'Til Death Do Us Part

Chapter 6: The funeral

SUMMARY: It has been three days since Mark confronted Mimi, and she spent those days alone. Now, it's the day of Angel's funeral, and there's a frightening confrontation between the bohemians. Mimi's growing increasingly ill, Collins receives a visit from a certain someone, and Maureen and Roger talk. Roger and Collins also have a moment together.

DISCLAIMER: The 'Goodbye, Love' scene is incorporated into this chapter, and so that scene does belong to the play and thus is conception and property of Jonathan Larson and his estate. And obviously, none of the characters are mine.

Roger and Maureen walked side-by-side down the busy New York City street, not saying a word. There wasn't much to be said, really. Roger had spent much of his time down by the Hudson River, just thinking and trying to escape the harshness of reality and the bitterness that was the pain he was feeling. And the guilt, of course. Similar to what Mimi was feeling, he knew that while Angel was breathing his final breaths of mortality, he had been caught up, selfishly, in his own world; his own troubles. A friend died, and he wasn't there for him. Roger wondered what kind of person; what kind of friend it made him. Either way, there's no way he could face Collins… not now…

Collins was the one suffering more than any of them, and he had to go through everything in the midst of a growing war between different members of the group. Maureen and Joanne were always bickering; he and Mimi were at each other's throats. But Maureen had found him and convinced him to escort her to Angel's funeral that day… don't ask how she did it, as it took much convincing. But Roger had finally relented and agreed to attend the funeral. He figured he owed Angel at least that much respect after everything his friend tried to do for him. He knew she would be there… that betraying whore… the woman who swept through his heart and then tore it out of his chest. Maureen had managed to keep him calm and he agreed to keep his cool and distance from Mimi, so at least that was something. But would the two really be able to co-exist, even for Angel's sake? For Collins' sake?

The crisp morning air brushed against his face and body, and he shivered and wrapped his arms around his body in attempts to preserve some heat. Still saying nothing to each other, Maureen and he walked down the steps to the subway. Through their entire time walking together, they hadn't said a word. Maureen, for one, didn't know what to say… she wasn't nearly as good or as understanding as Angel was, or even Mark and Collins. But she was more loyal than anything to them, so Roger had the comfort in knowing she wouldn't abandon him or betray him as Mimi did. Before they went to the funeral, though, they would be heading back to the loft to get Collins. Maureen had talked to Mark earlier and he said that he, Mimi, and Joanne were gonna head straight to the funeral service.
After passing through the turnstiles, they stood on the subway platform, and Roger shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Roger?" Maureen's voice was soft. She didn't want to provoke him. He didn't respond. "Roger?"

Worried, she placed her hand on his arm for comfort, and he looked at her.

"It's not your fault," she said.

"No…" he agreed, sadly. "But I could've done something about it."

"Like what?"

"How the hell should I fucking know!" he snapped, unintentionally. Maureen withdrew from him, taking some steps back. Roger's eyes softened and he reached out to her.

"Maureen, I'm sorry," he tried. "I just… I'm sorry…"

"Forget it," she shrugged it off. She knew he was stressed out, so she wasn't worried… all she was doing was making sure that he didn't snap or that things didn't turn dangerous. She and Roger had been friends for many years, and so she wasn't about to turn her back on him for anything. He stood by her and refused to hate her for what she did to Mark, when she left him for Joanne… he helped her when she needed him, so now she'd be there for him. A friendship with no strings attached. He sighed, nervously, and ran his fingers through his wavy blonde hair.

"I don't…" he stumbled to find the right words. "I don't know if I can do this…"

"Do what?"

"The funeral. Seeing her again."

Maureen rolled her eyes. "Roger, it'll be fine—"

"I just –" he cut her off. "I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it, you know?"

She nodded, sympathetically. "I know. But you have to. Collins needs you, and you have to say goodbye to Angel otherwise you'll never move on."

Roger started to fidget and became restless, in obvious discomfort at what the day's events entailed. It was bad enough having to go to Angel's funeral, but for Mimi to be there, too? He understood that she and Angel were close, but to see her… to be in such close proximity to her… to even be in the same vicinity of her… it was all just too much. The emotional baggage that they all were carrying was absolutely intense. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Everything was rolled into one. The subway train pulled into the station and came to a stop. After a few dozen passengers got off, Roger and Maureen stepped on and looked around for empty seats. Roger nudged her when he spotted two empty spaces a few feet away, and they went to sit down. More silence between them.

"Roger, hun, you gotta let it go!" she finally said, casually taking her compact out of her back and started checking her complexion in the small mirror.

"What?"

"This thing with Mimi and Benny. For your sake."

"Maureen, don't start!" he said in a warningly tone. "Just don't!"

"Well it's pretty hard not to, considering all three of you are gonna be there!" she reasoned.

"Wait --" Roger interrupted. "Benny's gonna be there?"

"Unfortunately," Maureen confirmed. "I mean, who the fuck does he think he is? He didn't even like Angel, and Angel sure as hell didn't like him... or his fucking dog. But apparently he's up for paying for the damn thing, and he and Collins have been getting friendly and drunk together for the past few days. Ugh! Whatever! He's gonna ruin the one day we have left to say goodbye."

Roger shook his head, partly in disbelief and partly in disgust. Benjamin Coffin III really had some nerve in trying to get in with them again, especially at a time like this… and showing up to be in the same place as both Mimi and Roger when he knew things were extremely tense between them too. And then there was Collins. He didn't need all this shit to go down only days after his lover's death… not now. Roger sure as hell didn't want to be responsible for his friend suffering another emotional breakdown because of his friends' problems.

"The nerve of that bastard," he muttered, leaning his head against the side of the train. Now that Benny was gonna be there… no… fuck this… if he steps out of line by a fraction, Roger wouldn't hesitate to fuck him up.

Thirty minutes later, Roger opened the door to the loft and they walked inside. Looking around, both of them noticed that everything was quite. No sound of anyone.

"Collins? Honey?" Maureen cautiously stepped forward and made her way to the bedroom, figuring that maybe he was there… a few moments later, she returned and shook her head at Roger, indicating that he wasn't there. Where the hell was he?

"COLLINS?" Roger called, louder. Still no response. The two friends glanced at each other nervously. With Collins in such an emotional state, neither of them knew what he was capable of, and feared that he'd do something reckless if left unattended for too much longer.
Satisfied with the certainty that he wasn't in the loft, Roger quickly turned on his heels and hurried out the door, with Maureen following close behind.

"Check up on the roof," he told her. "I'll check outside."

She nodded and turned away and jogged up the stairs, leaving Roger alone. The thing with Angel and Collins was that their love was probably the most pure example of true love out of any of them, gay or straight.

Roger walked outside the building and looked around. It was only about nine-thirty in the morning, and the funeral service wasn't due to start for another hour, so he was pretty sure Collins wouldn't be there just yet. Another thing he felt guilty about was not being concerned enough with Collins' welfare… out of all the crap that had been going down lately, Roger couldn't even pull himself out of his own misery to see the toll Angel's condition and eventual death had on one of his best friends.

He looked around at his environment, scanning for any signs of Collins or at least something that could point him in the direction of where he was. Not willing to give up on his friend, Roger began walking down one of the back streets of the building; his eyes firmly focused on his surroundings. It wasn't long before something caught his eyes in the distance and so he started walking closer, yet was cautious to whatever was there. Roger stopped and sighed, sadly, when he saw Collins sitting with his back against the building's wall, his legs drawn to his chest and his head resting on his knees. He was awake.

"Collins?"

The grieving man looked up and blinked to focus his eyes on whoever was saying his name. A lump developed in his throat when he saw Roger there… part of him wanted to strangle him, yet another part just wanted to hug him.

"Hey," he greeted, pushing himself up against the wall to gain his balance. "Hey, Rog… where've you been?"

"I guess I could ask you the same thing, man," was Roger's response and he casually and slowly walked over to him. Both hesitated for a few moments; not sure what to do… Roger and Collins had been through hell, and not once did they decide to travel through the darkness together… and maybe that's why it was hurting so much. Finally, Collins grabbed his arm and pulled his friend into a hug, in which Roger gladly returned.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry, man… I should've been there," tears came to his eyes.

"It's cool, man." Collins replied, smiling through his pain. Just having Roger there actually melted away any anger the older man might have felt towards him, and slightly eased the pain for him.

"Forget it…"

"I can't," Roger insisted. "I just… I should've been there, Collins. For Angel. For you. I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

Collins patted his shoulder. "I understand. I'm telling you, it's cool. You had your own things to deal with…"

"Collins, you can't say that!" Roger told him and the two headed towards the loft so they could meet up with Maureen. When Roger had run out of the room after seeing Angel dead on the bed, he dealt with it the only way he knew how to at that the time, and that was to run – Collins understood that. Both were past the stages of uncontrollable grief now – they were still destroyed over Angel's death, but at least they had more control over themselves now.

"Look," he sighed. "Let's just forget it, okay?"

Collins nodded, thinking the exact same thing… all he wanted to do was to forget the whole situation. Everything. Even to an extent, he wanted to forget Angel if that's what it took to just kill the pain. The two walked into the building to find Maureen and then they would proceed to the funeral… and with each step closer, it would become just that much more difficult – so to say that they needed each other at that moment, was an understatement.

2 HOURS LATER – CEMETERY

While Roger couldn't bring himself to look at her, for the most part all Mimi could do was just stared at him and silently willed him to look at her. But he wasn't about to let things get too bad. The funeral service had been beautiful… wonderful in remembering their lost friend, and saying their final goodbyes. Now, they were at the burial site where the full reality of the fact that Angel was really gone actually hit them all. Collins stood apart from the rest, and they respectfully gave him the space he needed – though Roger could see that the burden of the day's events were too much for any one man to handle by himself.

The priest had left several minutes earlier, and now it was just the seven of them were standing there, silently. Each of them were too scared to say a word; to disturb the peace… fearing that only one single word uttered would be enough to destroy the stability of the already dangerously fragile relationships. The bickering; the fighting… they were all keeping their tempers in check for the sake of Angel and Collins. Especially Collins. But what was there to be said? No one dared to say the first word, or to make the first move; take the first step both physically and emotionally… Roger's eyes passed over everyone and stopped at Benny. Oh God how he wanted to really beat the shit out of him… the nerve…

Benny knew that none of them wanted him there… and that was fine with him… but despite what they all thought, he wasn't a complete monster – he did have a heart, and he was devastated at Angel's death. And he still cared about them all, believe it or not, and he hated to see his friends – or ex­-friends – in so much pain. Finally unable to hold his emotions in, he burst out in tears… why all these hostilities were continuing after this tragedy; and how Angel's death failed to bring any of them closer together, he didn't know... but it was all too much. Everyone watched him, but didn't dare move, and then eyed each other to see who would be the first to reach out to their former friend. After a few moments, Maureen finally made her way to where he was standing and pulled Benny into her arms. He sobbed and just held onto her for dear life. Even he needed comfort, and no matter what, he'd still be accepted back into the group. After Benny had released his pain, it seemed to open a flood gate and none of them had dry eyes… except for maybe Collins. He wasn't looking at any of them, and was just staring at the casket in front of him… as soon as Angel's body was lowered into the ground, it would be finally over, this whole ordeal.

"I'm sorry…" Benny cried, his head on Maureen's shoulder. "I'm sorry, guys… I fucked up…"

"No kidding," Roger muttered, spitefully. He wasn't in the mood to do any forgiving or forgetting at the moment, especially with Benny. Not after what he and Mimi did to him. Maureen just shot him a very dark glare, silently telling him to keep his mouth shut.

"Roger…" she hissed. He stared at her for a few seconds, before turning away. There was nothing else he could do – he had sold his guitar and was now leaving New York to go to Santa Fe. Maybe there he could start over and forget Benny, Mimi, Angel, all of them. And maybe there the pain would finally go away, when he didn't have to look at them anymore. The sooner he got out of there the better, he was drowning in his own self-pity and depression that if he didn't get out, he might have found himself going in the same direction as his last girlfriend, April. Everyone, except Collins, was stunned as they watched Roger walk away from them all by literally turning his back on them. Mimi shook her head in disgust and began to follow him. Author's Note: This is where the 'Goodbye, Love' scene is gonna take place but I am going to dilute it a bit with dialogue, and only include half of it (where the entire group is involved), to keep within the parameters of the story… lines from the play/song will be done in italics.

Mimi jogged to keep up with Roger, reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him back.

"Mimi!" he growled, turning around and pulling his arm free. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"It's true you stole a guitar and bought a car?" she asked, accusing.

"It's true, I'm leaving now for Santa Fe; It's true you're with this yuppie scum!" he spat at her, viciously, and gestured to Benny as he and the rest of them (except Collins) approached where the drama was unfolded.

"You said you'd never speak to him again!" Benny said to Mimi, confused as to why she was going after Roger after everything he put her through.

"Not now," she hissed back, and then looked at Roger. "Roger…"

"Who said that you have any say in who she says things to, at all?" Maureen directed at Benny. Even though she had been comforting him only minutes earlier, she still detested him and what he did to Mimi and Roger, and how he took advantage of the fragile relationship between them

"Yeah!" Roger chimed in.

Joanne shook her head at Maureen. A huge fight was about to break out between the six of them, she could see it coming… but she also sympathized with Mimi, having not been able to get the commitment out of her lover, either. And worst of all, was that Maureen seemed to totally ditch Joanne at times for other women or men, and didn't think twice about it.

"Who said that you should stick your nose in other people's—?"

"Who says I was talking to you?" Maureen cut her off, now yelling. "Joanne, drop dead!"

Joanne stepped up to her so they were now face to face, and felt really much like hitting her… and things were so close to escalating into a violent situation.

"We used to have this fight each night!" she told the others, while maintaining her eye contact with her girlfriend.

"Calm down!" Mark interjected, but Joanne raised her hand to hush him.

"She'd never admit I existed!" she continued.

"Everyone, please!" Mark was trying to administer some sort of order – after all, they had just come from Angel's funeral, and Collins was only about twenty yards from them, hearing every word. Tears burned his eyes again, and he closed them and pressed his fingers to his temples, wanting so much for them to just stop. For everyone to just shut the fuck up and let him mourn his lover in peace. Mimi stood next to Joanne, and nodded, agreeing with what she was saying, and replied to her…

"He was the same way! He was always 'run away', 'hit the road', 'don't commit," she continued to glare menacingly at him. "You're full of shit!" Mimi directed at him.

"She's in denial…" Joanne told her.

"He's in denial…" Mimi repeated her head and nodded, agreeing with every word Joanne was saying. Both young ladies were in the position where they didn't know if they had the strength, Mimi especially, to continue chasing relationships that just weren't happening. Both Maureen and Roger had very difficult times committing to relationships for two very different reasons.

"Guys!" Mark was getting desperate now, but no one was paying attention to him. Benny, Maureen, and Roger stood to one side and were facing their respective lovers, in kind of a 'face off' or 'stare down' situation. Who would budge, or crack, first?

"Didn't give an inch, when I gave a MILE!" Joanne was also almost screaming at her lover, the tension was on the edge of a sword now and could tip either way.

"Come on!" Mark pleaded.

"I gave a mile…" Mimi repeated after Joanne again.

"Give a mile to who?" Roger asked her, with a mixture of sarcasm and viciousness that had rarely been drawn out of him by anyone except her… that's how deep his feelings had run for her… and still do.

"Who the fuck are you trying to kid, Marquez?"

"Screw you!"

"Come on guys, chill!" Mark stepped between them. Mimi and Joanne didn't relent on their lover's though, and continued their verbal attacks on them. Both were sick and tired of being treated like crap by the people who claimed to love them and kept going back on their words. A/N: I know the next part is sang fully by both Mimi and Joanne in the play, but for the sake of the story as it's supposed to be in dialogue for this, only Mimi will say the next part and Joanne will join in the last part

"I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had!" Mimi cried, knowing fully well that she wasn't getting through to him, and so she held onto Joanne's arm for support. All this stress was doing nothing for her help.

"Someone to live for,—"

Joanne knew what she was saying, and both said, "Unafraid to say 'I love you'!"

"Grow up, Mimi!"

"You never said the words I needed to here, Roger!" she screamed. "Never! You tell them," she gestured to the others, "That you love me! But you never told me! I'M the one that needed to hear it! Me! Not them!" tears streamed down her face and she began sobbing. "Me!"

Roger placed his backpack down and glanced quickly at Collins, seeing that he still wasn't paying any attention… well, that wasn't quite true. He was definitely paying attention to what was going on, he just wasn't responding to it. What point was there? He figured, but they were all stepping on his last nerve.

"All your words are nice, Mimi!" Roger yelled back at her, and both of them were oblivious to all else. This confrontation had been building for days, and now, like a volcano, the end resulted in an eruption of intense pain and suffering.

"But love's not a three way street! You'll never share real love until you love yourself - I should know!"

Finally, Collins had enough. Angel was dead and all of them seemed to be forgetting that. Why must everything be about them? He looked up, grief-stricken.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he screamed, begging. Everyone stopped and turned to him, all with guilty looks on their faces, including Roger and Mimi. "PLEASE! All of you!"
Willing himself to step away from Angel's gravesite, he approached them all, slowly.

"You all said you'd be cool today," his voice was softer. The emotion and pain could be felt on every word he spoke. "So, please, for my sake…" he turned back to stare at the casket. "I can't believe he's gone…" Collins then turned his head in Roger's direction and then his body followed, moving closer to him. "I can't believe you're going," he told him and then looked at everyone else.

"I can't believe this family must die!"

"Collins—" Benny started, but Collins silenced him by holding up his hand.

Mimi cast her eyes downward, realizing the full extent of the damaging they were all causing to Collins' soul, which had already taken a substantial beating. Collins placed his finger under her chin and raised her head so he could look in her sad brown eyes.

"Angel helped us believe in love," he continued to them all. "I can't believe you disagree…"

"I can't believe this is goodbye…" Mark commented. Everything fell silent again, and they all looked at each other and knew that Collins' words were right. It was all over now, and there was nothing left to fix… it was too late. Collins turned and walked away, towards the funeral home; Mimi and Benny walked off together; Maureen and Joanne reconciled partially and went to talk things through… and left Mark and Roger alone. After an ensuing argument between the two friends, Mimi came by and finally said her goodbye to Roger, hoping to leave him on a peaceful note. It finally hit her that she wasn't going to get out of him what she wanted or needed, and so the only logical, reasonable, and even healthy thing to do was to just leave. She had survived on her own for so long. Now, she would die on her own, too. Just being with any of them was getting too much… but things were getting desperate. Mimi's health was failing, and only a couple of days after the funeral, Roger finally made his move and left New York City… and who knows when he'd be back?

ONE WEEK AFTER ANGEL'S FUNERAL – 2:49 AM

Collins lay in the same bed that he and Angel had shared their last night in, and Angel had died in, just a week and a half earlier. Of course, he couldn't get to sleep and there was nothing that he could do at this hour to occupy his mind, so he just lay there… thinking. He was growing tired, but he didn't want to sleep, figuring if this was what his reality was, this nightmare… he didn't want to imagine what his subconscious had in store for him. The previous few nights all he dreamt about was the day; the moment that Angel died in his arms and that was all the occupied his mind during most of the day anything… his love for the vivacious drag queen ran so deep that now it was all that kept him going – the memories. But along with those memories came the pain of dealing with the reality that Angel was gone now, and the pain from that fact was so overbearing that it was almost like he couldn't breathe.

Tears, sweat, and grief were all mixed together and he could taste the bitterness in his mouth… the once sweet, lingering taste of Angel's kisses had now been replaced with the cold, bitter, unpleasant taste of reality. The cliché saying of 'the truth hurts' never applied to a situation more greatly, with more appropriateness, than it did in this situation… the truth was literally and painfully eating away at Collins' heart.

He turned onto his side and looked at the clock. 2:50 AM. Time itself also seemed to be against him and just dragging out the pain… he sighed and then turned onto his stomach, at least trying to find a comfortable position so he could settle down. To make things worse, he had no one else… except Mark and Benny. Those three were virtually inseparable now. Roger had left New York for Santa Fe, as he had claimed he was doing. Mimi was no where to be found. And Maureen and Joanne were slowly working out their problems too, and things were at least starting to look up for them.

"Angel…" his whispered Angel's name and blinked away the tears, and closed his eyes. "If only you could see what's happened…"

Collins was extremely sadden by the breakdown of the friendships that had lasted for so long, and through so much together… it took Angel's love and exuberance to actually make them see what they refused to for so long, and then it took Angel's death for them to let go of it again.

"You'd be surprised," a sudden, yet familiar voice snapped Collins out of his depressive state. His heart pounding, Collins' eyes opened and darted around the dark room. No… he thought. It can't be! No…

"Honey," the voice said again, and instantly he recognized the voice. He sat straight up and what he saw in front of him left him stunned. Collins' breathing deepened and his whole body began to shake. His mind went totally blank and no words could describe what was happening… there, sitting on the bed before him, was his dead lover. Angel was just sitting there, in white garments, with his hands clasped in his lap and had a small smile on his face.

"Angel!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please review. In the next chapter, Angel and Collins share a nice little reunion, and the chapter will join them all at the final scene of the play and then will carry on from there, as my interpretation and the story sees fit.