleasant feeling. It is very quiet here, she thought suddenly, like the EVA cages.

When Rei sighed softly and closed her eyes, Misato shivered. She's so much like him, she thought, finding herself in motion, Rei's lips drawing closer, and closer, until they were mere inches away.

Rei's eyes opened, but she said nothing at finding Misato so close to her… she simply waited, unsure of how to react to such a bold move. She is… intoxicated, Rei thought absently, her nostrils flaring slightly at the sweet, slightly stinging smell of the wine her superior had ingested.

Abruptly, Misato turned fully to face Rei, putting her hands on the girls shoulders and leaning even closer, an expression of slightly drunken determination on her features as she tried to close the distance between them… but somehow found herself unable.

Damn it, Misato thought, feeling Rei's warm breath blowing across her lips, she's not stopping me – why can't I go through with it? She swallowed at the anger in her own thoughts, pulling back slightly to study Rei's placid red eyes. Why do I WANT to go through with it?? She's 14 – SHE is 14!!

"Why are you crying?"

Misato blinked as she realized that tears were running freely down her face, leaving tracks of moisture from her eyelids all the way to her chin, and though she had not consciously understood the reason why until speaking it, it was suddenly as clear as a cloudless summer sky.

"I miss him," she whispered, bowing her head to avoid the girl's intense stare, "even when I'm with people, it's like I'm all alone. I've been alone for so long that I was starting to forget what it was like to be close to someone." She swallowed as more tears coursed down her face. "I didn't… know before, but there was really only one person that made me forget that… and now he's gone."

"I see," Rei murmured softly.

"Do you think-" Misato cut herself off, taking a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "Do you think you could put your arms around me, Rei? I won't ask for more than that, I just…" she squeezed her eyes shut, "just let me pretend for a minute."

Oh how the mighty have fallen, Misato's thoughts taunted her, I'm begging a teenager to hold me so I can pretend she's ANOTHER teenager – one I couldn't be bothered with when he was fucking living with me. Yes sir, I am SOME piece of work…

In spite of her self-deprecating thoughts and a firm desire to be strong no matter what, Misato found a small whimper pulled from her throat as Rei's slender arms circled her.

"You are not alone, Major," the girl whispered, "and I cannot think of a more proper way to honor his memory than being close to you."

"Th-thank you," Misato gasped out, her chest and throat too constricted to form stronger words as she gave herself over to the First Child's tentative embrace. "Thank you…"

- - - - -

The rough, harsh sounds of strangulation echoed through the otherwise quiet hospital room, fabric shifting on fabric as a nearly silent battle for life was valiantly fought. Several trays and the chair reserved for visitors had been overturned, but in the secure wing of the NERV hospital, with its soundproofed walls, so used to violence, no one would notice for several hours at least.

Or so Mana hoped.

"Gllkk!!"

Tightening her hold on the nurse's throat, the young infiltrator bit down on the inside of her cheek, barely withholding a cry of frustration as the bigger woman thrashed and bucked, her efforts slowly weakening as her air supply was brutally throttled off.

Just fall down!! Mana thought desperately, pulling even harder on her wrist and forcing her forearm even tighter against the nurse's windpipe. Damn it – go down!

The nurse, a young, strong woman of about twenty-four, had fought like a wildcat from the second Mana had sprung onto her back, but she had not been able to stop the younger woman from getting an arm around her neck… and though she had put up a hell of a struggle, the advantage was decidedly the captive's.

Come ON!

Tears stung Mana's eyes as the nurse's knees buckled, dropping her to the floor with a sickening crunch, but the pilot held firm, feeling the telltale tremors of oxygen deprived muscles slowly surrendering.

Finally… finally the nurse sagged to the floor, her body giving one last shudder before relaxing on the cold linoleum. Immediately, Mana yanked her arm away, scrambling away from the woman and wiping sweat away from her face as she watched warily for any sign that it might be a trick.

"Oh no…" she groaned, clenching her eyes tightly closed as the harsh stench of urine wafted up through the air. "God, please no…"

Still trembling from the exertion, Mana crawled to the woman's side and pressed two fingers to her neck, holding her breath as she searched for a pulse.

Nothing.

Damn it! she raged, Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!!!

Running her fingers along the nurse's elegantly slender throat, Mana found the front bowed in at an unnatural angle, the flesh supple and spongy against the tips of the young woman's fingers as she found the nurse's windpipe undeniably crushed.

"Damn it," Mana sobbed, swiping angrily at her eyes as she turned away from the nurse's body, "you were supposed to just go to sleep! Goddamn it – you were supposed to just go to sleep!!"

Murderer.

Mana winced, her body alternating hot and cold at the ruthless thought.

"I… I had no choice," she panted, completely unaware that she was speaking aloud. "I didn't have a choice, damn it!"

Her hands shaking with spent adrenaline, she reached out, carefully unclipping the nurse's security badge and trying to ignore the repetitive whisper in her mind and heart.

Murderer, murderer, murderer, murd-

Squelching the voice with the efficiency of brutal training, Mana forced herself to her feet, tottering slightly and nearly losing her balance as the still-unfamiliar prosthetic slipped on the smooth linoleum. Lifting the edge of her flimsy hospital gown, Mana frowned down at the atrocity attached to the stump of her left leg.

It looked, she decided for what must have been the hundredth time, like cheap toy shovel – the kind you buy your children to play with at the beach. It was still shiny and bright, but Mana had felt the surface of the metal and plastic polymer, and she could tell just by touching it that it would be dull and scratched in less than a year's time.

Guess I can't expect top-of-the-line, she thought with forced levity. I mean, I AM a spy, I DID betray them… I did crush my best friend's heart as coldly as I crushed-

She cut the thought off before the word 'throat' could surface in her mind, hobbling to the door and cracking it open to peer down the corridor.

The hospital, fortunately for her, was not inside of NERV itself – that facility was reserved for important people, and she definitely did not fall into that category. She was in a secured wing, of course, but as the Commander had so smugly pointed out, she was not considered high-risk, so there were not very many guards… especially at this late hour of the night.

If I'm lucky, she thought, scanning the ceiling for any security cameras, I can make it out of here without having to… to kill anyone else.

She shuddered at the thought, resisting the urge to glance back at the nurse's corpse. Not only was the idea of further life taking odious, it was downright absurd. The only reason she had been able to handle the nurse at all was because she had caught her completely off-guard. For nearly a week she had played the part of the whipped little captive, biding her time and paying very close attention to the checks and routines the nurses ran.

According to the way they had been doing things since she had arrived, Mana figured she had about forty minutes to get clear of the hospital before the nurse's absence was discovered.

I liked her…

Regret so strong it was nearly overwhelming flooded Mana's senses, almost driving her to her knees as she remembered the nurse's easy smile and playful attempts to draw her out. She hated herself more in that moment than at any other time in her life… but there was no turning back now.

Conjuring images of her father and brother to rekindle the rage she had been feeding for six days, the young pilot clenched her hands into fists and eased the door to her room open, darting as quickly as she could across the hall and dropping behind the nurse's station as the camera she had spotted down the hall swept back in her direction.

Done is done, she thought tiredly, peering around the edge of the dead woman's desk and watching the timing of the camera's slow arc. I can't worry about it now… I have to get out of here and…

And what?

She frowned, biting her lip pensively. Her Trident, 02, was gone, she knew that, but in the back of her mind, the faint outlines of a plan were beginning to form. The Commander, she reminded herself… had not mentioned Musashi's Trident – and she was fairly sure, considering that she had been there when the young pilot died, that she was the only one that knew its current whereabouts.

So, she thought grimly, I need a place to lay low for a while… somewhere they won't think of looking for me. Somewhere I can get used to this damn fake leg before I go get Trident 01, bring it to the Commander's house, and flatten that fucker the way he flattened my goddamned family!!

Her lips pulled away from her teeth in an unconscious sneer as she imagined the look on the all-powerful Commander of NERV as she wrapped her 'inferior' mecha's fist around his body and made it squeeze.

The look of anticipation faded as she realized that there was only one place she could go that even held the faintest hope for her.

I guess I have no choice, she thought wearily, nodding to herself as she prepared to move, here's hoping she gives me a chance to beg her for mercy before slamming the door in my face.

- - - - -

Touji let out a long sigh as he returned the phone's headset to its cradle. "Great," he muttered, resting his head against the cool plastic, "just fucking great…"

Sure she's not there, he thought bitterly, resisting the urge to pickup the payphone's receiver again and use it to hammer the useless device into its component pieces. A week, he raged, it's been a goddamn week – and she won't even return my calls.

Pushing away from the payphone, Touji wandered across the empty break room and threw himself into one of the plastic booths dotting the eating area, putting his head in his hands and resting his elbows on the cheap formica tabletop. He couldn't really BLAME Hikari for not returning his calls or saying she was not home when he could clearly hear her in the background.

If it had been her sleeping with someone else, he definitely would have dumped her.

But she doesn't understand, he thought angrily, biting his bottom lip so hard he nearly drew blood. I've got so much pressure on me – and all we ever did was kiss!! …damn it, I just needed something more, that's all.

Hollow… even in his mind the words rang hollow.

He knew that she knew, of course… everyone in school did. What was amazing to him was how FAST everyone had found out. The day after the fight, kids were walking up to him in the hall and slapping him on the back, saying, 'You and Ibuki? Dude, she's hot!' and, 'You lucky bastard! An older woman – and I thought you were with Horaki!' and worst of all, 'Dude, what's up with your girl? I heard she left school crying today – no one's seen her!'

It was this last comment that kept echoing in Touji's mind. Of course she was crying, he thought tiredly, I stabbed her in the back. I'm worse than-

"Hey…"

Touji's head whipped up at the hesitant call, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he found Maya standing by the side of the table, hesitantly fingering her work ID as she offered him a sickly smile.

"Go… away."

Maya nodded, paling slightly at the rage in the young man's voice as she plucked the ID from her uniform. "I will," she said softly, "but I wanted to give you something first."

The Fourth frowned as she set her ID carefully on the table and stepped back, bowing formally. "What the hell am I supposed to do with that…?"

"Keep it for me," Maya said quietly. "I've decided to resign."

"Super," Touji muttered, "see ya."

Dejectedly Maya's shoulders slumped. "…isn't what was supposed to happen," she whispered, unaware that she had spoken aloud as she stared at the floor. "I never thought it would go this far, Touji."

"Yeah, well, it did," Touji said coldly, his voice growing deep and serious as he folded his hands in front of his face. "'Excellent work, Miss Ibuki,'" he intoned, "'you've done a fantastic job of screwing the Fourth Child – give yourself a raise.'"

The technician flinched as if he'd struck her, but her voice was even as she whispered, "Making love to you was my own choice. It was… stupid and selfish of me, I know, but I did it because I wanted to – not because I was ordered to, do you understand? I was told… to be nice to you, but that's it."

"Whatever," Touji whispered sulkily.

Though Maya's heart was clenching in her chest, she still managed a smile. "If I remember correctly," she said gently, "it wasn't me that shoved you up against a wall and put my hand up your shirt." She raised a hand as Touji colored. "I'm not laying a guilt trip on you, Touji," she said quietly, "and like I said – I wanted to be with you that day, or I would have told you to leave… but please don't act like it was all me, ok? I… I think I deserve a little more respect than that."

Touji turned his head, focusing on a spot on the far wall and saying nothing.

"Goodbye, Touji," Maya said after a moment of quiet, "I hope you can forgive me some day for being so selfish."

Maya sighed as the boy continued to look away. Guess I can't blame him for being mad, she thought tiredly, starting for the door, the way the Commander put it – the way everyone at NERV SEES it… I let him into my house and had sex with him because I was ordered to. No one believes what really happened… and I guess it doesn't matter anymore, I just-

"Wait."

Maya froze, slowly turning to face the young man. "Y-yes?"

Though his eyes were still averted, Maya could easily pick up the regret in the pilot's voice as he whispered, "Take care of yourself… ok?"

"I will," Maya nodded, smiling in spite of the horrible, stabbing sadness in her chest, "you too, Touji."

"Yeah… sure…"

Without another word, the technician turned and walked from the room, making her way from NERV central with her head held high and her back as straight as a board, only looking back once as she stepped out of the main entranceway… then shaking her head in sorrow as she closed the door on the most horrible – yet most fulfilling – chapter of her life.

Continued…

Author's notes: yeehaw! Angst, angst, angst!! Er, yeah, so, anyway… sorry it took so long to get this chapter done, but umm… oh hell, I didn't feel like writing it until recently. Next chapter SHOULD come sooner, because more happens in it. This one was kind of talky. Oh, and I know that in the real world you can't get fitted for a prosthetic leg within a couple days of your amputation due to swelling and wound closure issues, but I figured it's 2015 – there must have been SOME advancements in physiotherapy, right? Right?? What? Why are you looking at me like that?? It's called Artistic License, damn it! Deal with it! As to whether or not they would actually give Mana, a known spy, a prosthetic – even a low-end one – well, I believe that they would think of it as the humane thing to do. Compassion sees no allegiance…

Pre-read on this chapter was done by The Audient Void, which is probably the first time I've ever had my work looked at by a sound-permeated nothingness. Kinda gave me the chills…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com