"Join me, I am your father!" ordered Eggman as he stretched out his hand to a certain cobalt hedgehog.

"Riiiiight, like I'm gonna fall for that one." responded Sonic, picking his nose for no apparent reason, like he does in the games.

"Okay, join me and I'll protect you from your enemies."

"Me? Enemies? Yeah right! Everyone loves me. I'm so hot it hurts."

As if on cue, Amy Rose comes running for our hero, "Sonic! Sonic, I'm all ready for our big date! You know, the one where you propose to me and I say yes and then we get engaged and then I pick out china patterns and then we get married and then we go on our honeymoon and then we settle down and we have a dozen kids and a dog and a house with a white picket fence?"

Sonic's eye began to twitch, unhealthily.

Then he screamed like a little girl.

"So, do we have a deal?" asked Eggman with a good natured chuckle.

"What is thy bidding, my master?" asked Sonic in a deep voice.

"Decisions, decisions! Where to start? Oooh, this is truly delicious!" declared Eggman, clapping his hands in front of him like a giddy schoolgirl.

The scene caught the attention of a not-so-giddy schoolgirl, eating a confectionery delight. "Actually, this is truly delicious. But you're entitled to your own opinion Mr. Badman, sir."

"Cream, fly up over there and grab Sonic for me." ordered Amy.

"Let me finish this first please." asked Cream, licking her ice cream.

"Where did you get that?" asked Eggman, leaning over and drooling all over hers.

"Umm, here, you can just have it." said Cream, handing her now contaminated ice cream bar to the portly doctor.

He ate the whole thing in one bite, then rubbed his belly in satisfaction. "Where did you get that, I must have more!"

"Umm, I got it from that camera crew, sir."

"You stole it? Well, good for you-"

"No no, they gave it to me."

"They gave it to you?"

"Yes, they asked me what I'd do for one and I did it."

"Sonic, as your master I order you to go over and get me some of that ice cream!"

"As you wish, my master."

Sonic headed over to the camera crew.

Suddenly, peppy commercial music started to play.

"For that chocolaty coated; ice cream loaded, big and thick; no room for a stick! What would you do for a KLONDIKE bar?"

"And here we have the world's hero, Sonic the Hedgehog! Tell us, what would you do for a Klondike bar?" asked an overly perky interviewer.

"Umm, what exactly did you have in mind?" asked Sonic, starting to worry.

"Would you, marry Amy Rose?"

"Umm, no."

"Come on, Sonic. The entire world is watching. Would you disappoint your fans?"

"Umm, maybe I'd consider it." Sonic lied, gulping in front of the cameras.

Suddenly Amy is standing beside him, wearing a wedding dress.

"I now pronounce you hedgehog and wife, you may kiss the bride."

"What? You have no right to marry us, you're just an interviewer!" screamed Sonic, no longer caring what the world thought.

"Sure I'm an interviewer now, but my first job was at a wedding chapel in Vegas." said the man with a grin.

Sonic looked at him, then at his new wife.

Then he screamed and ran away.

"Here, this should cover it." said Amy as she handed the man five hundred dollars.

"Pleasure doing business with you."

Sonic ran past Eggman with Amy in hot pursuit.

"Did you get my ice cream?" asked Eggman impatiently.

"No, but I did tie the knot! Nice job of protecting me, go get your own stinking ice cream!" shrieked one very angry hedgehog.

"Hey, you work for me!" yelled Eggman as Sonic faded away.

"Why don't you go get yourself some ice cream?" asked Cream.

"Hey, I have an idea. I'll go get myself some ice cream!" said Eggman triumphantly, "It's good to be a genius!"

Cream just shook her head and flew away.

Eggman headed over to the camera crew.

Suddenly peppy commercial music started to play.

"For that chocolaty coated; ice cream loaded, big and thick; no room for a stick! What would you do for a KLONDIKE bar?"

"Hello sir, what's your name?" asked the interviewer.

"I am Dr, Robotnik, greatest scientific mind-"

"Mr. Robotnik, great. Tell us, what would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you play patty cake?"

"That's completely idiotic. I'm a genius, not a toddler!"

"Would you do it for a Klondike bar?" asked the interviewer, waving an open bar under the good doctor's nose.

"Peas porridge hot...", Dr. Eggman played patty cake on national television, just for a Klondike bar.

"Good boy!" said the interviewer as he threw the treat into Eggman's mouth.

Eggman ate it in one bite and begged for more.

"Sorry, it's one bar per person."

"Please, just one more." begged the doctor, puppy pouting.

"Somehow it's just not cute when you do it, sorry."

"I could make it worth your while-"

"Fine, but keep this quiet. If anyone finds out I could lose my job."

Eggman followed the interviewer home.

"What are we doing on Angel Island? This is where the guardian lives." asked Eggman.

"I know." the 'interviewer' took off his suit to reveal that he was Knuckles.

Knuckles laughed at the surprised expression on Eggman's face, "Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking, but it butters the bread."

"And with a girlfriend like Rouge you'd need alot of butter." Eggman muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something?" asked Knuckles.

"No no, nothing. So, when are we going to get to having those Klondike bars." asked Eggman, eagerly.

"Follow me." said Knuckles, leading him to a rundown shack.

The house was in horrible shape, many offensive odors combined to create a toxic effect.

"Would you clean my toilet?" asked Knuckles seriously.

"Not on your life!" said the doctor, appalled.

"Would you do it for a Klondike bar?"

Sure enough, Eggman cleaned his toilets until they were sparkling.

"Would you do my laundry?"

"Would you clip my toenails?"

"Would you clean my teeth?"

"Would you shine the Master Emerald?"

"Would you carry me so that I don't have to walk?"

"Would you cook me dinner?"

"Would you cook me another dinner? I didn't like the last one."

Pretty soon Eggman was nearing exhaustion, all because of his addiction to Klondike bars.

At Tails' workshop...

"Come on Sonic, get your butt out of bed!" yelled Tails.

Sonic had been in bed since his "marriage" to Amy a week ago, curled up in a fetal position.

"Naw, I don't feel like it. Why don't you go make me a chili dog instead?" suggested Sonic with a sniff.

Tails gave him a murderous look.

"Or I could get up, heh heh."

"That's what I thought you said."

Tails groaned, someone was knocking on his door again.

Tails opened it and didn't even bother to look at who it was, he already knew.

"Amy, Sonic is sick still. Food poisoning or something, he might not make it-"

"Please help me! Please save me from myself."

Eggman was on his knees in front of the two tailed fox, begging most sincerely.

"What happened to you? You're huge!" exclaimed Tails in disbelief.

Eggman was topping 700 pounds.

Tails invited Eggman inside, and after knocking down the wall beside the doorway Eggman managed to squeeze through.

He told Tails about everything.

"So, do you think you can help me? Please?" asked the now tomato shaped genius.

"I think we can help, but first I need to have a little talk with Sonic."

"No need, I heard the whole thing. Knuckles will pay for this!" said Sonic with a frightening gleam in his eyes.

"No need for violence on my account, although I do appreciate it, Sonic. You're a real pal." said Eggman.

'Bah, I wasn't talking about getting even for him. He's so full of himself...'

"Umm, don't worry. I'm not planning on killing Knuckles exactly, so no violence needed, heh." said Sonic as he began to pick his nose for no apparent reason.

"Why do you do that, anyway?" asked Eggman

"Do what?"

"Nevermind."

"First off, are you willing to do everything it takes to come clean?" asked Tails seriously.

"Yes, I'm willing to do whatever it takes." answered the ballooning doctor.

"Alright then, I'm gonna hold you to that. E-123 come in here please."

The robot obeyed and entered the room, awaiting further commands.

Tails turned towards him and gave him his instructions.

He was to keep an eye on Dr. Eggman at all times and keep him away from any sweets, especially Klondike bars.

They agreed that Eggman would stay with them until he was well enough to live alone.

Everything went fine until that evening...

"Subject, Dr. Fatass. Mission objective, to keep the doctor from obtaining additional sources of fat. Mission difficulty, hard-"

"I can hear you, you fool!" cried Eggman, glaring at his new nanny.

To be continued...

Yay, reviews!

Thanks for the reviews, they make me happy.

Here's some questions and answers:

Question from Shade-the-Hedgehog: ...a little more info would be appreciated like why did Eggman want Shadow's fur in the first place and hedgehogs have spines. Eggman would never be able to wear it or he'd be pin-cushioned to death so he'd need a different motive for it.

Answer: Eggman wanted Shadow's fur because, well, his pants were wet. Sure Shadow has spines but Eggman prolly didn't think about that part, he often overlooks important details. Not only that but the whole fanfic is supposed to be...well, stupid.

Question from Shade-the-Hedgehog: So Amy goes from making out with Tails to tricking Sonic into marrying her?

Answer: The last chapter was Yuji Naka's discount sushi induced nightmare, it didn't really happen.

Question from LonelyArtist: Yay! I loved it! What was the plot again?

Answer: Thanks alot, I loved writing it, lol. The plot in the first chapter was a nightmare. This chapter is completely separate from the first one, "Discount Sushi".

Comment from Marie the Hedgecat: HEE... Funny-ness! Awesome-ness! YAY, torture Eggman!

Reply: Will do, lol!

Thank you so much for the reviews, the next chapter is coming soon!