'Til Death Do Us Part

Chapter 2: Death Approaching

SUMMARY: From where we left off the story, it's now two weeks later. Mimi regained her strength and was released from hospital and things seem to be settling down… she and Roger were okay, though he still hadn't told her that he loved her. He still hadn't said the words… and then, the Halloween night approaches, and comes to pass… and their lives change forever.

Angel lay in his lover's arms, snuggled close to him and just feeling the warmth and comfort of Collins' strong, muscular arms around his body. It was a cool night on October 19th, and he could feel his final days fast approaching him like a freight train. Collins could feel it too, and now the two were virtually inseparable from each other; neither of them willing to let each other out of their sights. The young drag queen and the wise anarchist professor were now in a stage of their relationship that very few had to, or should, experience for a long time – the final days before death… and the usually brave, upbeat Angel Dumott Schunard was now faced with his most perilous, frightening obstacle on his path to total, eternal peace… the unknown. Nothing was more frightening than not knowing what lay beyond the horizon, as the unknown would surely bring more questions than answers, and bring into light the very nature of one's own being. Angel knew he was a good, loving, caring person… but would his Creator know that? Did his Creator see beyond homosexuality and the drag queen façade? The answer most people would say, would probably be 'yes, absolutely'. After all, God sees beyond what humans can see, right into the very hearts; the very souls of His Children. And his mercy was beyond anything that any human could achieve for another person… so how, or would, He bestow that mercy on Angel? Someone who wasn't understood by society would have to stand before his Creator on his Judgment Day and receive whatever the Lord felt he deserved. And you know what? That scared Angel more than anything, who only thought of himself to be a good person, but that he could face all his sins before God and be rejected as a faithful servant… but that would all come in due time. For now, all Angel wanted to do was to forever remain in the arms of his lover.

With his head on Collins' chest, Angel could feel the older man's heartbeat that was so constant, soft… a reassurance that kept Angel from breaking down in tears. He looked over at the clock on the wall. 2:41 Am. He could still hear talking in the next room – Roger, Mimi, and Mark were still up – none of them obviously could get much sleep. Mimi had drawn a fever and was having violent coughing fits for the past several hours, and so her friends stayed up with her. But Angel also had to get to sleep, and so he and Collins had retreated to the bedroom about two hours ago – they just lay there, talking, kissing, and cuddling. Now, Collins was sleeping and Angel stared up at the ceiling, pondering about the days to come, as well as eternity. His love for Collins would last for beyond eternity, no doubt about that, no matter which way he went… and his friends. Roger, Mimi, Mark, Maureen, and Joanne… they were his world. Who would die first? Mimi or him? Who knows… but there was one thing Angel was sure. He lived for his friends. And he would die for them too. And their love was what he'd take with him into the next world. The touch of Collins' skin, his sweet kisses… would remain with Angel forever.

"Angel?"

Collins had awoken to see the worried look on Angel's face, and knew what was wrong. There were no words that could be spoken; no kiss that could satisfy; no touch that could comfort the falling Angel to ease his pain. The fear of being apart from Angel was just as terrifying and painful as it was for Angel to imagine going into eternity without his Collins by his side.

"Angel?" Collins kissed his boyfriend's next. "Wanna talk?"

Angel looked up, his eyes meeting Collins'. "No."

"Well, I do," he replied and yawned. If Angel couldn't sleep, if he was so deeply troubled – then there was no way Collins would be able to sleep comfortably.

"Talk to me." He then began kissing the back of Angel's neck, which he knew would relax him.

"I don't—" Angel trailed off when the pleasure of Collins' advances began to overwhelm him. But he regained his composure. "Collins… I don't know. I'm fine, honey," he tried to convince them both. "Come on, you know me!"

"Yeah, I do," Collins replied. "And I know that you suck at lying. You know you can't hide anything from me." His fingers traced up Angel's stomach, over his chest, up his neck, and stopped at his lips, waiting for Angel to respond. The younger man returned the kisses; kissing Collins' fingers and hand. No one could reach Angel, emotionally, physically, or sexually, than Collins… and they both knew that.

"Angel, say what you gotta say."

"Fuck you, honey."

"Maybe later. First, we talk."

"Oh ha, ha," Angel mocked, semi-seriously. "I'm fine, Collins."

"Yes you are," Collins replied, moving his kisses along Angel's jaw line, and began to shift his position so that he was leaning over his love. His lips then met with Angel's, who responded vigorously, their tongues exploring each other's mouths with a renewed energy and passion that only they could draw from each other – Collins was especially good at it in times when Angel was feeling weak or down.

"But I know something's bothering you. I won't let you go until you tell me…"

Angel grinned. "Well then I won't talk. Who says I want you to let me go?"

"I'll never let you go."

"Good boy."

"Don't patronise me."

"Or what?"

"You'll be punished."

"Ooh I like punishment."

"That's kinky."

"I know."

Both of them burst out laughing… Angel felt a little better, and silently prayed to God, thanking Him for bringing this man, who he loved more than anything in the world, into his life. He would be eternally grateful. After a few moments, they both calmed down and just stared into each other's eyes.

"Angel, I love you. You know that, right?"

Angel smiled. "I know, honey. I love you too. We're everything that I could've ever dreamed for. And I'll wait for you…"

The last part stung Collins a bit. He knew that they would always wait for each other, but it was just a sudden reminder that they really didn't have much time left to be together. He smiled back and kissed Angel again, passionately.

"I know," he replied after reluctantly forcing his lips off of Angel's. "And I'll wait. You know I will."

"Oh no you don't," Angel got into his diva attitude. "Collins, I love you… and all I want to see, if I can take one thing with me to the next world, wherever I go, it'll be to know that you're happy. I want you to love again. I'll see you again, and we'll be together again…and I'll wait as long as it takes. But love again. Because the one thing in this world that remains the same forever, is love. To learn to love again, will be to learn to live again. And you know I'm all about living… and I want you to live."

Collins hated this. Angel was spinning the words to sound less painful, but they both knew what he was talking about. Within a matter of weeks, Angel would be dead and Collins would be left without his love… empty. And now Angel was telling him that it was possible for him Collins to love again after the one person who opened his heart to love, was gone? No. No way, he couldn't accept that.

"Angel…" he spoke, dejectedly. "I—"

"No, honey. You want to talk, so I'm talking. I want you to move on, to find someone to love again. You can."

"No, I can't!"

"Why not!"

"Because you are my only one, Angel!" Collins kissed him and held him closely, tears burning his eyes. "The moment I met you, I knew. I can't love anyone else but you, Angel—"

"Not now you can't, darlin'. But you will, soon. And I just want you to know… you totally have my blessing. And it'll come and hit you as suddenly as it did with us, and know that I want you to love again." Angel ran his hands up and down Collins' torso, sensually, and then kissed his chest and neck.

"And know that I'll be waiting for you at those pearly white gates. And you know they can't keep me out!"

Collins chuckled and they kissed deeply again. Every kiss was a reaffirmation of their love.

"But in all seriousness, Collins… Tom…" Angel's eyes met his love's again… it was so painful for him to imagine Collins loving someone else again, but all he wanted was for his lover to not lose out on love. On life.

"Don't lose love… or life… when I'm gone. I couldn't bear to watch over you; to see you lose yourself. I'll always be with you. And one day, we'll be together again for all eternity. What could be better than that?"

"Nothing…" Collins admitted.

"Exactly. And no matter what happens… if you can't let yourself love again, then you won't be free. And I wanna see you free and happy for a long time. At least… give me that, Tom… for when I do go into eternity, let me go, knowing that you'll be okay. Happy."

Angel was always amazing with words – although it hurt him to imagine Collins in the arms of someone else, there was nothing he wanted more than for his love to be happy. No more words had to be spoken and they fell back into their kisses and made love; both of them savoring every kiss and touch; every moan and sweet whispers of 'I love you'. Collins ran his finger down Angel's spine, which caused the drag queen to shiver and want him even more.

MEANWHILE, WITH MIMI, ROGER, AND MARK

"That fucking bitch!" Mark commented, sighing and flopping down on the sofa next to Roger, who was holding a coughing Mimi on his lap, trying to sooth her. Mark, earlier that evening, had let Maureen try out his video camera, and she somehow had managed to jam the tape in the camcorder. Now, it was busted in which he'd have to get repaired, which obviously cost money.

"Man, how many times are you gonna let Maureen wrap you around her little finger?" Roger asked, casually, stroking Mimi's hair. He was really sick and tired of the shit that went down between Mark and Maureen – she had moved on, found someone else to climb into bed with, and Mark was still hung up on her. Of course, love does silly, stupid things to people, but with him things were just getting pathetic. And now that Maureen had done his camera in, his pride and joy, maybe he would wake up and see her for what she really was. Not that he didn't like her, but Roger always resented how manipulative Maureen could be, especially to Mark and Joanne, but knew he couldn't interfere. He'd let his friends make their own fucked up mistakes, just as they did with him over the last couple of years.

"She doesn't," Mark spoke defensively. "I didn't think she'd be so reckless with it…"

Mimi burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh… Mark, you can't be serious? I can't believe you just said that. Maureen is train wreck in heels – you honestly think your camera would come out of her hands unscathed?"

"Shut up."

"Love-sick puppy you are." She retorted and absentmindedly interlaced her fingers with her boyfriend's. Things were finally peaceful between her and Roger, but she was still depressed… Roger still hadn't said the words that would set her free when she did die. She needed to take his words, his love, to the next journey with her, just as Angel did with Collins.

"I said shut up, Mimi."

"Damn… so defensive, Mark." Roger and Mimi were teasing him constantly about his remaining, lingering feelings for Maureen. Mark just ignored them, turning his back to them, and went back to trying to fix his camera. Meanwhile, Mimi and Roger began flirting and teasing each other… both knew that Angel's days were numbered, and Mimi's weren't much more than his… but somehow, at that moment, they weren't thinking about that. Of course, Mimi was afraid that if she brought it up, Roger would withdraw back into his shell and reject her once more. She slowly got to her feet.

"Mimi?" Roger watched her, carefully. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I'll be right back."

Roger and Mark both watched her leave, puzzled… with Roger resisting the temptation to go after her, but instinctively Mark grabbed his arm to prevent him from doing anything. He didn't have to say anything to him, but just made sure that Mimi had her space.

Mimi closed the loft door and walked downstairs. Things were looking different now… very harsh, as the world was not as bright as it once was – or once seemed. She had blurry vision and a pounding headache, which just seemed to get worse with each step down she made as she moved to leave the building.

"Fuck this…" she muttered, rubbing her temple. "Man, I need to get out of here…"

After what seemed like hours, she finally got out of the building and started walking down the cool street. Being fall, moving towards winter, things were starting to cool down – this was Angel's favourite time of the year, with Halloween being his favourite holiday. Mimi had been looking forward to dressing up with him and going nuts – throwing a party and just living for the moment. Every time she saw him now, though, her heart stopped… the beating seemed to become non-existent and her virus-filled blood turned cold. She would become him very soon. Barely alive, held only onto life by the tiniest threads of hope, love, and strength. And she couldn't begin to imagine what Collins was going through, and dreaded to leave Roger in the same predicament, as she knew what happened to him after he lost April. But as he had not even loved April as much as he did with Mimi, it scared her even more that he'd do something to himself or others and she couldn't let it happen.

"Not while breath still flows into my lungs…" she softly vowed to herself, wrapping her coat more tightly around her petite body, to conserve heat.

"My love…" a tear fell from her eye and slipped onto her lip and into her mouth. The salty taste of her tears felt like multiple knives being shoved violently into her heart, twisting, and one after the other.

"… Shall never die." Her words floated on the air, and she could see her breath in front of her. To Mimi, it was like a sign of things to come, like each breath she could see on the air was just a bit of life leaving her. Everything was so weird now, and she crossed the street on her way to the park. When she wasn't at the loft, she was usually at the park, where she was most comfortable and even at peace.

Mimi wiped her eyes and took a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose, wincing at the pain of an already red, sore nose. She looked around at her surroundings and smiled weakly, having found a new appreciation for her life that she wouldn't have without Roger and her friends. Angel especially had become close to her, and they were like brother and sister… or sisters… or however you want to look at it, they were like family. Both wanting the same thing from life, and both finding their first real loves from two men who touched their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls…

"Shadows…" she whispered to herself, half ill from a nasty cold, and also feeling the affects of withdrawal for not being able to get a hit of anything in the past few days.

"The darkness follows… fuck this!" she shook her head to try wake herself out of the truly fucked up state she was in that she tried to hide from her friends. Mimi always had a 'junkie's' perspective on the world, ever since she hit puberty. The world, through her eyes, was more fascinating… more of a curiosity… than it was a danger, or as it was told through the media. In her mind, the world was full of art and life that had yet to be discovered… and death and pain that had yet to be comforted and eased. Including her own. In many ways, she wished that she would die first. Before Angel or anyone of them, because she didn't want to go through the pain of having to grieve the loss of her friends, especially Angel. But at the same time, she couldn't imagine leaving Roger and everyone to mourn her. She didn't know what she wanted.

She knew she had people who loved her, and she loved them to death as well, but for some reason Mimi felt a sense of relief as her final days was approaching… she was sick of fighting for her life, which she believed was over now anyway.

"Better to get it over with," she reasoned to herself and entered the park. Not too many people were around, which was what she preferred, as it gave her a chance to think, and maybe even try to come to peace with herself, and her life. Maybe even God.

"I'm so fucked up," she scolded herself and slumped down against the outside wall of a building. She was a happy person, generally, though like many junkies, she experienced bouts of depression… Mimi just wanted things to be over with. For her pain to be gone, and for her friends to move on. The imminent threat of experiencing two deaths within close proximity of each other was a scary thought, and Mimi, although it may sound selfish, was kinda glad that she wouldn't be around to have to experience the deaths of her friends. So, in true junkie fashion, she reached into the knapsack she had with her and looked around, kind of paranoid, to make sure that no one was watching. Mimi's eyes brimmed with tears, just wanting the headache to go away so she could think straight. The world was spinning so fast that she felt sick, and started to move to throw up. But when the feeling subsided, she sat back in her original position, and pulled a small needle out of her pocket.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" she cursed a blue streak. One moment she would be happy and content, the next she'd be okay, and then the next she'd be totally down and depressed. She had the AIDS virus for about two years at that time, and she was used to being treated like something people stepped in. That's how she felt for the longest time – that all she was good for was for being stepped on… that no one would ever love her again… she had convinced herself of that for so long that when she met Roger, she felt those feelings instantly melt away and she knew he was special. But obviously, he had difficulty accepting her as readily as she did him… because, Mimi was a free spirit and very open to everything, including love. She just didn't live her life as if she was counting on love to save her, and in the end, that's what got her through every day. She wanted Roger to look in her eyes and tell her that he was in love with her. And she just prayed that Angel was right… that he would step up and say what he was really feeling.

She closed her eyes and could literally feel the drug enter her already drying up vein as the needle pierced her skin, her eyes becoming more blurry… the only light source was a street light that illuminated the dark world around her. It was early morning, but she didn't care. It could've been the middle of the day, but she'd still be doing it. The heroin felt warm, momentarily heating her blood as it surged through her deteriorating veins – like a magic potion. Her heart fluttered and her eyes closed, feeling the pain, the depression just being soaked up as the heroin invaded her body. Mimi had tried to quit. Many times, in fact. But somehow… her life… her pain… her love… her happiness of being with the people she loved… it was all not enough to motivate her to give up what made her feel different. And as sad as it was, it didn't matter to her anymore. Mimi Marquez had only weeks, if not days, left in her. Mimi Marquez was gonna die.

2 HOURS LATER

"I'm gonna go look for her…" Roger grabbed his jacket and hastily made his way across the loft to the door, but Mark jumped in front of him and pushed him back, gently.

"Roger, don't…"

"Mark! I—"

"Shut the fuck up. Leave her. She obviously needs time away for a little bit."

"You do remember what happened last time, Mark?" Roger was so infuriated that he looked like he was about to burst a vein.

"Yeah, I do. And I also know Mimi. She's not stupid. I mean, what'd you think she's wanting from all this, man? She's fucking dying!" Mark was almost yelling, fed up with Roger's behavior. Taken aback by his best friend's sudden outburst, Roger restrained himself from punching Mark out… after all, he was still having trouble coping with the fact that Mimi probably wouldn't last a month. And now, he just wanted to protect her and keep her safe. AIDS itself didn't kill people – it breaks down the immune system so much that people contract and die from illnesses that are usually prevented and even cured through drugs. In other words, AIDS victims died from complications related to the virus, such as cancer or pneumonia, or even the common cold. And so Roger was wanting to keep her wrapped up; trying to protect her from it all, even though deep down all his efforts would eventually be useless against the ravaging effects of the virus.

"Why do you think she runs away, Roger!" Mark tried to get it through him. He was so sick of these games that were going on with them.

"Why do you think she gets depressed? Why the fuck do you think she's still using? Come on, it's not hard. What's the one thing you haven't told her? What's the one thing she wants to hear from you?"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"No. You figure out for yourself, Rog. Before it's too fucking late, that girl loves you… and she's going to die soon. That's the God damn truth and if you don't realise what you gotta do before too late, then that girl's gonna die thinking that she's the one who fucked up."

"What, you're a psychologist now?"

"No! I'm your friend. And I'm giving you some friendly advice. You don't have much time left…"

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Let me know what you think! Should I continue?