Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews and llanoestacado thanks for being a fantastic beta.

Chapter 3: Emily's Secret

She turns around.

"What are you doing here?" she spits at me.

"I'm here to see you," I say, taking off my coat.

"But I don't want to see you. Leave, Mother," she demands.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I say and I sit down on her bed.

"Mom please, for once, can't you respect my wishes. I don't want to see you, and don't be insulted, because it's not only you. I don't want to see anyone, so please leave."

"You should eat a little. Luke told me you haven't eaten properly in days," I say completely ignoring what she just said.

"Luke told you? Don't tell me he called you to come over."

"No dear. He didn't tell me anything."

"Then how do you know it?"

"That's not important."

"Rory - of course it was Rory."

"Don't be mad at her, I cornered her. She had no choice."

"Of course – you're good at cornering people. So what do you want here? Complain about our absence on Tuesday? I'm sorry we missed this important dinner, but I had a miscarriage, I hope that counts for an excuse."

That hurt. But she's hurt. She's acting this way, because she's terribly hurt.

"So when do you plan to get out of bed again?"

"Go, Mother."

"Lorelai – "

"No, I don't want to get up again. Can't anybody understand that? Everyone is coming in here telling me what to do. But I can't. However I don't expect you to understand that Mother, so please go."

"I understand you," I simply say.

She's looking at me.

"No you don't. You never had a miscarriage."

Now I have to say it, to say what I'd hidden for so long. The reason why I'm here. The reason why I'm the one who can help her through this.

"On Sept. 22nd I lost my second child."

She's staring at me – dumbfounded.

"That's why this date is so important to me .That's why I was insisting on having a family dinner. To prove myself that I still have one healthy child. You see, I know exactly how you feel."

"Your second child?" she whispers.

"My second child," I state.

"How come I never knew?"

"It's difficult for me to talk about these times. When I had you, your father and I were so happy, that I decided not to talk about it ever again. But I couldn't forget. Of course I couldn't."

I have trouble to fight back the tears.

"Tell me about it Mom."

I take a deep breath before I start.

"The first baby I lost two weeks after I'd found out, that I was pregnant – on Feb. 3rd. The estimated birth date would have been Sept. 22nd."

She stares at me incredulously.

"Yes, God has a sense of dark humour. Really nothing good is going to happen on this date. – Of course I was devastated. Unfortunately Richard had already told his mother and she was terrible. Interrogating me what I'd done wrong, cause 'Gilmore's don't lose their babies'. As if I wouldn't have asked myself several times what I'd done wrong. I wanted to be left alone. But your father wasn't one who gave up easily. He was at my side, and I'm still very grateful for that."

I pause for a second. It's true he didn't gave up, no matter how often I stated I wanted to be alone – he always came around – holding me, comforting me.

"Soon I got pregnant again. That was the other thing that helped me during that phase – that the doctors assured me that I could get pregnant again. You can imagine that I followed every rule they'd given me. And finally I was three months pregnant and nothing had happened. Your father and I were already celebrating. Most miscarriages happen during the first three months and we were sure that everything would be fine this time. Two weeks later Sept. 22nd came around." I pause, barely able to finish the last sentence.

A tear is rolling down my cheek now.

"Oh Mom – " Lorelai has tears in her eyes too.

I stretch out my hand to pet hers.

"This time I'd lost all hope. I was desperate. I was sure no one would understand me – not even your father. And I still think I'm right in thinking that. It wasn't him who had shared his body with the baby. He didn't know my feelings. I refused to eat, I refused to talk to him about it. I yelled at him to leave me alone. I was hurt so much. You see? I know exactly how you're feeling."

"What changed your mind?"

"I was pretty consequent with my refusal to eat. Your father had to call the doctor at last. The doctor asked me directly if I planned to die, because that would be the result if I continued my behaviour. At that moment I caught your father's eye. I'll never forget it. He was scared to death to lose me. And then it hit me. I wasn't the only who'd lost her baby. He had been equally excited about it and it was just as much his loss as it was mine. He may not have carried it inside him, but it was his loss all the same. The look he gave me, I knew I had to fight, I had to survive - for him."

I stopped my monologue to study her face. To see whether she understood what I was telling her.

"Lorelai, Luke is devastated. He's lost without you. He needs you. He needs to come here to comfort you and for you to comfort him. It was his child, too."

She slowly nods.

"I would've loved to become a mother again," she finally says.

"And I would've loved to become a grandmother again," I admit.

We're looking at each other.

"Mom, we'd planned to tell you on Sept. 22nd. Really."

I nod at her as another tear is rolling down her cheek. It hurts to see her in such a condition. If I could only help her more.

"You can get pregnant again, right?" I ask her, trying to lead the conversation to a topic that helped me back then.

"Yes, they said it's still possible."

"You have to look forward Lorelai. Don't misunderstand me, you'll never forget this child. It will always have a place in your heart and you'll always remember it on Sept. 22nd, but you have to see the future. And Rory, you already have her. Don't shut everyone out, my girl. They need you – and you need them. You might think being alone is the ultimate solution right now – but it isn't. Believe me, I've been there."

"I don't know if I can do this."

"You can," I say as I caress her cheek.

"I think I'll leave you alone now. I'd like to come back tomorrow though."

She nods again. I take my coat and go to the door.

"Mom?"

I turn around to face her again.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome dear."

I'm nearly outside her room when I turn around again.

"Do you think I can tell Luke to come upstairs with some soup? That would make him very happy, he's worried sick about you."

"Soup would be good," she says, giving me a weak smile.

I smile back at her before closing the door.

Luke is sitting on the couch staring into space. When he notices my presence he stands up.

"She wants to have some of your soup."

"Wha – How did you- ?"

"It should be hot. Lorelai hates cold soup."

"Yeah, sure," he says still not moving.

"Don't wait too long – she also has a tendency to change her mind."

"Yeah."

He's still dumbstruck. Slowly he moves to the kitchen. I'm on my way to the front door when he calls me.

"Emily?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

- THE END –